A/N I just want to take a minute to say how unbelievably proud I am of my country because yesterday 22nd May 2015 a very important question was asked of the Irish people. We went out in our droves to vote, and today it has been confirmed that Ireland voted overwhelmingly in favour of equal marriage for gay, lesbian, bi-sexual and transgender people. We are the first country in the world to have done this by a popular democratic vote.
Our country has spent the last thirty five years crawling its way out from under the oppressive influence of a corrupt Catholic Church, to shed its image of being a 'backwards' nation. We have had to vote for changes in the intervening years to lift the ban on contraception, homosexuality and divorce. The only thing we voted no to as a country was to introduce legislation to legalise abortion, which is always a hot debate.
We have not simply followed in the steps of other countries and allowed the government to legislate these changes. We have gone further and changed our constitution to ensure that these changes can never be challenged in the supreme-court and are seen as basic human rights.
I cried genuine tears of happiness today for my homosexual family members and friends, who have said that for the first time they truly feel accepted and loved for who they are by their own people. The craic is mighty in Ireland tonight!
Tá mé níos mó ná bródúil as a bheith Irish ar an lá seo. Erin Go Bragh.
Ana POV
''What do I have to do?''
Anderson doesn't have time to answer me before Christian butts in. ''No, goddamnit Ana. No.'' Christian rants as he paces the floor in front of us.
''Christian please,'' I implore him to see reason. ''If I c…can be of any help it will g…get other girls that are in my situation off the streets and out of Jose's clutches. For once in my life I will be of use to someone.''
Christian has stalked to the window and is looking down at a rainy Seattle probably trying to ignore my reasoning. He whips around to look at me, ''don't put yourself down like that Ana.''
By now I know not to take his harsh words as anger at me, I know he is only worried for my safety. However this is my choice, not his. I turn to Anderson, ''whatever it is, I'll do it.'' I say with false bravado. I'm holding my hands tightly together so they won't see me shaking.
Anderson faces me while she talks but I can see her giving Christian the side eye to see how he reacts. ''Our intelligence tells us that Burke is going to ask you to accompany him to the station to give an official statement about the allegations you made against Jose. But you will never make it there. He plans to meet with Jose and hand you over to him, telling everyone that you changed your mind on the way and insisted on being let out of the car in downtown Seattle.''
''No way Ana, no fucking way are you doing this. I won't allow it,'' Christian says with finality. I ignore him.
Anderson now turns her full attention to Christian, ''with all due respect Mr Grey that decision lies with Ana alone, and she has agreed to help in our attempt to capture two criminals in the act of human trafficking.''
Christian snorts and leaves the room. I'm surprised when he comes back only moments later with Taylor in tow.
''If Ana insists on helping in this farce, then I am insisting that you use my security team to protect her as I cannot trust people I don't know to look after her.''
Oh this is just too far, ''Christian there is no…no need I'm sure that Anderson c…can see to my safety.''
''Actually Ana I think that's a great idea. I want to keep this under the radar as much as possible and the less people who know about this the better.'' Anderson and Christian both stare at me.
''Fine,'' to be honest I'm relieved Christian is helping if Anderson doesn't have people she can trust. As soon as I agree Christian, Taylor and Anderson launch into discussions of time frames, secure locations and on and on until my head spins. Maybe I am stupid but most of their conversation means nothing to me.
I sit in bewildered silence as they talk it all through. Christian eventually notices my confused face and calls a halt to the discussion. ''Alright we will meet here Monday evening once everything is in place to discuss our final preparations, agreed?''
Anderson and Taylor nod their agreement and once we have said our goodbyes Taylor escorts Anderson from the apartment. I lean over and put my head in my hands. What on earth have I done? Agreeing to meet with that psychopath again.
Christian places his hand on my back tentatively, when I don't pull away he rubs it gently, giving me goose bumps. ''Ana?''
''Yeah,'' my response is muffled by my hands covering my face.
''You don't have to go through with this you know.''
''Yes, I do.''
He sighs, ''alright, but I won't allow anything to happen to you. I promise.''
I lift my head to look at him. He is staring at me with such intensity it make my breath catch and my pulse quicken, I even blush. ''I know.'' And I do, I know with a certainty that Christian will do anything and everything in his power to protect me. Whether it will be enough remains to be seen.
Looking at the clock I realise it's almost midnight. Where did the time go? I yawn, ''I think I will go to bed if that ok?''
''Of course I forgot to tell you earlier that my mom invited us to dinner at her house tomorrow.''
''Really?'' Why would Grace invite me to dinner at her house, she hardly knows me? Christian smiles, ''why so surprised?'' he teases and I blush, again.
I shrug my shoulders, ''well…she doesn't really know me.''
''She invited you because you are staying here as my guest, she invites me most Sundays, but I don't go too often. It pisses her off actually.''
I frown, ''so why are you going this week?''
''She caught me in a weak moment,'' he says wryly.
''Well I don't have to come, I'm sure you would like to spend some time with your family.'' I force a laugh, '' I don't want you to get sick of me too fast.''
Christian tilts his head to the side to catch my averted gaze, ''Ana?'' he says quietly, imploring me to look at him. I do. ''I would be honoured if you would come with me.''
Jesus, again with the difficult breathing. I can't say no to those mesmerising gray eyes. ''Ok.''
Actually it will be nice to have a change of scenery, it might even take my mind off everything that is going on at the moment. God knows I need a break and I'm sure Christian does too.
Belview, Christian Grey's childhood home, is beautiful…and enormous. The house is outside the city on the waterfront and has the most spectacular view of the Sound. I follow Christian around as he gives me a brief tour. We end up back in the crowded kitchen as everyone has arrived by now. Mr and Mrs Grey, or Grace and Carrick as they insisted I call them, were very welcoming and I think more than a little surprised that we actually showed up.
Christian's brother Elliot and his fiancée Kate are also here as is their sister Mia. Gosh, they are all so beautiful and dressed immaculately, except for Elliot who is wearing a t-shirt and jeans. I feel like such a frump. I pull at my shirt and tuck my unruly hair behind my ears while looking down at my chucks, thinking I should have dressed up a bit for the occasion.
Christian, noticing this, grabs my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. I smile at him gratefully, until I see all the eyes in the room are on us.
Grace is beaming as Carrick looks bemused. Elliot is all out grinning while Kate is ignoring me and giving Christian an assessing look. Mia seems to just be buzzing with energy as she bounces on her high heeled shoes.
Nobody says anything and the longer the silence gets the more awkward I feel. At last Christian rolls his eyes and pulls me behind him into the dining room. We don't have time to discuss the weird moment as we are followed straight in by the bouncing Mia.
''Oh you guy look so cute together,'' she gushes and I flush scarlet. Together? Yeah right, has she not seen her brother? Maybe she needs glasses...
''Mia,'' Christian warns. I pull my hand from his, if he doesn't want to give people the wrong impression he should stop with the hand holding. I know it's because he wants me to feel comfortable, but other people will read too much into it.
Christian looks at me and sighs as Mia waves her hands dramatically, ''stop being such a square Christian.'' I think she would probably have said more if it wasn't for the warning glare Christian shot her. She humphed and plopped into her seat dramatically as the rest of the family filed in to the room.
Although I was mostly quiet, dinner was a lively affair. Elliot is hilarious and had the whole table laughing at his antics. I thought Kate might be snobby but she is actually very nice to me, she didn't speak down to me at all. Mia was just all bubbles and enthusiasm, earning both exasperated and indulgent looks from her brothers.
''Oh, we should all go out clubbing next weekend. Maybe Ethan can come?'' Mia squeals with excitement at her idea.
Clubbing? I've never been clubbing before. And who's Ethan?
''I don't think so Mia,'' it's Christian who answers.
''Aw come on bro, when's the last time you let your hair down?'' Elliot teases.
''I can ask Ethan but I'm not sure if he's in town next weekend Mia,'' Kate seems up for it too.
Mia sticks her tongue out at Christian, ''say you will come Ana, then Christian will definitely go.''
Why would Christian have to go clubbing if I agreed to go? ''I…I've n…never been clubbing,'' I say quietly, hoping that will stop them from asking. I wouldn't know what to do, I've never drank alcohol before and I don't know the first thing about dancing. I would certainly make a fool of myself.
''What?'' Mia screeches making me jump. ''How is that even possible?''
No one else says anything but I can tell they are shocked, well maybe not Grace. I look at Christian to save me from this embarrassment.
Christian quirks a brow as he looks at me, he answers Mia while still looking at me, ''okay, we'll go.''
I look at him incredulously and Christian laughs loudly at my reaction and reaches over to pull my lip from between my teeth, running his thumb along my lip making me shiver. Mia makes a gushy 'aww' sound and when I turn my mortified gaze to the rest of the table I see they are all staring at us in varying degrees of shock.
What the hell just happened?
Christian POV
I have to stop touching her. Every time I do it gets harder and harder to let her go. I wish I was normal. Then maybe I could pursue Ana, go on dates…give her what I hope would be her first real kiss.
But I am not normal. I have scars, both emotional and physical and as much as I hate to admit it, so does Ana. Could two survivors of abuse really forge a meaningful, lasting relationship?
I'm positive with time Ana will be able to…but I won't. I'm far to fucked up for that. It wouldn't be fair on any woman to be expected to put up with the animal that is Christian Grey. Could I leave behind the only lifestyle I have ever known? Maybe for Ana I could, but that still doesn't solve the real problem. I am a monster through and through, and someday soon sweet, innocent Ana is going to realise this and run away from me, screaming as she goes.
I want to tell myself that what I have been feeling for Ana is simply physical attraction, but it's not, it is so much more than that. I can finally admit that to myself. I've known it for a certainty since fucking Anderson suggested deliberately putting Ana into harm's way.
My chest was seized with such panic and rage that I shocked myself. The thought of her being hurt affected me on such a deep level it was pointless denying my feelings any longer.
I am falling in love with Ana Steele. Damn it. I, Christian Grey, do not do love.
What do I do now? I am sure with every look, every touch she is going to see the truth on my face. Best to hide it so I don't frighten her away. I can be her friend, I'm sure I can manage that.
She looked so comically cute when Mia brought up going clubbing. I was against the idea at first as I fucking hate clubbing. Those fucking bars and clubs are always packed and then I have to deal with drunk fucks bumping up against me and women trying to paw at me. Fuck that shit.
But I relented when Ana admitted she had never been clubbing. I doubt she has even drank alcohol before…wait can she drink with diabetes? I'll have to look that up. She missed out on an important part of growing up, at least I can be there to protect her while she gets to experience it. Maybe we can get a cordoned off VIP area or something. I'll get Taylor onto it in the morning.
She was a big hit with my family even if they are making all kinds of assumptions now about our 'relationship', especially Mia. I'm going to have to set her straight. Elliot's fiancé Kate, not my favourite person, was actually really nice to Ana. I was worried because she can be a royal pain in the ass at times and I was afraid she would take out her dislike for me on Ana.
We stayed for a few hours after dinner and eventually left after my mom gave Ana a quick check-up to see how she was coming along. Ana assured me that Grace said she was almost back to full health again. Hmm, well I still don't want her overdoing it just in case.
Ana fell asleep on the ride home, I was in the back with her as Taylor was driving. See? How can she sleep so much if she is at her full health?
She went to bed when we got back as she was really tired. I wanted to offer to carry her from the car but decided that would go against my no-more-touching-Ana rule.
After discussing the plot with Taylor that he and Anderson are fine tuning to keep Ana safe while simultaneously captured that fuck-head Jose I decide to do some work. I am not getting enough work done from home, I will have to start going back into the office soon before my staff think I have fallen off the face of the Earth. Maybe I will quickly show my face tomorrow, I can do a walk through just to make sure to keep them on their toes.
I am reluctant to miss spending time with Ana as I am sure once this situation with Jose is sorted she will want to go to college, or get a job, or leave me altogether. I may have to come up with a reason for her to stay.
A/N I know I haven't really touched on Christians issues yet. We've had a lot about his temper and self-loathing and even a little peek into his past but I haven't gone near his no touching rule yet, or mentioned the giant elephant in the playroom . . .
But the truth is they are so buried in Ana's issues at the moment I think Christians demons are talking a back seat for a while. But don't worry, they're coming!
