A/N: To answer some questions (mainly from Deep Color - I appreciate your review so much! It was definitely helpful.)
I know the relationship between Sai and Ryu seemed kind of groundless and sudden, but as you said, my plot doesn't give me much room to develop it that much. I know that's not an excuse, but I assure you it will slow down a little, and I do try to explain their attraction later in the story (the seishi part does have something to do with it. Remember, I said there are subtle hints to their past lives). And the storyline... Yes, I did follow the Ceres story more than FY, but that was the point of the fic, and there will be some deviations - I have to add some points from FY to accommodate the search for the seishi - but I do plan to stick to Ceres as much as possible. Sorry if that disappointed you. As for the characters... Everyone interprets Hotohori and Nuriko differently, and I tried to stay as true to their characters as I could while trying to stick to the Ceres storyline. Yes, Hotohori is a lot like Touya, but I think that is probably how he would act if he were in that situation, instead of living as the sheltered, spoiled emperor of Konan. And I think Nuriko's cheerfulness is a product of losing Kourin and assuming her personality, which obviously doesn't happen in my story. So he's Ryuen, not Nuriko. I think there is a very big difference in their personalities, so I chose to portray him as I think he was before he became Kourin. Kourin is the cheerful, strong one, and Ryuen the more vulnerable one. He will begin to mature as the story progresses, though, I promise you. And the title... It's not the greatest, I know, just a mix of the two titles. And I'm sure it makes no sense in Japanese. Oh well.
I hope I've replied to all your points... if I missed any, let me know.
Ayashi Yuugi: Celestial PlayChapter 12: Rose
Saihitei brought me back to the temple, where I was thrown at the feet of my grandfather, fighting and weeping and cursing the legend that held me captive. Men escorted Saihitei out, and I was left alone with my fears; not even Tatara was here to comfort me. My grandfather knelt before me, took my face in his large, hard hands. The two men standing behind him eyed me with a mix of indifference and curiosity - I was their priestess, their road to power, nothing more. And so it meant nothing to them when my grandfather's hand came down hard across my face, sending me stumbling backwards with a yelp of pain.
My grandfather stood, took a step toward me. "That was for leaving the temple grounds." He grabbed my arm, pulled me to my feet, and sent me tumbling back down again. "That was for abandoning your duties as the priestess of Byakko." I closed my eyes, bracing myself against the next blow; bad things always come in threes. But it never came, and I opened my eyes, still half-hazy from the blows.
Maybe here in the glowing white, two is the unlucky number. Two children born together, two necklaces to tell the truth . . . I thought of Saihitei, and of Tatara. Two men to protect us from our destinies.
"You are never to leave these grounds," my grandfather stated evenly. His expression softened, but his eyes remained hard as he knelt beside me once more. It was then that I noticed how old he looked, older than I remembered even from our birthday. "It's dangerous out there; the Suzaku priestess is still gathering her seishi, trying to cause trouble for us despite the loss of your brother. They'd kill you if they ever found you."
I fought to keep the truth from my eyes. Lies, I thought to myself. Lies are what have made you old beyond your years, and what will eventually kill you.
His hand fell heavy on my shoulder, cold and uncomforting. "I know it's difficult for you, Kourin. You want to see your friends, want to go out, but you're no longer just a teenage girl; you are the priestess of Byakko. You were born to be something great, but with greatness comes responsibility." A smile found its way onto his face, looking out of place even as it settled on his lips. "Don't worry, it will be over soon. We've only one more seishi to find."
"Then what?" I cried. "Then what? Things will go back to normal, like nothing ever happened? Like you never tried to kill Ryuen, never held me prisoner in your temple?" I slammed my fists against the ground, startling him; he stood quickly to keep from stumbling backward. "If you think I'm going to help you imprison the world the way you've imprisoned me . . ." Tears blurred my vision, and I spun, running from them and the empty reassurances tumbling from my grandfather's mouth.
I needed to get out; my one night in freedom wasn't enough, I craved more like my body craved air. The warmth and laughter of Miaka's apartment drew me, safe and inviting, and I ran toward it blindly. Guards stood at every door, lurked outside every window; they stopped me with a word, or a raised hand. I beat against them, angry now, too angry for tears, even for thought. When I couldn't reach the sunlight, I ran to the only place in the temple I knew, the only place I'd been allowed to know.
The door to my room slammed shut behind me; the sound would summon Tatara soon, if he wasn't already waiting inside. My grief and rage fueling my strength, I slid the desk in front of the door, sealing all the world out - and myself in. Collapsing finally on the couch, I sobbed out my sorrows onto my pillow, half-dreaming of what seemed like years ago, when I had a brother and a future and freedom. I cried memories instead of tears; I had no tears left. Even if I did, they would never be enough; I could never have enough tears for this.
Tatara came all too soon, his lilting voice penetrating the whirlwind of anger and sorrow and regrets I'd created around myself. I picked myself up long enough to throw a glare at the door, then returned to my darkness.
A grinding, sliding sound tore me back to the present again, and I looked up to see vines twined around the heavy desk, tugging it slowly aside. Too lost in my wonder to protest, I watched, fascinated, until the desk slid to a stop away from the door, and Tatara walked in.
"How did you do that?" I whispered.
He smiled as the vines snaked back to him, disappearing up his long sleeves as he made his way to where I lay sprawled on the couch. "It's what comes of being a seishi," he replied quietly, dark eyes hooded as they gazed down at me. He brought his hand up, ran his fingertips lightly over my cheek where my grandfather had slapped me. "What happened?"
"My grandfather," I answered bitterly, then jerked away from him, glowering as I buried my face in my arms again. "The desk was there for a reason, you know."
"Yes." Air shifted as he sat on the couch next to me. "To keep me out."
"Then why did you come in?"
"To give you this."
Sighing, I turned to watch him grow a seed in his hand, the stem unfurling from his palm and spiral into its length. Red peeked through the knot of green at the top, then unfurled to form a perfect rose, full and glistening, even in the dim artificial light. I stared at it a moment, reaching uncertainly to grasp its stem as he held it out to me. His fingers wrapped around mine briefly, softly, until he stood. "I'm glad you've returned," he murmured. "I was worried about you." A smile touched his eyes, chased away some of the darkness hiding there. "That comes of being a seishi, also."
Tearing my eyes from the rose before me, I glared up at him. Part of my heart caught on its thorns, throbbing painfully at the lies of this man I had unwillingly began to trust. "What, the urge to keep me prisoner? To lie to me?"
"To want to protect you," he replied evenly. "To serve you."
I tossed the rose at his feet, along with everything I'd held inside for him. "You're just like everyone else who swears to serve me," I whispered, sitting and wrapping my arms around my knees. "Empty promises, offered in return for the promise of power. I'm merely a tool to all of you, the path to your glory. I –"
"Kourin."
My name stopped my words in my throat, lodged them there until I nearly choked on them; they came out as a sob, dredging up more tears. I stared for a moment that dragged into forever, then collapsed against him as his arms encircled me, this man who'd never spoken my name before yet who spoke it like no other had, not even the beast god who'd placed him in my life. It was enough to bring me to tears when I thought I had none left, to flood out all the anger and hate and grief I held tight inside me like a barrier. His rhythmic murmurs slowly drew me out of my sorrow, into a content I hadn't felt since I read the four kanji that would tear my life to shreds. I breathed his name, begging him to say mine again, just to hear it in his voice.
I felt him smile against my hair. "Kourin," he murmured. "Kourin. I wish you would trust me."
"I . . . I do," I whispered. "It's just –"
He shook his head, pulled me back to meet my eyes with his midnight ones. "I owe my allegiance to you," he said quietly, firmly, "no one else. I will do whatever you ask of me, so long as you are safe."
"Take me away from here," I pleaded, still frozen by his eyes. "Away from all of this." My gaze fell heavy and tear-filled on the rose. "Grow a place for me out of your magic, where I can hide from my fate."
He shook his head again, his long hair tumbling around his shoulders. It was almost as dark as his eyes. "It's not that easy." His gaze moved to the window, to the morning light streaming in through the curtains. "We cannot escape our fate; Byakko would find us wherever we went." He forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "There is only one seishi left to find; it will be over after that."
"No," I said, lost somewhere between his eyes and my hazy thoughts. "It will never be over. Ryuen and I will be homeless, and you and Saihitei . . . Saihitei." The name jolted me back to the present, and I glanced back at Tatara. "Saihitei took me to see Ryuen."
He was silent a while, staring at the sunlight. "So that's where you were," he murmured finally.
I looked down at the rumpled pillows, brought one had up to clutch the necklace at my throat. "I didn't want to come back."
"I'm glad you did."
Our voices faded into silence; Tatara sat studying the light, while I studied him, compared him and Saihitei in my mind. Ryuen loved Saihitei – or at least he thought he did. But two was an unlucky number here; two Chou children finding love – even the illusion of love – could only bring tragedy. Perhaps Ryu was the only one destined to find something other than grief in this legend. After all, it was he who found the love story among the cold, hard lines of the four kanji on the scroll; I merely found a blinding white, and a rose.
I shattered the silence with his name. "What do you know about Saihitei?"
It took him a moment to draw himself out of the light, and he blinked as he turned back toward me. "Very little. Why?"
"I was wondering if I could trust him. If Ryuen could trust him."
Tatara looked as me knowingly, then frowned. "Saihitei is playing a dangerous game, flitting between the Chou and your brother. If he isn't careful, he could drag both of them down with a single misplaced word."
I thought of Ryuen, of what our family would do to him if they had the chance. Tatara brought me out of my dark thoughts with a touch. "Saihitei has been a servant in this temple since his parents died; he owes the Chou much more than any of us. But that doesn't mean that he can't love."
"Maybe," I murmured, thinking of my grandfather's warning that this was not a love story, of Ryuen's promise to make it one. I met Tatara's eyes and forced a smile. "I hope so."
Tatara's fingers brushed my cheek again, tracing the outline of the mark my grandfather had left there. He frowned, his brows furrowing, his dark eyes roiling with some thought I couldn't see. Light reflected off them, wafting in on the breeze, and he blinked the darkness from his eyes, shifted them to mine. We sat like that for a long while, motionless, his hand lingering on my face, our gazes locked across the sunlight. I could see the thoughts playing across his face; his frown had disappeared, but something else replaced it, something tentative and uncertain.
My heart seemed to hum in my chest, beating so fast that I would have fallen to my knees had I been standing. Only his gaze, steady on mine, held me upright. Words caught in my throat, died before I had the chance to speak them; the air was already heavy with our breathing, and words would have weighed it down even more. I drew a breath slowly, soundlessly, afraid to disturb whatever was piecing itself so tremulously together around us.
A shift of light, a sigh of air, and Tatara was leaning forward, slowly, until my eyes fell shut, and all I knew was that he was kissing me.
It was short, yet soft as the rose he'd grown for me. Time didn't stop, however; though for a moment all my sorrow melted away, and the waters they ran into were warm and inviting and I reveled in them, in the feel of his kiss, his hands, his hair. But time swept the moment away, and I felt him smile as he leaned back.
"Kourin." My name opened my eyes, and I found his gazing down at me. "Remember what I said." His fingers brushed my cheek again, took some of the stinging away. "I'll be back soon; call for me if you need me."
I nodded, still unable to find my voice in the maelstrom of feelings spinning inside me. So I watched in silence as the door closed behind him, leaving me lost in myself once again.
-x-
