The sound of knocking resonated through Kent's silent hallway as Chandler stood impatiently on the other side. After a minute, he saw the lights turning on, followed by the sound of a chain being moved. The catch clicked as Kent opened the door dressed in the pyjamas Joe had got him for Christmas.
"Joe? What's wrong? What time is it?"
"Can I come in?"
Kent moved aside, allowing Chandler access and rubbed his bleary eyes.
Receiving permission, the DI strolled past Kent and into the living room as the younger man closed the door and followed, confused.
After a second of silence from the two tired men, Chandler smiled. "We've got them."
Kent was alert now, anxious to hear more. "What do you mean? You know where they are?"
Chandler stepped forward, hands at his side. "I mean, they're in custody. They're on their way to the station as we speak."
Kent was speechless. He just stood there not knowing whether to laugh, cry or collapse. "H-how?"
The DI stepped forward once more, closing the gap between them . "That's not important. Lets just say they made a mistake.. A big one."
Kent was still confused, but it was too late to care tonight. He looked at his DI; the man he loved; the man he owed so much to, standing with his hands in his pockets. The smile faded from his face. As Joe watched this, his brow furrowed. "Kent, it's over."
The young man looked at the floor, he could feel his eyes starting to well again, maybe from the shock, maybe from the tiredness, maybe just from sadness.
"But it's not over, is it?"
Confused, Chandler looked at him inquisitively. He waited to see if Kent would elaborate but no such explanation came.
"Kent? What do you mean? Of course it is. They're in custody. The trial will be within the week. With the evidence we have against them, they'll be lucky if they ever see daylight again."
Nothing seemed to lure the smile back to his face, and Kent just stood, staring at the ground.
After a while of uncomfortable silence, he spoke, barely audible.
"It's not the same. It's not gonna be the same again." Chandler ducked his head to look into his eyes. "You won't…"
He paused, wondering if he really wanted to speak his mind.
"… you won't even touch me."
Chandler closed his eyes, hung his head. He could feel his heart. It ached, actually ached for the man he cherished above all else. Kent had spoken with such softness; pain that he didn't think he could take it.
He drew in as close as he could, the gap between them mere centimetres. He could feel Kent's breath. He pulled his hands out of his pockets, but kept them at his side.
"Kent…" He leaned in, speaking as softly as he could. "I - I just need time. You know how it is for me."
Kent didn't bother to raise his head. He'd expected an answer like that, but it didn't hurt any less. "I love you Kent, please believe that."
After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Kent spoke again, voice softer than ever.
"I, um.. I think you should crash at your place tonight."
The response knocked Chandler back. He didn't expect it, although he couldn't blame him. "Kent?"
"Please. I get it, I do. I just …"
Chandler waited for Kent to finish his sentence but nothing more came out. After another second of silence, Chandler complied.
As the door catch clicked shut, Kent turned and walked back to his bed, doubting sleep would come.
…
Chandler slouched in his car, hands on his head. His mind raced as he tried to figure out what to do. He wanted so badly to sweep Kent off his feet and never let him go, but every time he tried to reach out.. He just.. Couldn't. Some thing stopped him every time and he felt like screaming.
Half an hour passed as he sat in the driver's seat, staring at the dashboard. He had gone past tired now, and although he couldn't sleep if he wanted, his body was drained.
He desperately wanted a solution. Some way of pleasing both parties, but he doubted that existed. As he started up his engine again, his mind turned to one thing.
The knock at the door wasn't heard at first, but after subsequent tries, Judy poked her husband out of bed.
"Just go see who it is will you."
Miles stumbled out of the bed he'd only just fallen into. He knew he wouldn't get much sleep, but he expected more than 10 minutes to pass before he'd have to arise again.
He pulled the door open, eyes trying to focus on the figure leaning against the frame.
"Joe? What is it?"
Uncomfortable at having to ask to come in, Chandler stood still and silent, thinking how best to approach his tired DS, but before he could try, Miles did the talking for him.
"Come on, come in. You best be quiet though. If the Kids wake up, you're putting them back to bed."
They made their way slowly to the kitchen and each took a seat at the table. Miles waited for his DI to start talking, but Chandler just stared downwards, lost in thought.
"Jeeze, you look like man who's just lost all his money at the horses, not caught two infamous criminals. What's up?"
Chandler still stayed silent, trying as best and quickly as he could to organise his thoughts, when Miles stood up and reached into a cupboard. Pulling two glasses out, he took the bottle of scotch from the counter and poured.
"Here ya go, get that down ya."
Initially reluctant, Chandler remained still, but soon he couldn't think of a better way to steady his mind and reached for the glass. He took a little sip and let the warm liquid burn his throat as is slid down. He took a breath and downed the rest.
Miles raised his eyebrows and filled the glass again. "Now, you gonna tell me what's eating you before I fall asleep at this table?"
Chandler looked up and took another sip.
"It's Kent."
Immediately concerned, Miles looked at him enquiringly.
Upon seeing the worried look, Chandler brushed his hand through he air. "He's fine.. It's just. Well, we're not."
Miles took a few sips from his glass now and his questioning look turned to one of concern. "What do you mean? What's happened?"
Chandler downed the rest of the scotch and tried to explain.
"It's me. Well, I mean, you know. I just. . . I can't bring myself to.." He took a breath and started again. "All I can see is what they did to him. Every time I look at him, I see them. Touching him, doing… " He trailed off but Miles had heard enough.
"Well, how do you think he feels?"
Joe looked up, surprised at Mile's bluntness. " I know, I just…"
"I do get it Joe. I may not understand but I do get that. But…" He filled up the glasses. "poor Kid. After everything he's been through, don't you think he wants to put it behind him just as much as you do? How is he meant to do that when you're reminding him every time you won't go near him of what happened."
Chandler was silent. He felt like a monster, but he just couldn't get past that voice screaming in his head; stopping him."
In the quiet, he could feel the scotch starting to take effect.
Miles stood up and came round next to Chandler. "Look. I know it's hard, but think how he feels." He reached back to the bottle and put it down in front of Joe. "Do what you have to." As he left, Joe could just make out something about him needing his 'bloody beauty sleep' and he realised he needed to leave. As he downed the still full third glass, he could feel his thoughts dimming. They weren't gone, by any means, but his head was going from shouting at him to being background noise.
He stood up, determined, and filled the glass one last time for luck. As he stared at the liquid, his thoughts turned back to Kent. Although they rested not on what had happened, but on his eyes.
Clear as the brown liquid in front of him, Joe could see DC's big shining eyes and he felt a calm draw over him.
Deciding what he had to do, Joe turned and made his way out of the door, leaving the glass of scotch on the table.
….
Still awake, but no less drained, Kent lay on his bed wishing sleep would come.
He wanted nothing more than to leave the past week behind him, although he knew that would never happen. He tried to imagine what he would say to Chandler the next time he saw him, but every time he pictured the tall DI, he drew a blank.
A loud noise interrupted his thoughts, and as he rose to locate it, he heard it again, louder.
The fist on the other side of the door wasn't letting up and Kent had a feeling who it was.
Standing on the inside, he stared for a moment, the knocking growing louder as he tried to decide on his first words. Still not being able to, he reluctantly opened the door and had to step back as Chandler strode in, not waiting for permission.
Once again, he closed the door and followed the man into the living room, more confused than before.
"Joe, I.." Kent didn't get a chance to finish his sentence.
As Chandler's lips caressed his own, Kent closed his eyes, wanting to savour the moment for ever.
As Joe drew away, he tried again, but Chandler saw his mouth open and interrupted.
"Kent, listen. I know it's been hard for you. I know I haven't helped, but I just couldn't stand the thought of anyone touching you. Getting near to you like that." He reached out and took the younger man's hand in his own. "The thought of what happened breaks my heart. That.. That I wasn't there to stop it will haunt me 'till the day I die. But if that day comes having not spent every moment until then with you I.. I would rather not live."
Kent felt his cheeks starting to hurt and only just realised he'd been smiling since the kiss. He squeezed the hand clasping his own and tried to speak but the words got lost amongst the happiness.
Chandler didn't wait for Kent to try again. The time had come to do what he should have days ago.
"Emerson, move in with me?"
Even though both men knew the answer, Kent couldn't have agreed anyway, for at the same moment the 'yes' tried to escape his lips, another pair landed on them instead.
