Numb; It was a wonderful feeling. Complete numbness. Indifference. Days were only a blur, and when the sun went down, it was all blackness. Brilliant, unfeeling blackness. This was going to be just fine for Miss Hermione Granger. No longer did she have to worry about the concerned glances she received from both her peers and her superiors. It was definitely a wonderful feeling.
10:00 AM: It had been two days since her parents' death and the funeral was closing in on her, only hours away. As anyone would have been, she was nervous, but had she not been indifferent to most things, she may have been a complete wreck.
11:00 AM: Her mirror was lying, she decided. The reflective glass was showing a calm face with no emotion, while inside, she was groaning. Not yet screaming, but telling her that she could not do this. She could not watch her parents being lowered into the ground. She could not say goodbye. But she had to. There was no way out of it.
12:00 Noon: "Miss Granger? I've been sent up to fetch…why aren't you dressed?" Hermione stood up from her chair and paced across the room away from him. "Miss Granger, the funeral starts in half an hour. Are you going to get dressed?" She shook her head wordlessly and straightened items on her desk which were all ready straight. "Why not?" Severus asked, crossing his arms impatiently over his chest.
"I'm not going." She replied. Her tone was dead, and when she looked at him, he noticed that her eyes were gone of the usual light they held.
"You're not…going?" Severus asked. She shook her head again.
"No."
"Why?" She paused and met his gaze again. He examined her: her hair was bushier than usual and her hazel, honey-toned eyes were cold and lifeless. Her skin was sallow looking and her body looked as though she hadn't eaten in quite some time.
"If I go to that funeral, it means that they're not coming back, and I don't think that I can handle that." She replied in a shaky voice.
"Miss Granger, they're not coming back whether you go or not." Severus said, quirking an eyebrow in her direction.
"It's easier to fake indifference." Said Hermione in a small voice. And the numbness was fading; a sharp, hollow ache was settling itself in her chest. She coughed to try and be rid of it.
"Are you ill?" He asked, schooling his expression to be blank. Despite his best efforts, he was starting to feel for her. Hermione shook her head in the negative.
"Not ill…" she said softly. "Just…sad." Severus nodded.
"Understandable, of course. Please get dressed. I doubt anyone would appreciate it if you showed up in your night clothes." Hermione sighed in defeat and nodded slowly. She walked to her armoire. She pulled out a black dress, shrugged slightly, and disappeared into a separate room.
"Miss Granger, five minutes!" Hermione emerged only seconds later, the clingy black dress hung off of her too thin form and her bushy hair was pulled back into a French braid. She nodded to him and he offered his hand, which she took. He pulled her to him into a quick, tight embrace.
"You can do this." He murmured. She nodded reluctantly and wiped away a few tears.
Rest in Peace, Anna and George Granger.
She felt more.
And though I walk through the shadow of the valley of death, I fear no evil…
She felt more.
I'm so sorry for your loss…
Her chest throbbed.
They didn't deserve this.
A knife through her heart.
"Take me back."
"Back where?" Severus asked.
"Back to the castle. Take me back. Now."
"Do you think now is a good time?"
"Yes. I do." Hermione grabbed his sleeve and dragged him out of the room. Once they were clear of all muggles, her wrapped his arms around her and spun.
They reappeared in his quarters, where she finally broke down and cried. He directed her to a chair and she sat. He backed up and simply…watched.
