Parody of the Caribbean: Dumb Man's Composition

Daddy Issues

The Flying Dutchman, the real one, is sailing through a nasty storm. The crew works relentlessly. Will's first day is totally crappy. And somehow the fish people all know his name.

Some Fish Face: Secure the mast tackle, Mr. Turner!

Will and some guy who he doesn't recognize both run to secure this mast tackle, or whatever, and fight over the job.

Will: No! I like slave labor, don't you dare take my job from me!

The other guy sees his face and gasps, inhaling large amounts of rainwater. Will can't hold the rope by himself and it pulls him to the deck. The canon they were raising comes crashing down and makes fish paste out of one of the crew members.

Fish Bo'sun: Pull that weevil to his feet!

Will is sentenced to five lashes with the nasty cat o' nine tails. The stranger offers to take the payment for him. This catches the captain's attention.

Davy Jones: Now, why would you want to do that?

Bootstrap: He's my son!

The crew gasps. Will whips around.

Will: WHAT?!

Davy Jones: Oh, this is just lovely. Bootstrap Bill, you whip him or the Bo'sun does.

Bootstrap: AUGH!

The Bo'sun laughs evilly.

Bootstrap: I'll do it.

The fish people restraining Will rip his clothes off.

Female Audience: swoons

Will is totally flogged by his dad. It's sad, I know. They throw Will down the stairs, his back covered with nasty red cuts. His dad tries to help him but Will is going to be a bitch about it.

Will: I don't want your help.

Bootstrap: I saved you a whole lotta pain boy.

Will: Yeah, tell that to the BLOODY CUTS ON MY BACK!

Bootstrap cries. Will gets over his anger issues because he just met THE FATHER HE'S NEVER KNOWN. DUH!!!

Bootstrap: Once you've sworn an oath to the Dutchman there's no leaving it. One hundred years before the mast. You lose yourself bit by bit till you look like Treebeard here.

Will: OMG hi Treebeard.

Treebeard Wyvern: Uhhhh...my brain's stuck to the walllll...

Will: Sick.

Bootstrap: It's lovely to see you and all but why're you here in the first place? It's kinda creepy here.

Will pulls out the picture of the key.

Will: I'm looking for this so I can save my fiancé from an evil short man with compensation issues.

Bootstrap: That sucks.

Wyvern: The Dead Man's Chest...

Will: What?!

Wyvern: Open the chest with the key and stab the heart. No, don't stab the heart. The Dutchman needs a living heart or there'll be no captain. If there's no captain, there's no one to have the key.

Will: The captain has the key?

Wyvern says nothing.

Will: Where's the key?

Wyvern: Hidden.

Will: Where's the chest?

Wyvern (nervously): Hidden.

He turns back into the wall.

Will: Well great, now I have to sell my soul to get the key.

Bootstrap: I hope you're kidding.