And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
Friday 5th June 1998
"Happy birthday." Granger said cautiously, sliding a parcel across the floor with her wand. She sat in the chair by the fire, biting her lip as he picked it up.
"How did you know? I don't make a practice of telling people."
"You told us when you were under the influence of Veritaserum. I have a good memory for things like that." He touched the stripy wrapping paper gently; hiding his pleased smile with a smirk. With the same amount of care, he tugged the red bow and the wrapping fell away to reveal a bottle of Ogden's Finest. He was impressed by her charm; it had hidden the distinct shape of the bottle excellently.
"Thank you. I don't often drink, but I'll make an exception."
He conjured two glasses; pouring one for himself, and one for her. She sipped the whiskey, before screwing up her face in mild disgust. Draco downed his, without showing any emotion on his face.
"In the muggle world, you only come of age when you're eighteen. That's the age you can drink too, so it's a custom to purchase alcohol for an eighteenth birthday. Then, of course, the recipient often drinks until they're drunk. " Draco poured himself another glass.
"I must maintain the tradition then!" Granger took another delicate sip.
"Forgive me if I don't join you."
For a few moments, they sat without talking. Silence was rare in Grimmauld Place at that moment in time. According to Lupin, the war had 'stepped up a gear', although they hardly felt the effects of it in the safety of the house. Granger checked every day if they had heard anything about Snape. He was grateful for it, of course, but the same answer of "no, and if we had we wouldn't tell you" disappointed and surprised him. He expected Granger to be told everything. Apparently, however, this was not the case. According to Granger, you had to be a sworn in member of the Order of the Phoenix. Breaking the silence by placing his glass on the floor, Draco let out a sigh.
"What exactly is The Order of the Phoenix?"
"A group of people who joined together, under Dumbledore, to fight You-Know-Who. Formally, it's a secret society, but the public are all aware of its existence."
"And how do you qualify to join? There hasn't been an initiation ceremony whilst I've been here…"
Granger suddenly looked a little sheepish. She rubbed anxiously at her neck, her cheeks flushing. Draco's eyes narrowed suspiciously. She was hiding something, he could tell.
"You have to request to become a member." She stated. "Then to be approved for the initiation, a current member has to sponsor you. That's all I know."
"Don't lie." He drawled teasingly. "I know that you are hiding something. You are an appalling liar." She let out a flustered sigh.
"Alright! I wasn't supposed to mention it…but Harry, Ron and I are getting initiated next week! It means we'll be able to do something really worthwhile, because we'll know everything!"
Draco's heart seemed to skip a beat. An idea suddenly occurred to him which, were it to come to fruition, would be successful in more ways than one. If he was to join the Order, he would be able to find Snape. He would not have to rely on Granger, or anyone else, for he would have the information and power to do it himself. And in the interest of self-preservation, he would not be arrested or tried for anything as a member of the Order. It seemed, to him, a perfect solution.
"I want to join." He blurted, not even bothering to maintain composure. He knew that the pleading was clear in his voice, but he also knew she would not mock him for it.
"Are…are you sure that would be wise?" His mood darkened.
"What? Do you believe me to be incapable? Or am I simply not good enough for your Order? You still do not trust me?"
"Of course I trust you!" She cried imploringly. "But won't it put you in more danger?"
"No. If anything, I believe it would make me safer."
Granger fell into silence to consider this. She looked discomfited but thoughtful, and as she gave a weary sigh, he knew he had won. He tried to retain his triumph, as she gave him a curt nod.
"You're right. You've been a great help to me, to all of us. You should suggest it at the initiation; I bet Remus would sponsor you." She grinned suddenly. "The more I think about it, the more I think it's only fair."
"Potter and Weasley won't like it." She rolled her eyes with a small sigh.
"When do they ever like anything involving you?"
Thursday 11th June 1998
Draco had never seen Grimmauld Place so full before. The usually too-large kitchen seemed fit to burst, as various members of the Order of The Phoenix had packed themselves inside it. Granger flung open the door, accidentally knocking over Professor Flitwick, and she blushed prettily as she apologised. Their desired quiet entrance, therefore, was disrupted, as Potter laid eyes on Draco.
"What the bloody hell is he doing here, Hermione? We told you he wasn't invited!"
"It's impossible to hide it from him, Harry! He lives here; surely he would've noticed when he came down to get a cup of tea?" Remus casually waved his hand.
"You're right Hermione. Take a seat quickly, both of you, we need to start."
The room was darkened, and candles were lit around the whole room. It all seemed very magical and mystical. Draco thought it was over the top. The initiation ceremony itself was very dull indeed. It was full of more melodrama; Latin chants, impressive charm work and sombre faces all round. Granger was pleased though. Her face was flushed and she smiled pleasantly at everyone there – Draco couldn't help but smile back, she looked lovely. Just as Remus was about to formally close the ceremony, Granger made eye-contact with him and leapt to her feet.
"I think Draco should be permitted to join!" She blurted, smiling slightly. "He's lived here almost a year…he should join us, help with the war effort."
Potter was shaking his head vigorously, looking as though he might be sick. Draco should have known that someone would object; he just hoped that someone would sponsor him too. He looked up at Granger, who was still smiling around the room encouragingly. For an odd reason, he felt a swell of pride. She still seemed to believe that someone would agree with her, even though the room sat in silence. Suddenly, someone spoke up. Molly Weasley.
"I agree, dear." She said quietly. "Draco should be permitted to join. I shall sponsor him."
"I agree too." Remus added. "Even though only one sponsor is necessary, I must declare my support." Granger made the thumbs up sign at Draco across the room, and he bowed his head in thanks towards his sponsors. Once again, he felt a swell of pride.
As Draco led in bed that night, the most recent member of The Order of the Phoenix, he could not help but reflect on the past twelve months of his life. He was certain that the others were aware of the significance of this date – they had held the initiation then, after all. It was exactly a year since Dumbledore's death. Twelve months ago, Draco and Snape fled the castle after committing the most heinous of crimes. At the time, he had thought that it was the end. Draco was not able to see a way how he could ever possibly survive. He had been wrong. He had been saved.
If someone had stopped him as he escaped that night, and told him not to worry, for Hermione Granger would save him, he would have shot them with a curse. But it was true; he could no longer deny it. He was certain that, if Granger had not been at Grimmauld Place with him, he would have slowly gone insane. Of course, Draco would never admit this to anyone – especially not her. He would prefer it if she never found out how he really felt. It was easier now, this way, to pretend that there was nothing between them. She had asked him once if he still hated Muggleborns, if he hated her. He found now, more than ever before, that he did not hate her. In fact, his feelings had never been so distant from those that his father had tried to instil in him. As he led there in the dark, his father was no more than a distant memory. A blip. A shadow. An insignificant shadow.
Friday 12th June 1998
It was the first Order meeting. Once more, the kitchen was full of members; most of whom Draco had never met before. Granger greeted them pleasantly, mostly making apprehensive enquiries after their wellbeing and that of their families. Draco sat in stoic silence next to her, wanting the meeting to start so he could hear what was really going on. To begin with, the subject matter did not interest him at all. They were talking about names and faces that he did not recognise situations which he had not been a part of and secrets which, even now, he was not privy to. However, his interest became piqued when the subject came to Snape.
It was no longer Remus who led the meeting. Mad-Eye Moody carried a muggle folder, which contained a huge wad of parchment. He dropped it onto the table with a bang, as his magical eye whizzed around the room.
"The next issue for discussion is Severus Snape. I understand that this is unpleasant for many of you, but it has been flagged as a topic of great importance." His magical eye looked at Granger and Lupin, but his normal eye focused on Draco. "The bastard is missing. No one has seen hide nor hair of him for months. We need to find him. I would feel much safer in my bed if I knew where the murderous git was, and I'm sure you'd all agree. Therefore, I'm looking for suggestions of how to find him."
Draco looked around the room anxiously, waiting for someone to speak out. He hoped that one of them would have a plan, a way for him to find Snape. He needed there to be, even though they didn't understand.
"I think we should send the person who knows him best." Lupin stated simply.
"And who do you suggest that is, Remus?" Potter snapped darkly.
"Draco. It seems, to me, to be the only logical choice." Surprisingly, there were no remarks of objection. Everyone seemed to be nodding thoughtfully, approving of the suggestion.
"But he couldn't go alone!" Molly exclaimed.
"Of course not!" Granger interjected. "I wouldn't allow it – I'll go with him."
It was to this that people objected. Seemingly, Draco endangering himself was nothing compared to Granger. He jumped a little as he felt the reassuring warmth of her hand. She was squeezing his hand again, sending that odd little impulse of pride to flood his nerves.
"Where would you look for him?" Tonks asked, as she scribbled notes on a piece of parchment.
"His home." Draco mumbled. "Where his parents used to live…if I was to find any trace of him, it would be there." Hermione nodded.
"I know where it is! I researched Eileen Prince last year, for personal curiosity," she flashed a look at Potter, "and found out so much about her! There are plenty of places we could look! Draco and I are more than capable for the job." Moody looked a little unsettled as Tonks spoke.
"What is the verdict, boss? Are they going or aren't they? We need to stamp it to make it official…"
"Stamp it Nymphadora. They're going."
Author's Note: Again, i must apologise for the delay in posting this chapter! It's the summer holidays, and i've been crazily busy with one thing or another! Of course, we return to sixth form on Monday, so the delays look set to continue! Do not worry, i will not abandon this story! Thank you for all readers and reviewers of the last chapter, please repeat the courtesy for this one! :D
