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A/N: I'm not very good at uploading chapters often, am I? I might try and do one a week maybe, but who knows I'll probably forget again xD So to make up for the update lack, I'm uploading 2 long ones =) And also because this one is just a lot of dialogue and very little moving. Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it =)
Chapter 12:
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"God I really love this place. You have no idea how jealous I am that you grew up in this house. Everything around here seems beautiful to me." It had been 2 days since Demi figured out why Adam was 'visiting' her, and luckily he hadn't shown up since. Demi and Bradin had barely talked about it, but there was nothing more that really needed saying. So they'd just been enjoying the city and each others company the past few days.
"Yeah, I love it, too. I guess I never really appreciated what I had 'til it was gone."
"How cliché." Demi laughed. They'd been sat on the porch together for some time now. Today wasn't so cold but the night air was bitter as it attacked them. They were sat on a bench wrapped in quilts with hot chocolates. Bradin had said that he, Nikki and Derrick used to sit out here with their parents some nights, and some of Bradin's fondest memories were on this porch. Nikki and Derrick had sat outside with them, but as the sky got darker and the night grew colder, they'd retreated into the house one by one. But Demi wasn't ready to go just yet, it was too peaceful. Her days were always so filled with stress, so this was a very nice change for her.
"Everyone must've missed you. How many people have stopped us now?" Demi joked. They hadn't been stopped that often, but Bradin always looked a little uncomfortable when they did get stopped. As was evident when he groaned.
"Don't remind me. It's always 'You're back!' or 'Who's this!?', all the same questions, and yeah, I missed them too, well mostly in the beginning, but seeing them all again now, knowing we'll be going home at the end of the week anyway and answering all the questions, knowing I'll be the talk of the town again… well, it's awkward to say the least." Bradin said, rolling his eyes. Demi hesitated for a moment.
"You mean talk of the town because of me and Sean, right?" Demi asked nervously, staring down at the wooden floor. Bradin turned to her sharply. Damn. He hadn't meant it that way, he wasn't ashamed of them, not at all, but he just felt awkward answering all the questions and telling them all about his 'new life', having them all say how much he's 'changed'. He didn't want to merge his old life with his new one, though he didn't feel he was living two lives, apart from the obvious with him being without his parents in this 'new life'. He just didn't want to talk about it with all his old friends. He'd much rather hear what they'd been up to, honestly, but he was always put on the spot and shoved into a spotlight whenever he saw an old friend. He didn't like talking about himself, he never had.
"Well, not exactly. It's part of it, yes, but it's more them than you, Dem." Bradin smiled. He really didn't want to upset her, or make her think he was ashamed of her. "I just don't like answering everything. About everything from California, I'd rather catch up with everything from back home. And it's too awkward to ask them what's been going on after I promised to keep in touch and didn't." Bradin shrugged. Demi considered that for a moment.
"I guess that makes sense-" Bradin's phone rang at that moment. Bradin shifted under the covers they were both tightly wrapped in, pulling the phone out of his pocket. He looked at the phone, confused. It was 11:30 here in Kansas. Which meant it was 1:30 in California. Why was Callie calling at this time? He briefly considered pretending to be asleep, but thought it might be important.
"Hey, Callie, what's up?" Bradin asked, slightly concerned.
"Not much, couldn't sleep. How's Kansas, babe?" Bradin was slightly annoyed. He'd actually got himself thinking something might be really wrong there. But he also felt like Callie was keeping tabs on him lately. It was the first time she'd phoned, but she'd sent many texts which subtly demanded detailed responses, to his annoyance. But he knew he was mostly annoyed because he'd rather be having fun, and partly because he was really enjoying his time alone with Demi, which was very rare, usually.
"Kansas is great. You already know everywhere I've been, not much has changed in 2 hours." Bradin gave a stiff laugh.
"I know, I was just calling to say hi. There's nothing to do here."
"How about sleep, it's half one in the morning." Bradin said dryly.
"I told you, I can't." Callie chuckled. "But I really miss you. So what were you up to before I rang?" Bradin considered telling Callie exactly what he was up to, saying how he was snuggled under blankets alone with Demi, glad that they were properly alone now that Sean was put down to sleep, having conversations more meaningful than anything Callie had said to him in months. But he decided against it. Why set himself up for an argument back home?
"I was asleep, actually, you woke me up." Bradin lied easily. "I thought there might be an emergency back home or something." Well, that wasn't a lie.
"Oh, sorry, didn't mean to scare you… How's Demi?" Callie asked in an overly calm voice, making Bradin think she had to try a little too hard to make it that way. He wished she'd get along with Demi, she didn't do anything to deserve her hatred. If Bradin could forgive her, why couldn't Callie?
"She's fine, liking Kansas. We've been driving around and shopping mostly, just everything I texted you earlier."
"…Well, I'd better let you get back to sleep," Callie said after a pause. "… Love you."
"You too." Bradin snapped the phone shut as soon as the words were out of his mouth. Then sighed. He'd always get so annoyed talking to Callie directly, especially when she acted like this, but then felt guilty after. He'd think of reasons why she might be acting like this, and most guys would still be annoyed after reviewing those reasons, telling the girl she should trust him because they weren't doing anything. And Bradin did know Callie's reasons, but he felt guilty because maybe, just maybe, she was right to worry. But then he'd shove the whole matter to the back of his mind, because he was so confused right now, that he didn't even know what was going on or whether Callie did have a reason to worry. He just had to figure out what his heart wants, and why ruin things with Callie by telling her all this if she turned out to be what he wanted? He would have blew it by then. So he decided to shut up.
"Wow, you seemed pretty awake to me." Demi smirked. He'd forgotten for a moment that she was there. Bradin sighed again. Now he was looking at the reason his heart didn't know what it wanted and why things weren't right with Callie at the moment. He hated admitting or even thinking about it, but he knew that she was the cause of this rough patch. And it wasn't her fault, it was his. And their history. He knew there'd always be a bond between them because she was the mother of his child, but he was having a hard time figuring out how strong that bond is, and how much he loved her, whether it was enough to be having second thoughts about Callie. Sometimes, life sucked.
"Callie's just constantly worried lately, it's starting to get a little old." Bradin explained. 'Mmm' was Demi's reply. She wasn't stupid, and knew she was the reason for Callie's paranoia. But she didn't let it bother her. She was actually quite happy to watch Bradin answer her texts all frustrated, she got a bit of a kick from it, partly because he's really cute when he's angry but mostly because the anger is directed at Callie, though she'd never let on to Bradin. She knew she was only there because it was a whole family trip, but she still felt quite smug when Callie got all jealous like this. As soon as she and Callie laid eyes on each other after Demi's year long detour, they clashed. Which she could kind of understand even though Callie was never a part of that and Demi certainly wasn't looking for her forgiveness, but they just would not get along now. Maybe before, but not now. Now, they were like black and white, up and down, just… opposite.
"What time is it?" Demi asked, realising the silence between them had been dragged out a little too long to be considered comfortable.
"Twenty-five to."
"To what?"
"Midnight."
"Already!?" Demi looked around surprised. The sky hadn't been that much lighter an hour ago, the time had flew by. "How long have we been out here?"
"A while." Bradin shrugged. Demi opened her mouth to say they should both go to bed, before stopping and thinking why. She supposed having to get up early with Sean could be a reason, but she didn't care very much about being tired in the morning right now. Bradin certainly didn't seem bothered, and they were supposed to spend this week relaxing. And she wasn't in a rush to leave his company anyway… stress was becoming too much of a habit for her now.
"You really need to chill out, you're always worrying lately, you'll make yourself old." Bradin smirked, putting his arm around her shoulder as she leaned against him. He didn't think it was at all weird until after he did it, and began to feel weirdly uncomfortable. Would Demi think it was weird if he moved? Did Demi think it was uncomfortable? He looked at her, but from what little of her features he could see from the light coming though the closed curtains of the window behind them, she looked fine. Maybe he was just over thinking every move he made around her now.
"What's wrong?" Demi asked, realising he had been staring.
"Nothing." Bradin answered quickly, looking away.
"You were looking at me funny." She accused, touching her face self-consciously.
"I was just thinking, there's nothing wrong, honest." Demi debated whether to believe him before settling herself more comfortably into the covers again.
"What were you thinking about?" Demi asked after another quiet minute.
"Nothing important."
"It was important to you. You had that concentration face on." Demi said, imitating the way he would pull his eyebrows together and purse his lips, before laughing.
"I don't look like that." Bradin said with mock-defensiveness.
"Yes, you do. So what were you thinking?" Demi asked quickly before Bradin could say something else, clearly planning to stall. She knew he didn't exactly love talking about himself, but she was curious. He was looking at her, so she felt like she must have something to do with it. Bradin debated on whether to tell her the truth for a moment, and she pointed out his thinking face again and told him to just tell her.
"Well, I was kinda wondering whether we act right around each other."
"… and what's that supposed to mean?" Demi asked, sitting up a little so she could see him better.
"Well, I don't know how to… I don't know, behave when I'm with you? Like this," Bradin said, gently tightening his arm around her for a brief second, "is it right for us to be like this? I know if you were just my ex then it would be weird, but you're always Sean's mother and we live together and… well, most exes don't like each other or stay friends, but I don't really know what my relationship with you is."
"So, you're worried about how other people in situations like ours act around each other?" Demi asked. Bradin just shrugged. "Well, to tell you the truth, I don't care how we're supposed to act. There's no set rules or anything. If other people say we're doing it wrong, well screw them. They don't know enough about us to tell us how to act. As long as we're ok with it, why does it matter?"
"Well, that's part of what I was worrying about… are you ok with it?" Bradin said, cringing a little.
"Yeah," Demi laughed, "Aren't you?" Demi added more seriously, beginning to worry that he was trying to hint at that.
"Yeah, I'm ok with it… most of the time. But sometimes I just think maybe we shouldn't because-"
"I'm gonna take a wild guess here, because of Callie?" Demi interrupted.
"Mostly." Bradin nodded. "But then I think that if Callie does have a problem with it then maybe she's being too sensitive, but then I think why make it harder for her… but then I start to think why should she get upset? Why should she keep tabs on us when we aren't doing anything wrong? I just feel guilty when it comes to Callie, I know a lot about her past and why she's an insecure person, yet I still snap at her. I should be a bit more sensitive-"
"Maybe she should too." Demi interrupted. Bradin looked at her, confused. "Well, I'd say you've got more on your plate right now than she does, and by acting the way she is she's not making it any easier for you. I know it's not been easy for you since I came back, and I'm sorry about that, I know I really messed up and you're probably still adjusting to me being back, and it's confusing, for both of us. And also things between you and Nikki weren't so good and you had to deal with that, and she was still being difficult then. But you're also back in Kansas and it can't be easy, having to go to your parents graves and seeing all your old friends, all the emotions that probably stirs up. She's just making herself into another problem. I'm not blind or stupid, Bradin, I've seen myself what she's doing and why she's doing it. She worried about you being alone with me, that's why she's keeping tabs. Don't feel bad about getting annoyed at her, she's bringing it on herself. She's overreacting and needs to learn to trust. All she's doing in the long run is pushing you away and making you feel guilty. And I don't know whether to be offended, does she really see me as a man stealer or is it just because of feelings we have for each other from before I left?"
That reminded of something Bradin had been wanting to talk about with Demi, but avoiding. "Dem, can we talk about something? I think it's important, to both of us."
"…Ok. What?"
"Well, I don't know how you feel, but I definitely know that I don't know what I'm feeling when it comes to you, or whether I feel the right things about you." Throughout their conversation they had both moved away a little from each other, but were now sitting at opposite sides of the bench facing each other with their legs crossed, though still very close considering how small the bench is, still barely touching through the thick layers of quilts. "I guess I've been wondering lately… how do you feel about me?"
"I- I'm not sure, the same, I guess." As she watched Bradin stare down into his lap thinking, she feared where this conversation may go, or more that she'd make a fool out of herself. She does feel exactly like Bradin was trying to describe, or rather did. She'd lately been figuring out that her feelings for Bradin, though still confusing, weren't so 'unknown'. She cared deeply about Bradin, and she'd always known it. But it way only very recently she had realised how much she loved him. Before it had just been a simple statement of fact, now she could feel it all the time, every second of the day. Stronger than ever. But she didn't want to tell him that, what if he didn't love her back? He was a taken guy after all and, although Demi would never admit it aloud, Callie is beautiful. What does Demi have that Callie doesn't have? She couldn't imagine that Bradin would pick her over Callie, which is probably why he is still with Callie and not her. But what if she never told him, he'd never know that she loves him and so never could choose her over Callie. But she was to self conscious to tell him, though she feared that if he looked at her with those big puppy eyes, she wouldn't be able to stop herself from spilling her guts.
"Thing is… I'm not just confused about you… I'm confused about Callie too… whether it is love, or if it isn't, whether it could ever be love." Bradin looked at Demi to find her looking at him with wide eyes and raised eyebrows in shock. "I probably shouldn't be telling you all this." He said uncomfortably, avoiding her gaze now.
"No, I'm glad you did. It's good to talk and get things off your chest, and you obviously needed to." Bradin smiled a little. "But I have to admit that last bit shocked me… I thought you loved Callie."
"…Me too. I'm not sure… maybe I do. But the ways she's been acting lately is just annoying me, but I'm not sure whether that's reason enough not to love her. When I think about everything she's done for me in the past…" Bradin thought back to how he helped get Sara out of his life, or how she helped him after Demi left. She didn't exactly heal his heart, but thanks to her he had the strength to wake up every morning and face the day, still have an almost normal life. Demi distracted him from his reminiscences.
"I know you obviously have history with her, but… well, you should live in the present. Do you know what I mean? It's like when you have an ex best friend. You used to be best friends and hang out and everything, but you obviously had a fight or something and now you're not. You can't judge whether you love Callie on the past, it has to be judged on the now."
"Yeah, I know. But I also know that's she's insecure and everything-"
"And she's never gonna learn to stop being insecure if she carries on the way she is. You've got to pull her up about that if you still want to be with her." Demi told him sternly. She didn't like seeing him so upset and confused over what Callie is putting him through. She seemed to like her less and less all the time. "… I hope you don't think I'm crossing a line by saying this, but… you do know that she knows what she's doing, right? She may be insecure and sensitive or whatever, but she tries as hard as she can to wear it on her sleeve and use it to her advantage. She's not as innocent and insecure as she makes out. I mean, let's face it… she is beautiful and everything." Demi admitted grudgingly. "And she's had plenty of time to get over her past from when she first moved here. Hell, Lea and the girls tell me she thoroughly enjoyed being a whore and only decided to stop when she set her sights on you." Demi added. She couldn't help it, she just got so wound up with Callie.
"No, you don't know how it made her feel. And everyone can gossip about her as much as they want but they'll never truly know all of it. I know more about it than Lea, Dem. She isn't as bad as you'd like to believe she is." Bradin couldn't help being defensive and cool, but Demi had said too much. And he would and had done the same for Demi when Callie sneered about Demi's past. He hated having to be the one to tell the other one off when they fought but they were two of the people he cared about most in the world, and neither of them realised that when they hurt each other they were actually hurting him, too.
"I'm sorry." Demi said, looking down. She felt guilty, but more than she felt she should. She didn't feel bad for Callie, because to her Callie was a whore. She felt sorry for upsetting Bradin. She shouldn't slag Callie off in front of him, she is his girlfriend. And she also knew she felt more upset about this than she should because she wanted Bradin to like her back, and it wasn't going to happen when she upset him. "I shouldn't have called Callie a whore," Demi continued when Bradin said nothing, "but… I hate seeing you like this, when she's making you feel guilty. I care about you, Bradin, and I don't like when she does this to you. I take back what I said, calling her a whore, but I still mean the rest of it. She does know what she's doing, Bradin, please bear that in mind."
"Yeah. Thanks." Bradin replied quietly. "But, please, don't call Callie a whore or fight with her, because I have to get in the middle then. And please don't think I only mean you because I've gotten angry at Callie before for saying things about you. I care about you too, Dem, but I also care about her. And I don't like seeing two people I care about fighting or slagging each other off. Ok?"
"Ok." Demi decided not to talk anymore about Callie, because she couldn't guarantee that her mouth wouldn't run away with her again, she couldn't help not liking Callie but didn't want Bradin to have to witness it. "Well, I'm going to bed. Just because I stayed up later than usual doesn't mean Sean will wake up any later." They both stood up and made their way into the warm house as they spoke, quilts wrapped tightly around them.
"Well, why don't I wake up with Sean in the morning? I haven't exactly been pulling my weight lately." Bradin offered as he took both of their mugs to the sink and began washing them, as Demi laid her quilts out on the already unfolded bed.
"How will you be able to hear him from your room. Even if I woke up and took him to you it would still involve me waking up." Demi chuckled quietly as she got into bed.
"I'll sleep down here then." Bradin said nonchalantly.
"Well, ok." Demi said, surprised. She honestly didn't mind getting up with her son, but still appreciated Bradin going out of his way so much to give her a break. "I'd like to see the look on Derrick's face in the morning when he wakes up to me instead of you." Demi laughed as she climbed out of bed.
"Come on, Dem, I thought you said you didn't care." Bradin teased, smiling at her. Demi didn't have a clue what he was talking about.
"What do you mean?"
"You said you didn't care what others think we should act like. And besides, you're freezing," Bradin pointed out, resting the back of his hand on her cheek for a second, "two quilts have got to be better than one, right?" He didn't wait for a response, but started laying down his quilt on top of Demi's.
"B-but what about Callie?" Demi spluttered. She was stunned to see him acting so casually about all of this.
"I decided to listen to you. I'm not gonna let her keep tabs on me anymore. So what she doesn't know can't hurt her."
"Yeah, but Brae, there's a difference between just generally being close like hugs or whatever and actually sleeping together." Bradin simply laughed at this as he got settled at one end of the bed.
"You make it sound like we're gonna have sex or something, it's only to sleep." Demi argued her mouth to protest some more, then stopped herself. Why was she fighting it? She liked Bradin, but on the other hand, she didn't want to set herself up for heartbreak when she next saw him in Callie's arms. But he seemed to think it was pretty harmless, maybe she was blowing it out of proportion? Bradin seemed to sense her indecision and sighed.
"Would it be easier for you if I told you I'm going to call Callie in the morning and say maybe we should cool it for a while?" Demi's eyebrows rose at this news. "I'm going to talk to her first, of course, pull her up for keeping tabs, like you said, and tell her she should trust me. And then say maybe we should take a break for now and see how things are when we get back to Playa Linda. So, at the moment, I don't see how she could complain, even if she were to find out." Demi hesitated a moment longer.
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure." Bradin rolled his eyes and leaned over, taking her hand and pulling her onto the bed. "Now, if you don't get under the covers you're going to freeze your ass off. It is Kansas." Bradin laughed. So Demi obeyed. She just wondered how much sleep she was going to get tonight knowing he was right next to her.
Reviews are much appreciated! =) Or you could just wait 'til you read the next one and review them both at once... your choice =) I know it's a LOT of talking, and a bit awkward lol but I hope you enjoyed =)
