Finding Yourself

Author:Nightstar Productions(Nightstar Fury).

Rated: Mfor Mature.

Pairing:Toothless & Hiccup.

Disclaimer:I do not own the HTTYD movies, Dreamworks Dragons series.

Chapter 12: Tragedy.

Toothless didn't say anything further after what he did to Hiccup that he not only thought about what Stormfly had, but tried as well. He could see Hiccup's wide eyes after he said it, he could tell the boy was shocked to hear of it, Toothless closed his eyes sighing. What else could he say right now? He just admitted to Hiccup he'd tried to kill himself before. Toothless hadn't told anyone these facts about himself, not even his parents. But with Hiccup, he just had no limit. He could talk to him so easily.

"Toothless...You've...tried to hurt yourself?" Hiccup finally asked him after maybe 10 minutes of silence. Toothless only nodded to him once. "Why...You have...so much right now–..." Hiccup was cut off by Toothless sighing.

"It wasn't recent, Hiccup. I haven't tried in 2 years, it was when everything first happened..." Toothless remarked. "It was...a long time ago and I don't want to talk about it..." Toothless added quietly just as the doctor came in. Hiccup didn't understand, he wanted to know but yet he couldn't make Toothless tell him either.

"Good to see your awake son." The doctor greeted smiling. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Fine. Just want to get home and rest..." Toothless mumbled.

"Well when your parents get here to release you, you can go home. I came in to see if you were up for visitors...Apparently there is a bus load of kids from Berkian Academy parked outside...They want to see you but unfortunately they can't all come in here. So if you'd like...We'll let you outside in a wheelchair and you can see them and of course a nurse has to be with you." The doctor offered.

"Yeah I guess its fine...They must be on their way home and decided to stop..." Toothless sighed. The doctor nodded as he stepped outside the room a moment, then returned with a nurse who brought in a wheelchair for him. The doctor moved the IV bag to the back of the wheelchair hook then he and the nurse helped Toothless into the chair. "You coming, Hiccup?" Toothless asked him, snapping from his daze Hiccup nodded and got up to follow them out. Being wheeled out the main emergency room doors, the bus was easy to see. Tyr, and Fishlegs were standing with a group of others in the side field, their teacher too.

"Toothless! Hey man, you alright?" Tyr greeted as they reached the grass. The nurse locked the wheelchair and Toothless used his good hand to fist bump Tyr and Fishlegs.

"Still alive." Toothless chuckled.

"Good now that you're okay..." Fishlegs paused, "What the heck were you thinking! You could of been killed!"

"Legs, relax...I knew what I was doing." Toothless sighed.

"Aren't all of you supposed to be on your way home, its 3..." Hiccup stated.

"Wanted to check on Toothless first. And see if you wanted a ride home with us?" Cami smiled.

"I'm good. I told his parents I'd stay until they got here..." Hiccup replied calmly.

"I didn't need to be checked on, I'm in a hospital...checked constantly." Toothless rolled his eyes.

"No need to be hostile, Mr. Fury..." The nurse mentioned.

"Who is being hostile? It's a fact...Never mind...Look, guys...I'm touched you wanna check on me but I'm okay. Just waiting for my parents to get here so I can go home." Toothless smiled at them.

"When did you wake up?" Allie, rather Astrid asked.

Toothless shrugged, "Bout 20 minutes ago."

"Well we are glad you are alright, Tobias...Come along student, we have a 3 hour ride home." Mr. Fee smiled.

"His name is Toothless." Hiccup stated now, taking a few of them by surprise.

"Excuse me, Mr. Haddock?" Mr. Fee said.

"I said, his name is Toothless. You keep calling him Tobias even though you know its wrong. He only used Tobias so people wouldn't know his real name because he doesn't like it." Hiccup told them.

"But...the kids at the orphanage called him Tobias?" Astrid pointed out.

"Because that's just what the younger kids at the orphanage said because they couldn't say Toothless. It just stuck for me...But my name is actually Toothless Doragon-Fury." Toothless admitted.

"Oh, sorry then. We thought Toothless was just your nickname..." Heather admitted softly.

"Its fine. I asked to be called Tobias when I first got enrolled to Berkian Academy...But since the truth is out about where I came from and what not...So whatever. Tobias or Toothless, it doesn't matter to me." Toothless yawned.

"You should probably get back inside and get some more sleep. The pain meds are making you tired, Toothless." The nurse said.

"I've literally been asleep the last two hours...I'm fine." Toothless grumbled. Before the nurse could protest another car pulled up and a woman rushed out over to him.

"Toothless my boy! Oh thank Thor you're alright!" His mother exclaimed hugging him tightly. Toothless hissed in pain, "Oops sorry baby, I didn't mean to hug so hard. Are you okay?" Lilly asked gently now stroking his cheek.

"Yes, I'm fine mom." Toothless smiled as Lilly kissed his forehead while Markus came over with Celica, Elisa, and Eirik. "Hey dad." Toothless greeted.

"We came as fast as we could when Hayden called us." Markus smiled ruffling Toothless's hair.

"You guys weren't due here for another 30 minutes, did you break speed laws to get here?" Toothless questioned.

"Maybe a few..." Lilly giggled.

"Of course you did. Hayden told you I was fine, just sleeping." Toothless rolled his eyes.

"I'm your mother, I worry about my baby when I hear he almost went over the roof. What were you thinking sweetheart, you could of been killed..." Lilly panicked.

"Mom, seriously...I was fine. The drop from the roof of that building to the pavement isn't life threatening unless you land on your back or head. Everything else would just be a break, or sprain." Toothless grumbled, "Can we please just go home..." Toothless asked. Hiccup blinked a bit, how did Toothless know that fact perfectly? That the fall wouldn't have killed him as long as you didn't land on your back or head? Had he...tried? Snapping him from his thoughts was Lilly talking to him.

"Of course dear. Hayden would you like to ride with us, or on the bus with your friends?" Lilly asked gently.

"O–oh I wouldn't want to impose. I'm sure Toothless just wants to go home and rest...I can take the bus back." Hiccup smiled nervously.

"Nonsense boy. You wouldn't be imposing at all, besides...Isn't Toothless going to your house tonight for the sleep over?" Markus asked.

"W–well yes...but I figured with all this he'd want to relax at home." Hiccup replied.

"Its only my wrist, Hiccup...I'm okay. We never miss a sleep over. Ride home with us if you want. Give me someone to talk to on the ride." Toothless smiled.

"Well if you're sure, then alright...Let me just text my parents first, I'm sure they won't mind." Hiccup nodded.

"Alright then. We'll be seeing you tonight then, Hic." Tyr called as they all filed back on to the bus, waving from the window. Toothless and Hiccup waved back as the bus left the hospital parking lot and started back home. The nurse wheeled Toothless in with his family and Hiccup following behind texting his father while he did so to let him know he was riding home with Toothless and his family. It wasn't more than 25 minutes later after Toothless's parents had spoken to the doctor about care for Toothless's wrist, given them a prescription for oral pain killers, and told them to follow up with their family doctor in a week. After all that they got in to the van and headed back towards Berk.

On the ride back it was mostly silent since Toothless had his eyes closed and they all assumed he was sleeping, Hiccup kept sneaking glances at him but otherwise kept to himself. The 3 kids were in the way back listening to music or playing their video games. Toothless was deep in thought about everything, he wanted to tell Hiccup how he felt about him but things kept getting in the way and now this whole thing where he told Hiccup about his past with wanting to hurt himself. Toothless was thankful he had yet to mention to his parents yet. Another thing he loved about Hiccup, that the boy respected boundaries.

(3 Hours Later)

Finally reaching Berk around 6:30pm, Toothless's family stopped off at the house so he could pack his overnight bag and pain killers which he was allowed to take every 4 hours. He grabbed his clothes, charger, and a few games then they were back in the car headed to Hiccup's house. Once there, Valarie and Stephen came out to hug Hiccup right away. "Welcome home son, we were worried." Stephen said first.

"I told you in my text I was riding home with Toothless's family, then stopping at his house so he could get his sleep over stuff." Hiccup responded calmly.

"Oh we never got that one. Still glad you're home, Hayden. And how is Toothless doing?" Valarie asked as Toothless got out of the car smiling now.

"Doing great, Mrs. Haddock. Your son saved my life today." Toothless beamed happily.

"Tooth...No I didn't...I just pulled you back over the edge..." Hiccup blushed a bit.

"Don't even say that, Hiccup...With how much my arm hurt, I never would of gotten over alone. I would of fallen and been hurt worse if it weren't for you..." Toothless put his good arm over Hiccup's shoulders now smiling.

"Its true, Hayden saved my baby from getting seriously hurt. And I'm forever grateful for it." Lilly added now.

"Really...It was nothing...Have Tyr and Fishlegs shown up yet?" Hiccup asked his father.

"No son, not yet. Why not take Toothless upstairs and give them a call. Dinner should be here soon." Stephen said smiling, Hiccup nodded.

"Alright you have your pain meds son?" Toothless nodded to her, "If you need anything, do hesitate to call." Lilly reminded.

"I know mom, I'll be okay. I promise. Go home and relax, I'll see you tomorrow morning." Toothless hugged her, she nodded and then headed out smiling back in the car. Hiccup let Toothless upstairs and grabbed his phone but before going to call Tyr he saw a text from him and one from Fishlegs.

"So they comin?" Toothless asked as he put his stuff down in the corner.

"Not sure yet, just got a text from them both." Hiccup sat down on his bed to read them over, the one from Tyr said ::Hic, can't make it 2nite. Parents saw my grades and ain't happy so I'm grounded until I get it up...Totally sucks!:: "Well I guess Tyr is out, he got grounded..." Hiccup chuckled pulling up Fishleg's, ::Just u and Tooth 2nite, I'm sick. See ya Monday. -Legs:: "And so is Fishlegs, he's sick. Just us then." Hiccup smiled to Toothless. Oh were the Gods on his side today or what! He actually was alone with Hiccup tonight, and he'd have his chance to tell him how he felt if he could somehow summon the courage to do so.

Toothless would admit the only reason he hadn't told Hiccup yet was because they hadn't been alone, but now they finally were and by sheer luck. Toothless wouldn't get this chance again since anytime they hung out outside of school, Fishlegs and Tyr were with them but tonight...Fishlegs was sick and Tyr was grounded. This was literally the only night he could do it but he found himself afraid too because Hiccup could easily tell him to leave his house, could stop being his friend or a mountain or other things that could go either really good or really bad. And now that he had his chance...he didn't know what to say to tell him.

'Just relax Toothless, its okay...You just got out of the hospital, have a good time at the sleep over and worry about it later...Don't tell him right now, wait until later...' Toothless told himself slowly. "Well then what do we do first?" Toothless smiled calmly.

"Well I don't know how we're gonna game with your wrist like that...You can't hold a controller." Hiccup chuckled putting his phone down. Toothless mentally swore at himself, of course how could he forget so easily about his broken wrist. Them not being able to game made things a while lot harder because gaming is something that took up most of their night aside from the occasional movie or listening to music. So what could they do? Just talk. That would get boring fast. Since Toothless started in on the sleep overs, Tyr and Fishlegs had always been a part of it so they all always had something to do. But with it being just Hiccup and Toothless tonight and Toothless couldn't game, it made things a whole lot harder.

Before another suggestion could be made, there was a knock on the door. Hiccup reached over and opened it smiling as his parents stood there all dressed up nice. "Dinner just arrived, its on the table son." Stephen told him.

"Thanks mom and dad, where are you two going?" Hiccup asked gently.

"We're going out for a while, you two will be fine here I assume?" Stephen added.

"Of course dad, just gonna hang out with my friend. Tyr and Fishlegs aren't coming, Tyr got grounded and Fishlegs is sick so just Tooth and I tonight." Hiccup nodded.

"Alright, we'll be back later. No later than 11 I think. Have fun! We love you." Valarie kissed his forehead, and Stephen hugged him.

Hiccup hugged them both back smiling, "Love you guys too!" Hiccup said happily. Afterwards they left the room shutting Hiccup's door for him. "Okay, now it really is just us." Hiccup chuckled. "Well lets go eat, we can figure out what we're gonna do over dinner." Hiccup said, Toothless nodded with a smile as they both now left Hiccup's room and walked to the kitchen where there were two pizza boxes sitting on the table for them. His mother and father had just pulled away in the car, this was a first too that they were actually alone now. Usually parents were always present during the sleep overs in case someone got hurt or sick and needed to go home. Hiccup got two paper plates from the cupboard and handed one to Toothless, then they opened the boxes. There was one cheese and one pepperoni.

They both grabbed a slice of each and sat down at the small dining room table to eat, it was silent between them for a few minutes. Yeah this was awkward. If Tyr and Fishlegs had been there they'd be neck deep in games and weird conversations that your prayed your parents didn't find out you were talking about. Finally Hiccup cleared his throat getting Toothless's attention. "You know Tooth, you still owe me a song." Hiccup smiled.

"Excuse me?" Toothless blinked almost choking on his pizza.

"Remember, on the bus? You promised at tonight's sleep over you'd sing." Hiccup chuckled.

"But I did sing, on the bus in front of everyone." Toothless protested softly.

"That didn't count! You thought you were lip syncing. Come on, I wanna hear the real voice. You promised..." Hiccup pushed further. Toothless was about to say something else but realized Hiccup was right, Toothless had promised him he would. Great.

"Fine..." Toothless mumbled.

"Sweet!" Hiccup cheered, Toothless chuckled hearing his excitement about it. Did he really wanna hear his voice that bad? "What song you gonna do?" Hiccup asked.

"Doesn't matter to me. You pick it." Toothless shrugged. Hiccup nodded as he rushed in to the living room and began filing through the music on his phone, Toothless wandered in after him seeing Hiccup plug his phone into the speaker system and start looking again. "Can you do country?" Hiccup asked.

"Depends on the artist." Toothless shrugged.

"How about...rap?" Hiccup questioned.

"Depends on the artist. Some I like, some I don't." Toothless replied.

"Love songs?" Hiccup pressed.

"Hiccup if I have to say it one more time, I'm gonna punch you." Toothless grumbled.

"Hah, got one that not many can do. Lets see you impress me, Tooth." Hiccup grinned pressing play and sat back on the couch. As soon as Toothless heard the song and quickly shut it off taking Hiccup by surprise.

"Anything...but that one." Toothless said slowly.

"You don't know it?" Hiccup asked.

"No. Just...brings up memories that I don't want to remember..." Toothless stated closing his eyes.

"Oh, sorry man. I didn't know..." Hiccup frowned as he kept scrolling through music, now finding himself curious about what Toothless meant. He reached the end of his list and shrugged, "I got nothing." Hiccup shrugged at him, Toothless took his out and handed it to him.

"Over 2,000 songs. I'm sure you can find something in there." Toothless chuckled, Hiccup docked Toothless's phone in the station and began scrolling through the music, he accidentally hit the play list button and saw the different things Toothless had labeled there. Curious, Hiccup pressed inspirational and scrolled the songs until he spotted one that made him tilt his head. Some of these he didn't even recognize, but did find one he though would be interesting to hear Toothless sing. Hiccup hit the play button and stepped back again.

Toothless sighed closing his eyes, of course Hiccup would play that one. He took a deep breath as the music began. "This world, this world is cold. But you don't, you don't have to go. You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely. And no one seems to care. You're mother's gone and your father hits you. This pain you cannot bear..."

"But we all bleed the same way as you do...And we all have the same things to go through!..." He paused taking another breath. "Hold on! If you feel like letting go. Hold on! it gets better than you know." Hiccup was to say the least incredibly surprised. But unknown to Toothless, Hiccup was recording him with his phone. He was definitely showing this to Tyr and Fishlegs on Monday morning.

"Days, you say they're way too long. And your nights, you can't sleep at all. Hold on. And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more. And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more..." Toothless continued to sing, his eyes never opened however.

"But we all bleed the same way as you do...And we all have the same things to go through!..." Another breath, "Hold on! If you feel like letting go. Hold on! It gets better than you know. Don't stop looking, you're one step closer! Don't stop searching, it's not over! Hold on..." Toothless sang out.

"What are you looking for? What are you waiting for?...Do you know, what you're doing to me? Go ahead, what are you waiting for?! Hold on! If you feel like letting go. Hold on! It gets better than you know! Don't stop looking, you're one step closer! Don't stop searching...ITS NOT OVER!" Toothless clenched his fists a bit. "Hold on! If you feel like letting go. Hold on! It gets better than you know...Hold on!" Toothless finished as the music did, he panted a few times catching his breath. Hiccup stopped the recording and put the phone down before Toothless looked his way.

"Geeze, Toothless. That was awesome...its like you feel what the artist is feeling. What kind of song was that?" Hiccup asked as he paused the music so it wouldn't start again.

"A suicide prevention one. Artist was Good Charlotte, one of my favorite bands. They are pretty good a revealing the emotions of the song. Its one that tells you not to give up, to keep holding on because things will get better." Toothless stated calmly. Hiccup blinked a few times, that wasn't the answer he had been expecting.

"But you sing it so well, like you know how it feels..." Hiccup began.

"I do. I told you...I've been there before." Toothless remarked. "And no...I still don't want to talk about it." Toothless mumbled out.

"Hey, its your business. I won't make you tell me bud. So what's next for us? Wanna watch a movie or something?" Hiccup asked with a smile. Toothless nodded now as hurried to get a movie from Hiccup's room, then returned to the living room and popped it in. Hiccup flipped off the lights and brought in the pizza, as well some popcorn then the movie began. This went on for hours until around 12:30pm, just watching movies together. Currently now, the two sat there watching Major Payne, one of the funniest movies Toothless had ever seen so far but all the while he was still thinking about Hiccup and how to tell him how he felt.

'Just...tell him. Say it and get it over with...' Toothless thought, he looked over to see Hiccup on his phone. "Hayden. There's...something I have to tell you..." Toothless began, Hiccup looked over at him with a smile as he put his phone down now.

"What is it Tooth?" Hiccup asked calmly.

"I–I'm..." He was cut off by a knocking on the door.

"Oh...hold that thought." Hiccup said getting up and moving towards the door, Toothless sighed. Always an interruption at a time like this. Hiccup opened the door and saw their science teacher there, Greg Borgeson. "Mr. Borgeson?...What are...you doing here?" Hiccup trailed off slowly and clearly confused. Hearing the name, Toothless got up and walked over to see him there and blinked in confusion himself.

"Ello there lad...Uh...May I...come in?" The teacher known as Gobber asked calmly. Toothless didn't like this, Gobber looked like hell as if he'd been crying because of his red and puffy eyes. Something was wrong about this, why would he be here at 12:30 at night?

"Of course." Hiccup said as he moved aside to let their teacher in, Hiccup closed the door afterwards. "Would you like to...sit down?" Hiccup asked him.

"No, thank you..." Gobber replied slowly.

"Alright...Is...everything okay? Its...12:30 at night and you're...standing in my house." Hiccup began, becoming a bit nervous.

"Hayden...You...you might want to sit down for this...Uh...I–I'm afraid I've got...some bad news." Gobber started slowly, the smile on Hiccup's face dropped now and Toothless noticed it right away. Gobber was using Hiccup's real name when even in school he used the nickname Hiccup instead, this was serious and Toothless didn't like it.

"Mr. Borgeson you are starting to freak me out...What is going on?" Hiccup asked quickly. Toothless saw the look in his teacher's eyes, it was very sad and full of dread. And then Toothless figured it out. Hiccup's parents were due home at 11pm, and they were an hour and 30 minutes late. Now their teacher was at the house saying there was bad news and Hiccup needed to sit down.

"Hayden, there...was an accident involving your parents..." Gobber began. Hiccup's eyes widened in fear.

"WHAT! Oh my Gods...Y–you have to take to see them...Please! Right now!" Hiccup began to panic but Gobber grabbed his shoulder before he could run off to get his shoes. Toothless was scared too, hearing his parents had been in an accident made him worry a lot but he saw the look in Gobber's eyes again, pure pain. And he knew what Gobber was going to say but he prayed to the Gods he was wrong.

"...I'm so sorry...Gods I'm so sorry, Hayden...Yer parents...didn't survive the accident. Th–they're gone..." Gobber cried now. Hiccup seemed to freeze instantly, his eyes widening in horror. His parent were...gone. They were...dead? It was at that moment, his entire world seemed to crash down before him and as such...Hiccup dropped to his knees and tears fell freely from his forest green eyes. Toothless didn't know what to do, his best friend, the man he loved just found out his parents were dead. Gobber only lowered his head crying as Toothless did the only thing he could do. He wrapped Hiccup in his arms and hugged him tightly, Hiccup turned in to his chest and cried out in pain. A cry Toothless never wanted to hear again. He listened as Hiccup yelled out loudly, slamming his fists in to Toothless's chest begging for it not to be true. Toothless felt tears prick his own eyes as he held Hiccup tighter, what else could he do but be there for him.