Hello, my lovely readers! I guess most of you saw my Authors Note. So my final decision is to keep this story on and continue it until I finish it. I have found my muse again. But there will be some changes to my story. I am going to go back and edit the old chapters. So there will be some changes in the story, just an FYI for you. But other than that I have nothing else to say so… On with the chapter!
Disclaimer- I own my characters and nothing else.
Chapter 11
Dream
I refused to look into the eyes of the silver wolf standing in front of me. I started breathing heavily. I could hear my heart beating wildly in my chest. I was too scared to move. But I still did not dare to look up. It growled but this time it sounded much closer. I finally looked into the deep brown eyes of the wolf. I had seen those eyes before, but I couldn't place them. The eyes of the wolf looked frightened for a moment. It suddenly growled at me. I whimpered in response. It looked as if it were getting ready to pounce at me. More growls chorused from behind the silver one. It was a whole pack of horse sized wolves. I looked at the silver wolf again just as it lunged at me.
I shot straight up into a sitting position on my bed. It had been the second time that I had that dream. I took deep breaths trying to calm my racing heart. I looked over at the time. The bright red numbers blinked 5:47 A.M. I took one more deep breath before getting out of my warm bed. I sighed as I remembered that today was the day that I would speak to Alex. I grabbed my towels and walked to the restroom to take a shower.
~ (0-0) ~
After my shower I put on some dark ripped skinny jeans and a light grey sweater along with my black and white converse. I sat at my vanity did my makeup. Not like caking it on like some of the girls at school, but just enough to cover my scratches and the bags underneath my eyes. I put a bit of mascara and eyeliner on. I brushed my hair and left it to air dry. I slowly made my way to Jayden's room. I poked my head inside the door to see him already getting up and making his bed.
"Brother," I ask in alarm.
"Good Morning hermana, did you sleep well," he asked as he finished up making his bed.
"Si did you," I replied as soon as I recovered from my shock.
"Yeah I did, well I'm going to go shower," he said as he slipped past me. I stood there for a few moments dumfounded. I smiled before walking back to my room. I checked the clock before I stretched out on my bed. We had about an hour before school started. About thirty minutes later the doorbell rang. I walked down stairs and opened the door.
"Good Morning babe," Paul said as he leaned down for a kiss.
"Good Morning, how did you sleep," I asked as I kissed him back, before letting him in.
"Good, how did you sleep," he asked as he pulled my into a warm embrace.
"Erm, it could have been better," I replied as I rested my head on his chest. I could hear the murmur of his heart beat.
"What do you mean it could have been better," he questioned as he pulled back a bit so he could look at my face.
"Just a bad dream, that's all," I said trying to sound optimistic.
"Well are you going to tell me what it was about," he looked down expectantly at me.
"Just a dream, nothing bad I promise," I reassured him as pulled out of our embrace. I heard him groan in annoyance.
"Hermano are you ready," I called up the stairs. I looked back at Paul leaning against the wall. I waited patiently against the wall mimicking Paul. A few minutes later his footsteps pounded down the stairs followed by a scream. I watched with wide eyes as my brother tumbled down the stairs, crashing into me.
I groaned as my brother's weight crushed me. The weight was suddenly lifted off of me so I could breathe again. I was lifted up by strong warm arms. I stared into the eyes of Paul as he scanned me for injuries.
"I'm fine," I laughed as I brushed him off of me.
"I'm so sorry sister," Jayden said as he tried to hide his chuckles.
"It's okay, just tie your shoes," I said while dusting the invisible dirt off of my jeans. I looked up at Paul and saw him frowning at my arm. I looked down realizing that my arm was exposed, revealing the fresh scars that covered my arm. I quickly pushed my sleeves down so my brother wouldn't see. "We should get going," I said before grabbing my house keys and wallet. Jayden walked past me still laughing at the incident from earlier.
"We are talking about this after we drop your brother off," Paul growled angrily as he walked past me to his truck. I looked at the ground ashamed that he saw.
~ (0-0) ~
The car ride to the school was awkward. I fiddled with my hands in my lap. I was beyond terrified. When we parked Jayden quickly got out with a quick goodbye. I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes. My heart increased as he put his arm behind my seat to look to see if there were any cars behind us. I looked at him from the corner of my eye. Bad thoughts coursed through my mind. I was terrified with the thought of him hitting me or looking at me with disgust. I swallowed loudly when he pulled over on the side of the road. My heart was caught in my throat as he turned off the truck. I watched as his hands tightened on the steering wheel.
"Are you going to just sit there or are you going to ask me the question that you have been pondering in your head," I asked when I found the courage.
"What the hell are you doing Laryssa, why the hell would you harm your body like that? You are so fucking stupid. Your body loves and takes care of you. Can't you fucking see that," he questioned me angrily as he turned towards me.
"Don't you dare say I'm stupid. Don't you think I know what I do to my body is wrong. Don't you think that I wanna stop? I know my body takes care of me. But you don't know the pain of what I go through Paul! I need a release and this is what it happens to be," I replied though clenched teeth as I clenched and unclenched my fists. I could feel the tears burning behind my eyes but I pushed them down. I refuse to cry in front of him anymore. Ten minutes of dreadful silence and he still didn't speak. "I can't take this anymore," I said as I bit back the tears. I felt like I was suffocating in the truck. I opened the truck door, jumped out and slammed the door.
"Laryssa, you can't just keep walking away every time there is a problem," Paul yelled as he got off of the truck. I stopped and sat on the side of the road.
"I just need to breathe Paul," I said as I rested my head on my knees. "Just give me a god damn second to breathe."
"I want you to stop," he said stopping in front of me. Ignoring what I asked him to do.
"Get in line," I muttered in between taking breaths. I kept taking deep breaths trying to keep the tears in. I could hear the voices start in my head. Worthless. Bitch. It's your fault. Whore. Weak. Just die already.
"Laryssa… God damn it Laryssa answer me," I heard Paul shout as he shook me.
"What," I asked shrinking away from his touch.
"I asked why," he muttered looking at me softly.
"Memories… I just need a release. This just happens to be it," I whispered as I hugged my knees closer to me.
I flinched as he sat next to me. "I'm not going to hurt you," he whispered as he pulled me closer to him. I could feel the heat coming though his gray shirt. "I just don't want you to do this anymore. Your brother can't lose you. I c… c... can't even think about losing you. Please don't do this anymore. Promise me," he said as he hugged me closer to him. I looked up at him. I saw nothing but sincerity.
"I'll throw them away. I'll try my best not to. Just please don't tell anyone," I said shakily as I buried my head into his shirt.
"I can't promise that. But I'm going to help you," he said as he stood up with me. "Come on, we need to go to Emily's," he said as we walked back to his truck. We got in and headed to Emily's. The rest of the ride was spent in silence, nothing but my thoughts coursing through my mind. The most popular one was; what's so special about me?
~ (0-0) ~
When we arrived at Emily's and Sam's house I was in awe. It was a medium size wooden cabin with a small garden in the front and trees surrounding the house. It was a beautiful house. I didn't notice Paul get out and open my door.
"Babe," he questioned as he looked at me worriedly. I gave him a small smile as he helped me down. He closed the truck door and intertwined our fingers. We walk in and I am greeted by a little body throwing themselves at my legs. I quickly let go of Paul's hand and hug Oliver's small body closer to mine.
"He's been missing you," Emily said as she walked over to us as she hugged me and guided me to her table so I could sit down with Oliver.
"I know he won't shut up. Jeez we get enough of that from Paul," Embry joked as he devoured the eggs on his plate.
"Shut up Embry," Paul grumbled as he sat down next to me loading eggs on a plate. I smiled at Paul.
"Laryssa, do you mind feeding him," Emily asked me as she cracked more eggs in a pan.
"Of course not, no worries Emily I've got him," I said as I shifted Oliver on my lap so he sat side ways facing Paul. "What do you want to eat pequeño? How about some eggs," I suggested. He nodded happily. I scooped some eggs onto a plate. I started to feed him.
"What did you call him," Sam asked me as he sat at the head of the table.
"Pequeño, it means little one," I answered with a small smile. I didn't notice Oliver stretch forward and grab a piece of bacon off of Paul's plate and start nibbling on it.
"What are you going to do about that Paul," Embry teased. I looked away from Sam and noticed Paul staring at Oliver.
"What did he do," I asked.
"First he steals my women, now he's stealing my food," he grumbled as pleaded with his brown eyes.
"You have a whole plate full of food Paul. It's only two pieces that are missing," I said innocently.
"Oliver only took one," he said confused.
"Yeah well I took one too," I smiled as I took a piece of his bacon. He looked at me feigned a hurt expression.
"Okay everyone let this be a day to remember that Paul didn't get pissed because someone stole his food," Embry shouted with a piece of bacon in his hair.
"Shut the hell up Embry and learn how to eat without getting food in your hair," Paul growled at him.
"Language! Also you're not a dog so don't growl," I said as I smacked his arm. I was startled when everyone started laughing. "Was it something I said?"
After the laughter died down Sam stood up and announced that they had to go. Paul stood up and looked down at me. I smiled before setting Oliver on his empty chair and standing up to. He wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me closer to him.
"I'll see you in a few hours or so," he said as he pressed a kiss to my forehead. I nodded before giving him a quick kiss. He let go of me and I felt the coldness wrap around me. I watched along with Emily as they walked out of the house.
"Are you done eating Oliver," I asked as I bent down to his level. I nodded his head and ran to the living room. I watched as Emily started to clean up so I started helping her.
"Laryssa, you don't have to help me," she scolding me playfully.
"I don't mind, honestly. How was he last night?" I asked her as I scooped Embry's crumbs into the trash.
"He couldn't sleep at first last night. After a while I wrapped him in my arms and he fell asleep. He's really adorable. I can't fathom why someone wouldn't want him," she said as she furrowed her eyebrows.
"Some people are just cruel."
~ (0-0) ~
I watched as Emily pulled out the muffins from the oven. They were gigantic.
"What is your dream job Emily," I asked as I took a sip of the fresh sweet tea.
"Honestly I've always wanted to be a baker. What about you Laryssa, what do you want to do after you graduate high school," she questioned looking at me.
"I love singing, my dad used to tell me that I could make it big. But I just don't think that singing is the right career path for me. So I would say a pediatrician or therapist," I said looking at the rim of the cup. I was interrupted from my thoughts when I saw Embry, a guy and some girl walk in. She had brown hair and brown doe eyes. Her eyes narrowed a bit when she saw me.
"You guys hungry? Like I have to ask… Who's this," Emily asked as she placed a plate of muffins in front of the two boys now seated at the table.
"Bella Swan… Who else would she be?" the guy said as he faced us and rolled his eyes. I smiled slightly and excused myself and went to get Oliver. I can still hear them faintly talking, but I cannot decipher what they are saying. I picked up Oliver and hitched him on my hip. I walked back to the dining room just as Paul turned around and faced me. He smirked before grabbing a muffin and digging in. I rolled my eyes at him and flicked his ear. I looked around the room and saw Emily and Sam together, and then I saw Jake. I grinned at him before I went to give him a hug.
"Jeez Laryssa, haven't seen you in a while. Have you met Bella yet?" he asked as he pulled away from our hug. I shook my head no. "Bells this is Laryssa, Laryssa this is Bella," he said introducing the two of us.
"Nice to meet you Bella," I said plastering a smile on my face as Oliver tugged at my hair.
"Likewise, is he yours," she snipped while gesturing to Oliver in my arms. As soon as she uttered those words the room went deathly silent.
"No he is not," I said in an even tone. I didn't like the tone she used at all. I heard a chair scrape the floor and footsteps walk toward me. I felt Paul grab Oliver from me and guide me to his seat. He sat down first and pulled me into his lap. As soon as I sat with Paul I felt strangely calmer.
"How was your day with Emily and Oliver," Paul asked me as he placed Oliver on the ground.
"It was really amazing. How was your day with the guys," I asked as I felt his arms wrap around me so he could finish his muffin. I tried to move but he pulled me back down.
"It was fine, I had a fight with Jacob but we sorted it out," he said as he rested his head on my shoulder. I looked up and noticed Bella and Jake left. Then I saw Emily and Sam in the kitchen sharing a muffin.
"Not even going to introduce me properly to your girlfriend?" the guy asked with a frown as he looked at Paul and I.
"Laryssa this idiot is my best friend Jared, that's Kim's boyfriend. There I introduced her to you." he said in a bored as he finished his muffin.
Jared rolled his eyes but held out his hand for me to shake. "Nice to meet you Laryssa, do you mind if I call you Ryssa instead of Laryssa?"
"Not at all and nice too meet you too," I said shaking his hand and smiling.
"Come on babe we are going to go somewhere," Paul said as he looked at me.
~ (0-0) ~
I stared at the beach in front of me. I was nestled against Paul as we sat in the sand together.
"It's so peaceful out here," I muttered as I broke the silence. He didn't say anything. I gently grabbed his palm. I started to trace shapes and letters on his palm.
"Why do you do that?" he asked looking down at my finger tracing stuff in his palms. I quickly stopped because I thought it was bothering him. "You didn't have to stop," he said frowning.
"I used to do it to Jayden when he was tense," I said as I continued to trace him palm.
"Laryssa, can I see them please." He asked as he pulled me closer to him as if he was shielding me from this cruel world. I stopped tracing and closed my eyes preparing myself. I slowly nodded. He set me on his lap so I was sideways. I was beyond terrified. I slowly pushed up my sweater sleeve. I looked at all the fresh and old scars that marred my skin. I felt him gently pick up my arm and look at my arm. I kept my head down; I could feel the tears stinging behind my eyes. I was embarrassed to be showing him. Pull your arms back. Run away. Don't show your pain! When I finally had the courage I pushed the thoughts down, I looked at his face. There wasn't one trace of disgust on his face. He started to trace the old scars on my arm. I wanted to yank my arm away from him but I kept it there. Breathe he won't hurt you. He stopped and looked over at me.
"Do they hurt," he asked as he set my arm down.
"No, they sting for awhile but no they don't hurt anymore," I replied as I pushed my sweater sleeve down. "What time is it?"
"I'm not sure, why?"
"So we know when to go get Jayden. Are you still going with me later to Battle of the Bands?"
"As long as you want me there with you, I'll be there."
"I'm still not sure if it's a good idea to go. I feel as it will do more harm than good."
"You will never know if you don't try. Who knows you and him might work everything out. If not, then it wasn't meant to be."
"I guess so. What are we going to for the rest of the day?"
"I'm hungry."
~ (0-0) ~
"Is your stomach full," I ask as I look out the front window of Paul's truck.
"Yes it is. Laryssa what are you gonna say to Alex tonight?"
"I haven't thought much on it. I just have a bad feeling about tonight that's all."
"Do you still want to go tonight?" He asked as he parked into the school parking lot. We still had 5 minutes until the bell rang.
"I do still want to go. I guess I'm just terrified." I replied as I turned to face him. "Okay. And Paul?" I questioned.
"Hmmm?" he answered. I looked at him before scooting over next to him. I wrapped my arms around his arm and rested my head on his arm.
"Thank you." I said as the bell rang and students poured out. I watched Jayden look around before he spotted the truck. He walked to the truck and got in. I started to scoot back to the passenger seat but Paul stopped me. I looked up at him questionably but he ignored my glances at him. "How was school, Hermano?"
"Same old same old. How was your guys' day?" he asked as Paul started backing up.
Paul cut in before I could answer.
"Well Oliver decided today that he wanted to take your sister from me and take my food," Paul grumbled.
"He only took one piece of bacon Paul, not your whole plate," I said laughing
"Well he still took you," he said pouting. I rolled my eye but still smiling at him.
"Soo um sister, can I maybe stay the night at Seth's house?"
"Do you have any homework? Who's going to be there? Any drugs or alcohol? Are you going to sneak out and see girls?" I asked the usual routine.
"Nope. Seth, Collin, Brady, Leah and Sue. With Sue and Leah there, really? Oh don't give me that look sister. Totally hermana we are going to go to a big party. Rys you do know all we do is play video games," Jay said looking at me.
"Jay you know why I ask these questions. I just need to make sure your safe. So just humor me when I ask please," I said looking back at him.
"Yeah, yeah sister. So can I go?"
"Yes brother you can."
"Bye sister. See you tomorrow. Don't stress with talking to Alex. If you guys never talk again it wasn't meant to be. I love you sister." Jay said as he ran out to Sue's car.
"Laryssa what's up with all the questions you were asking him? Why don't you let him be a teenager?" Paul asked from the couch.
"I just need to ask. He's a responsible teenager, don't get me wrong I trust him and everything but I just want to make sure he's safe." I said sitting next to him.
"I see Rys. Do you want to finish the Rings movie," he asked teasingly. I narrowed my eyes at him before smacking him playfully across the chest.
~ (0-0) ~
"Will you relax Rys? You're going to be okay. I am going to be with you." Paul muttered from the driver seat.
"What if he doesn't show Paul?" I asked as I bit my nail anxiously.
"Then it's his loss." He replied simply as he grabbed my hand and kissed it.
"Turn left here Paul."
I sighed as the familiar building came up into my view. To say I was nervous was an understatement of the century. I was so freaking terrified. I took a deep breath as Paul parked. I waited as Paul came around to my side. He opened the door and helped me down. I heard the familiar music blare from the building.
"Are you ready to go in? Or do you want to wait a few moments?" Paul asked quietly. I closed my eyes for a moment. After I came out of this building whether or not I talked to Alex my life would change. I sighed before opening my eyes, grabbing Paul's warm hand and walking to the door. There was a line that went into the building. I pulled Paul to the front ignoring the 'Hey's' and 'wait your turn's. I spotted the familiar brilliant blue hair by the entrance.
"Hey Dan," I said smiling at the bright blue haired man.
"Jesus Laryssa, got you a man? He's pretty damn buff too. Not to mention a fine piece of ass," Dan said looking over Paul appreciatively. I smiled widely as I looked up at Paul and he looked absolutely baffled.
"Yes Dan. Back off love, I got him first." I said jokingly.
"Damn it, Well darlin have fun in there. I haven't see emo yet, but I'm sure I'll see him soon." Dan said as he let Paul and me through the door.
The lights were blinding at first but I got used to them. I looked around for Alex but I didn't see him anywhere. I spotted an empty booth and I pulled Paul to it. After we were seating, I finally looked up at Paul.
"So how was it getting hit on by a gay man?" I asked Paul as glared down at me
"Laryssa we aren't ever going to speak about this again."
"Awh Paul isn't that a good thing. I mean it shows you that you're attractive to the same sex. I mean I know your appealing to —," I was cut off abruptly by Paul smashing his lips to mine. I felt butterflies swirl in my stomach, leaving me breathless and tingly.
"Well Rys, am I attractive to you?" he asked grinning turning the tables on me.
"Duh Paul anyone could see that," I said.
"But do you?" he said with that stupid grin on his face.
"Yes Paul, you are attractive to me."I said looking at him from my eyelashes. I rolled my eyes as his grin got bigger. He pulled me closer to his side and left little kisses along the side of my face. I giggled and pulled away looking around for the bands faces; I didn't see them.
"Laryssa?" a familiar voice questioned. I looked up meeting the green eyes of Xavier. Xavier is the drummer for Alex's band Desolated Memories.
"Xavier? Shouldn't you be getting ready to go onset?" I asked him in shock.
"Didn't that asshole tell you?" he muttered angrily.
"Erm I don't have any clue on what you're talking about." I said confused. I felt a warm comforting hand grasp mine as I waited for him to answer me.
"Alex quit the band this morning," Xavier said harshly before leaving the booth. I looked at his retreating figure until I could no longer see him.
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "We should go Paul. There's nothing for me to fix here anymore." I followed him as he led me out of the booth, then out of the building. I knew something like this would happen. Why would he ask me here to talk, then not show? I shook those thoughts from my head. I focused on the good memories.
"Rys? Are you okay?" Paul asked as he opened the truck door. I looked into his warm deep brown eyes. I smiled before placing my hand on his cheek.
"No, I'm not okay. But I will be. Just like you and my brother said it wasn't meant to be." He nodded slowly and kissed my hand.
~ (0-0) ~
The drive back to my place was spent in silence. Paul never let go of my hand. It brought warmth and comfort to me. I knew when I got home it would just be me. I felt the truck be put into park as we pulled into my drive way. From my peripheral vision I saw open his mouth then close it.
"You know when we walked in to that place I knew when I walked out I would either have Alex as my best friend again or I would leave without him as my friend. I hoped that it would be the first choice. It's crazy on how a friendship that had lasted six years can crumble in a few days just because of the words that were said." I said looking at my house blankly. I knew it was my fault. All I wanted was them to stop fighting. But these few days had given me some insight to Paul. He wasn't horrible as some people made him out to be.
"Rys, I am sure that everything's going to work out. Are you going to be alone tonight?" Paul questioned me with worried eyes.
"Yeah, but I don't mind. Sometime to myself," I said with a small smile edging closer to him.
"You're going straight to bed?" he asked looking wearily at my house.
"I suppose so." I said while glancing at his lips.
"Do you want me to stay with you?" he muttered finally looking at me.
"No Paul, I'm going to be fine. Now are you going to keep asking me questions or are you going to kiss me or leave me here staring at your lips dumbly?" I questioned while smirking. He smiled as he leaned in closing the distance between us. I felt warmth radiate throughout my whole body as he pulled me closer. I put my arms around his neck pulling slightly on his hair. I smiled into the kiss as he pulled me even closer. I finally broke away because I needed air.
"You should be more demanding often."
~ (0-0) ~
I heard Paul's truck finally leave. I leaned against the door smiling widely. I loved how his kisses left me feeling breathless with butterflies. Or when he holds me shivers go down my spine. For once I felt giddy and like a carefree teenager. It was amazing. I sighed softly and ran up stairs.
I looked at a picture of my dad and I. I took it from my dresser and walked to the window. I opened it and looked at the stars.
"Oh, Daddy I miss you so much." I whispered to the stars. "I wish you were here with me and Jayden. I miss the sound of your voice and the smell of your cologne. I miss your hugs. They've always made me feel safe. I miss our late night outings to look at the stars, or how you would tell me the legends. God I miss you so much. I would give anything for you to be here. I hope you're looking down from the heavens and understanding every decision I make is for the best; for Jayden at least. I love you daddy and I miss you so much. I hope you're at peace," I said with silent tears cascading down my face. I kissed my necklace and glanced at the stars one more time before closing the window.
I wiped my face before changing into my night clothes. It felt good to speak out to my dad. I hoped he at least heard it. I turned off the lights and got into my squeaky bed. I closed my eyes and disappeared into dream world, unaware that Paul's eyes and ears had witnessed my words to my dad.
