Chapter 12 – Imprint Problems
"I'm leaving."
I glanced up from the order sheet I'd been looking at to view Embry standing in front of me.
"What?" I asked. I had to really focus on Embry. It wasn't easy. Ever since Claire and I had been having issues, it was hard to focus on anything.
He looked awful. In fact, I hadn't seen Embry look this bad since he first imprinted. A couple of months ago, Rebecca had come back for a few weeks to visit. Embry had been so ecstatic the entire time she had been here except for when Ian had shown up for a couple of days. Even after Rebecca had gone home, Embry had finally seemed a little bit more content with his life. Now he looked like he had just been raked over the pits of Hell.
"I'm leaving," Embry repeated, looking slightly insane.
"What happened?" I questioned, putting aside the clipboard.
"Rachel just told me that Rebecca and her husband are expecting their first baby."
I sucked in my breath. Having major problems with my own imprint right now, I could definitely sympathize. But this was something so much worse than I ever had to deal with.
"What are you going to do, Embry?" I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. He looked tortured.
"I'm going to leave La Push for awhile. I just can't take it anymore. Every time I see Paul and Rachel…Rachel reminds of Rebecca. I can't handle it. I thought when she was here last…I thought there was hope…and I…I just can't be here anymore," Embry finally got out desperately and I saw the tears in his eyes.
"How long will you be gone," I wondered feeling sick for him.
"Not sure. A few weeks…years, maybe. I just can't live my life this way anymore. I keep hoping that every time she comes back things will be different. There's no reason to hope anymore. She's got her life and I've got to get mine."
I nodded, "I'll take care of the garage, maybe see if Seth wants to join our partnership. Will you at least let me know when you get settled somewhere?"
"Yeah," Embry said. I leaned in and gave him a quick comforting hug and then he turned and left.
Although I felt Embry's pain as though it were my own, I couldn't help but let my mind drift to my own problems. I squeezed the bridge of my nose to try to relieve the tension. I had a nagging pain through my whole body. It was like a dull headache that was always there. It had been like this for seven months; ever since Claire had kissed me.
Things had gone from bad to worse between us during that time. Ever since Claire had overheard me telling Emily that I wasn't romantically interested in her, Claire no longer attempted to flirt with me. She didn't even acknowledge me if she could help it. We didn't talk on the phone anymore, and she never came to La Push unless she had to.
I still went up to Makah on occasion to watch football or baseball games on TV with Ronnie. Sometimes if Claire didn't know in advance that I would be there, I would occasionally see her rush by whatever room I was in before she would leave.
If she knew I'd be there though, she was never there. It was so incredibly painful to be ignored by her that I would have preferred to not go up to Makah at all. But it would have been too weird if I suddenly stopped having contact with the family after all these years, so I continued to go up there and suffered in silence.
Ronnie and Stacy of course noticed the tension between me and Claire, but Emily had explained to them that Claire had had a crush on me and I had told her I wasn't able to return her feelings. While they sympathized with their daughter, they had told me they didn't hold Claire's "little schoolgirl crush" against me, and because I was just as much a part of their family now as Sam was, I was welcome at their house anytime.
Still the pain I felt was unreal. I knew it wasn't just from not having contact with Claire. I felt pain, because Claire seemed to be constantly hurting. We were two halves of a whole. You cut one, the other bleeds too. Although Claire hid her pain behind a brand new attitude.
Claire had gone from a moody teen, to an angry, rebellious 15-year-old overnight. She stopped hanging around her friends Lindsey, Ashley, and Amber, and had started to hang out with a couple of new girls, Nicollette and Nikky. Cora had mockingly told me to just call them "the Niks."
Once she had started to hang out with the Niks, Claire went from normal teen to "goth girl"…another term Cora had had to explain to me. Claire had dyed her beautiful brown hair a hideous, unnatural black. She also started wearing all black clothes, black eyeshadow and eyeliner, and black nail polish. The only thing that she would wear that wasn't black was her dark cherry colored lipstick.
She had also started off her sophomore year by skipping school a lot. She had gotten suspended for a day in her first week because she had been caught smoking in the high school parking lot instead of attending class. Cora had also mentioned to me that the "Niks" weren't known at school for just smoking cigarettes.
Another problem was Claire wasn't doing her homework and was failing most of her classes. Claire had started behaving this way after our kiss, and she had barely passed her freshman year. It looked like she wasn't even going to attempt to make it through her sophomore year. Ronnie and Stacy were at their wits end, and as I couldn't get Claire to even talk to me, I wasn't able to talk sense into her either.
It made me feel helpless as I watched Claire continuously spin out of control. While a small part of me was getting frustrated with her behavior, another part of me registered that Claire was acting this way because she was miserable. I felt her pain as though it was something tangible in the air that I was constantly breathing in.
I left the garage and headed towards Makah. Ronnie, Nick, Ronnie's dad Roger, and I were going to spend the day fishing. Sam and his family had decided to spend a family weekend in Seattle, so he wouldn't be joining us. His family weekend also included Ryan. Sam was willing to let Ryan have as much time as he needed with Gracie. His happiness somewhat counterbalanced the misery that Embry and I kept constantly bringing to the pack.
I shifted uncomfortably as I drove to Ronnie's house. I had a really uneasy feeling. I couldn't put my finger on it. I didn't know if it was from worrying about Embry, or if it was my problems with Claire that made me feel this way. I just felt like something was really off.
I pulled into Ronnie's house just as Claire came storming out. Today she was wearing a long sleeve black sweater, a black skirt that went down to her knees, white and black striped tights, and black boots that went up past her ankles. The socks reminded me of some thing that the Wicked Witch wore in the Wizard of Oz. She froze as she saw me.
"Hey Claire," I told her softly, taking in the sight of her.
"Don't you have a home of your own?" Claire said, her eyes glinting angrily at me beneath her black eye makeup.
"Claire, I want you home by 8 pm." Stacy shouted as she came to the front door.
"Whatever," Claire replied, before storming off towards the beach.
I heard Stacy sigh, but I couldn't turn my head to look in her direction, because I was too busy watching my imprint walk away from me. At least Claire spoke to me today.
"Sometimes I feel like an alien abducted my daughter." Stacy muttered.
I turned my head to look at Stacy then. She looked tired. The fact that I could see her clearly showed how truly worried she was for Claire.
"I'm sorry. This is my fault, I should have let her down easier," I told her miserably.
"Quil, we don't blame you. It's just her age. Besides, Claire should be interested in guys her own age. She'll get over it. She can't have everything she wants." Stacy assured me.
But that was the thing. I wanted to give her everything she wanted. I wanted to give her every possible wish and desire she might have. Why couldn't I have given her the one thing she really wanted? Me. Not that she wanted me anymore. I sucked in a quick breath as sharp pain lanced over me again at that thought.
I walked into the house and was greeted by Ronnie. Roger and Nick were in the family room waiting for me. We soon hopped in Ronnie's truck and headed towards a river that locals liked to fish in. I tried to relax and enjoy spending time with Claire's family, but that uneasy feeling kept nagging at me.
Finally around 8:30 pm, we decided to call it a day. We headed back to the Makah reservation and pulled into Ronnie's house, after dropping Roger off at his home. I walked into the house and saw Stacy come up to Ronnie angrily.
"Claire's still not back."
"I've had it with her attitude, this is the third time she's done this, this week. The other night she didn't come home until 2 am and that was on a school night!" Ronnie bristled. He abruptly turned to me. "Quil, I was going to ask you to stay for supper, but I think it would be best if we spoke to our daughter alone when she got home."
I nodded slowly. "Can you do me a favor and call me when she gets home? I'd feel a lot better knowing she's safe."
"Of course," Ronnie assured me, giving me a measured look.
I turned and walked out of the house. I felt shocks of pain as I walked away. On one hand, I didn't want to leave until I saw Claire with my own eyes. On the other hand, it sounded like this was a common occurrence with Claire anymore. Besides, I had some thinking to do, and I was hoping that the drive would clear my head.
My mind was worried with thoughts of Claire as I drove. If I could give her one wish, it would be that I could fall in love with her. Why the hell couldn't I? What was so wrong with it…well, besides the fact that she was only 15 and my birth certificate said I was 29? If we were meant to be together though, why couldn't I start to see her in a romantic way? Was there something wrong with me? As I drove, I made a sudden detour and headed to Port Angeles. I needed to talk to an Elder.
I pulled into the retirement complex and made my way to the correct apartment. I knocked on the door once. My grandfather opened it with a look of surprise on his face.
"Quil, what are you doing here?" Quil Sr. said.
"I need to know if something is wrong with me," I told him. Fear was making my heart race. That uneasy feeling hit me again.
"Wrong with you?" My grandfather repeated.
"Why aren't I in love with my imprint? She said she loved me, but I can't see her that way. Is there something wrong with my imprint connection? I want to give her what she wants and love her so bad Grandpa, but it's like my brain is blocked or something."
I felt like I was having a serious crisis, so it came to a surprise when my grandfather started to laugh.
"You always worry too much Quil. You get that from your mother's side, by the way." My grandpa chuckled again.
"I'm glad you think this is funny," I said bitterly. My life felt like it was ruined and he was making jokes.
"Ah, come on. Sit down and watch Golden Girls with me and I'll explain. They're having a marathon on TV." My grandfather said, welcoming me into his living room. He sat down in his favorite armchair. I sat down on the couch.
"Let me ask you, when Claire was younger, did you want to be her best friend, or were your feelings more brotherly?"
"Brotherly," I responded automatically.
"Did you ever think at that time that someday your little girl would grow up to be your best friend?"
"Not really. I never pictured it."
"That's the point I'm trying to make Quil. You can't just rush your imprint magic or force it to do what you want it to do. I know it's a bit cliché, but think of your imprinting as an onion. You've peeled off the brotherly layer and now you're at the best friend layer. When the time is right, then the current layer will peel off too. You'll suddenly look at her and realize you're in love with her. That's what happened to your ancestor who imprinted on a five-year-old. Or maybe it'll hit you slower, maybe the layer will start to ebb away and before you know, you've fallen head over heels in love with her. But don't try to force it to happen. That'll just make you miserable. The magic won't allow you to anyway. I can assure you though; there is nothing wrong with you or your feelings towards your imprint."
"So the magic's stopping me from seeing Claire as a woman?" I said slowly and my grandfather nodded. "Why didn't you tell me all this before?"
"You never asked," My grandpa seemed surprised that I had even asked the question.
"How long will it take for my feelings to change?"
"Well, considering everything you've told me, Claire's feelings are already changing towards you…I'd say another year or two and you'll start reciprocating hers."
"Do you think I should just tell her the truth?" I asked.
"That depends on you Quil. Do you think she'll be able to handle it?"
I slowly shook my head. Whether she could handle it or not, I wasn't ready. Claire needed to worry about boys and going to the mall and hanging out with friends. I wasn't going to take that part of her teen years away. She deserved better than that. I looked at my grandfather.
"Claire was flirting with me for a long time and I never realized it. Looking back at it now, I should have known. Was it because of the imprint magic? Was it blocking me from seeing what she was doing?"
"Either that or you're clueless," my grandfather snorted. Seeing my worried expression, he said with an exasperated sigh, "Of course it was because of the imprint magic. She's your best friend, that's the only way you see her. Any attempts on her part would have been filtered out."
I nodded and slowly stood up. I went and hugged my grandfather and then left him to watch his TV marathon. I got into my car at the same time my cell phone started to ring. Looking down at the caller ID, I began to shake and quickly answered the phone. I had a feeling this call would explain why I had felt uneasy all day.
I spoke into the phone and listened to what the person was telling me, my heart racing. Fury coursed through my veins. I quickly hung up the phone and put my head against the steering wheel before taking a deep breath. I needed to remain calm and keep focused. I would be useless if I didn't stay in control. I was needed like I had never been needed before.
Because Claire had run away from home.
A/N – As some of you may know, I love getting comments. So here's the deal…if I get a certain amount of comments than I will post the next chapter tomorrow. As an extra incentive, I'll give you a spoiler. The next chapter is going to be the first chapter I've done in Claire's perspective.
