Chapter 12: Strangers

Will's eyelids fluttered open. Where was he? He was lying on his back, staring at a bright sunlit sky through the branches of a few small trees that surrounded them. Hurriedly he closed his eyes against the brilliant light. Taking stock of his surroundings he noticed a slight pressure by his side. Kirijava? His eyes flashed open. Everything came rushing back to him. This weight next to him wasn't his daemon. His daemon was left behind in Will's own world. The thoughts of his beloved companion brought awareness to the slow, dull throbbing in his chest. The feeling brought back flashing memories from the World of the Dead.

Putting aside those grim thoughts he began to take inventory of any injuries. Will moved his legs. Nothing much, a cramped knee but that was only because is was bent a bit awkwardly. He moved his arms. One was fine but as he tried to shift the other it remained stationary. He looked to the side. A young woman was lying against him, curled against him like a cat. He sighed and smiled. Lyra. He moved his hand slightly from where it rested under her neck and ran his fingers through her golden hair. She stirred and slowly began to wake.

She blinked rapidly a few times then sat up abruptly crying, "Pan!" Without even looking at Will she jumped to her feet. He followed suit and caught her arm as she swayed slightly. She held a hand to her head and sat down slowly on the bench. Not letting go of her arm Will sat beside her. She looked up at him uncomprehendingly for a minute. The color rose in her cheeks and she pulled away from him. The bench was small and their shoulders still brushed but she sat rigid.

A knife seemed to tear at the edges of the hole in Will's heart where Kirijava should have been. Lyra had pulled away from him. Lyra had not wanted him to touch her. His mind ran through possibilities as fast as he could shoot them down. But one remained possible. Had her reaction on the school ground been just a reaction to a memory? Had she been acting on simply a memory of the love she had felt so long ago?

Then all of a sudden Lyra gasped and leaped from the bench falling to her knees with arms outspread. A red brown blur rushed at Lyra and into her seeking arms. She hugged the creature fiercely rocking back and forth, tears streaming down her face all the while whispering, "Pan, oh Pan, dear Pan!" They looked like one being, girl and daemon, so tightly were they joined in those moments. Will felt a tug at his chest and an odd loneliness. He watched the reunion in silence.

Pantalaimon in her arms, Lyra turned back to Will. She smiled with pure joy. He couldn't help but smile back but the expression was tired. Her smile faded and she said, "I know it's hard, but it won't be long until you see her again." At first Will didn't know what she was talking about. But he saw Pan nuzzling himself against her breast as she clutched him close and he realized she was talking about his own daemon.

"I know." He nodded. A somewhat awkward silence ensued. Will, desperate to break it asked, "What now?" Lyra looked startled. It was clear she would have just as much have liked to stay and hold Pan a while longer but she saw the sense in his words. Pan licked her face and climbed to his position about her neck. To her it felt like she was whole again, almost.

She smiled at Will and hesitated for only a moment before taking his hand and leading him out of the Botanic Garden. She began talking after they'd been walking in the general direction of Oxford for a few minutes. "Well, everybody is going to wonder who you are and why you haven't got a daemon. But Dame Hannah will know you. She was one of the only ones I've told about the whole thing. Oh Will, there's so many people I want you to meet!" She sounded genuinely happy, as if the imminence of their task wasn't wearing her spirits down as it was his. She kept talking and Will was content just to listen to the sound of her voice. But a part of his mind kept turning back to when she'd pulled away from him, and her moment's hesitation before taking his hand. It seemed that she was talking to him now not only to reassure him, but also to reassure herself.

Lyra's mind was in a tumult. So many different feelings were chasing themselves around her thoughts like leaves on an autumn wind. Anger, sorrow, regret, awkwardness, love, hate, rejection. And she couldn't even say which was which. She babbled senselessly to the young man whose hand she so tightly clutched as if to show herself that he was here, he was real. She grasped his hand partly because she felt that's what she should do; after all they'd been through, after all they'd seen. She remembered their experiences together but she didn't feel the closeness she had once felt with him. And she mourned the loss.

Jordan College truly was a magnificent sight, rising above the surrounding building in a graceful mass of gray stone and red brick. Will marveled at the familiarity of the scene. It looked like his Oxford might have only about a century before, but with subtle and obvious differences. Where the large new C&A store had been built stood a beautiful old church and where the cinema stood in his world a theater stood here. For the first time he understood what Lyra must have felt being in his Oxford.

Lyra felt a mixture of pride and relief as she walked toward the door to the South wing of the College. She turned to Will who was standing looking at the grand facade of her beloved home. Smiling, she tugged at his hand and he switched his attention to her. Her smile faltered under his gaze. His dark eyes were as she remembered: intense and brooding. Feeling a bit weak she looked away abruptly.

Lyra was hoping to reach Dame Hannah's study without anyone else seeing Will, but at that moment the door burst open and a large figure burst out shouting, "Here! She's here! I've found her!"

Lyra stopped abruptly. Mrs. Lonsdale bustled towards her wagging a finger, a dreadful expression on her face. "You naughty girl, where've you been! We've been worried sick about you and Mr. West 'bout pulled his hair out wonderin' where you was!" Will watched, slightly amused, as Lyra was hardly a little girl any more. But Lyra hung her head in faux shame, every inch the chided child. But in the slump of her shoulders Will saw that she was genuinely sorry for making them worry.

Several more people came out to scold Lyra gently, but she paid them little attention. Will was very much aware that he was barely hidden behind Lyra, and he was receiving curious looks from the small crowd. He pictured what he and Lyra must look like to them. A bedraggled looking pair in dusty clothes, and the young man without a daemon. Knowing that he was probably not helping Lyra's reception, he began his much practiced routine of making himself unnoticed. He stared at the ground and hunched his shoulders a bit, staying silent, until the questioning eyes had looked away and their owners lost interest.

This seemed to be working until a plump, middle aged woman made her way towards them and wrapped Lyra in a tight embrace. She had slightly greying hair pulled in a knot high on her head. The set of her jaw and the look in her eyes when she finally ended the embrace reminded Will so much of Lyra herself, that he could have mistaken the pair for mother and daughter, had he not known better.

Dame Hannah began asking Lyra questions, questions she'd rather not answer in the company of all these people. She wanted to get inside where she could talk to her alone and explain everything that had happened in the last couple of days. Well, perhaps not everything. She looked nervously back at Will. Dame Hannah followed suit and said, much to Lyra's dismay, "And who is this young man?"

Immediately Will became the center of scrutiny. Well, there was no use trying to remain inconspicuous anymore, he thought. He stood straighter and walked up to stand beside Lyra. Trying to look somewhat authoritative he let go of Lyra's hand and held it out - leaving his left loosely tucked in his jacket pocket. The woman shook it silently. "William Parry." Her eyes widened and Lyra's breath caught. "I was a friend of Lyra's a few years back." Will concluded wryly.

The woman collected herself. "Dame Hannah Relf. Very pleased to meet you." Her voice was a bit breathy. She looked at Lyra for confirmation. When she nodded, Dame Hannah addressed the woman who had first appeared. "Thank you Mrs. Lonsdale, for finding Lyra.

Mrs. Lonsdale looked proud, "Well, 'twas nothin' but my duty as 'er maid. But yer welcome all the same." She turned and began urging the other servants back inside.

Lyra hesitated once more before reclaiming Will's hand, and Dame Hannah quickly ushered them into her private study.