A/N: Erik will go through this cleansing phase that is needed for him to go on. He'll need to grovel once this mess with Christine is settled. A lot of hurtful things will happen but they will work out in time. Just keep saying to yourselves " it will come out right in the end".

Chapter Twelve

The Heart Wants What It Wants

Erik and Pricilla had come to an amiable daily routine. She continued to accompany him when he split wood but only as an observer. She did bring a towel which she used to wipe him down with from time to time. His water cup magically filled just when he felt in need of a drink. Erik rather enjoyed it when Pricilla administered her tender touch across his back and chest. The front he found even more enjoyable as she blushed shyly as she used the towel on him. This closeness afforded him an opportunity to study her without seeming to stare at her like a dog salivating at a bone.

Pricilla used her limited power over Erik to do things she normally wouldn't get to try as a woman. He had hesitated letting her help with the training of his horses but a subtle reminder from her and Erik capitulated. When she had Midnight Dream eating out of her hand, literally, he could not think of any real reason to keep her away. He honestly did not try very hard.

Much to Erik's irritation Pricilla had invited Michael, Charlotte and Mac to dinner twice. Erik still considered that man Mac his enemy. If Erik began to make objections his dear sweet wife he found would not hesitate to use his promises against him shamefully. When Mac showed far too much interest in Pricilla Erik began to see him as a viable rival. Pricilla being the innocent she was saw only a man who had healed her and wished to know her better as a friend. It did not occur to her that the man could be interested in her romantically. Erik on the other hand being of a suspicious nature as well as having experienced rivalry first hand held every man suspect with the exceptions of Michael and Reverend Mitchell. The good Reverend only became exempt when it became clear he had an interest in Loretta.

In the last week other things had begun to scratch at Erik's confidence in holding Pricilla's interest. Those young men he hired on a regular basis and had considered harmless suddenly took of the persona of sharks circling a tasty meal. Pricilla would bring them savories during the day. Each man would receive some special morsels he particularly liked. She brought them drinks, serving each man with a far too bequiling smile plastered on her face.

She even took notice of missing buttons or rips in shirts and trousers. Without any thought she offered to mend everything. She would lend out Erik's older trousers and shirts while she sat and mended whatever garment needed her attention. While they waited those young men spoke to Pricilla about different topics of interest. Being so easy to speak to as well as an excellent listener, they opened up to Pricilla about all their worries. Erik felt frustrated when Pricilla did not extend him an invitation to join them. As it was his house he could have force himself on them but his pride would not allow that.

Shamelessly Erik would skulk about outside the open sitting room door or open patio door trying to capture every word of the conversation. When the conversation headed down a road Erik found boring he would leave somewhat reassured no one had any intentions of poaching his woman right from under his nose.

Not being an expert in courting techniques but being a woman herself they thought her qualified to advise them as to how to win the heart of their intended whenever they did find a woman to marry. Pricilla felt flattered by all the attention from her new friends. When she found Erik and Loretta busy there was always someone around for idle conversation. Erik had made his opinion of Mac's unsolicited visits plain enough. He tolerated Pricilla extending the man invitations with ill grace. Erik made no secret about his dislike of Mac while the man in question had oddly begun to reconsider his opinion of Erik.

It still crated on Erik's nerves that Mac continued to visit even when Michalel and Charlotte did not come. That sneaky devil timed his visits when Erik would be out riding fences or working with the horses. Being away when Mac paid his visits Erik did not learn the man's true intentions if they were other than mere doctor patient interest or something else.

Mac had questioned Pricilla in such a way that she did not suspect he had been digging for clues to her husband's personality. Pricilla, trusting soul that she was still managed only to let out the basic facts about Erik. Mac could not help but admire Pricilla. Her loyalty had not been won by fear as Mac had at first suspected but by genuine feelings for her recalcitrant and moody husband. No matter what a person did or said the heart would rule where love lead one. The heart wants what it wants and very little can be done to sway it away from the one it desires above all others.

The day arrived that heralded the two year anniversary of Christine's departure from his life. Erik had resolved not to let those old emotions haunt him. He could have perhaps kept to his good intentions if the paper had not come bearing the news of Christine's arrival in New York for a limited engagement at the New York Metropolitan Opera House. Her contract could only be for three months as she had just learned of her expectancy of her first child.

Erik read through the paper as he usually did after dinner. He preferred the evening so as not to spoil his day if the paper carried news he did not care to know. He would have been better off perhaps not reading this edition at all.

At first he barely comprehended that Christine was as close as New York to him at this very moment. For the first time in two years they were on the same continent. A train ride could have him in the same city within a couple of days. Erik felt the pounding in his chest. The hammering matched the chanting in his mind. They chorused in unison "My Angel, my angel, my angel, my angel". Christine, his love, his Angel of Music at last had come to him.

Out of anywhere in the world she had chosen here as her debut in a foreign land. Did she know he resided somewhere in this country and knew he would come to her? Had Antoinette told her where her Angel had gone? She must know of him. The odds of it being coincidental were astronomical as far as Erik was concerned. This had to be either destiny or Christine's way of letting him know she wanted to see him.

Erik did not even register that Christine had announced to the world that she and Raoul were expecting. To be this close to her brought all of his fantasies to life once more. He felt excited and giddy just anticipating seeing her again. He would wire his agent in New York to buy him the best seat in the house as well as reserve a hotel suite for two weeks. Two weeks should give him enough time to convince Christine she belonged to him. Only he could understand her love of music and give her what she needed to continue to be at the top of her performance potential.

Sinking into his fantasy world Erik discarded the fact he had a wife, one he had promised to stand by as well as remain faithful to her forsaking all others. Erik had allowed old wounds to sway his emotions.

Erik did not join Pricilla in the library as had been their custom recently. When the hour of ten struck on the clock Pricilla closed her book so she could see what had kept Erik from joining her. He probably had begun some new composition or other and got lost in his music. Pricilla did not know of anyone else who had a grand piano in a large room that only contained a piano and one chair. Erik only used that room to create and store his compositions. Erik also had a piano in his bedroom just in case his muse struck during the night.

Going to his music room Pricilla heard nothing but quiet. Opening the door Pricilla saw Erik holding the paper in his one hand and a drink in the other. She approached him to see what in the paper held his attention.

He must have heard her for he whipped around holding the hand with the paper slightly behind him. Pricilla could not read anything in his face that would give her a clue what he tried to keep from her.

"Erik I waited for you to join me. I even brought one of your bottles of wine up to toast our success with your new mare. We really will have to find a name for her. We can't keep calling her girl all the time. What is in the paper that has you so upset?" Now that Pricilla stood closer to Erik she could see plainly the agitated look on his face. His breathing too seemed somewhat erratic.

"Nothing is wrong. I simply felt like having an evening to myself. Is that a crime now? Should I have asked your permission perhaps? Well let me inform you, I do as I please. I need no one to tell me what I can and cannot do." As Erik spoke his anger escalated with every word and manifested itself in the steps he took toward Pricilla.

Pricilla heard the slur in Erik's words denoting his inebriation. That on top of the angry shout had her stepping back. She and Erik were alone. Loretta had gone to town to spend time with one of the older members of their church. They were gathering material to begin quilts for the winter. Loretta and Reverend Mitchell had been making eyes at one another for some time now. She went as much for seeing the Reverend as the quilt.

No one would hear her scream if Erik lost control as he had the last time. When Erik raised his glass to his lips Pricilla took that as her cue to leave. She did so hastily. She did not stop until she had closed the door of her bedroom firmly behind her. She did not hear any steps coming up the stairs. She hoped that meant Erik had gotten hold of his galloping temper. She could not imagine what had set him off. He had seemed fine during supper. He had even been charming in a way that had her thinking tonight might lead somewhere other than the two of them sleeping in separate rooms.

Pricilla had been too far up the staircase to hear the splintering of glass as Erik heaved the tumbler holding his whiskey against the wall. Erik sobbed out in denial as the words he had finally absorbed over two hours ago again reverberated around inside his head.

Christine, his Christine had let herself be implanted with another man's child. That boy's child. The betrayal he felt dug into him deeply shredding him all over again. He had only just begun to piece himself back together. When he had first read the article he had skimmed over all but that she had come to sing. She would be here for many months. He had months to plan her return to his life.

He had been congratulating himself on his good fortune silently toasting with a glass or two of whiskey. Pricilla of course would be hurt but not so badly she could not recover. They had after all still not consummated their marriage. Pricilla of all people would understand how much he needed to be with the one he loved. He had tried, he honestly had tried to love Pricilla and thought himself to be halfway there already but then he read the paper and everything from his time with Christine came crashing down on him reawakening all those emotions he had thought buried forever.

Once his mind had absorbed all of the article he had crushed the paper to his chest in denial. No. no, no. He pounded his chest denying what his eyes had seen and his heart already knew to be the truth.

Glass after glass Erik had imbibed the alcohol trying to drink until he could no longer think clearly. Thinking at the moment meant pain and he could not endure any more. Better to cloud his mind than have to face this finality to all his hopes and dreams once more. God how he wished he had not read that paper. At least he could have gone on oblivious to Christine's closeness and found some happiness with Pricilla. Now he would have nothing.

Damn it, no. He would not give up everything. He would salvage something from the wreckage his life had become. Drinking three more quick glasses Erik threw yet another glass into the cold fireplace.

Crumbling the paper Erik tossed it carelessly aside too. Wiping the excess liquor from his mouth Erik raised his eyes toward the ceiling. He would have something from this life. God forgive him for this selfish action but for once he would take something to replace what he could not have. He could not have Christine but Pricilla would not turn him away.

Climbing the stairs unsteadily Erik stood swaying outside Pricilla's room. Some inner turmoil kept him from going in immediately. He felt far too disoriented to think clearly. As he contemplated what awaited him beyond the door everything else became unimportant.

Quietly Erik opened the door. Pricilla must have heard the door open for she called out to him. He did not answer her. Walking to the edge of the bed Erik looked at the woman who wore his ring. He lifted his hand needing this reaffirmation before he went any further. He had to be sure he had not dreamed his marriage to Pricilla as he had dreamed so much of his life. There on his finger resided a ring to match Pricilla's. They were bound by God's law and man's. This gave him certain rights.

Erik ran his finger over her face. He traced her contours curiously inspecting every feature. She did not meet what society considered beauty or even pretty. Pricilla had some unnamable quality that would attract those wise enough to look behind what the world saw at first glance.

Keeping his eyes on hers Erik began to remove his clothing. He had never dressed or undressed in front of anyone. Taking his shirt off in Pricilla's presence while splitting wood had been Erik's only experience disrobing in the presence of another. As he dropped his suit coat on the floor his fingers went at once to the buttons of his shirt.

Pricilla had not said a word but he did take notice of the quick rise and fall of her breasts. She had begun to pant lightly through her open mouth. The light from the hall cast shadowy fingers of light around the room.

When Erik only had his mask and trousers covering him, he took a seat beside Pricilla on the bed. Erik debated with himself if he should chance exposing himself to her before the deed had commenced. If perchance she moved in such a way as to dislodge it during an intimate moment she might become too frightened or repulsed to let him continue.

Erik leaned down to cover Pricilla's mouth with his own. This kiss could not compare to those innocent exchanges from before. As soon as he touched her they both went up in flames. All the pent up sexual tension burst forth like an exploding stick of dynamite.

Their mouths ravaged one another. Hands and lips sought flesh with eagerness. Erik did not give himself time for further thought he tore his mask off tossing it somewhere behind him. For now nothing mattered but the woman sharing this new horizon with him.

Pricilla moaned when Erik drew his lips across the silk of her gown grazing her nipple. She captured him by grasping onto his hair then pressed him wantonly into her eagerly waiting breasts. Every touch created a new sensation. It was all new yet somehow as old as time itself.

Pulling away from Pricilla Erik removed his trousers hastily not caring that the light would give Pricilla a clear view of all his many flaws. His only objective now was to relieve the tension that threatened to explode from within.

Pricilla had looked at Erik's face, his full profile for the first time through lust clouded eyes. Her mind registered the ugly puckering vaguely. She could not in this dim light tell that his skin on the right side had a reddish hue that looked similar to someone who had been burned. That side did look discolored but the shadow covering that half of his face did not give her a clear picture. She could not say honestly if it would have mattered or not. At this moment nothing mattered but that Erik wanted her, Pricilla Jane Carpenter, now Dante. A man wanted her, plain Pricilla, wallflower, woman left on the shelf. To be wanted in this way by a man such as Erik gave Pricilla a heady feeling as if drugged with something that heightened every nerve to receive endless waves of ecstasy.

He knew exactly how she looked. She had not been able to hide her face from him. To her his face did not matter as Erik began to woe her with words, kisses and caresses. He snaked his hand underneath her gown gliding his hand slowly along her thigh. Gradually he directed his hand to her inner thigh.

Pricilla felt she needed something, something only Erik could give her. She silently begged for some relief from the fire building steadily between her thighs. Erik devoured her waiting mouth sending her nearly into a dead faint as his mouth moved from her lips then covered her nipple wetly. The rasping of his tongue added more fuel to a fire burning nearly to flashpoint.

Erik had never felt anything like what he now experienced with caresses alone. Everywhere Pricilla touched him she left a trail of fire behind. Pricilla nearly jumped from the bed when Erik's hand covered her womanhood. Gently Erik glided his hand over the curly mound. He had read that there was a place a man could touch a woman that would send her beyond the reach of sane thought.

Knowing he could not hold out much longer Erik gently nudged her knees apart. This moment would be forever ingrained in his mind as the moment that gave Erik his manhood. As much as everyone would argue this did not define a man, for Erik it did. For him it meant he had finally been accepted as a man. He was not The Devil's Child, Angel of Music, Phantom or Opera Ghost. He was a husband and lover to Pricilla Dante, his wife.

Erik eased forward having read in the same book that women who had not been with a man before might experience some pain and discomfort if not prepared properly by her lover. Erik did not know what more he could do. Much longer and it would be over before it began.

"Pricilla are you ready? I…it may hurt at first. I am sorry for that. I will try to be as gentle as I can. If…if I can…if you want anything from me all you have to do is ask it of me and I shall do my best to appease you."

Pricilla thought although it did not sound lover like how could she complain? Both of them were new at this. From what Erik made her feel already Pricilla had to think that fulfillment was only a moment away.

"I am ready Erik. For you I am ready." She kissed him with more fervor than experience. She did not know if he needed her to do anything. She continued her exploration of his bared flesh. The muscles underneath his scarred skin felt as if honed from solid granite yet the skin felt supple and smooth. As he moved Pricilla could feel the bunching of muscle underneath her hands.

The first probing of Erik's manhood stilled her movements. It felt rather bigger than she had expected. Longing to know just what it felt like Pricilla felt now was her opportune moment to discover all she had ever wanted to know about the differences between men and women.

Not giving her inner reticence time to take root Pricilla felt her way between them until she felt what had to be Erik's very erect and hard manhood. When she wrapped her hand around him Erik groaned so loudly Pricilla at first thought she had done something to hurt him. As he continued to move and groan out loud Pricilla felt a power over another human being she had never felt before.

Erik crushed his mouth down over Pricilla's using his own power over her to bring a groan from Pricilla as she lifted her hips seeking something as of yet unknown to her. Erik's hand brushed some part of her bringing such a rush of pleasure Pricilla caught her breath and almost forgot to breathe again.

Being too far gone Erik rested Pricilla's hand from him. Wrapping his hands around her wrists Erik placed them above her head. Erik searched about with his manhood trying to find that place that led to glory. If he had not imbibed quite so freely he may have been less inept during this process. Frustration gave way to lust. Erik took his manhood in his own hand to guide himself into Pricilla. With urgency Erik drove into Pricilla with no finesse or care for her sensibilities. Once surrounded by her wet warmth Erik lost every bit of his control.

The evenings events began to play inside his mind confusing him as to who he made love to with so little care. Christine. Christine had come to be with him. She was with him now sharing the most intimate act between a man and a woman. Finally she realized who she should be with. In giving her body to him Christine also bound her soul with his.

Such infinite pleasure took hold of Erik. He could neither hear nor feel anything but his own pleasure. Such blissful moments had never been his to have before. To know Christine brought him to this idyllic moment erased every hurtful thing she had ever done to him. Erik forgave her of every betrayal, every slight, every time she took him for granted. He forgave her all of this while laying his heart bare once more at her feet.

"Oh Christine, I love you. Always you, only you. Say you love me. Please dear God let me hear the words. I beg of you Christine love me. Please love me." Erik had sobbed out the last of his pleading just as he reached his moment of perfect bliss.

Erik could have sworn he heard her whisper, "I love you Erik. Only you. Always you, only you." The last sounded as if sobbed out in anguish rather than any declaration of love. He would not ruin this moment by thinking of anything negative. Christine had declared her love for him. She had given herself to him without any coercion or force from him.

Pricilla's bubble of happiness had well and truly burst when she heard Erik calling out his beloved's name while he had made love to her, at least Pricilla had thought he had been making love to her, now she knew better. Even when he begged for his beloved Christine to declare her love Pricilla could not find it in her heart to hurt him so she did what she felt necessary all the while her own heart shattered.

What bigger fool could she make of herself? Even after his declaration when he had begged for this other woman Pricilla had let herself be deceived. Knowing none of it had been for her Pricilla had taken that one moment for herself. Make-believe came in a cold second to reality where lovers where concerned.

Pricilla felt cheated when Erik slumped down to lay heavily against her body. The crush of his heavy weight felt as nothing to the crushing blow Erik had delivered to her in the last few minutes. Not only did he take his pleasure not caring about hers at all but he had declared himself to still love another. He had called that woman's name with such longing it had nearly broken Pricilla's heart that she would never hear him call for her in the same way. Now she knew for certain all her efforts had been useless games her mind had played on her. Desperation had let her see what she had wanted to be there.

When Erik finally rolled off of her, Pricilla turned to her side facing away from him. She could not bear to face him. If he touched her again she may well break into pieces. Tears flowed down wetting the sheets. Pricilla would not let out her pain as her mind screamed at her to do. Silently she let all the misery drain out with her tears. If she cried an ocean perhaps then she would be cleansed.

Pricilla fell asleep when no more tears would come. Exhaustion, more than any desire to sleep claimed her. Before sleep overtook her Pricilla prayed God would kindly strike her with something that took away the memories of every second of this encounter with Erik. Lately Pricilla had begun to think that God had never dealt with her very kindly before. Could he not grant her this one blessing?