Thanks for all the reviews and kind words, and for everyone sticking with this story! There is lots more to tell, so let's get on with it, shall we?


"What was that all about at work today?" Nell demanded of Eric as she climbed into bed. He was sitting beside her with his tablet, reading something.

He briefly looked up. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you trying to tell me what I can and can't do in front of our co-workers and friends," she replied. "I really didn't appreciate that. You're lucky Hetty wasn't there."

"I'm not suicidal," Eric joked as he remembered earlier that afternoon. Nell glared at him. "Sorry. Using humor to defuse the situation when I'm nervous. It's one of those qualities you adore about me, remember?" Nell continued her glare. "Right. Being serious now. Nell, I wasn't telling you what to do. I was trying to get you to think about all the ramifications of your decisions."

"Are you serious? You don't think I've thought this through? Eric, please. Don't treat me like a child," Nell said, the annoyance in her voice even more apparent.

Eric set his tablet on the bedside table. "I don't like you going out in the field, ok? So if it's only an option at this point and not a mandatory part of your job then I am going to voice my opinion. I'd like to keep my girlfriend alive and safe. Look at what has happened the few times we have been allowed out. I mean I was almost frelted!"

Nell got out of bed and threw her hands up in the air. "Eric, that's not the point. I've been up in ops with you for a few years now and it's been nice and safe. But that's not why I wanted to become a special agent. My specialty is intelligence, but I don't want to be stuck behind a screen forever. I want to be out there, talking to people, seeing things firsthand. I've had some field training, I've had a few occasions to be out of the office, and honestly I like it. I don't necessarily want to do what Kensi and the team do – with all the undercover stuff and shoot-outs and all that – but there are other options for my job."

"If you're out in the field more, I can't be with you all the time, and I can't always have eyes and ears on you that way. I have no way of protecting you," Eric answered shyly, looking down at his hands.

Nell smiled. "I love that you want to look out for me, but we both know that our jobs have no guarantees. We also know that I am not meant to work in ops forever. Even Hetty doesn't expect me to be upstairs for the rest of my career."

Eric looked at her curiously. "What does that mean? Nell, are you looking for a new job? Do you want to transfer away from LA?"

"No, that's not what I meant. Hetty's been giving me more field training, and some other leadership training, to keep all my options open. I've also been doing more physical training with Sam and Kensi, to keep me in shape."

"So all those times you said you were at the gym, you were actually training with them? And when you disappear during the day, you've been training with Hetty? Why didn't you just tell me this before?" Eric asked her.

"I wasn't sure how you would react, but it's something that I really want to pursue." Nell paused and sat back down on the bed. "Eric, can we please not fight about this? I was really hoping my boyfriend would be more supportive."

Eric looked at her. "I want to be. I really do want to be supportive of this, Nell. It's hard to be, though. I mean, I want you to be happy, but I've been doing this job long enough to have seen a lot of bad stuff go down. I've unfortunately seen more than one agent go down before my eyes on the screen, and I couldn't do anything but dial 911. That is such a helpless feeling, and I don't ever want to have that feeling about you. I don't know how I could go on," Eric admitted, reaching for Nell's hands.

Nell scooted over closer to Eric. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close. "I promise I will be careful. I promise I will do everything I can to come home to you every time, Eric. I love you."

"I love you too," he responded. They slid down into bed with arms still wrapped around each other, neither person wanting to let go.


Kensi was right; she missed Deeks. She hadn't seen him since that morning she took him to the airport almost four weeks ago. As promised, he had called a few times, although he didn't have much privacy at "Agent Bootcamp", as he called it, to talk about anything more serious than daily chitchat. They mostly kept in touch through text messages that Deeks would send between courses or right before he collapsed into bed at night.

Kensi found herself hanging out at the beach more often since Deeks left for training; his favorite beach, to be exact. It made her feel closer to him; she could imagine him out on his board and smell the salty sea air that was synonymous with the shaggy-haired surfer. She had her comfort food at home, but this was her comfort place.

"Kensi? Kensi Blye?" a male voice asked behind her as she leaned against the wall separating the sand and the concrete sidewalk. She turned around at the surprise of hearing her real name in public from someone other than her teammates. It was standard operating procedure to use an alias in public to protect herself and her career. As Kensi turned her head, she found herself looking directly into her past.

"It is you! I thought it might be," Jack said happily. Jack , as in her former fiancé and the man who left her on Christmas morning all those years ago.

"J-J-Jack?" Kensi barely stuttered out, eyes wide. She wasn't sure whether to hug him or slug him; she ended up standing still exactly where she was.

"Yeah, it's me. I saw you the other day when I was walking down here, but I wasn't completely sure if it was you. I thought I would take a chance and come back in case you were here again. You're a hard woman to locate," he chuckled.

"I would be easier to find if you had never left in the first place," she said bitterly, silently berating herself for not keeping her emotions in check.

"I deserve that. I have been trying to find you though. I tried to find your mom, but she must have changed her name or something. I even googled you, but no luck. It's almost like you don't exist online, or you're in some government witness protection program. You're not, are you?"

She smiled slightly. That was one perk of her job - her real identity ceasing to exist in online searches and public databases.

"No, I'm not," she replied. "Jack, why are you here? What do you want with me?" Kensi asked him curiously.

Jack sighed and put his hands in his pockets. "I want to apologize to you. Tell you I'm sorry for everything. You deserve so much more than that, but it's a start. I know I hurt you a lot, and I want a chance to show you that I am not that same guy anymore. I got help, I've grown up and matured."

"Good for you. I'm glad to hear it."

"I know you probably thought you'd never see me again, but I really want to make amends. Can we get together sometime, maybe for dinner or drinks, and just talk? It would mean a lot to me, Kensi."

"Sure," she agreed slowly. "I guess a drink would be okay." They made plans for the next night after work.

She met Jack at a local hang out. He was sitting at the bar already when she walked in. Kensi noticed his well-defined muscles under the form-fitting shirt he wore with his dark jeans. "Hmm, still has his Marine physique," she thought to herself.

Jack looked up with a warm smile as he heard her boots clack on the floor. "Glad you could make it. I was nervous you wouldn't show up."

"I'm here. I said I would come, and I keep my word," she said, sitting down next to him. He ordered her a drink and then started right in on the speech he had prepared.

"I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for everything. I owe you an explanation," Jack began. "I know I hurt you, and a drink and a speech won't erase all the pain I caused, but it's a start at least. I hope you'll listen to what I have to say."

Kensi nodded for him to continue. Jack took a deep breath and set his beer bottle down before speaking again. "I was stupid, ok? So many things didn't make sense at that point in my life. The sandbox over there messed me up pretty good, but I thought I was strong enough to come home and get on with our life. I thought I could still be the man you loved and wanted, but the more I saw how normal your life was, and all our friends and family, and how out-of-place I felt every minute, I knew I wouldn't last. Too many memories, too many nightmares that took me away from the reality I wanted to have with you." He paused to take a drink.

"You know, I tried to help you. I knew you had a lot to deal with when you came home and I was willing to go through it all with you. Then you told me that being with me felt like hitting the ground, and I wasn't sure what to think. Those words hit my heart like a ton of bricks, and I started to doubt myself. You left, and I convinced myself that I wasn't good enough, that I didn't love you enough or in the right way. I felt like I had let you down and everything was my fault," Kensi told him, willing herself to not tear up as the memories surfaced.

"Kensi, look at me," Jack said. He reached across and put his hand on top of hers. "Nothing was your fault. None of it. I hope you know that. I was sick. I didn't think about anyone except myself back then. I thought I was doing it for you – leaving to protect you – but I know differently now. I thought staying would hurt you worse than anything else, so I left to prevent causing you any more pain. Obviously I was wrong. God, Kens, if I could take it all back I would. I never, ever meant to hurt you like that. I never meant to make you doubt yourself. I am so, so sorry."

Kensi looked him in the eye the entire time he spoke. She prided herself on being able to read people well – it was a skill she excelled at and it came in particularly handy during interrogations. A familiar feeling invaded her senses while she listened to Jack speak – a feeling she hadn't had since before he had deployed many years ago. He was telling her the truth, and he was being sincere. This wasn't an act or a joke. Jack was truly sorry for everything in the past.

"Do you… do you think you can ever forgive me? I know I have no right to ask, but I need to anyway. I need this."

She pulled her hand back from his and just looked at him for a moment. So much time had gone by, and yet she still had a soft spot for Jack. A few quiet moments went by. Kensi was torn; so many emotions and thoughts were running through her head and heart. She took a drink and closed her eyes as the cool liquid went down her throat. Jack sat silently next to her, not saying a word. He waited on her.

Finally Kensi set her drink down and turned to Jack. "I forgive you, Jack. I can tell that you have gotten the help you needed and have turned your life around. I won't pretend that it's all ok – the hell I went through – but I survived it. I grew stronger because of it, and I have a great life now. So I can forgive you, Jack."

"Thank you," he simply answered. Kensi finished her drink and got up to leave. "Hey Kensi, it was really good to see you again. I mean it. I'm glad you're happy." He held out his hand. She offered him a smile and shook his hand.

"It was good to see you, too, Jack. It's nice to finally have closure on that chapter."

"Um, this might be out of line or a little inappropriate, but I was wondering if you'd like to come over this weekend…" Seeing the shocked look on her face, he quickly continued. "I'm having a cookout, with a couple of friends. I didn't mean just you and me, sorry. I would love to have you come meet my friends, see for yourself that I'm doing ok now. Plus, if I remember correctly, you were never one to turn down a good hamburger," Jack smiled.

"I don't know if that's such a good idea, Jack. You said what you needed to say. You have my forgiveness. I think going our separate ways again is a better idea," Kensi told him.

"Come on. I don't expect us to be best friends or anything. It's just one cookout. You can bring a friend – or your boyfriend – if you want to. Please come."


Will she or won't she? Stick around for the next chapter to find out, ha ha! As always, I appreciate all reviews and messages. Let me know what you think, please.