1. INT. DRAGONFLY INN — RECEPTION. DAY.
Lorelai hurries down the staircase of the Dragonfly, wearing her wedding dress.
LORELAI
How did I end up here? I don't remember going to sleep here.
Miss Patty is walking by at the bottom of the stairs and Michel is leaning against the reception desk, holding Paul Anka on a leash.
MISS PATTY
Oh, honey, I wouldn't expect you to remember anything after last night.
She looks Lorelai up and down.
MISS PATTY
That's a very flashy dress.
She continues on, walking outside.
LORELAI
Last night? What happened last night?
MICHEL
I do not know, but will you please take your dog? He smells.
Lorelai rushes past him towards the kitchen.
LORELAI
No time Michel. Just give him a bath and get his outfit on. Sookie! Coffee!
. DRAGONFLY INN — KITCHEN. DAY.
Sookie scurries around the table towards Lorelai, handing her a large coffee mug.
SOOKIE
Here you go. Magic Pretty coffee!
LORELAI
Magic?
SOOKIE
Yep. It's to help make you beautiful.
Lorelai looks disturbed.
LORELAI
But aren't I already beautiful?
Sookie just giggles.
. DRAGONFLY INN. DAY.
A limo is parked outside the inn and Christopher is leaning against it. Lorelai leaves the inn and approaches him. She looks surprised to see him.
LORELAI
Christopher?
CHRISTOPHER
Lor. Nice threads.
Lorelai looks at her dress, uncertainly.
LORELAI
What are you doing here?
CHRISTOPHER
You didn't really think I'd miss the wedding did you? And also, Emily called me this morning and said something about your Dad's leg cramping or turning green or something, so they're not going to be able to make it.
He holds up a video camera.
CHRISTOPHER
I'm supposed to record the ceremony from a guest's perspective.
LORELAI
What? They're not coming? I don't-
Rory and Jess approach from the driveway. Rory is wearing an overcoat over her dress. Jess has a tux on.
RORY
Mom! You're up. Did you hear about Grandpa?
LORELAI
I heard something.
RORY
I think his leg fell off. Or maybe it's haunted. You always wanted a haunted leg.
Jess slings his arm around Rory's waist.
JESS
Shouldn't we get going? I really want to find my peanuts.
Rory pushes him away gently, kissing his cheek.
RORY
You go. I need some Parent time.
Jess nods and ambles away. From the back, we can see his suit jacket has T-Birds written on it. Rory turns to her mom.
RORY
He has to break every rule in the book. So? Big day...
Lorelai still looks a little bemused.
LORELAI
Yeah...
CHRISTOPHER
It's gonna be great. I'm excited.
RORY (to Lorelai)
Did Sookie give you some of the Magic Pretty Coffee?
LORELAI (uncertainly)
Yes...
Rory nods.
RORY
I thought so. You look nice. We should set off I guess.
LORELAI
Okay.
Rory looks around.
RORY
Where's Paul Anka?
Taylor suddenly rushes out of the Dragonfly, pulling Paul Anka behind him.
TAYLOR
Lorelai! This dog can't be allowed to wonder around your establishment. You really need to keep him at home or hire a dog sitter. I hear Kirk offers a very good service. I've also had to confiscate some more inappropriate literature from him. You'll need to fill in another D42 form; Canine Literature Acquisition.
Jess walks back up, clutching a bag of peanuts which he holds up proudly.
JESS
I got my nuts. Had to kill Luke to get them, but I did.
Rory kisses him sweetly.
RORY
Good for you. I'm so proud.
She pulls a baseball cap out from her coat, positioning it backwards on Jess's head, then shrugs out of her coat as she walks towards the limo.
RORY
Now can we please go and get married?
Lorelai watches in surprise as she sees that Rory is wearing a wedding dress. Jess holds out his bag of nuts.
JESS
Anyone want a nut?
Lorelai looks down at her self to see that she's now wearing an Emily Gilmore style skirt and jacket.
LORELAI
Oh thank god!
. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE. DAY.
Lorelai and Rory are walking through the town, heading towards Luke's.
RORY
It's one week to your wedding, so I understand most of it. But Paul Anka is starting a revolution in your dreams and real life?
LORELAI
Apparently. Ooh — I know! We should check with Taylor and see if that form really exists. Then if it does, we'd know for sure that it was a premonition, and not just a dream.
RORY
Why would you think it was a premonition?
LORELAI
My dreams have come true before.
RORY (sceptically)
Oh yeah? When?
LORELAI
Well I used to dream about kissing Luke, didn't I? Now I do that every day.
RORY
That was one time. You were pregnant and he hid your coffee.
LORELAI
Uh huh...that was the time I told you about...
RORY
You had other Luke dreams before you were together?
LORELAI (absently)
Maybe...I also dreamt that my library books were overdue and Ms Green told me off and then that came true too.
RORY
Mom, when have you ever borrowed library books?
LORELAI
...Sixth grade.
RORY
Okay, sure, your dreams are coming true. Bu what I don't get is why was Jess looking for nuts?
They are now standing outside Luke's Diner. Lorelai looks at Rory like she's crazy and heads up the steps towards the diner.
LORELAI
Um, Rory, it was just a dream. Don't over analyse it!
Rory just stands at the foot of the stairs, looking after her mother in disbelief.
. LUKE'S DINER. DAY.
Lorelai approaches Luke at the counter. Behind her Rory walks in and goes to sit at a table.
LORELAI
Luke! Tell me I'm pretty.
Luke looks at her curiously before leaning in close.
LUKE (muttering)
If I weren't getting married in a week, I would take you right here and now.
Lorelai looks shocked. Luke shrugs.
LUKE
But I'm afraid I have an incredibly beautiful and jealous fiancé.
She grins at him.
LORELAI
Luke Danes, you're flirting!
She leans over the counter to kiss him.
LORELAI
Two lots of pancakes, bacon, french toast and a vat of coffee please.
Luke just shakes his head as she goes to sit at the table.
RORY
You look pleased.
LORELAI
Luke thinks I'm beautiful.
Rory smirks.
RORY
Even without the Magic Pretty Coffee? Wow. The guy must really love you.
Lorelai scowls.
LORELAI
You know, I brought you into this world. I could just as easily take you out of it.
At the counter Luke has picked up the coffee pot and two mugs and is about to head to Lorelai's table when Liz enters the diner.
LIZ
Big brother! Hey! I need to speak to you.
Luke stops and puts the mugs down.
LUKE
Hey Liz. I haven't seen you in a week. Is everything okay? You and T.J. still together?
Liz nods.
LIZ
Yes we are and we are great. He's amazing. He's so sweet and thoughtful and I can't believe how much I'm enjoying this pregnancy thing.
LUKE
Ah well that's great Liz. I'm really happy for you.
LIZ
Me too. I am so happy. I just...need...there's this one little thing.
Luke looks at her suspiciously.
LIZ
See, I'm in a really great place right now and I love T.J. and I just know that we're going to be so great together with this kid...but I need to tell Jess.
Luke frowns.
LIZ
And I don't know how to do it. I screwed up so much with him, I'm so nervous that he's gonna hate me for having another kid when I did everything so wrong the first time.
Luke rests his palms on the counter, staring down and shaking his head.
LUKE
Ah, Liz...
He looks up at Liz sympathetically.
LUKE
Liz, Jess already knows.
LIZ
What? How could he know?
LUKE
We live in Stars Hollow Liz! He's dating Rory.
Liz looks stricken.
LIZ
Oh...yeah...
LUKE
Look, he skipped town last weekend after he found out. He was pretty upset about it.
Liz lets out a small yelp, but Luke keeps talking.
LUKE
Not about the pregnancy. I think he's really happy that you've got your life together, but...he should've heard the news from you Liz.
Liz looks glum now.
LIZ
Shit, shit, shit. See! I keep screwing him up.
LUKE
Just, call him. Explain it to him.
Lorelai suddenly appears at Luke's side and just stands there, staring at him.
LUKE
Lorelai?
She keeps staring.
LIZ
Hey Lorelai.
Still nothing. Luke suddenly rolls his eyes and fills up one of the coffee mugs, handing it to her. She takes a long gulp.
LORELAI
Jeez! What happened? Did you have to go to Cuba to plant the coffee beans and water them and watch them grown and harvest them and grind them and-
She stops to take another drink. Luke takes the opportunity to push her gently back towards her table.
LUKE
I'm sorry. I got distracted. Your pancakes will be right up.
LORELAI
Hey! Are you trying to kill my kid?
Grumbling Luke goes back to the counter and pours a coffee for Rory. He hands it to Lorelai and she smiles sweetly.
LORELAI
Am I still beautiful?
. STARS HOLLOW TOWN SQUARE. DAY
Lorelai and Rory are back outside, walking through the town.
RORY
So what's next? Mall? Movies? Kayaking?
LORELAI
I was thinking movies at the mall in Hartford, so we can throw in a bit of shopping as well. If you want to go kayaking, you'll have to do that later. This is Mommy Time.
Rory smiles and wraps her arm around her mom.
RORY
I don't want to go kayaking. I was just covering all my bases. You have a reputation for being unpredictable.
Lorelai frowns.
LORELAI
Do you think that means we shouldn't go to the movies and the mall? I mean, it's not very exciting is it? This is our last week as just mother and daughter. We should do everything we might ever want to do while we still have the chance.
RORY (sceptically)
You think Luke is going to forbid you from doing stuff once you're married?
LORELAI
No, but it won't be the same. At the end of a marvellous kayaking trip, I'll be going home to my husband and...maybe another kid...it's not going to be just me and you anymore.
Rory gives her mom a comforting smile.
RORY
It's okay Mom. This is going to be good. I'm so happy for you.
Lorelai perks up.
LORELAI
Okay then, so starting today we're going to do all the things we never have. But not kayaking!
RORY
Okay. Where do we start?
Lorelai gets an excited grin on her face.
. DRAGONFLY INN. KITCHEN. DAY.
Sookie is sitting on a stool at the table, flipping through a book of cake designs. Rory and Lorelai enter through the back door, wearing dirty jeans and t-shirts. Rory is walking stiffly.
RORY
Sookie! Save me!
Sookie looks up and closes her book.
SOOKIE
Hi Rory honey. What did she do to you?
LORELAI
She fell off!
RORY
I told you it was a bad idea.
SOOKIE
Cletus threw you off?
LORELAI
Actually, no, I said that wrong; Cletus walked towards a bush, so Rory jumped off.
Rory collapses onto a stool next to Sookie.
SOOKIE
Aw, poor sweetie.
LORELAI
It was hilarious! I have got to get a video camera.
Lorelai starts pouring coffees for her and Rory.
RORY (sarcastically)
Well I'm glad to be so entertaining.
LORELAI
Oh, you were. Once I get my camera, I'm going to have you re enact it!
Rory scoffs.
RORY
You're going to need a while lot more than a video camera to get me anywhere near a horse again. I can't believe I let you talk me into it in the first place. I knew I was cursed.
LORELAI
Well I had fun anyway. God, it's been so long since I've ridden.
Sookie looks curious.
SOOKIE
You'd ridden a lot before?
Lorelai nods.
LORELAI
It was one of the best parts of my childhood. Riding lessons every Saturday afternoon for a year. Until my mother decided that the pony clubbing set weren't fashionable anymore.
SOOKIE
Really? I thought Emily would have been all about those showjumping, polo playing society types.
Lorelai shrugs.
LORELAI
Well, maybe she was...but I wasn't.
She scowls into her coffee and sighs.
LORELAI (defeatedly)
She cancelled my lessons when I came home one day and told her I wanted to move out west and be — and I quote - a cowgirl, or an outlaw.
Sookie chuckles while Rory smirks.
RORY
Oh yeah. I can just see you as a regular Butch Cassidy.
LORELAI
Ooh! Yes! That's the movie we're going to watch tonight.
Rory grins.
RORY
William Goldman double feature?
Lorelai nods.
LORELAI
The Princess Bride?
Rory nods.
RORY
Yep. Settled. Good! Are you going to join us Sookie?
SOOKIE
Oh, if that's okay with you guys?
LORELAI
Of course! Seven tonight then?
SOOKIE
Okay. I'll bring food.
LORELAI
Sookie, you are my bestest best friend.
Lorelai blows a kiss to Sookie as her and Rory stand and exit the Inn.
. DRAGONFLY INN. DAY.
Lorelai and Rory are heading for the Jeep.
LORELAI
Oh, and Rory, you should invite Lane. She called yesterday to say she got back from her honeymoon.
RORY
Okay. Great. What about Luke?
LORELAI
Nah. It can be a girl thing. Luke has to play diner man all weekend anyway coz' Caesar is off sick. Speaking of diner men, have you heard from Jess?
They stop at the jeep.
RORY
Yeah, he's coming back to town on Friday.
LORELAI
Have you spoken about this long distance thing yet?
Rory shakes her head.
RORY
No. I mean, he didn't exactly stick around last weekend and then we haven't talked on the phone all that much. I think he's still working through his Liz issues.
LORELAI
Talk to him kid.
Rory nods.
RORY
I will, when I see him.
They both climb into the Jeep.
LORELAI
And if he gives you any trouble, let me know and I'll kick his ass.
She puts on a mock serious face and a deep voice.
LORELAI
His time is over and he's gonna die bloody, and all he can do is choose where.
Rory rolls her eyes.
RORY
Sure Sherriff. But can I go home and take a shower first?
Lorelai starts the engine.
. GILMORE HOUSE. LOUNGE. NIGHT.
Lane wonders into the lounge room from the bathroom and collapses on the couch next to Lorelai and Sookie. She doesn't look very well. Rory sits on the floor.
RORY
Still feeling crappy?
LANE
The way I feel right now, I'd choose Bolivia over Mexico for my next holiday destination.
LORELAI
Wow it was really that bad?
LANE
Bad enough, that at one point I actually found myself missing Mama's tofu sandwiches.
Rory screws up her face.
RORY
That is bad. But I know what would cheer you up!
Lane looks at Rory expectantly. Rory holds up a DVD of The Princess Bride. Lane smiles.
LANE
Bring on Mark Knopfler!
SOOKIE
And the giant! I love the giant. He always makes me feel sad.
Sookie giggles and Lorelai looks at her curiously.
LORELAI
And yet, when you say that, you sound so happy.
Rory's cell phone starts to ring. She stands up to answer it, heading into the kitchen.
SOOKIE
What? Sad people can't be happy?
. GILMORE HOUSE. KITCHEN. NIGHT
Rory checks the caller ID as she answers the phone.
RORY
Hey.
. JESS'S BEDROOM. NIGHT
Jess sits at his desk on the phone. We cut between these two scenes.
JESS
Hey. I'm sorry if I'm calling too late.
Rory walks further into the kitchen, as if to check that she's out of earshot.
RORY
No it's fine. Good timing actually. We were just about to start our second movie.
JESS
Oh yeah?
RORY
Yep. The Princess Bride. It's a William Goldman movie night.
JESS
Cool. Good book.
Rory grins.
RORY
Brilliant book.
There's a pause.
JESS
So I...um...
RORY
What's up Jess?
Silence.
RORY
Jess, you're going to have to say something here!
JESS
As you wish...
There's another moment as Rory processes and then smiles.
RORY
Are you being cute Mr Mariano.
JESS
No! I don't do cute. Clever I do. Bad ass punk I can do. Sometimes I go all out and act professional, but I am never cute.
RORY
Well I think you are.
JESS
Just keep your opinions to yourself then. I'd hate to have to throw you into the Fire Swamp. Or, alternatively, tell Taylor that I saw you littering.
RORY
Taylor would never believe you. In fact, he'd probably arrest you for slander.
JESS
I'd like to see him try.
Rory chuckles.
JESS
So now I'm just going to say it.
Rory stops laughing.
RORY
Say what?
JESS
I'm sorry.
Rory is surprised.
JESS
I shouldn't have taken off like that. I just...you know...
RORY
Jess, it's okay. I wasn't mad at you.
JESS
Really? Coz' we haven't spoken much this week and I was kind of thinking...
RORY
I just wasn't sure how chatty you were feeling. I know you, remember? I figured you wanted your space.
JESS
Well then I appreciate it.
RORY
So, have you spoken to her yet?
JESS
Nope. Luke's called three times. I think he's worried I'm gonna disappear again and leave him with Kirk as a best man.
RORY
Oh god don't do that! I'd have to dance with him!
Jess looks horrified.
JESS
There's dancing?
Rory smirks.
RORY
It's okay. We don't have to dance too much.
JESS
I owe you one.
RORY
I'll remember that.
JESS
So this is your week with your mom?
RORY
Yep. It's our last seven days together. And tomorrow is her bachelorette party.
JESS
I'm so glad Luke didn't want one.
Rory laughs.
RORY
You didn't want another round of mud-wrestling with your uncle and T.J.?
Lorelai walks in and catches the end of this comment.
LORELAI
A what? Who's mud-wrestling?
JESS
Oh god...
RORY
Nothing Mom. Sorry. We're supposed to be watching the movie aren't we?
Lorelai nods excitedly and pulls out an imaginary sword, attacking an imaginary assailant.
RORY
Hey Jess, we'd better end this call now, otherwise my mom is going to stand Luke up next week and run off with the Dread Pirate Roberts.
JESS
Oh. Okay...As you wish.
Rory smiles.
RORY
I love you too.
Jess is smiling as he hangs up his phone. He stands from his desk and heads to the door.
. JESS'S APARTMENT. LOUNGE. NIGHT
Jess walks into the lounge room. Matt, Chris and Ben are sitting on the couch. Chris has a laptop on his knee. Matt and Ben are playing a video game. They look up as Jess enters.
CHRIS
So? Did you ask her?
Jess falls into an armchair.
JESS
Didn't get the chance.
MATT
Dude, you were on the phone for half an hour.
CHRIS
No, he was sitting in his room procrastinating for half an hour. I bet the call went for five minutes.
BEN
Nah, he could have done the call in 5 seconds.
He puts an imaginary phone up his ear.
BEN
(mimicking Jess) Hey Rory. (in a girly voice) Hi Jess! (Jess voice) I'll be there on Friday. Sorry for being a jerk. Bye. (normal voice). End scene.
Ben bows dramatically. Matt shakes his head.
MATT
You forgot the part where he says, 'huh' and runs his hand through his hair.
JESS
Why do I put up with you guys again?
CHRIS
Because you love us.
MATT
Yeah you love us, and we pay...(he looks at Chris and Ben, thinking)...three quarters of the rent.
CHRIS
Matt, did you just have to spend time working that out?
Matt ignores Chris and instead turns back to his game.
MATT
Sooo...Jess didn't ask, what do we do now?
JESS
I will ask. But she was busy and her mom was doing Lorelai stuff.
BEN
Lorelai stuff?
JESS
If you ever met her, you'd understand.
CHRIS
Wow, she's hot!
JESS
What?
Chris is pointing at his laptop.
CHRIS
Lorelai Gilmore, co-owner of The Dragonfly Inn? There's a website.
As Ben and Matt lean over to check out a picture of Lorelai standing in the Dragonfly, Jess just flops his head back and groans in disbelief.
. LUKE'S DINER. DAY.
Lorelai and Rory are sitting at a table eating burgers. Rory looks uncomfortable and is moving gingerly.
RORY
Death! No; torture! Hot pokey rods and...ooh - thumbscrews. Or foot roasting? The Spanish Tickler? Or maybe-
LORELAI
Okay, stop, stop! You're scaring me with your creepy ideas. I'm sorry. Really!
Lorelai looks at Rory incredulously.
LORELAI
Jeez, I didn't know I'd raised such a twisted kid. When did you learn all this stuff?
RORY
I did a paper on the Attorney General and then another on Shiro Ishii. I think I now know enough about the subject to get any information I want from anybody.
Lorelai looks horrified.
LORELAI
Yale?! This is the kind of stuff they're teaching you? Honey, maybe I made the wrong choice when I decided not to home school you.
RORY
When were you ever planning to home school me?
LORELAI
For about three minutes after my mother gave me a lecture about getting you into a reputable school so that you could achieve your full potential. You were four.
Rory nods.
RORY
Why'd you change your mind?
LORELAI
I remembered that I didn't hate you and that one day, I wanted you to be able to get a job. Speaking of; have you started looking for something for the summer?
RORY
I've made a list of a few papers I'm going to try. I wanted to wait until after the wedding before I started looking really seriously.
Luke approaches their table.
LORELAI
Hey! You didn't bring coffee!
LUKE
We're out.
LORELAI
You are not!
LUKE
I lost it.
LORELAI
Luke!
LUKE
Lane and Caesar held up the place and took it all.
LORELAI
Now you're being ridiculous.
Luke points at her cup in frustration.
LUKE
You've already had three cups. And you haven't even finished that one.
Lorelai looks at him like he's crazy.
LORELAI
What does that have to do with anything?
Luke just stares at her.
LORELAI
Hey Rory, use some of that torture stuff on Luke until he gives us more coffee.
Rory looks a little surprised by the suggestion.
LORELAI
Oh, I don't mean anything disfiguring or mean. Use a nice one.
Rory scoffs at this.
RORY
Mom, do I need to remind you what torture is?
Lorelai frowns and sighs.
LORELAI
Oh, fine. In that case, if you withhold coffee, I withhold sex.
Rory screws her face up at this and Luke looks embarrassed. He shakes his head and walks back to fetch the coffee pot. Rory chuckles as he leaves.
LORELAI (calling)
Oh! And make them to go please.
RORY
Wow! I can't believe that worked.
Lorelai nods smugly.
LORELAI
Never underestimate the power of your Gilmore wiles.
RORY
I'll be sure and remember that.
LORELAI
Oh darn it. Now you're thinking about doing something slutty aren't you? Damn. I am such a bad role model.
Luke comes back with two take away coffee mugs and hands them to Lorelai and Rory. Lorelai looks at him slyly as she and Rory stand.
LORELAI
I should probably mention now, that you're not getting any tonight anyway coz' it's my party.
Luke keeps his head down as he shakes it.
LUKE (quietly to Lorelai)
I'll still be awake when you get home.
Lorelai gasps and slaps him playfully, then gives him a quick kiss. As her and Rory head for the door, Rory is walking bow-legged and holding her back as if in pain.
RORY
Iron maiden; the rack; denailing; kneecapping —
Lorelai hurries out in front of her.
LORELAI
I'm sorry! I'm sorry! You never have to look at a horse
again.
. GILMORE HOUSE. LOUNGE. NIGHT.
Lorelai is in the lounge, pulling on her shoes. She's all dressed up for her hen's night. Rory enters, also dressed fancy. She appears to be walking better.
LORELAI
Are we ready?
RORY
Looks like it. We just have to wait for Sookie.
LORELAI
Oh my God! We're ready early?
RORY
I can't explain it either.
Lorelai looks at Rory cautiously.
LORELAI
Are you still sore?
RORY
The bath helped; and the Advil; and the heat packs; and the grovelling. Not to mention your promises to do all my laundry for the next week.
LORELAI (Desperately)
I did not promise that!
Rory glares.
RORY
I got it in writing!
Lorelai scowls and then looks around her, awkwardly.
LORELAI
Man, I can't believe we're ready early. Maybe I'm not!
She starts patting herself.
LORELAI
Did I forget underwear? No. No. I have earrings. My shoes match...This is weird.
There's a knock on the door.
SOOKIE (o/s)
Get your butts out here! It's time to party!
Lorelai looks relieved.
LORELAI
Okay. We're good now. Let's go!
Lorelai and Rory head for the door, but Lorelai pulls up short at the bottom of the staircase.
LORELAI
Ah! Where's my purse?
***************************************
A/N: Lots of seemingly crazy random bits, but I think they'll hopefully make sense once I finish the rest of the episode. Please review! It really helps.
~VC
