I couldn't help the smirk spread across my face, or to be precise Cartman's face. This was going to be fun. What should I do first? First I needed to get out of this classroom.
"Mr Garrison!" I shouted getting his attention.
"What is it, Eric?" He asked exasperatedly.
"I just wanted to make sure. So are you still a lesbian or are you gay again?" Chuckles erupted around the class.
"Eric Cartman, do you want to go to the principal's office!?" Mr Garrison shouted in outrage.
"That'd be great actually" I assured him, crossing my arms indignantly.
"That's it! Eric Cartman report to the principal's office!" Mr Garrison insisted.
I shrugged a grin on my face, "If you insist"
I walked out of the classroom proudly.
Is that the best you got Kinneh? I get in trouble all the time. Cartman hissed arrogantly.
Nope this is just the beginning Cartman. I replied with a chuckle.
As I entered the principal's office she gave a sigh as she saw me, "What was it this time, Eric?"
"None of your business, bitch" I hissed before grabbing the microphone from her desk. I turned it on and spoke into it, hearing my voice echo through the school's intercom. "Attention everyone, this is Eric Cartman. I have an announcement."
"What do you think you're doing young man?" the principal yelled in disbelief.
I ignored her, digging into Eric's mind searching for some good dirt I could find on him. "Just letting you all know some interesting things about me. My cousin and I once touched wieners. I've dressed up like a girl lots of times and I actually enjoy it. Sometimes I practise making out with my stuffed animal, Clyde frog. The real reason I like wrestling is getting to tackle guys. And most of all I just wanted to say…"
Don't do it Kinneh! I'm seriously! Cartman's panicked voice shouted knowing what I was about to say.
"…I'm totally gay and in love with Kahl"
I could practically imagine the classroom's reaction. Everyone's eyes on Kyle as he froze, wide eyed. Then he would stand in outrage, assuming this was another joke. Most likely screaming something like "That son of a bitch!"
I set the microphone back on the principal's desk and she look at me in outrage.
"You are in big trouble, Eric!" she shouted.
"Kewl, but actually I have stuff to do so. Screw you, I'm going home" I recited Cartman's catch phrase and left the room, leaving her wide eyed, her mouth open in utter disbelief.
Ha you fell for it. I don't really like Kahl. I was just messing with you, Cartman insisted with a nervous chuckle.
I can read your mind, dumbass, I know you're lying I objected.
God Dammit Kinneh! I'm going to kill you! Cartman threatened as I casually strolled down the hallway.
Whatever, it's not like it'd be the first time. I shrugged unfazed. Besides, this is just the start. I have a lot more planned asshole.
As I passed the classrooms I couldn't help but wonder what Butters was doing. I hadn't seen him since yesterday. I kind of missed him.
Ha! And you're the one calling me gay! Cartman insisted hearing my thoughts. I cut back my retort but I was unable to stop the thought from entering my mind. Dammit, controlling what you say is so much harder in your mind! I cursed as I heard Cartman gasp.
You're a girl? Oh man, wait til I tell everyone! Cartman said laughing hysterically.
I scowled. You're really not understanding the position you're in Cartman. How about I remind you?
I walked over to the fire alarm and pulled it down without even hesitating. The high pitched bell rang throughout the school. Everyone began milling out of the classrooms and I blended into the crowds as I made my way to the exit.
Leaving the school had been surprisingly easy. Nobody stopped me, nobody even questioned me. But I knew Cartman would be in big trouble later. Maybe even enough for his Mum to actually yell at him for once.
Where are we going? Cartman asked nervously.
Don't worry, we're going to one of your favourite places I assured him.
Casa Bonita? He asked excitedly.
I think you like this place even better I insisted with a smirk.
Thank god this town is small, I only had to walk for half an hour before we reached our destination.
KFC? We're getting KFC? He shouted eagerly as we walked inside the store.
"Can I get a bucket of extra crispy chicken please?" I asked the woman at the counter. I pulled out Cartman's wallet and paid her. He didn't even mind that I'd used his money, he was too busy mentally drooling at the bucket that I now carried.
Can we have some chicken, please! You've got to want some too right? He asked anxiously. But I ignored him, instead I walked further up the street. Searching for signs of what I was looking for. Finally I found it, the alley where the few homeless left in South Park reside.
What are you doing, Kinneh? He asked nervously.
"Who's hungry?" I asked offering the bucket to the four men surrounding a burning trash bin. They looked at me in awe as they grabbed the bucket, thanking me generously.
No! No Kinneh! That's my chicken! You can't give it to those hobos! Cartman protested horrified.
Not anymore. I corrected him cheerfully. I could feel just how annoyed he was. It was like a giant ball of rage accumulating in the back of his mind.
His phone began to ring and I saw that it was his Mother. I answered it despite his protests.
"What?" I sad trying to sound as rude as possible.
"You're in a lot of trouble young man. I want you home right now!" she finally managing to sound like the authority.
"Fuck you" I replied nonchalantly before hanging up.
Ay! Don't you talk to my Mum like that! Cartman argued.
I didn't. You did I replied a satisfied smile still on my face.
I continued on my way. This felt so good, finally teaching Cartman a lesson.
You just wait! When I get out of here I'm gonna get you for this Kinneh! Eric threatened.
I just smirked. What more could he do that I hadn't already suffered? What could be worse than the curse I already bear?
Oh I'll find worse! I promise you that! Cartman replied.
Well I think it's time we take a visit to an old friend, don't you? I inquired ominously. Cartman read my thoughts.
What? No! Kinneh you can't be serious. He'll kill us both! Cartman insisted fear rushing through him.
I shrugged unconcerned. I'm already dead.
Cartman's struggle to escape his mind became more resistant as we neared my target. But his attempts achieved nothing but frustration on his part. He then turned to begging. His panic was obvious but I didn't give in. I knew this was the one and only person that Cartman was truly afraid of. Not only because that person had a huge vendetta against him, but because he represents the one thing Cartman's vulnerable about.
I knocked on the door and waited patiently. I didn't have to wait long before the door opened and I greeted the person on the other side.
"Hello Scott"
I hope you guys liked this chapter, this is only part one of Kenny's revenge since I couldn't fit all of it in one chapter. I'm also sorry about the loss of Bunny scenes. I promise once this Cartman thing is done we'll have plenty of Bunny fluff :3
Don't forget to review :D
