I do not own The Hunger Games

Chapter Twelve-Not Yet

(Peeta)

Someone screams. A blood-curdling scream. It pierces my ears and shoots my brain into consciousness. I look around and slowly piece together why I'm here, who I am, and what's true. It takes about ten minutes this morning to work through my mind. New record. Then it hits me right in the gut, Katniss is the one who made that scream. I look over at her and she's clutching her stomach like she's about to be sick. Her body is as stiff as a rock. I'm by her side in seconds.

"Katniss?"

No answer. I take her into my arms willing her to come back to me. Just like yesterday, her muscles slowly unclench and relax. I finally get her to lay down again. "It's early." I say.

"Wha..What time?" She chokes out.

"The sun is just coming up."

"My scream woke me, that's why."

"Tell me what's wrong Katniss."

"I told you yesterday Peeta. I'm fine."

"Please stop. You don't have to convince me your okay. I want to know what's going on."

She doesn't say anything. I kiss her forehead and whisper,

"Please Katniss?"

She thinks for a second.

"I'm scared about losing you. I'm scared to take pleasure in anything because I know it could all be gone in seconds. Prim disappeared in a blink of an eye, so did Finnick, so did Gale, and so did you Peeta. So every morning I'm frozen as everything rushes through my head and eventually I find a way to lock them away so I can get on with my day."

She swallows her sobbing sounds.

"And humming gives you the strength to do that?"

"Not strength, it just relaxes the burning."

I think for a minute about ways she could make the pain go away instead of just ease. I fight my nightmares off by reviewing my life, but that would just make it worse for Katniss. She needs to focus on her future. A place with more hope and no more games.

"What makes you happiest Katniss? When now in your life are you happiest?"

I was almost sure she was going to tell me that she was happiest in the woods, and then I'd be lost. I just know that if she can recall happy memories in the mornings, it might help. The woods however, would mean she'd have to go there.

"I'm happiest when someone does something nice." She answers.

She continues telling me about all the memories she has of someone being kind. I didn't expect it. But I think it's one of the best things I've found out about her. I put my hand on her cheek, "Then that's your answer Katniss."

"What is?"

"When you freeze just think about all the times you've seen an act of kindness. I mean you got more color in your cheeks and your breathing steadied just because you were talking to me about it."

"That just might work Peeta."

"If it doesn't we'll give Dr. Aurelius a call."

She seems relived and almost hopeful.

"How do you do it Peeta? How do you get everything sorted out?"

I laugh, knowing how ridiculous it is.

"Well I mean, it feels like I go through my entire life every morning. Shaking away anything shiny and only focusing on the plain memories."

We eat an early breakfast and then pick up the book. We read through the whole thing by two. Katniss giggles at the flour story and I smiled like an idiot through all the parts about our cave. But still, it's just not as good as is could be. Which is why over lunch I say, "It needs something."

"It needs more stories."

"Well we don't have many more do we?"

"No, but we will someday." She smiles.

That makes my heart swell to twice its normal size.

We head over to our mentors house. The place reeks and there seems to be an empty bottle in every available location. Haymitch is passed out on a chair.

"I know what to do." Katniss tells me.

She gets a pot, fills it with ice-cold water and dumps it on his head. I can't help but laugh as he jolts up, but the funniest thing has to be the smirk on Katnisses face.

"Well it has been a while. How are my star-crossed lovers? Nice of you to stop by anyway. Wh..Why am I soaking wet?" He says.

We both laugh. It's good to hear her laugh again. I get Haymitch cleaned up, but he's awake enough to handle the shower alone. It's good to talk to him again. As much as I hate to admit it, and as mad as Katniss would be, I actually think Haymitch can be quite funny when he's drunk. He rambles on about stupid stuff and it can be entertaining to listen too.

We head back downstairs, where Katniss has been hard at work. The place looks, for lack of a better word, livable. She's set out some food and cleaned spills and thrown away bottles.

"So I've been thinking about raising geese…" Haymitch says with a loud laugh from the corner of the room. "What have you both been doing to keep busy?"

Of course, we all do something to keep our minds off the games.

"We're writing a book." Katniss says.

For some reason Haymitch finds that hilarious. He almost falls but I catch him. I restrain a laugh, because I can tell Katniss isn't happy with his reaction.

"Well it's a better hobby than getting drunk and passing out everyday." She snaps.

I have to agree with that one.

"Speaking of the book Haymitch, it's kind of a book of memories. So we were wandering if maybe you could contribute some of yours because we're running a little low?"

He agrees, and says he'll write it in a separate book and then give it to us.

I go home and take a shower, while Katniss does the same. My house is dark and dingy. You can tell no one's really lived in it for a while. All the grief and guilt about my dad and two brothers hits me right in the gut again. I struggle up the stairs to my shower. The water feels good and it mixes in with my tears.

I grab most of my clothes and walk back over to Katniss; it's still somewhat bright outside. Summer's coming in. I realize this will be the first summer in 75 years where no reaping takes place. It's a good feeling.

Greasy Sae brings us diner again tonight, and I give her some bread in exchange. Once my bakery's open, she'll never have to worry about being short on bread ever again. I play with Callie. She tells me more about her own little imaginary world.

We go to bed early. We're both tired because of how early we woke up. I tuck Katniss in and kiss her forehead. I turn to get in my chair, but she grabs my hand. I give up on the hope that she will ever just trust me on this.

"Stay with me."

"I'm better Katniss, but not that much better."

"Please?"

"Katniss…"

"Why do we have to go through this every night? Just give in already."

I laugh, but I don't give in. However I do lean down so that we're eye level and I press her lips to mine. My stomach explodes and my hearts speeds up. I'm able to stay steady for a lot longer than usual, but eventually the nightmares storm in. I pull back and close my eyes tight and clench my hands to keep them away from Katniss. The voice in the back of my head gets more and more powerful each day.

"Sorry.."

She doesn't let me finish. "No, I'm sorry."

I go back to my chair and I notice how heavily Katniss is breathing. It makes me smile. I want to ask; I want to ask her so bad. But I can't. I know that it isn't the right time.

Thank you for reading you wonderful people! PLEASE REVIEW! I liked this chapter, and I hope you did too! I'm starting another story soon about Finnick and Annie soon, so if you'd like, I'd love it if you would read it when it's up! Well, thanks again!