A/N: With this chapter, please bear in mind what i said at the beginning of journal entry 1; there will be some things you recognise (certain quotes etc.), but that isn't me trying to rip off John Green or anything (i do not own anything unfortunately) but like i said, i imagine that when Gus wrote Hazel's eulogy for Van Houten, he looked through his journal to find the perfect way to say how he feels. Also, whilst i'm making comments, to the guest fan constantly asking for another Shansel fic - im really glad you loved the fics but in order to write another one i would need more than one person to want it, plus i have this story to focus on at the moment and a life away from the computer, i hope you understand :) Hope you guys enjoy the entry and i hope you're enjoying the series so far!

Journal Entry #12

I've just got back from Children's. I got a call from Mrs Lancaster when I was on my way home from Memorial. Hazel Grace's lungs filled up with fluid over night and she's in the ICU. I wanted to see her so desperately but it was Family Only. I didn't know what to do with myself. I sat in the hospital waiting room for what felt like forever as Mr Lancaster kept coming out to check on me. He told me to go home and get some rest a few times, but I didn't wanna go anywhere. I stuck around until her parents had finally gone home, and that's when I had this rather grand idea to follow a nurse into the room without her spotting me. She was unconscious, so I sat beside her and just stared at her for a little while. She had this dark cancer water dripping from her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, and I took it within my own, admiring her nail polish. And I just willed myself to imagine a world without us and what a worthless world that would be. And for a split second; I hoped she would die, so that I would never have to tell her that I'm dying too. But then, she would never get a chance to see that I don't care whether she hurts me or not, that I'm absolutely crazy about her, and we would never get the chance to fall in love and, my god, I hope that happens soon. I eventually got caught, but those ten minutes that I got with her mean everything. She'll pull through this, I know she will. She'll fight for everyone around her, because she's incredible like that.

I better get some sleep. I plan on calling her parents tomorrow morning before I start chemo.

A.W