Chapter 12 - Memories
Eternity's Struggle
Eternity's Struggle, the sequel to A Glimpse of Eternity, is a complication of short stories, letters and life-snapshots that are sprinkled throughout the events of Mass Effect 2 following both Commander Kiara Shepard and Kaidan Alenko. While they're in chronological order, its not the complete storyline of the whole of Shepard's missions as she prepares, then faces, the Collectors. There will be SPOILERS. Please read the Eternity Series - Disclaimer for more general information.
Disclaimer: I own only the parts of the individual personality of Commander Kiara Shepard I have developed inspired by the Commander Shepard in the gameplay. I do not own, nor hold any rights, to any of the characters, dialogue, storylines or any part in or of the "Mass Effect" game series. I want to thank Drew Karpyshyn and his staff of amazing writers, animators and voice actors. These are for fan enjoyment only and no money had been made on these stories.
It'd been a few days since they'd left the Citadel, on to another mission in preparation for their trip through the Omega 4 relay. Shepard was glad Garrus had gotten revenge on the man who'd killed his squad. She was also happy that they had gotten Thane to the Citadel in time to stop his son from ruining his life. He had been following down a dark path and Shepard was honored that Thane had wanted her to be there with him to help bring Kolyat away from the life his father had led.
It had been an emotional time but one father and son needed. Shepard hoped they would get the chance to repair the rift between them. They both deserved it and she knew they could both use the closure if the worst were to happen with the Collectors.
For her part, Shepard was still fuming over her talk with Anderson. She'd gone to check in with him and say her goodbyes but the meeting had gone far different than she had expected. He admitted to knowing that Kaidan had been on Horizon when she'd first asked about him, investigating the reports of Cerberus. Anderson had known and hadn't told her. Kiara had known Anderson her whole life, her father and the now-Admiral close friends. He was her former CO and a dear friend to her in his own right and the bastard had spied on her.
To think he didn't know her better than to think she was some pawn of the Illusive Man infuriated her. Still, she couldn't entirely blame him. Cerberus was a shifty organization and manipulative to the fullest extent. When she cooled down, she realized that had she been in his position, she likely would have done the same. Still, it hurt knowing he knew where Kaidan was and what he was doing and hadn't told her. Anderson was one of the few in her life who knew her relationship with Commander Alenko went past former crew-mate.
It was all in the past though. With what they were going to face, it had to be. She'd cooled off, shot Anderson an apology letter for her reaction and eventually found herself outside the life support bay where Thane had taken up residence. She wanted to check on him, see how he was doing after the Citadel and seeing his son. She buzzed the com and received entry.
"Do you need something?" Thane asked, his back remaining to the door as he faced the window overlooking the engine.
"Have a few minutes to talk?" she asked, not wanting to intrude if he was busy.
"Very well. I am…I had been recording a message for Kolyat," he admitted, gesturing for her to take a seat across from him.
"How are things going with him?" Shepard asked, taking the offered seat and leaning forward on the table. She studied him, trying to gauge his mood. It was difficult trying to read him, having had little exposure to drell previously, but she managed.
"It is difficult. All things worth keeping are."
Shepard's thoughts turning to Kaidan and hers relationship at Thane's statement. They were the epitome of the word 'difficult'. She shook the thoughts from her head. No, she already let him go. He needed to move on and she did too so she could focus on what needed to be done. She reflected on Samara's words spoken to her earlier, "…my feelings have always come after my duty. The same is true of you." Shepard focused on those words now. Her duty to the mission, to stopping the Reapers, and to her crew had to come before anything else.
Thane watched her as she watched him, noting the moment when her thoughts seemed to run away from her. She was a hard woman to read but he was learning her quirks and tells. Something had been troubling her for sometime, weighing down her heart. He wanted to be the one to alleviate that weight in whatever way he could, though he was at a loss for how.
He recognized the pain in her. He felt it himself at the memory of his wife. Before Thane realized it, the words were coming out of his mouth, "I never explained…I suppose the story of my wife's death took you by surprise."
She leaned forward a bit, relaxing against the table, showing her interest in the conversation. Once more her attention was focused on him and away from the thoughts that pulled at her, "I figured you'd explain it to me when you were ready."
He bowed his head to her, "I appreciate your patience." Slowly he rose, pacing in front of the table, "I kept my work clear of our home life. I assumed that would be enough to protect Irikah. That memory I mentioned before - laser dot trembles on the target's skull, the smell of spice on the spring wind, sunset eyes defiant in the scope," he suddenly took on that far away look as he recalled the memory in perfect detail. When he came out of it, he looked at Shepard, blinking his focus back to the present, "That was Irikah. That was how I met her. She saw my targeting laser as she walked by and threw herself in the way."
Empathy covered Shepard's face as Thane took his seat again, "When you talked to Kolyat, you said she died."
Thane looked down, sorrow written on his features, "I let myself become complacent. I thought Irikah and Kolyat were safe. I stayed away too long and my enemies came for her."
"You told Kolyat that you hunted her killers down."
"Irikah woke me up. When she passed, I returned to my battle sleep. My body hunted her killers. Murdered them. I was taught to grant death quickly, cleanly. To minimize suffering. Them…" Thane's face took on a hard look, "I let them linger." He struggled not to recall the memories of their deaths, calling upon his strength to keep them at bay.
"You were operating on instinct. By your own rules, you can't blame yourself," Shepard said compassionately, her pale gaze focused on him.
"But I made the choice to hunt them. They're the only lives I've ever taken of my own choice. The only deaths on my own conscience." Their deaths weighed heavily on him and he knew they would until he took his last breath. It was then he realized he'd spoken of something he'd never shared before aloud. He sat back, regarding Shepard with a soft gaze and the ease at which he found himself when in her company, "I haven't spoke about my wife in…I don't think I ever have. I didn't have anyone left to tell it to."
"I'm here for you, Thane," Shepard said, giving a warm smile as she looked to him, "Whatever you need." And she meant it. She cared for Thane and considered him a close friend. Perhaps, were things different, she might have even considered him more than a close friend but that couldn't happen. She had the mission and the pain of losing Kaidan was still too fresh in her heart to love another. She was content to enjoy his companionship while they had time to enjoy it.
"You," Thane bowed his head and smiled, "You are very kind." He leaned forward then, resting his forearms on the table, "Thank you for listening, siha."
"I think my translator just glitched," she said with a curious smirk, "What did you call me?"
"Siha. Someday I will tell you what it means," he said with a small smile. It fit her and it settled on his lips warmly as he called her it as a form of endearment. It was the greatest compliment he knew to give to one such as her.
"I should let you finish your message to Kolyat," Shepard said as she stood and then, with a warm nod, departed.
Thane watched her as he went, still as mesmerized as the day he met her by her strength and beauty. He had seen her many more times in battle since then, fought at her side, and he had no doubts. She was a siha and she had fought her way into his heart.
