Bella's POV:
It was the day of the trial.
It was the day that will probably decide the fate of the rest of my life. Yes, I understand how dramatic that sounds, but in reality, it wasn't. I had thought constantly about how crucial these next few hours would be of my life. It all counted on what the judge would decide. Would I be sentenced to a young offenders institute and then move to a proper jail when I turned eighteen – which, conveniently enough is going to happen only in a few months time? I had pondered over my possible sentences and I have even done masses of research, anything that could get me out of this, or prepare me for what was to come.
But everything all ended the same way. Either way I will end up with a criminal record, which will make it hard for me to go to university, to get a job, maybe even get a house. I don't know how these things work.
All of the future I could possibly have had was taken away from me within a few hours of undeniable stupidity on my behalf.
Nice going Bella. Is there anything else you can do to fuck up your life even more?
Two weeks ago I had been released out of hospital after the doctor prescribed me a hell a lot of painkillers for my injury – none of which really worked by the way. I assumed that my mother had warned them beforehand not to give me any heavier tablets due to the fact that she still thought I was a druggie. This all ends up resulting with me being in unnecessary pain.
Not like my mum would even care about that to be honest. Ever since I had woken up in hospital she had been very distant with me and hardly spoke two words to me per day, giving me appalled looks whenever she had to come and visit me. It was even worse at home now because we were around each other constantly – one of the downsides of living in a small house. The tension in the air was incredibly thick and heavy and if it had not been for the fact that I was under 'house arrest' I would have escaped outside, even if it were just for a few single minutes.
Of course, my father being present as well wasn't exactly helping the relationship between me and my mother. In fact, it made it even worse. They both exchanged pleasantries when needed; helped each other prepare the meals; do the housework and so on... But you could tell every time they smiled at each other it was forced and every time they talked to each other, you could, again, tell that they wished the other wasn't here.
Like Renee, Charlie hadn't been very pleased that I had landed myself in hospital. When I was lying in the bed, he did his part of acting like the good father by showing up and being worried, but again, like my mother, he had that look in his eyes and his face that he wished that I didn't turn out like this and was appalled and ashamed by my disgusting behaviour. The most we had spoken to each other was when he gave the whole 'I'm very disappointed in you lecture,' like my mum did when I had woken up. I didn't need to hear it all over again, so of course, like most teenagers tend to do when their parents are lecturing them, I tuned him out.
Charlie also had this annoying habit of bringing up Edward for some reason. Saying how the morning after I had left he had come barging around, demanding to see me. And how he was such a nice and polite boy and it was a pity that I hadn't managed to get back together with him, because maybe none of this would have happened if I had.
Whenever he brought this up, I would ball my fists up and clench my teeth together, refraining myself from really telling my dad how much of a prick Edward really was. Not that he would believe me; my dad always believes the facade that people put up in front of him.
Edward, I don't think that there are any words that could describe my feelings for him at the moment. Loathe, hate, those were just a few of the many feelings that have been tumbling around my brain and body these past few months. I just wanted to punch him or slap him silly. I know he had gotten my letter, because when I had rung my dad once, he had told me that he gave it to Edward personally.
Yet, Edward still didn't contact me. He knew where I was and all it took was one trip to my dad's house to find out my number or address. It just really hurt me to know that he just didn't care. I had told him in the letter that I would never in my existence cheat on him, and I had all but told him that I had been raped. I mean I thought it was pretty obvious myself, and if I hadn't cheated, then what other option was there?
So I had assumed that he had figured it out, but he didn't call me or anything because he didn't want me. Who would though? I had been broken, violated, filthy, weak... So it shouldn't have come to that much of a surprise. But I had always held on to the tiny bit of hope that just maybe, maybe, he would help me through it and support me and love me for how I was. It just hurt so much to know how much I really meant to him, nothing but a piece of filth on the bottom of his shoe.
"Bella, are you awake?" I heard my mum call through my bedroom door, giving it a soft tap in the process.
"Yeah," I replied, tersely, not wanting to reveal much of how scared I was feeling at the moment.
"We have to be in court in three hours, so I suggest that you have a shower and dress up respectably; breakfast will be waiting for you downstairs." And before I could reply, I heard her footsteps retreating down the hallway and down the stairs.
I sighed and climbed out of bed, glancing at the clock. It was six in the morning, too early for anyone to be up, yet alone me. But I could feel the lack of sleep already dawning upon me, which is what happens when you don't sleep all night. I rubbed my eyes and yawned, stumbling out of my room and towards the bathroom. I met my father halfway down the hallway, and he gave me a small, seemingly forced, reassuring smile before disappearing downstairs. He didn't even give me a chance to respond, I thought to myself, he must be really pissed.
When I was in the bathroom, I undressed and stepped into the shower, turning the knob so that the water was hot, a technique I used when I needed to relax. I let the steaming water rush over my shoulders, relaxing my muscles before they tensed when I remembered the upcoming trial. I shampooed and conditioned my hair, before washing myself repeatedly. Something I tended to do every day now, leaving my skin pink and raw.
I must have been in the shower for about half an hour before my mother kindly banged on the bathroom door, shouting through it. "Bella! We don't have all day you know, and let me remind you that there are other people in this house besides yourself that need to have a shower yet." She sounded pissed and annoyed, so I sighed and turned off the shower and wrapping a soft blue towel around my dripping body. I hoped I hadn't used up all of the hot water, that would leave my parents even more displeased with me than they already were.
I opened the door a crack, checking there was no one in the small distance from here to my bedroom, and gathering my pyjamas, I made a run for it. I slammed my bedroom door and leant against it, my heart beating erratically for unknown reasons. I dried myself off and changed into some simple sweats while I decided what to wear. I opened my wardrobe and scanned the many items of clothing within it, clueless as to what people in court wear. Heck, I wasn't even sure if I had any suitable clothes at all in the first place.
If my mum was talking to me, she would have turned on the radio in my room and laughing as she ridiculed my clothes, whilst picking out something for me to wear. Her face would be lit up at the thought of us having some bonding time and she would all but beg to let her do my hair and makeup. Of course, I would agree eventually, but only after she gave me a pleading look with her bright blue eyes.
I collapsed on my bed, crying at how much me and my mother had drifted apart from each other in these past few years. We rarely spent time together anymore and if we do it usually just ends up in a shouting match. I curled into a ball and cried, letting out all of my emotions that I had been holding back in these past few weeks, soaking my pillow. After a while I heard someone stop outside of my door and hesitated, wondering whether they should enter or not. After another moment, someone softly knocked on the door.
"Bella, are you okay in there?" Renee asked through the door.
"No," I called back, my voice thick with tears.
I heard the door creak as it opened and a few seconds later I felt my mother embrace me with a warm hug. "Honey, it will be okay," she promised, while pulling me into her lap. "You have nothing to be scared of."
"I'm sorry mum," I sobbed out through my tears. "I didn't mean for everything to turn out like this. If I could turn back time, I would, please believe me on that."
"Don't blame yourself sweetie, it's my entire fault, I haven't been a good mother to you in years." She sighed. "I shouldn't have let you come back here Bella, I should have predicted what would happen, but your father was telling me how well you were doing in Forks and I just hoped that maybe you had sorted out your head." She smiled down at me through her tears. "I guess not though."
I gasped. "Mum, don't ever blame yourself for my mistakes. I was stupid and wrong and you have no idea how much I regret it now. But at the time it seemed like the right thing to do, I wasn't in the right state of mind in the first place. I think I just cracked."
"Honey, every parent blames themselves for when their child has gone off of the rails. It's in our job description. Now let's find you something suitable to wear. I don't like most of the clothes you have been wearing lately." She nudged me off of her lap and onto the bed beside her and then stood up, and upon flinging the wardrobe open she frowned and sighed. "Bella, we really need to go shopping for some decent clothes. Half of these you would wear if you were on a swimsuit model shoot, they are so skimpy."
I gave a shaky laugh, wiping away the last of my tears; this was just like my mother and I fell a whole lot better knowing that my mum was going to be there for me.
Twenty minutes later – and a massive pile of clothes on the floor – we finally agreed on an outfit. It was a black pencil skirt that went to mid-thigh; I refused to have it knee length like Renee had insisted; and a white, fitting shirt, with arms that went three-quarters of the way down my arm. My hair had long since dried in its natural waves and I let my mum do my make-up while we had a long chat.
By the time everyone was ready, we only had ten minutes until we had to leave, so I rushed my pancakes, my stomach feeling queasy as I ate them. As we left the house, I pushed back all of my fears and climbed into the car, wondering what would befall of me within the next few hours.
----~~~~----
The court went past in a blur. I remember being in a small room with only a judge and a few other officials present. I can remember the judge asking me my name and telling me to give her my version of that night, and also about my illegal drugs abuse. I remember some lawyer trying to come to my defence, but it was pointless, I had admitted out loud already that everything was my fault and nothing could deter the blame from me. My mother and father were sitting behind me, making no noise at all, apart from the occasional words when was required.
And finally, the verdict came.
"Well, Ms Swan, I have here reports from your school back in Forks." I nodded as she waved the folder around in the air slightly. "According to your teachers, you were a quiet student, who got on with your work and achieved all A grades." She frowned and then opened another folder, which had Phoenix High stamped across it. "But your report in Phoenix begs to differ." She paused to look up at me. "Tell me Isabella, what drove you to all of this. You seem like a polite, nice girl. There must be a perfect reason why you turned to all of this."
I opened my mouth and then shut it, only to open it again. "With all due respect, I do have my own personal reasons that only a few select people know about. I don't feel comfortable with expressing them. Maybe it will all come out in time." I kept my gaze steady on the wall behind the judge, ignoring my mother's gasp.
The judge frowned for a moment, her gaze seeming as though it was penetrating into my head, searching through all of my thoughts and memories. I held my gaze with her for at least a minute before she sighed and looked away, and then began sifting through some paper. We all waited patiently for about ten minutes while she read numerous documents, tutting and frowning at most of them.
For the millionth time, I wondered what her decision would be. I had been granted a small court with no jury because I was underage and the case wasn't that serious according to my lawyer. But that still didn't ease the nerves that felt like they were eating my insides. I watched the judge as she worked, she seemed to love her job and I could see the glint in her eyes as she read the unknown pages that were spread out along her desk. I could feel two eyes, burning into the back of my neck which probably belonged to my mother and father, but I didn't meet them. I know they would want an explanation for my speech earlier and are probably wondering what my 'personal reasons' were. This was one of the many chances I had had over the last few years to come out and tell them I had been raped, but like always, my throat closes up and I can't find the words to tell them. That was what had happened when the judge asked me what went wrong, I had been prepared to tell her everything, but as usual, nothing came out.
"Isabella, I have reached a decision-" Finally, I thought to myself. "-and I have decided that you will receive a ten thousand dollar fine to pay for the damage to our city's statue. And you will all receive one hundred hours of community service once you return from Forks. You have to understand Isabella, that you are very lucky that you are receiving this second chance. I think there is more destined for you than a young offenders institute and I hope you take this seriously..." My mind was stumbling throughout her words, but one word remained imprinted in my brain; Forks. What was she on about? I live here, in Phoenix, not in Forks. Had she gotten the addresses mixed up or something?
"Do you have any questions?" The judge asked kindly.
"Yes ma'am, I'm afraid I misheard you. What did you say about Forks?"
"I think that sending you to Forks to finish your senior year there would be for the best. It will give you a chance to rejuvenate yourself."
Dread flooded through me and my heart pounded against my ribcage. No, this had to be some kind of twisted joke. I couldn't go back to Forks. I couldn't face Edward and him again. No, no, no. Please, why can't I just tell them why I don't want to go back? Why won't my mouth open? Just three words and everything will be alright. I will rehabilitate myself, here in Phoenix, Mike will be arrested and then I will never have to see Edward again. My hands began shaking as I searched for the words that I so desperately wanted to come out of my mouth, but I couldn't think of them let alone utter them. The judge looked at me, clearly concerned.
"Miss Swan is there a problem?" she asked.
I shook my head once and ran out of the room, craving some fresh air. I heard everyone call after me, but I ran out of the building and onto the sidewalk, where I vomited over and over again.
Forks, I thought, here I come.
A/N: Gah! I am so sorry for not updating for like a month. :O I just have been busy and I was struggling to write this chapter. I had intended to write a much long court session, but seeing as I have never been in court before, I didn't know how it works, so I used a lot of guess work and of course, watching the court scene from Stick It helped as well.
So... what do you think about that? I know that next chapter will be quite short, just a filler but the ending of it is important and I will begin writing that in a few hours. I'm going to take a break first :D Take a break, have a kitkat. But there are not kitkats, just montana bars at the moment.
So review and tell me your thoughts! :D
