Dun dun dun! Final preparations for the Deep Roads! But first, some wonderful hangovers. Enjoy!


(5) Bloomingtide 25th

The next morning, I wake up with a splitting headache. Fasta vass. What did I do? I open my eyes, and they adjust to the painful light. My forehead is pressed against the back of Hawke's head, and my arms are around her. Pieces of her hair are stuck to my dry lips and I splutter, wiping them away. Realizing that we're in an unfamiliar bed, I extract my arms and prop myself up slightly to look around. Hawke has Isabela, who is missing her signature bandana, snuggled against her chest asleep. What…? I try to move to sit up fully, but I can't. Anders' butt is pressed firmly against my back, and there's a heavy weight on my legs. I growl, but it just makes my head hurt worse, so I frown. What happened last night…? I can't remember much… I look down at my legs and see that Merrill lays across them as well as Anders', Hawke's, and Isabela's legs. Merrill is wearing Isabela's bandanna and my chest piece. Confused, I pat my chest in search of it. How did she get that? I survey the rest of the space and notice that we're in one of the overnight rooms in the Hanged Man. Ah. That makes sense. Carver is shirtless; he leans against Varric at the foot of the bed where they are both slumped. Ugh! Of course, I'm the first one awake. I squeeze my eyes shut and lay back onto my side, putting my arm around Hawke again. I try to go back to sleep, but I can't with Merrill and Anders touching me. I cringe at the thought and then force myself into a sitting position. I start to yell at Merrill to get off of me but think better of it when I look at Hawke sleeping peacefully. I don't want to wake her up… Argh. I nudge Merrill with my foot but she doesn't respond. Not surprised.

I lean forward and prod the blood mage. As quiet as I can, "Merrill… Merrill… Wake up."

She makes a little squeak and lifts her head slightly to squint at me. "Fenris?"

"Yes. Get off of me." I sigh.

Merrill blinks sleepily and looks around. "Oh. I'm laying on a lot of people. Are we cuddling? How nice…" She tails off and lays her head back down.

I clench and unclench my jaw in frustration, then poke her again. "Merrill. Get. Up."

She makes a whining sound and gives me an angry look. "Mmph… Fine…" She sits up and climbs out of the bed. Unsteady on her feet, she topples to the ground and doesn't bother to get up.

Due to the clatter Merrill caused, Anders shifts around. I push him away from me. He cranes his neck to look at me and I scowl at him. His eyes grow wide and he scoots forwards, falling out of the bed to join Merrill on the floor.

"Shit!" Anders exclaims.

I burst out laughing, unable to contain myself. Perfect!

"Hi, Anders." Merrill murmurs, still mostly asleep. She reaches out and intertwines her fingers with his.

"Stop it!" Anders swats her hand and pulls his hand back to his chest.

"Huh?" Hawke mumbles. She and Isabela roll over and look at me. The two of them are both exceptionally beautiful even in their disheveled, hung over, state. Between them, black hair is splayed everywhere. Isabela has black eye-makeup smeared all under her eyes and on her cheek is half of Hawke's blood swipe. There's a sizeable hickey with light teeth marks on Hawke's jaw. Did I put that there…? For a moment, I contemplate kicking everyone else out of the room and giving Hawke a few more. I chase the thought away.

I stifle my laughter at Anders and return Hawke's gaze. "Nothing."

"Where are my boots?" Anders asks, standing up, with only dirty socks on his feet. He looks around in confusion.

Merrill giggles, still keeping her eyes closed, and points at her feet. His boots obviously swallow her, they make her legs look like twigs. Carver's shirt is tied around one of her thighs.

"Don't steal from me." Anders glares at her and pulls the shoes off her feet.

Isabela leans across Hawke. Her breasts, barely contained by her crumpled corset, resting on Hawke's ribs. "Hey. Leave Kitten alone."

Anders ignores her and proceeds to put his boots on.

I wonder what happened after the dancing… Probably a lot more alcohol. Maybe another fight… Definitely that hickey. I lean against the headboard; thankfully my headache is starting to retreat.

Hawke climbs over Isabela and shakes Carver and Varric. "Hey, wake up!"

Carver jerks upright and franticly looks around. "Where are we?"

At least I'm not the only one who can't remember.

Stretching and yawning, Varric mummers, "The Hanged Man. The real question is why didn't we think to stay in mine or Isabela's room instead of renting another one."

"I'm going to go with because we were drunken idiots." Hawke chuckles.

"You think I wanted this many drunk people in my bed?" Isabela raises her eyebrows. "Doing that once—okay, twice, was enough for me. I plan on keeping it with four as the max these days."

Wow. And then there's me, who prefers two clothed people only in mine.

"Fair point Rivaini." Varric stands and pops his back. "Although, I have to say Aveline wins in being the smartest last night. I bet she's at home, headache free."

"Lucky her." I muse, pressing my palms to my temples.

Isabela slides past Hawke's legs to sit directly beside me and puts her hand on my leg. "Poor Fenris. Look what we did to him Hawke." She says in a sly mocking voice. "Oh! You missed a few fasteners." Before I can move, she throws one leg over me to straddle my legs and grabs at the undone clasp at the top of my tunic.

Growling loudly, I shove her shoulders backwards, knocking her off of me, and hug my knees to my chest. How dare she still try to touch me?! I snarl at Isabela.

Hawke gives Isabela a disbelieving look but this just makes her start cackling. "Isabela! You know he hates that! And he's not interested in you."

"Everyone's interested. I'm everybody's type." Isabela flicks her tongue. "And I wasn't going to try anything, I just like it when he gets rough with me."

I scowl. "Then you'll love it when I show you your own heart."

Pulling a dagger out of, I have no idea where, Isabela grins but doesn't say anything else.

Freak.

"Carver, why are you half naked?" Hawke asks, giving him a skeptical look.

He glowers back at her. "Why do you act like you're my mom?"

"Ow. You really got me good there. I don't think I'll ever recover." Hawke sasses him. "Guys, isn't he adorable when he's being a jerk?"

Isabela rolls her eyes. "Please don't start with this. Those two," She gestures between me and Anders, "I can handle. It's pretty hot when they fight. But you guys? No such appeal."

"Wouldn't have to argue if she didn't treat—" Carver begins but Isabela shushes him loudly.

"Merrill has your shirt." Anders says, his voice still irritated. He unties it and pulls it from her thigh. "Here you go." He tosses it into Carver's hands.

Merrill finally opens her eyes and sits crisscross. "Oh, do you all need your things back? I seem to have taken them while you were sleeping!"

"It would appear that way." Anders crosses his arms.

Varric snickers. "Blondie, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?"

Isabela says, "He sure did. Woke up next to Fenris instead of between me and Hawke." She gives Anders a smug look.

"No!" Merrill pipes in. "He woke up on the floor with me. I think Fenris might have kicked him."

I hold my hands up in exasperation. "I did not." Seeing Anders' sour expression, I add, "I should have."

Before Anders has time to reply, Hawke speaks, "Can you give the rest back now Merrill?"

Nodding, Merrill pulls Varric's gloves out of her robes and passes them to him. Then she unfastens my chest plate and gives it back. I quickly equip it. Can this morning please end?

"What did you take from me?" Hawkes asks, propping her chin on her knee.

"Nothing." Merrill smiles innocently.

A confused look on her face, Hawke responds, "What? Why?"

"I didn't need to."

"Um, Daisy, do you mind filling the rest of us in?" Varric inquires.

Merrill shakes her head, indicating that she doesn't mind. "I didn't need to take anything from Hawke because she belongs to Fenris, and I had already taken something from him." She gazes at Hawke proudly.

She thinks Hawke belongs to me? Last night was just last night… I'd like that, but she certainly isn't mine. Nothing has really changed. I wave the notion away.

"I'm leaving." Anders scowls and hurriedly exits the room.

But she thankfully isn't his either.

"Whatever you say Merrill." Hawke says with humor in her voice, but there is something else in her eyes. "Will you all be alright if we head out? There's a lot to think about and plan, and we didn't get anything done at all yesterday. Not that I'm complaining." Hawke motions for me to get up. I do so and she follows.

"Sure. I do hope you're leaving Carver behind though." Isabela turns her head towards Carver and touches her tongue to her top teeth suggestively.

Hawke grunts with disgust. "What did we say about not telling me?!"

Raising an eyebrow, Isabela responds, "I didn't tell you anything. I just asked if he was staying. You assumed. Correctly."

"Ick…" Hawke grimaces. She walks to the door with me in tow. "I'm just going to go now."

"Bye Hawke! Bye Fenris! I hope you have a nice day." Merrill chimes after us as we disappear down the hallway.

We walk in silence until we exit the Hanged Man. Hawke begins to speak, her voice nervous. "Mom is not going to be happy when I break the news about the Deep Roads."

I cast her a concerned look. "Do you think she'll try to keep you from going?"

"Of course she will, but I have to go. I'm doing this for her and Carver… I just hope the stress isn't too much for her." Her brow furrows tightly. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?"

"You said that you were doing this for your family. Why should it be a mistake?"

Hawke stops walking and turns to face me, sadness in her eyes. She starts to say something but pauses and takes a short breath.

"What is it?" It isn't like her to be afraid of failure. I wonder what's bothering her.

Her eyes dart around the ground before finally meeting mine. "I don't talk about this kind of stuff because I prefer to laugh to keep myself from crying. You've probably noticed by now that humor is my strongest defense."

"Hawke, you don't have to keep anything to yourself. You know I'm here to listen." You've listened to me plenty.

She nods. "Okay, well… I never told you this, but Carver had a twin sister. She was my best friend and Mom's favorite. I never minded though. Bethany was the best of us three. Whenever Carver was too harsh or I was too apathetic, she was just compassionate. Anyone who ever met us said Bethany was their favorite… She used to track me down, no matter how long it took, when I was out too late; I'd go back with her and we'd stay up the rest of the night laughing about all the ridiculous stuff I got into. Sometimes I would let her braid my hair; she never knew I hated it… I wish she could have made it to Kirkwall and met you. She was a mage, so you wouldn't have gotten along, but that would have been alright because she wouldn't have minded…" Hawkes eyes are full of tears but she blinks them away. "Anyway. We lost her to an ogre when we were escaping a darkspawn horde. It was horrible, and we never even got to bury her. I know there are darkspawn in the Deep Roads, and I just can't help but think about dying down there the same way and what it would do to mother."

I had no idea. "You know I would never let anything happen to you. It's your decision if you want to go. I won't fault you either way, but if you do, I will bring you back to Leandra. I… am so sorry about your sister. I regret that I could not meet her as well." My face is somber, but my eyes are kind. I hope she believes me. On both accounts. It would be a shame for her to give up her dream because of fear. I will protect her, we all will. And it hurts me to see her in so much pain. I don't want her to think I would have hated her dead sister.

"Thank you." She sniffles and scratches absently at the back of her neck.

She doesn't see how much I care. I step forward and place my hand on her shoulder. "I can't promise you that you won't get hurt or that it will be easy, but I will defend you with everything I have. You have earned this opportunity, and you deserve to bring wealth to your family." Hawke looks up at me with a slight smile, and a tear rolls down her cheek. Before she can speak, I continue, "And you can always talk to me about Bethany. Or anything else."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you." Hawke grins, wiping her eyes. "I should have told you sooner. This has been worrying me for a while."

I move my hand back to my side. "Why didn't you?"

She shakes her head. "I couldn't complain to you. Your life has been so much worse, I can't even picture it. My problems are tiny in comparison, I didn't want to bother you with them."

I'm taken aback by her words. "Hawke, we've suffered differently. That doesn't make your problems smaller. Just tell me things. I like it when you're honest with me."

"Maybe you're right… That sounds like a good plan." She playfully punches me in the arm.

Ow. She's stronger than she looks. I smile at her. "Besides, if you keep everything inside, you'll end up like me. I didn't turn out very well."

"Wouldn't be so bad. I disagree. Yeah, you're damaged. Badly damaged. But you're not beyond repair. You've come so far already. I can't wait to see us in ten years." She winks at me.

Ten years? I can't even think that far ahead… "I'm sure it will be interesting."

Hawke laughs. "If I'm there how can it not be?"

"That's a fair point." Hawke could make watching paint dry entertaining.

We split up and go our separate ways. Hawke wanted to talk to her mom alone and told me to meet her in Hightown later. I kill time in my house, doing a whole lot of nothing, until it's time. Then I make my way to our meeting place. Hawke, Aveline, and Carver are there when I arrive. Carver and Aveline are discussing something, and Hawke is with a couple of Dwarven Merchants. I approach her, and she looks over her shoulder at me and smiles.

"Fenris! This is Bodahn and Sandal. You wouldn't believe it. They traveled with the Hero of Ferelden!" Hawke says excitedly.

"Really?" I raise my eyebrows.

"Yes! They said she was great shapeshifter! But get this, she couldn't turn into a dragon either!" Hawke grins.

She sure knows how to get distracted. "Interesting. How did it go talking with your mother?" I say, trying to steer her attention back to the present situation.

She turns the rest of the way around to face me. "It went. I'm going to the Deep Roads, we'll just have to be sure to come back."

I nod and we make our way back to the others. The rest of our team has now joined Carver and Aveline.

Varric immediately turns his focus to Hawke. "Are you ready to do this? Have everything you need?"

"I'm ready for anything." Hawke holds her arms out wide, arrogantly smirking.

There's the Hawke everyone expects to see.

"Alright, Bartrand awaits you." He chuckles and gestures to where his brother stands a few yards away.

Hawke strides confidently over to him, and we follow. "Hello. It's nice to meet you. I'll be your new business partner." She says curtly.

"What?! My what?" Bartrand looks at her incredulously and then turns to Varric. "Varric, you stupid, nug-humping dirt-farmer! Have you been making promises for me that I have no interest in keeping?!"

Great. I can tell he's going to be joy. The marking in my hand prickle, begging me to put it through his chest.

"Ah, it's good to see you too brother." Varric sighs. "She has the coin. Let her invest or no one gets to go."

"I'm also pretty, so that's a perk." Hawke crinkles her nose humorously.

Bartrand rubs his chin and surveys us all skeptically. "Well… I suppose. Since you have the coin. But still, we need a way into the Deep Roads."

"Aw, man. I wish I would have thought of that… Oh wait. I did." Hawke pulls a couple of maps out of her pack. "Here you go, the locations are already marked." She hands him the maps as well as a money pouch.

"Oh? I-" Bartrand begins.

"Just say thank you and start preparations." Varric cuts him off.

"MARIAN!" Leandra's voice sounds out behind us.

I had completely forgotten that was Hawke's first name. She never lets us call her that.

We all turn around as Leandra reaches us. Her face is more worried than angry. "Marian, I know I can't stop you from going, but I can't allow you to take your brother."

Carver steps up to her. "Mom. I'm going."

"Shut up Carver." Hawke pushes him out of the way. "I wouldn't think of bringing him. You can take him home with you now. No need to worry." She gives Leandra a reassuring look.

"You can't just leave me here! I can help!" Carver shouts, his face reddening.

Hawke turns to him, gently places her hands on his shoulders, gives him as sincere look, and says, "Please, shut up, Carver." She steps back from him and turns to face the rest of us. "I do need to decide who is going with me though…"

Why am I not surprised she hasn't decided? I smile slightly and cross my arms over my chest. I wonder who else she'll pick.

Merrill raises her hand and bounces up and down. "Me! Me!"

Hawke purses her lips. "Hmm…" She looks over all of us. "Okay, Varric… Anders… and hmm… I don't know." She looks everywhere but at me, mischief on her face.

Anders? Seriously? We don't need a healer that much…

"Did you just pick me to go on this expedition?" Varric asks, making an exasperated face. "I'm pretty sure I'm the leader in this particular situation."

Hawke laughs obnoxiously and shrugs.

"Oh, boy. I wonder who it'll be." Isabela says sarcastically.

"I think… I'll have to go with Fenris." Hawke sticks her tongue out at me.

I roll my eyes. "I'm honored."

"Hawke, why are you only taking boys with you?" Merrill asks, clearly sad that she hadn't been selected.

Isabela snickers. "She knows what she's about, Merrill."

"You know what Isabela, that… Is not a bad point." Hawke grins.

Ugh.

"Is your personal drama over with? Can we get on our way?" Bartrand asks impatiently.

"One last thing." Hawke turns to face Leandra. "Carver's been in the brothel. A whole lot." She looks back at Bartrand. "Ready!"