I'm In
Author: Midnyteblue
Pairing: Jack/Daniel friendship / slash
Rating: PG13
Spoilers: Solitudes (Minor)
Summary: Begining a relationship is tricky, especially when there are secrets holding you back
Disclaimer: Not mine never have been or will be. Fic inspired by the incredibly yummy and oh so tallented Keith urban.
AN: I have taken a rather hard line in this fic, I've done it this way for a reason which hopefully will make sense later.
Daniel stood at the half-way point between jack's Minnesota cabin and the lake that adjoined it. He inhaled deeply and let the scent of the woods engulf him.
*Yep, really love it here.*
He was about to turn back to the cabin when he felt a pair of arms encircle him from behind. Daniel couldn't believe how comfortable he felt in those arms; warm, safe, loved.
"I wish you would do that more often." Jack murmured in his ear.
"Do what?"
"Smile."
Daniel rested his hand on Jacks and leaned back into him,
"So do I."
Jack squeezed Daniel a little before loosening his grip so Daniel could turn around in his arms. He leant in for a kiss that quickly deepened. Daniel's hand went to Jack's head so he could run his fingers through the short strands whilst Jack gently massaged the small of Daniel's back and hips. When Jack's fingers lifted Daniel's shirt slightly so he could touch the bare skin Daniel jumped and broke the kiss. Jack's face remained impassive but inside he was screaming.
It had been three days since Jack had confessed his love for Daniel and it had been three days since Daniel has responded in kind. In those three days the pair had sat, snuggled, kissed and Jack had loved every second, but Daniel had started to close up a little.
It had all started during a long make-out session. Things were getting quite heated, something that Jack was still quite confused about but at the same time eagerly wanted, Jack had tried to take Daniel's shirt off but Daniel kept grabbing his hands and moving them away. Eventually Daniel sat up and moved into what Jack called his defensive position. Daniel brushed off the halt in their activities as an excuse for a drink but Jack quickly realised it happened every time he tried to take things further.
Jack wouldn't lie if asked; he was scared to death of a physical relationship with Daniel. He had never had a relationship with another man before and the mechanics freaked him out but at the same time he wanted one with the young man who seemed to be content in his arms. The thought of being intimate with Daniel had his heart pounding and his head spinning. He wanted Daniel, in every way and Daniel had seemed to want him but now he wasn't so sure.
"Danny."
"Please not here, I like it here. I don't want to ruin it."
Jack looked into Daniel's eyes, he could always read them and so far he had never been wrong. Jack looked and saw something new, Daniel wasn't scared, He was terrified!
"Daniel what's wrong?"
"Jack I asked, please not here. I want this to be our happy place. Can we please leave it for now?"
"Sure thing."
Jack took Daniel into his arms and held him tight, this time out of comfort, not lust.
"The cabin is happy, no problems here."
"It's like Disneyland."
"Our own private Disneyland, where dream do come true. "
Daniel pulled away and looked up at Jack,
"You've been so happy."
"I know, it's your fault."
"My fault?"
The pair started to walk back to the cabin, their fingers entwined,
"Yes Dr Jackson, your fault. I was never like this before you came along."
"I seriously doubt that." Daniel mumbled as they went inside.
"So are you all packed up?" Jack asked as he looked at their scattered baggage
"Yea, what time does the plane leave?"
"A few hours, we should leave soon because it's a long drive."
"An hour is not a long drive. "
"It is if you have a boyfriend who won't let you drive!"
Daniel stared at Jack for a moment before turning around to grab his final bag off the counter.
"The cast comes off next week, you'll be fine."
"It's been forever!"
"You're just bored. You'll survive."
"A bored Colonel is not a happy Colonel." Jack warned
Daniel chose to ignore him and went to pack the car. He took a few moments outside to re-align his thoughts.
Jack had called him his boyfriend. Neither had used the term before and Daniel was scared as to what that meant. For the past three days he had managed to keep Jack at arm's length, so to speak. He knew what Jack wanted and he had to admit, there was a part of him that wanted it too but the larger part of him was screaming in resistance. It made him sick.
*I have to tell him. He'll run but it's not fair on either of us if I don't.*
He'd been having the internal debate for days. The last time he'd trusted someone completely it had been thrown back in his face. He hadn't let anyone in since.
He loved Jack, more than he'd loved anyone but the idea of rejection was a strong one and based on past precedence a very realistic problem. There would be no reason for Jack to stay if he told him the truth.
Daniel loaded the car and started the engine to get it warm. He looked back towards the cabin and saw Jack was watching him. He knew what he had to do but it could wait till they were back in Colorado Springs. Jack would need somewhere to run and he couldn't do that at a cabin in Colorado Springs with only one escape route.
*Well it's been a great three days. At least I'll have the memories.*
"I don't care how long a vacation is, it's never long enough." Jack declared as he walked into Daniel's apartment.
"You've had six weeks off!" Daniel exclaimed from his bedroom. Jack walked through and dropped a bag on the bed.
"I know, but only two of those weeks have I actually been away from the SGC."
"Good point."
Daniel sat on the bed and looked at his hands. Jack knelt down awkwardly in front of him and took his hands,
"Danny, what's wrong? I've stayed quiet for days but I'm not an idiot. Okay so sometimes I am but I want to help."
"I don't think you can."
"Try me."
"I'm scared."
Jack had no doubt Daniel was telling the truth,
"Daniel, I love you. Whatever it is I want you to be able to trust me."
"I do trust you, I trust most people, that's my problem. Jack the last person I spoke to about this hurt me so badly I ended up skipping the country. I didn't think I could ever love anybody like that again. But I do, I love you and I don't want to lose you."
"Why would you lose me? Daniel please tell me, I'm going nuts here."
Daniel got up and walked around Jack into the living area. It was late afternoon in Colorado Springs but with summer came longer days; it was his favourite thing about the season. That and it was sitting around 97 degrees. A cool day by desert standards but hot for Colorado. The heat didn't stop him shaking though.
Jack sat on the couch, he was prepared to wait. Daniel faced his balcony, away from Jack but the tension in him was evident. Daniel was about to expose a part of himself that he usually kept hidden, Jack could sense it but he wouldn't push it. Daniel had to come to him on his own.
Daniel focused on Jack's reflection briefly before staring past it to an unknown spot in the distance. He had to get this out, but he didn't have the words.
"When I was eleven I was in a home in New York. It was just me and another kid, his name was Greg. He was sixteen, almost seventeen, I liked him. He was nice to me, he would share his things, we would do homework together, I was doing some of the same work as him so it was nice to do it with someone. Looking back I realised I did his homework but at the time I was just happy to have a friend, a brother. I'd always wanted a brother and that's how I thought of Greg, it was great.
"One day he brought a friend home after school, his name was Nathan. They were both looking at me and Greg asked Nathan what he thought. Nathan nodded, 'definitely.' Was all he said. Greg got up and locked his door.
"Greg told me he wanted to play a game. It was a secret game, only reserved for people he thought were good enough to play. I thought I was special."
Jack wanted to be sick. He knew Daniel had a past that involved some horrific things and after the drama with Hathor Jack had guessed the worst. Hearing Daniel confirm it, hearing him actually telling the story was frightening. Jack was getting angrier by the second.
*No wonder you won't let me touch you.*
"It went on for weeks. Sometimes Nathan was there, sometimes just Greg. At first I thought it was normal, you know, guys…brothers joking about 'how big' they were. I'd heard some of the footy players joke around in the locker room so I wasn't too concerned. Then Greg started adding rules to his game, and he showed me how to…make it bigger. When I didn't do it right he did it for me. After a few weeks I'd had enough and I told him I didn't want to play anymore, and that's when he got mean.
"He told me I had to play and that I had no choice. One you started the game you had to finish, it was a rule. He said once I had finished playing I would enjoy it and I'd want to keep playing. I was eleven, barely. I was scared Greg wouldn't like me anymore and I didn't have any other friends, no one wanted to be friends with the kid who was already doing middle school work. Anyway, after that the rules changed.
"Greg told me he wanted to finish the game. I think he was scared I would tell someone, and eventually I did, but not before…"
Jack had never felt so helpless in his life. Daniel was shaking so hard he was surprised his legs were supporting him. Jack wanted Daniel to continue, he knew he had to get it out but at the same time he didn't know how much more he could listen to.
*I will find you Greg, and God help me when I do.*
"It took me so long to finally tell someone, my grades dropped and I even skipped a class every now and then, finally my teacher held me back after school. I was so worried because Greg had told me to come straight home after school. My teacher was so nice to me, I started crying and next thing I knew I was telling her everything. I never went back.
She took me to her house for a few days and called Social Services. I was moved to another state the next week and I never saw him again."
Daniel refocused on Jack's reflection and was surprised to see him still sitting in the chair. After all who would want to be in the room with such a horrible person? He waited a few minutes but when Jack didn't move he continued.
"I've only ever told one other person. It's in my Child Services records and I think there's something in my medical file because I think Ellie knows but that's it. I didn't mean to be so evasive with you it's just that every time you go to do something or I even think about it I remember…I'm sorry."
Daniel was in tears. He closed his eyes and waited for the door to close behind him. He heard Jack get up and walk away which made him shake harder. He started in surprise when he felt his comforter being wrapped around him and a pair of strong arms pulled him back towards the couch.
Jack never physically touched him, making sure the blanket kept a layer between them. He pulled Daniel gently down next to him, folding his arms around him in a protective embrace. Daniel didn't know why Jack hadn't run but for the first time in two days he relaxed.
"I'm so sorry Jack, please forgive me."
"Don't." Jack's voice was strained, the single word catching a little.
Daniel cringed and tried to curl up into his protective ball but Jack's arms tightened around him so he couldn't move.
"Stop Danny, just stop. Please."
Jack was having a difficult time sorting through Daniel's confession but what hurt the most was that Daniel obviously thought he was at fault.
"Daniel Patrick Jackson, I want you to listen to me and please listen well. I've told you this before and I'm going to say it again. Nothing that has happened to you is your fault. Damn it Daniel, you were eleven! What were you supposed to do? It's no wonder you have trust issues. Daniel that bastard is the one who is to blame, he should be locked up! I'm just glad you told someone, Daniel that was the most courageous thing you could have ever done and I'm so proud of you for it. I want to find that teacher and give her the biggest hug I can. Daniel no one should ever have to go through that, especially a child. I'm sorry …I just don't know what to say. Just promise me you will never apologise for this again."
"But…"
"No buts. Daniel that horrible excuse for a human betrayed your trust in the worst possible way and I don't want anyone but him to be sorry. He hurt you and no one but him is responsible, least of all you."
Daniel's cry's intensified until he was sobbing into Jack's chest. Twenty-one years of emotion was pouring out of him and he had no way of stopping it. Jack wanted to do something; he especially wanted to find the bastard that had caused all this but his revenge would have to wait. Daniel needed him. Eventually Daniel's tears slowed and he let himself be strengthened by Jack's love.
"I'm sorry Jack."
"Daniel I said…"
"No, not about that. I…I don't know if I could…I mean I felt you the other day and I know you want me, I don't get why…but I know you do and…Jack you're a man."
"Thanks for noticing."
"What I mean is, you have needs. We kiss and that's fine, I love it but I know you want more, and I do too I guess but I can't…I mean I don't...oh God."
"Danny look at me. When I first realised I loved you, all I wanted was to hold you, kiss you, be near you. Then I realised that yeah, I did want you. I am definitely physically attracted to you but I didn't think too much past that because I never thought we would be anything. Now we're here and yes over the past few days I have thought more about it, I mean seriously Daniel, you are amazing, I am truly appreciative of…you. But Daniel your needs are so much more than mine and if you need us to not have sex then we won't, I won't even touch you without persmission. I love you and I want you but I want *you* more. Not your body, your mind; the part of you that loves and thinks and feels, that's what I want. If we never sleep together then so be it, I only want what you want and in your time."
Daniel was speechless. He had expected Jack to run but now here he was, content to simply be with him. He was floored.
"You're willing to…wait? Wow what a girly question."
"I love you, yes I'll wait. Forever if need be."
Daniel reached out for Jack and brought him in for a kiss, it was all he could do. He hoped Jack was telling him the truth, not just what he wanted to hear. He had trusted all the wrong people in the past and he just hoped that the cycle would now be broken.
"Jack." Daniel spoke a few moments later, "I do want you, I just…give me time."
"Danny no more sex talk okay, As I said, there's no rush."
"Okay."
"Okay. So I feel both hungry and a little gross. No matter how short a plane ride is I always fell crummy afterward."
"Said the fighter pilot."
"Anyway, I'm going to go and freshen up and then I'm picking you up and taking you out for dinner. Sound okay?"
"Sounds good."
Jack kissed Daniel softly on the forehead and Daniel pushed himself off him so he could get up.
"Give me an hour at most." Daniel nodded and Jack saw the small flickers of doubt in Daniel's eyes. "Hey, I'm coming back. I love you."
Daniel nodded again and then realised what was happening,
"Jack you can't go! You can't drive!"
"Just don't tell the Doc."
Jack put on his most charming smile and walked out the door,
"You are going to get me in so much trouble one day O'Neill."
Love doesn't come with a contract
You give me this, I give you that
It's scary business, your heart and soul is on the line
Baby, why else would I be standin' 'round hear so tongue-tied
An hour later Jack walked through the door of Daniel's apartment,
"Jack?"
"I like being the first name you say, you ready?"
"Yes, I just need to grab my wallet…okay I'm good."
Daniel went to walk out the door but he hesitated slightly,
"What's up?"
"I forgot something."
"Oh okay, go grab it."
Daniel smiled hesitantly and took Jack's hand before pulling him in for a kiss. Jack responded happily. He'd waited so long to be able to kiss Daniel, now that he was allowed he took every opportunity.
"An hour is way too long." Jack exclaimed
"Fifty-eight minutes." Daniel corrected.
"Look at you Mr accurate. Well fifty-eight minutes is too long, we can't let that happen again."
"Nope. I know you said you wouldn't…touch me without permission. But I want you to. Don't stop kissing me."
"Never."
Daniel squeezed Jack's hand before heading out the door.
Daniel insisted on driving and after following Jack's instructions they pulled up outside an Italian restaurant
"Italian? I assumed you wanted steak."
"They serve steak, and pizza and pasta. We can go to O'Mally's if you prefer, I just wanted to go somewhere different for…" Jack trailed off hesitantly,
"For?"
"Our first date." Jack finished. "Sorry, we haven't talked about…how to define us…but I thought…"
Daniel smiled brilliantly and looked around to see that no one was watching before he took Jack's hand and kissed his palm,
"I'd love some pasta."
Daniel got out and Jack let out a breath. He had no need to be nervous; as far as the world was concerned they were just two friends enjoying a meal together. They would have to talk about it before they went back to work but tonight, he wanted to see just how normal it could be.
"You coming?" Daniel called out
"Bossy all of a sudden aren't we." Jack noted as he locked the door
"I was hungry and hour ago."
Jack chuckled and the pair walked inside. It was quite but they managed to get a seat within twenty minutes. Daniel laughed as they were seated and Jack reflected on how much Daniel had laughed and smiled in the past few days. He loved it.
"What are you laughing about now?"
"We got a seat quickly and you didn't even have to use your scary voice."
"I don't always go straight to Colonel Mode, but you have to admit that it does help sometimes."
"Sometimes." Daniel agreed.
Their waitress came over with the menus and Jack started to order a bottle of wine but Daniel stopped him,
"Get something we haven't tried before."
"Taking a risk aren't we Danny?"
"Seems to be the week for it."
"Good point. Any suggestions?" Jack asked the girl,
"Do you prefer red or white?"
"Red." Both stated at the same time. The girl grinned; she had a good feeling about these two.
"Well my favourite here is this one." She pointed to one at the bottom of the page, "It's imported so it's a little more expensive but it has a really nice flavour."
"Sure, go for that."
Daniel went about choosing his meal whilst Jack handed back the drinks menu. When she'd gone he eyed Daniel curiously.
"So why the change in routine?"
"Because that's what it is, routine. I'm not saying it's a bad thing and tomorrow I'll probably want it but tonight, it's our first date, I want something that's ours, not just yours and mine."
Jack was stunned, he always figured himself as a hopeless romantic, Sara had a different interpretation, but Daniel bowled him over. In a short sentence he had managed to express exactly what Jack felt about the night.
*Guess it helps to be a linguist.*
"What?" Daniel was curious about Jack's expression
"Nothing. That's…perfect."
Daniel was still confused but he decided to let it go. A few minutes later the waitress returned with their wine and they placed their order. She couldn't help noticing the quick glances and matching smiles. They both seemed a little nervous but she could guess why. As she took their order back to the counter she grabbed her friends arm and whispered in her ear.
"It's busy Jackie, I don't think we can."
"Oh come on, you know we can. I'll split my tip from them."
"I'll do my best."
Jackie went about her night, occasionally going to check on the pair. She was happy to see the tables around them were kept empty.
Jack and Daniel ate their food quite happily. They enjoyed the wine, it was stronger tan they were used to but Daniel liked it. Jack was just amazed at how easy the whole night was. After all the drama involved in figuring out he liked Daniel and then beating himself up continually for it, this was nothing. It was normal. The only difference to them having dinner now and having dinner a week ago was that he could get a kiss for dessert. Suddenly he wanted the night to be over, or at least to not be in the restaurant.
He was astonished at how much he wanted physical contact with Daniel, he craved it. Sure he had wanted to be near Sara but this seemed different, maybe he had just forgotten what it felt like but he clearly remembered feeling happy and content in Sara's presence. He felt that with Daniel but he'd felt that eight months ago, now the feeling had intensified. He couldn't get enough.
Jack picked up his glass and took a rather large mouthful of wine, he couldn't think like that after what Daniel had told him. He had promised patience. He knew he wasn't a patient man but in this case, he would be a saint.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I just can't believe I'm here with you. On a date."
"A little too conventional for you Colonel?"
"A little."
"Oh."
Daniel was a bit crestfallen at Jack's words so Jack tried to back-peddle.
"I'm not saying I don't like it, it's just so normal and we're not normal."
"Gee thanks for that."
Jack mentally kicked himself,
"Oh Danny, I'm not as smart as you. I mean look at what we do." Jack looked around and noticed for the first time just how alone they really were in the crowded restaurant. He lowered his voice anyway, "I'm sitting here in an ankle boot because I was thrown out of an alien transportation device in the middle of Antarctica. That's not normal. But sitting here, opposite the man I love, drinking wine and having a conversation is so normal, it's scary."
Daniel concurred, and he was glad Jack had said it.
"I get it, I keep thinking something is going to change to stop this, you're right. It does seem too normal."
"And on that note, I'm making another rule. No more going to the dark place. You Dr Jackson are no longer allowed to think the worst. I love you, wow it feels good to say that, and that is all that matters."
Daniel ducked his head a little but Jack could tell he was happy.
"I was thinking that tomorrow we could sit down and talk about what this all means." Jack continued
"What what means?"
"This, us. I don't really want to discuss it here and it's been a very long day for both of us but, this is the biggest secret of our lives, bigger than the Stargate even and I want us to both be on the same page."
"I think that's a good idea." Daniel agreed, "But tell me now, you do want this don't you?"
"More than you know."
"Then, we need to tell someone."
Daniel poured the end of the bottle of wine whilst Jack nodded knowingly,
"Ellie, she'll flip! I have a small confession to make, both Ellie and Mel know I'm in love with you."
"Really?"
"I really needed someone to talk to and I obviously couldn't talk to you so…"
"How long have they known?"
"Since Hathor. That's when I admitted it to myself and I sort of freaked out."
Daniel started laughing and Jack became defensive.
"Okay, come one. It's not every day you fall for your best friend. I panicked!"
"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at that. I told her as well."
"What!"
"At the same time, I mean after Hathor. I drove to Denver and had coffee with her on the Sunday afternoon."
"I was there Sunday morning."
"I thought she was judging me but I think her surprise may have been because you had just told her."
"Damn that woman, that was ages ago. She could have saved us a whole lot of time."
"Maybe, but I'm okay with how things have turned out."
Daniel really wanted to reach out and take Jack's hand. It was the one of the only physical actions that didn't freak him out and he wanted as much as he could get, but he was also very conscious of where they were.
"This is going to be hard."
"What is?"
"Seeing you every day, being your best friend and secretly loving you. Wanting to touch you and not being able to."
"We've been doing it for months Danny, I mean Hathor was back in what, June?"
"End of May. And I've been doing it longer than that."
"Really! When…"
"Well, April if you go by my journal."
"And If I went by you?"
"February."
"Feb…you came home in February."
"Yeah. There was a reason I came home so willingly."
"Oh Daniel. Well the point is it will be hard but I love you and we'll make it work."
"You sound so sure."
"I'm a Colonel in the United States Air Force, I'm never sure. But I do follow orders and I've been told on more than one occasion to look out for you and make sure you're okay. If that order means finding you every hour to kiss you senseless then so be it!"
"We can't have you disobeying a direct order." Daniel reflected
"Well it wouldn't be the first time. Come on, let's get out of here."
He called the waitress over for the bill and once more noticed how empty their area was.
*It must have been her, she keeps smiling at us. How does the wait staff always figure it out? We will have to be a lot more careful.*
Jack signed the cheque and added a substantial tip.
"Feeling generous tonight Jack?" Daniel queried when he saw the total
"I'll explain later."
Daniel walked out ahead of Jack as he gave the girl the slip of paper.
"Have a good night Sir?"
"I did, thank you. We'll see you again."
Jackie smiled as Jack exited the restaurant; glancing at the paper her eyes turned the size of dinner plates,
"No Colonel, thank you!"
She grabbed a pen and quickly blocked out Jack's quick scrawl at the bottom of the slip,
'Don't ask, Don't tell'
She glanced up at Jack who was waiting by the door and nodded.
*No problem Colonel, go get 'em.*
Daniel pulled up outside his apartment and got out,
"You coming?" he queried as Jack continued to sit in the car
"I will if you want me to."
"Why wouldn't I want you to?" Jack looked a little hesitant but followed Daniel upstairs.
Jack walked into the apartment behind Daniel; once the door was closed he took Daniel's hand, gently lacing their fingers, running his thumb repeatedly over Daniel's. Daniel looked at jack expectantly and was surprised to find Jack was keeping a small amount of distance.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, would you mind if I kissed you?"
"Of course not!"
Jack smiled enthusiastically has he brought his lips to Daniel's. They stayed that way for a few minutes, no rush, no urgency, just content in the knowledge they were together. Jack leant his forehead against Daniel's then raised his head to kiss the same spot.
"Geeze Jack, you don't need my permission to do that."
"I meant what I said; I'm not going to take advantage of you."
"Ripping my clothes off after ingesting large amounts of alcohol is taking advantage. Kissing me, not so much. I want the kissing. Actually Colonel O'Neill, I order you to keep with the kissing!"
"Yes Sir!" Jack saluted then proceeded as ordered.
An hour later Daniel was making coffee and Jack was reading on the couch.
"So do we tell Sam?" Daniel called out
"Well, technically she already knows."
"No, she knows about you, not about me or us.
"I don't really want to wreck her career any more than we potentially already have. Maybe we leave it and see how it plays out. I mean as it stands there's a running pool to see how long it takes for you two to get together."
"Sam and I! You can't be serious."
"Oh I am."
"That's crazy!"
"No more than a Colonel falling for an Archaeologist."
"True, okay so we leave that alone for now.
"Probably for the best."
Daniel brought jack his coffee and sat down on the couch in front of him, leaning back slightly. Jack brushed Daniel's hair aside to kiss his temple.
"So I'm going to finish this and go."
"You don't want to stay here?"
"It's taking most of my will power not to. I'm a bit too long for the couch and with this boot still on it would be very awkward."
"Good point."
"And I want to give you space. I've made you a lot of promises today, ones I plan to keep. The only other space to comfortably sleep would be your bed and I would never presume. One day I…no, as I said, you come first."
Daniel couldn't believe Jack was taking his feelings into consideration. He had no problem with Jack staying over and vice versa, they did it all the time, but he wasn't quite ready to take the next step, maybe one day.
He knew what Jack had promised would be hard, it would be hard for anyone. It was rare for people to abstain these days and he felt ridiculous for asking. Jack had promised him not only that but that he would wait indefinitely.
Daniel had a lot to get over but he also wanted Jack to know where he stood.
"You've exceeded all my expectations today Jack. I never dreamed you would still be sitting here with me after everything I've told you, and you're right, you've made me s many promises today ones I know will not be easy on you. So I want to make you a promise."
"Danny I…"
"No, my turn. I promise to try. I can't give you a time frame, I have no idea what it will take but I promise to try."
"Oh Danny."
Jack put both their cups aside and hugged Daniel to him.
"I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do. Don't stress on my account"
"I won't. I just want you to know that it won't be forever. I don't want it to be forever"
"Well promise me one more thing."
"What's that?"
"Promise me you will come to me with everything. Every thought, every feeling, every hurt and fear. I want to work this through with you. If it means one step forward and ten back then so be it. I'm in this a hundred percent, every single step and I want you to know you can trust me. Okay?"
"Okay." Daniel whispered
"I'm going to hold you to that."
Jack looked around and reached behind him for a deck of cards. He pulled out the top one and handed it to Daniel.
"Three of Diamonds?"
"If one of us forgets our promise we call 'Three of Diamonds.' It's a reminder as well as a safety net."
"Safety net?"
"Daniel I can't promise I won't get frustrated and grumpy at certain circumstances just like I know you are going to try and hid things from me. If either of us calls out this phrase it's a reminder of what we promised and the other person can try and do something about it."
"Okay. I think I get it."
"You can't be afraid to use it."
Jack put the card away and stood up,
"So on that not I'm going."
Daniel followed him to the door and stood under the frame as Jack walked through,
"So I'm seeing you tomorrow?" Jack queried
"I'll be around before lunch."
Jack looked around to make sure no one was watching before quickly kissing Daniel goodbye.
"I love you." He mouthed
"Me too." Came the silent reply.
If I knew what I was doin', I'd be doin' it right now
I would be the best damn poet, silver words out of my mouth
Well my words might not be magic, but they cut straight to the truth
So if you need a lover and a friend
Baby I'm in...I'm in
Daniel woke up the next morning smiling. It took him a few moments to figure out why,
*I'm going to spend the day with the man I love and he loves me back. I call that a win!*
Ever since that morning at the cabin Daniel had had a small amount of apprehension about what was happening, most of it stemming from the secret he had hidden from the world for so long. Fear that he would be rejected was his main concern but in a single moment Jack had wiped that all away and now Daniel was looking ahead with a much more positive outlook. He'd even managed to get through a whole eight hours of uninterrupted sleep.
There were still so many unknowns but for the first time he knew he could handle them. He got out of bed and headed to the kitchen to turn on the kettle for his first cup of coffee for the day. Turning around he noted the light on his answering machine was blinking. He pressed the button to discover the message had been left only an hour before.
*Funny, I didn't hear the phone ring.*
"Hey Daniel, It's Jack. Listen I've changed my mind, maybe this whole us thing isn't such a good idea. I'm not sure what I was thinking. Anyway, I also think we need to re-consider your spot on SG1, I just don't think it's working. Any way I guess we can talk about that later. Have a nice day."
It took Daniel a moment to realise he'd stopped breathing. He quickly took in a breath as he processed what he'd heard.
*No, what! Doesn't want me…not on SG1…I can't…what…*
Daniel sunk to the ground as the message begun to repeat. Over and over Jack's voice played out his words ringing with apathy and what Daniel determined was disdain. He began to hyperventilate, his breath coming in short gasps. He knew if he wasn't careful he would pass out…and he welcomed it. As he blacked out he vaguely heard a beeping sound but couldn't place the familiar tone.
...
Daniel woke with a start. His body was soaked with sweat and he was breathing heavily. The beeping noise he remembered hearing sounded again and he realised it was coming from his laptop that he'd left open.
Daniel looked at the clock and concluded he'd been having a nightmare
*Please let it have been a nightmare. Please let it not be real.*
His laptop sounded again and Daniel groaned as he reached over to his bedside table for the device.
*It's just an email. Probably Anna stuck on something.*
He opened the file and was surprised to find it came from Jack. There was no subject heading and Daniel was almost afraid to open it. Taking a deep breath he clicked on the file
From: jon2ls
To: danieljacksondr
'Hey Danny, I don't think I've ever sent you an email before. Hmm, anyway I figured I would say hi. How are you? So in case you can't tell I'm bored. It's 0623 and I can't sleep. I think I need a pet. Do you like pets? You're probably asleep. I should let you sleep. See you later today? Okay bye. LY'
Daniel chuckled as his dream he'd just woken up from began to dissipate. Jack was right; they'd never sent each other personal emails before. They usually used the secure network at the SGC or the phone. In fact he didn't even realise Jack had a personal email account. His was published due to some papers he'd written
*jon2ls; Jack O'Neill two L's. Funny.*
Daniel leant up against the headboard of his bed and rested his computer on his lap, a pillow propping it up. He hit the reply button and started his response.
...
Jack was sitting in his study. He was studiously waiting for 0700 to roll around. He had a phone call to make and he didn't think anyone would be too happy to have their phone ring at 0600 or anytime in between.
He had various search engines open, trying to locate something, or more specifically someone. He had hit a dead end and not being the computer genius some of his friends seemed to be he figured he could wait a bit longer.
As he started to get up to fix himself some breakfast his computer pinged. He sat down and saw an email response. Grinning Jack opened the file.
From: danieljacksondr
To: jon2ls
'Good Morning, It's a bit early to be up and sending emails isn't it? I'm well. How are you apart from being bored? Did you sleep well? This is strange, how much should we actually be communicating via email? Wow that sound's paranoid. I'm not thinking too clearly I guess. Coffee, I need coffee. I'll talk to you later.'
…
Jack's grin dropped as he read the message. Something was off, he could tell. Daniel's emails were often quite scattered and this one obviously followed that same pattern but the tone…Jack quickly replied,
From: jon2ls
To: danieljacksondr
'What's wrong?'
…
Jack sat staring at the screen till a response came though
From: danieljacksondr
To: jon2ls
'Nothing, I just woke up why would anything be wrong? I just need coffee.'
…
Jack wasn't convinced
From: jon2ls
To: danieljacksondr
'Didn't think I'd have to do this already…
Three of Diamonds!'
…
Jack rubbed his eyes; he was actually quite upset that he'd had to call the phrase so soon. He knew it was inevitable eventually but not even twelve hours had passed.
From: danieljacksondr
To: jon2ls
'I had a bad dream. Nothing to worry about, I'll see you later. LY'
…
Jack sighed as he read Daniel's response. It must have been a bad one for Daniel to brush him off like that. He'd have to get to the bottom of it later. For now he had bigger fish to fry. He picked up the phone and dialled
"Hello?' came the bright voice of his 2IC
"Good to see you're awake Carter."
"It's 0700 Sir, It's late! How was your trip?"
"Fantastic, exactly what I needed."
"How's Daniel?"
"He's great. He loved it."
"That's good. I assume you need something Sir?"
"I need you to work your computer magic."
"You don't want to ask Daniel?"
"Not on this."
Jack quickly outlined what he needed. Sam was surprised by the request but took down all the details.
"How soon do you need this?"
"Whenever."
"Well I'm going crazy here so I'll do what I can but I may need the work computers."
"As I said, no rush."
"Okay Sir. I'll see what I can find."
"Thanks Carter, see you Monday."
"It'll be good to be back."
Jack hung up and finally went downstairs to get breakfast.
Jack was sitting on his deck, the warm breeze washing over him. It was a whole lot cooler than the previous day and Jack could feel that Fall was definitely making his presence known. He loved the season for all the colours it brought out but at the same time his yard work was about to increase.
*Side-effect of having so many trees around your yard.*
He looked over as he heard a noise, his heart leaping as he recognised the person causing it. He reached out a hand which Daniel took. Jack pulled him and Daniel landed awkwardly in his lap
"Missed you."
Jack pulled him down for a kiss which Daniel eagerly responded to
"Same. We can't be together all the time though."
"That's no fun."
Jack let Daniel up and the younger man took his seat next to Jack. They were quite content just to sit but Jack knew they had things to discuss; the only problem was he didn't know where to start.
"How did you know?" Daniel inquired
"Know what?"
"That I'd had a bad dream. You couldn't even hear me speak and you knew."
"I know you Daniel. The words were you but they also weren't. I knew. Want to tell me what happened?"
"Not really. I feel stupid."
"Try me."
Daniel looked over at Jack and recounted his nightmare.
"It felt real."
"Why?"
"I don't understand."
"Why did it feel real? Are you expecting me to just up and leave you?"
"I don't know. I know I'm insecure but past precedent suggests that it's likely to happen."
"Daniel, I think I'm going to end up sounding like a broken record but I will keep telling you as long as it takes to sink in. I'm not going anywhere and neither is your position on SG1."
Daniel nodded. The words Jack was saying he knew. His head knew them but his heart…he was a scientist, proof would be needed.
"Now, as far as we're concerned, I want to hear your concerns."
"My concerns?"
"Yeah, apart from the obvious and what we've already discussed, I just want to make sure we're on the same page."
"Um okay, I really don't know."
"My neither. Can't half tell we're male huh?"
Daniel grinned but offered no further comment.
"Look, I don't know what the future holds. I don't want to define what we have either."
"You already have."
"What do you mean?"
"At the cabin, you called me your boyfriend."
"I did." Jack went quiet as the realisation hit him, "I'm sorry."
"I'm not. Don't get me wrong, I was surprised. I mean I haven't been anyone's boyfriend in a very long time."
"Me neither." Jack agreed
"But, I liked it. I guess my main concern is for you."
"Me?"
"Yeah, what exactly does it mean for you with 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell?' I mean I don't want you to get into any trouble."
"Let me worry about that."
"Jack, I may have very limited experience in relationships, I mean my first Girlfriend cheated n me and my wife has a snake wrapped around her spinal cord but I think we should be dealing with things together. Isn't that what you told me last night?"
"Touché. I assume you have looked into the law?"
"Of course."
"Well I guess that it means that on a daily basis we need to be friends. If word got out that we were together then I would be dishonourably discharged. You would most likely keep your job but I doubt it would be fun for you."
"I don't want to get you in trouble. Maybe…"
"Maybe what? Maybe don't let this happen? Maybe forget the past week? Maybe pretend that I'm not madly in love with you? Okay Dr Jackson, if that's what you want then fine. But do not do it because you think it's best for me of you think it's what I want."
Jack's voice was getting louder, he was quite angry.
"I've retired once Daniel, I can do it again. I don't know If this is going to work but I'm sure as hell going to give it a shot. Yes it means hiding, staying in the closet so to speak and that sucks but at the same time I'm not quite ready to shout it from the rooftops yet either. I'm willing to put everything on the line for a chance to be with you but if you're having doubts I want to know now because I don't do maybe's."
Jack took a breath and stared at Daniel who was sitting wide eyed. He had seen Jack angry before but never really at him. It was a new experience that he wasn't sure he wanted to repeat.
"Wow, okay. Not really a fan of the yelling. Jack if you're willing to risk everything I think you're nuts, and I don't want you to have to retire because of me. I agree on the point that we don't know where this is going. Who knows what will happen in the next few weeks, months…even…"
"Years?"
"Yeah, years. So let's see how it goes. I have a feeling we're going to re-visit this discussion at some point but for now."
"For now?"
Jack knew what Daniel was saying but he had to hear it from him.
"I want this, us. I want us."
"Good conclusion."
Jack smiled happily,
"I'm still worried though."
"I know. We just have to be careful. Like I said, keeping Sam out of it as long as possible I think is a good idea. If it looks like things are getting dicey we just need to stop and figure it out."
Daniel got up and stretched, his heart skipped a beat as he noticed Jack eying him off appreciatively
"Enjoying yourself there?"
"Just keep going, I'm good here. I may have to take a bit more notice of your training schedule."
"Don't get any ideas."
Daniel sunk back down into the chair
"So, Ellie and Mel? When did you want to tell them?"
"I'm leaving that up to you. I think that with everything that's happened, everything you're feeling I want you to set the pace of this. I told you, I'm not going to force you into anything."
Daniel considered the statement and just what it meant. Jack trusted him to make a move, one that would take him completely out of his comfort zone. Daniel considered the step and what it would mean. He had promised Jack he would try and that meant taking a huge leap of faith that Jack would do the right thing by him.
"How about I call Ellie and see when they're free?"
"Are you sure?"
"I promised you I would try, this is part of that. Plus I may need someone else to talk to, besides you and if I can't talk to Sam then…"
"It's up to you babe."
"Babe?"
"Oops, slipped out."
"Hmm, I've heard worse."
Daniel got up to grab the phone. He came back with it and the chess set.
"We never properly finished our last game."
"Sorry about that, I think I beat you though."
"You did, but now I know you know how to play, you had better watch out."
"Bring it on."
Jack set up the game whilst Daniel made the call. Whilst he was talking he went and made some coffee. Jack watched him and shook his head.
*Boy he drinks a lot of coffee. Oh well, at least it's not alcohol or cigarettes. Too bad I never got him his birthday present, stupid ice cave. Oh well Christmas is in a few months. I'll just have to keep it at Sam's till then*
Jack had made big plans for Daniel's birthday, the problem was he'd been stranded off-world on the day itself and since then he hadn't been able to do anything about it. He'd thought about giving him his Birthday present late but in the end he had held onto it, deciding to wait. The tickets he purchased could be used at any time during the year after purchase. Maybe New Year? He would have to talk to Hammond.
"Are we free tomorrow night?" Daniel called out
"Sure am."
A few minutes later Daniel hung up and brought his coffee outside along with some coke for Jack
"Seven at their place, I have the address."
"Sweet. Now Dr. Jackson, let's find out if it was a one-time fluke or if I really can kick your butt."
Baby come on in, the water's fine
I'll be right here you take your time
Just let me hold you, and we'll both take that leap of faith
It's like I told you, there's no guarantees when you feel this way
"Remember, I'm leaving this up to you. If you don't want to say anything then we don't."
"No pressure or anything."
Daniel shook his head and they got out of the car. Jack quickly reached for his hand giving it a quick squeeze before they headed to the door.
"Hey you two!" Mel greeted enthusiastically when she opened the door, "Oh my God, I can't believe you actually broke your leg. Well done!"
Jack hugged her and moved over to her more subdued partner so Daniel could come inside as well.
"Thank you, it was my best effort yet."
"I don't know." Ellie disagreed, "I could name a few things that aren't in your file. How you doing Jack?"
"I'm good."
"Hey Danny! You look great, oh those eyes. They get me every time!"
Daniel rolled his eyes but greeted Mel in kind,
"Hey Mel, how have you been?"
"Good, better now that I've seen you. How was your trip away?"
"Eventful."
Daniel moved over to hug Ellie who was waiting her turn.
"I bet it was, a week with this one would be interesting."
"That's one word for it." Daniel affirmed causing Jack to chuckle.
"Well you can tell us all about it over Dinner. It'll be another twenty or so."
Mel quickly turned and made her way toward the kitchen. Ellie took Daniel's hand and hooked it in the crook of her arm and they walked into the living area, Jack followed behind.
"So I'll give you the tour."
Ellie spent the next few minutes showing the boys around, eventually winding up in the kitchen area where Mel was busy stirring something over the stove.
"Can I help? Daniel enquired?
"No thanks gorgeous. You can relax tonight."
"I don't mind."
"I know, would you like a drink?"
Ellie poured herself and Daniel a glass of wine but hesitated before handing a beer to Jack,
"Are you still on Antibiotics?"
"Nope, finished them a few days ago."
"Painkillers of any kind?"
"Not for a week."
"Any lingering respiratory problems?"
"Have you been talking to Janet?"
"Maybe."
Ellie opened the bottle and handed it to him,
"Doctors spoil all the fun." Jack ducked as Ellie took a playful swing at him, "Damn that's good. I missed you."
"It's been six weeks Jack." Daniel admonished
"Want me to take away your coffee for six weeks?"
"Not a chance O'Neill."
Daniel leant back against the bench making sure he wasn't in Mel's way as she worked.
"So any chance you can tell us how you ended up in a moon-boot?" Mel queried
"Classified. I landed on something hard."
"Must have been really hard, and cold."
"You have no idea." Jack muttered
"So if that's out, tell me about your little get away. Ellie says the cabin is somewhere up north. Canada?"
"Minnesota, in the middle." Jack corrected
"Nice country. Did you have fun?"
"We did." Daniel affirmed, "For the most part anyway. The first few days weren't the best but it got better."
"Bad weather?"
"It was a little cool." Daniel grinned as he took another sip, "But warmed up as the week went on."
"It's been hot here, well hot for Colorado."
"I like it hot, reminds me of Egypt."
"Oh, you've been to Egypt? I've never been out of the USA. Does Hawaii count?" Mel questioned.
"Sure, long plane trip. Definitely counts, haven't been there in a while." Jack mused
"Me neither. I'm not a fan of flying." Mel admitted.
"I've tried to get her on a plane since but no such luck. I'd love to see Australia but I'm not sure Mel could handle it." Ellie stated wistfully.
"Sorry babe." Jack could tell Mel wasn't that sorry but he also saw a little twinkle in her eye as she spoke.
*Hmm, wonder what she has planned.*
"I've never done Australia. Daniel?"
"Nope, I'd love to as well though. Maybe one day."
*Hmm, another list item. I love this list!*
"Well you look well rested, both of you do." Ellie concluded.
"Yeah, it was good to get away. Nothing but the woods, the lake, fishing. I definitely recommend it."
"I can't imagine you doing nothing Jack." Mel laughed
"Neither could I, I probably still wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself."
Daniel finished his glass and accepted a re-fill. He had every intention on following through with his plan and whilst he knew he didn't need alcohol to do it, it didn't hurt either.
"You're a man of many surprises Colonel." Mel waved around the utensil she was holding as she spoke.
"He's managed a few." Daniel agreed. Jack raised an eyebrow but didn't say a word.
"Okay everyone, table, let's go."
"Yes Ma'am!" Jack saluted and formation marched to the table leaving the other three laughing in his wake.
"He's been very good at following orders lately." Daniel commented as they followed on.
"Oh yeah, what's been the best?" Ellie was still laughing
"Hmm, this."
He took another sip of wine and looked Jack straight in the eye. Jack's eyes widened as he saw the demand in his Daniel's glowing blue eyes and he broke into a large smile. He walked over to Daniel and drew him into a very deep very long kiss.
Daniel was vaguely aware that Ellie and Mel had stopped laughing and that the room was totally silent. He hadn't planned for shock and awe but he wanted to make the most of the opportunity, Proof to Jack that he was in.
The pair broke off their exchange and Daniel turned sheepishly toward Ellie and Mel. Ellie had tears running down her cheeks and Mel was standing with her mouth wide open. They watched as she closed her mouth and opened it again to speak, nothing came out.
"Wow, I didn't know you knew how to be speechless." Jack quipped
"OH MY GOD!" she eventually screamed
"That's better." Daniel acknowledged
"Jack…Daniel…I…" Ellie still had tears streaming down her face but her eyes were alight with happiness.
"That's why we wanted to come over tonight, we had to tell you." Daniel told her softly.
Ellie walked over and pulled Daniel into a hug.
"Oh Danny, I don't know what to say."
"Now you *have* to tell us about your trip, every single little detail!" Mel exclaimed
"Danny are you okay?" Ellie still hadn't addressed Jack, her concern primarily for the younger man
"I'm fine Ellie. Better than fine."
He reached out for Jack's hand which was happily given and Ellie finally looked at Jack,
"It's about time you know." She sniffled and put her arms around Jack's neck. Jack let go of Daniel and wrapped his arms around the her.
"Well you two didn't help the matter."
"We had to see what happened." Mel explained.
"You both confided in me, I couldn't break that confidence." Ellie explained.
"We know, we don't blame you." Daniel assured her
"Well this makes for some interesting dinner conversation. Ell, wanna help me out?"
She manoeuvred Ellie back into the kitchen giving both couples a few moments to compose themselves.
"Way to go Danny!" Jack whispered
"Too much?"
"Maybe, and it was worth every second."
Jack gathered him in his arms and Daniel fixed his arms around Jack's waist.
"I wanted to prove to you that…I don't have a maybe"
"You don't have to prove anything Danny. But thank you."
Jack raised his head slightly and kissed Daniel's forehead.
"Crap, I'm going to cry again." Ellie made their presence known
"Sorry." Jack apologised
"Don't be, happy tears, I promise."
Jack let go of Daniel and sat down at the table, he took Daniel's hand again once they were seated.
When Dinner was served the pair Ellie and Mel what had happened from the previous week, each having a few different versions of the events but together formed a story that had both girls rolling their eyes and grinning uncontrollably at the same time. Certain aspects were left out but all in all the girls' received a blow by blow account.
"Damn you two are dumb." Mel affirmed when they were done.
"Thanks." Jack raised his beer in salute
"Seriously, could you imagine how good your whole week would have been!"
"Well we have next time." Daniel reasoned
"So, have you talked about how it's all going to work? I mean…both of you have been married and not to the same sex."
"Mel!" Ellie exclaimed.
Daniel blushed bright red and looked down at his hands. Jack took one of his hands and kissed the knuckles.
"We've talked. It's not a problem"
"Well okay then! You two haven't chosen the easiest path you know."
"Trying to talk us out of it?" Jack questioned
"Never. Just a reminder, But we're here if you need anything, I mean we've been through this and you guys are just starting out."
"That's why we wanted to tell you first." Daniel admitted, "We can't tell anyone at work and that's where all our friends are, except you guys. We needed to have someone outside, someone who wouldn't judge."
"We're happy to be here sweetie. We love you guys and we're happy to be here any time you need us." Ellie took Daniel's other hand and squeezed it tightly.
Daniel didn't have many people he trusted but Ellie was at the very top of the list, right under Jack. For the first time he felt at peace with his decision not to let Jack go.
"Thanks Ellie, you too Mel."
"No problem sugar. Dessert?" Mel inquired
"Ahh, way to win my heart over." Jack beamed
"Well come on Colonel, you can help me out."
Jack helped to clear the table leaving Daniel alone with Elaine.
"Daniel, are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah I'm fine."
"Really? This is a big step for you."
"I know, I've been married before Ellie."
"That's not what I mean."
"I know. I told him."
"Oh sweetie."
Ellie squeezed his hand and Daniel noticed her eyes welling up again
"It was okay, I mean he's still here isn't he."
"Of course he is. I told you that you could trust him"
"I still didn't believe it. He…Ell he was unbelievable. He said we didn't have to…you know. He said he loves me, for me."
"I believe that too. You should have seen him the day he came to Denver. Daniel he asked me on that day what had happened. I didn't tell him but he seemed to know anyway. I've never seen him so angry. He cares so much for you."
"He knew?"
"I'm not sure how much but yes, he had figured it out."
"That was months ago."
"Daniel he loves you so much. If anything I think it just made him more protective of you. He isn't going anywhere."
"I'm afraid."
"I bet you are. I would be too if I was in your shoes."
"I told him I'd try to…but I don't know how. Every time I think about it I get scared that…"
"Jack isn't Greg."
"I know."
"Don't push yourself; it may have the reverse effect. Baby steps. Danny I hate this part of my job, but I've seen kids go through this and honestly I think that treating yourself still as a young child in this case may help. I can't force you to have counselling, I'm not even sure it would work but I can advise you to take baby steps. Try something small and see what happens."
Ellie sat back as Mel and Jack re-entered the room. Mel was all smiles whilst Jack took in the situation with a frown.
"Everything okay?"
"It's fine." Daniel affirmed, at a raised eyebrow Daniel smiled encouragingly, "Yours, Promise."
The night continued, both couples enjoying their time together. When they were leaving Mel cornered Jack and pulled him aside
"So that Cubs game is next…" She looked up to make sure Daniel was out of earshot and dropped the act, "I meant what I said, are you two…okay? I'm a nurse, I can ask these questions."
"Mel we aren't…doing that. Not yet anyway."
"Okay then, well feel free to ask when the time comes."
"I will. I'm still feeling a bit weird about it to be honest."
"I figured, my advice is to follow your feelings. You'll know what you can handle and what you can't. For everything else, Doctor Carrey and Nurse Morgan are here to help."
"Thanks."
"Oh, and you hurt him, there will be nowhere you can hide."
"Seriously! Why is everyone ready to jump on Daniel's side? What if he hurts me?"
"It's because he's just so gorgeous. And honestly, if anyone is going to get hurt here it will be him. You're a lot stronger than he is. That being said if he does manage to crack that hard shell of yours, no one will find the body."
"So not helpful."
"Who said I was trying to be helpful!"
Mel nudged him out the door where Ellie was talking with Daniel.
"Ready?"
"Yeah."
"Remember, you guys can call either of us any time."
"We know…Daniel needs his coffee beans." Jack ducked out of the way as Daniel flung out his arm.
"Thanks for dinner Mel, It was great."
"Any time! Yours next time."
"And soon." Daniel agreed.
Jack got in the car whilst Daniel said goodbye,
"I really don't know how or what to say to him."
"Baby steps."
Ellie kissed his cheek and Mel gave him a big hug
"Is he meant to be driving?" Mel looked over Daniel's shoulder
"Don't ask." Daniel muttered as he pulled away.
"Don't overcomplicate things Danny. You're a linguist, if you try and talk your way through this it will just get confusing."
"I know."
Daniel waved goodbye and jumped in the car. He yawned and Jack smiled fondly
"It's time all good Archaeologists were in bed."
"It is late."
They drove back to Colorado Springs, Jack's hand resting lightly on Daniel's thigh. Daniel fell asleep on the drive giving Jack ample opportunity to process his thoughts. He had been impressed at how Daniel had made their relationship known but was worried at the fact Daniel thought he had to "prove" himself.
He pulled up outside Daniel's apartment and gently squeezed his shoulder
"Danny, wake up we're home."
"Hmm."
Daniel opened one eye sleepily and looked out the window,
"No, your place."
With that he shut his eyes again and fell back asleep.
"Okay."
Jack swung the car around and headed to his place. When he pulled up he once again woke Daniel who slowly made his way out of the car. Jack let them in and followed Daniel upstairs, making sure he actually made it to his bed before passing out again.
Daniel crawled under the covers and Jack went to shut the door,
"J'ck?"
"Yeah Danny?" Jack walked over to the bed
"Stay."
Daniel reached up groggily and took Jack's hand pulling him down onto the bed. Jack frowned and sat on the bed. Daniel reached out and wrapped an arm awkwardly around Jack's waist.
"Okay Danny, what are you up to?"
Daniel mumbled something that Jack couldn't understand. Jack lay down next to Daniel making sure to stay on top of the blankets.
He was confused, two days ago Daniel had said he wanted no contact, not like this and here he was literally pulling him into bed.
*It has to be part of this whole proving himself thing. This is ridiculous; I know he doesn't want this. I am not taking advantage of this. Boy I'm going to enjoy this in the right circumstances. Okay no, make sure he's asleep then you can move.*
Jack waited for ten minutes, mentally racing his mind through other things so wouldn't think about the man lying pressed up behind him. Finally he removed Daniel's arm and gently sat up so as not to disturb him.
He walked to the door and looking back he sighed, Daniel's hand had stayed in the spot that Jack had just vacated and for a moment Jack almost went back to him.
*You'll thank me later Daniel. I love you.*
If I knew what I was doin', I'd be doin' it right now
I would be the best damn poet, silver words out of my mouth
Well my words might not be magic, but they cut straight to the truth
So if you need a lover and a friend
Baby I'm in...I'm in
Baby I'm in...I'm in
Jack opened his eyes and groaned,
*Okay, that was a horrible night's sleep. I need this damn boot off.*
It was Friday morning, three days before he was due to be back on deck at the SGC and three days until Janet would even contemplate removing the cast from his ankle. Three days till freedom and he was going nuts.
He needed to get back to work, he'd had seven weeks off at this point and he wasn't sure how much longer he could sit around and do nothing. Normally he appreciated having a lazy day but Forty-Nine lazy days were way too many.
Normally he would have spent the time tormenting his best friend…his boy-friend, but Daniel had been suspiciously absent for two days, ever since Jack had left him alone in bed.
*I'll have to go see him today, this is ridiculous.*
Daniel had been replying to his emails and they'd spoken on the phone but Daniel's tone was wrong, it was cold and clipped.
*He has to understand. Gah, I try to do the right thing and it blows up in my face.*
Jack pulled himself out of bed and made his way to the shower. When he was done he wrapped a towel around his waist and made his way downstairs. He walked into the kitchen and stopped short when he saw Daniel standing there flipping a pancake.
"Good morning." Jack stated hesitantly
"Hey." Daniel responded quietly without turning around, "I um…made breakfast."
"I can see that."
Daniel scooped a little more butter into the pan and Jack saw how tense he was. He still hadn't turned around but having him there in his kitchen was definitely a step in the right direction. He walked up behind him and put his arms around his waist. Daniel jumped slightly at the contact but leant back against Jack's chest.
Jack relished the feel of having Daniel in his arms, it felt right. Daniel let go of the pan and rested his hand on Jack's,
"Smells good." Jack spoke quietly, taking in not only the smell of cooking batter but also of Daniel's skin.
"I hope you like them."
"Definitely."
Daniel flipped the pancake and Jack reached down to turn off the burner. He moved back slightly bringing Daniel with him. Daniel lay down the spatula and turned around.
"Jack I…Oh wow. Um okay, wasn't expecting…um…"
Daniel stared wide eyed at Jack's bare chest. It was the first time since beginning their relationship that he had seen Jack without a shirt on. It wasn't the first time Daniel had seen him without clothes but it was the first time he'd been able to appreciate it openly.
"Danny, you okay?"
"What? Oh yeah I'm good. Very good."
"Did you want me to go and put a shirt on?"
"Huh?"
Jack chuckled and placed a finger under Daniel chin to tilt his eyes up to him
"I'll be back."
Jack kissed him softly and wandered back upstairs to get dressed. When he came back down Daniel was placing a stack of pancakes on the table along with various spreads.
"Better?"
"To be able to talk to you, yes. Visually, not so much."
"Sorry, I didn't realise you were here."
"That's okay. I never said I minded."
Daniel took a pancake off the pile and started eating. Jack sat and watched, happy to simply see Daniel after almost three days.
"They'll go cold." Daniel pointed out.
"Trying to fatten me up?"
"If a diet of Pizza and beer hasn't done that yet I doubt a few pancakes will kill you."
Jack acknowledged the remark and took a few of the breakfast items. They ate in silence, neither really sure what to say. After breakfast Daniel started to clean up but Jack had other ideas.
"Come on Danny, let's do this."
He led Daniel into the lounge and sat down on the couch pulling Daniel down next to him. He wrapped his arms around Daniel's wait and buried his nose in his hair, brushing it aside to kiss his neck.
"God I missed you."
"I missed you too." Daniel admitted
"I know you've been mad at me, but we're in a relationship, we need to talk things out not run away."
"I know, I'm not used to talking things out. Running has always seemed the better option."
"Not any more. We're a team, we work together."
Daniel was quiet but Jack felt him sink further into his embrace, whether it was consciously or not, Jack knew when it came down to it, Daniel wanted to be there and he wasn't letting go till they'd sorted everything out.
"Why did you leave?"
"Why did you want me to stay?"
Jack was more than willing to give his side of the story and if he'd been wrong then he would more than make up for it, but he was sure he wasn't.
"Because I wanted you to. I told you I was going to try."
"I know you did and I'm glad you're going to, really glad but Danny, that's not why you wanted me to stay. Five days ago you could barely stand me touching you and then two days later you're trying to get me to sleep with you! That's a very rapid progression."
"So?"
"Daniel, you're smarter than that, I'm smarter than that. I know I don't act like it sometimes but still. You said it yourself at Elaine and Mel's; you wanted to prove to me that everything was okay. That word Danny, prove. You don't need to prove yourself to me."
"I wasn't."
"Well I think you were, and if you weren't then you were definitely trying to prove something to yourself."
Daniel didn't respond, choosing instead to simply stare out the window. It was a much cooler day than the previous ones, something he hadn't prepared for and Jack noticed that his skin had broken out in goosebumps. He pulled the throw rug down from the back of the couch and pulled it tight around Daniel.
"I'm trying." He whispered, "I have to try."
"I know, and you are. Daniel that little performance you put on for Ellie and Mel was crazy, so not in character for you, it was great. But you don't need to push yourself on my account. I've already said that I will wait as long as it takes."
"I feel like I have to push myself."
"Why? I'm sure you'll get there in the end. And even if you don't, I still get to do this." He Kissed Daniel's temple, "And this." He squeezed Daniel tighter to him, "And I get to love you, anything beyond that I would consider a bonus."
"I don't want to disappoint you."
"You won't. Daniel I didn't stay because I promised you I wouldn't. The day you come to me and tell me you want me to stay, and you're serious, I'll know."
"Do you want that."
"Not if you don't. Daniel I look forward to that day because I know you will trust me to take care of you. Until then I am setting out to prove to *you* that I'm worthy of that trust. You just need to understand that I am not like the people you've known and I will not intentionally hurt you."
Daniel turned a little so he was resting on his side against Jack.
"I do trust you, thank you."
"You're welcome."
Jack lay there gently stroking Daniel's hair. He felt his eyelids drop and caught himself before he drifted off completely.
"Danny, you should jump up, I'm about to doze off. I think I need coffee…Danny?"
Jack looked down and saw that Daniel had his eyes closed; a small smile graced his features
*Okay, I can force myself to stay awake. He must have had as much sleep as me in the past few days.*
Jack flicked on the TV and turned the sound down. As long as Daniel was comfortable and safe, he would stay awake as long as needed.
Baby come here next to me, I'll show you how good it can be
I'll breathe each breath you breathe
I can, pour out everything I am
Everything I am
Daniel walked around his apartment gathering up all the things he needed. It was Sunday afternoon and the following day he would be heading back to work. Since bringing Jack home after the incident in Antarctica he hadn't really been back to the SGC except for his brief trip off-world and even then he'd only gone to get more books. As a result he had a lot to take back. Most of it was at Jack's home and he was headed there for the night so Daniel could "drive" Jack to work considering he wasn't meant to be driving.
*Any excuse, you're just hoping to run into him just out of the shower again. Definitely some good imagery there.*
Daniel was dawdling, he knew Jack had gone out somewhere and wouldn't be back for at least another hour. Jack didn't mind him being there when he wasn't but Daniel knew he had to at least pretend to live in his apartment. In the week since he'd been home he'd only stayed there three nights, preferring Jack's spare room to his.
Once Daniel's pile was complete he picked up his journal. He hadn't made an entry since that morning at the cabin, he was well overdue.
Jack knocked on the door of Sam's home and waited for her to answer. She had called him earlier that morning saying she had some information for him. If she had what he was after he knew he would be cutting it close, he was due at the SGC in twenty two hours. If not, he could wait.
"Good morning Sir, how are you?"
"I'm good Carter, you?"
"I'm well. Bored, I can't believe I actually want to go back to work."
"Our job doesn't exactly suck." *especially when there are cute archaeologists running around the place*
"It sure doesn't. So anyway I think I have what you're looking for."
"That was quick! I thought you said you would need the work computer."
"I may or may not have snuck on-base last night."
Jack was both concerned and impressed
"I told you there was no rush, you didn't have to do that."
"It was a puzzle and I wanted to solve it. In the end I got all the information here but I did have to use the work system to get an address."
"You have it?"
Sam handed Jack a slip of paper and grinned,
"Give me something harder next time."
"Be careful what you wish for."
Jack looked at the paper and his eyes widened in surprise.
"Seriously! I can be back before we start in the morning."
"I thought it wasn't that important."
"Depends on your definition. Can you do me a favour?"
"I won't tell Daniel where you've gone."
"Oh I'll deal with Daniel, I have to. He won't forgive me if I don't."
Sam looked straight into Jack's eyes and her expression narrowed
"Just exactly how was your holiday Sir?"
"Better than I expected."
"Right. So what's the favour?"
"Can you book me the first flight you can to Oregon? I'll give you my credit card."
"Okay, so there is a rush."
"Not really, but it's important to me."
"I'll call you with the details."
Jack squeezed grinned and ran out the door.
"Oh, and don't tell Daniel any of this."
Sam shook her head knowingly. She didn't know what was so important in Oregon but if it involved Daniel she knew Jack was doing the right thing.
Jack opened the door to Daniel's apartment, his mind on the phone conversation he was in the middle of.
"Yes Sir. Believe me I know that Sir. Yes only a day Sir. Trust me it's a very good reason. Okay I'll see you on Tuesday morning."
"Tuesday?"
Daniel looked up from his Journal and eyed the man standing in his doorway
"That was Hammond. I have an extra day off. I start at 0600 Tuesday morning."
"Is that all of SG1?"
"Nope, just me."
"Why just you?"
"I need to take a little trip."
"We just took a little trip; in fact you've had seven weeks off. Where are you going?"
"Nowhere special. I just need to take care of some things and I haven't been able to because of my leg."
"Yeah, like that's stopped you."
Jack dropped onto the couch, shifting Daniel's legs which were spread out and resting them on his own
"Danny, do you trust me?"
"Yes." It was a statement of fact, no hesitation.
"Then, I will be flying out in the morning to origins unknown and I will be back tomorrow night. In the meantime, There is a bed at my place with your name written all over it, feel free to stay there if you don't want to stay here."
"Are you sure nothing is wrong?"
"Nothing at all. I love you."
"I love you. I'll stay here but I will need to drop by your place to get my books."
"Well you were coming to my place anyway, come over tonight and tomorrow you can stay here."
"Help me with my things?"
"Of course."
Jack got up and picked up a pile of books and headed out the door,
"Too bad none of these come on tape, it would be so much easier to lug around."
Daniel only rolled his eyes as he reached for his own pile. He wasn't sure where Jack was going or what he was doing, he was even more baffled at how he had managed to get the General to agree to the trip but it was Jack, he had to learn to trust or else none of this would work.
Jack loaded his truck with things whilst Daniel made a final trip. He hoped he was doing the right thing, he hoped Sam had found the right person. He hadn't lied to Sam, this was very important to him and maybe one day he would be able to tell Daniel. Right now there was no way to broach the subject but maybe one day…
Everything he did was for Daniel, he didn't see it as a selfless act, just a loving one. He would never have done something like this for Sara and that thought alone scared him, just how far had he fallen for Daniel. What if it all ended, what if Daniel did hurt him? Jack knew his fears were nothing compared to Daniel's, and everyone expected him to be the strong capable one, but inside he was just as scared as anyone when facing the unknown. So many 'What If's'.
"You okay?" Daniel asked as he joined him.
"Yeah, thoughts."
"Good or bad?"
Jack looked at him, his piercing blue eyes reflecting nothing but curiosity and love,
"Good. Definitely good."
If I knew what I was doin', I'd be doin' it right now
I would be the best damn poet, silver words out of my mouth
Well my words might not be magic, but they cut straight to the truth
So if you need a lover and a friend
Yeah
If you need a lover and a friend
Baby I'm in...I'm in
Jack walked through the halls of the SGC, people greeting him as he passed. Normally he hated the saluting part unless he was trying to make a point but today he relished it. After seven very long weeks (not including his daily visit during Daniel's off-world trip) he was more than happy to be back doing normal things.
Janet had just removed his boot and for the first time in seven weeks he felt free. She had cautioned him to take it easy because there was still a risk of re-injury if he did anything too traumatic to it while the bone strengthened but all going well he would be back on active duty the following week.
He had already sat through a meeting with the General and he had just come from the infirmary. He wanted to see Teal'c and work out his training schedule to get himself back into shape and he had to thank Carter for a successful trip to Cedar Park, Oregon.
He rounded a corner and ran straight in to Daniel who was turning the same corner.
"Damn it, I'm sorr…Jack! What did you get back?"
"I told you I started at 0600. My flight was delayed, I got in at 0100."
"Ouch! Find what you're looking for?"
"Sure did. Can I help you?"
"That would be great."
Jack reached down and picked up the papers that had been dropped and took some things off the pile he was carrying,
"What's all this?"
"Some of my books were scattered around in various offices, I'm just getting them back."
"How do you even know they're missing? You have so many."
"They're books!"
Daniel looked genuinely confused by the question and Jack just chuckled,
"Never mind."
They took the elevator to eighteen and Daniel pushed open his office door. As Daniel was putting away the volumes Jack quietly locked both doors and flicked the switch on the camera making sure it was off.
"Hey."
Jack pulled Daniel away from the bookshelf and into his arms, kissing him soundly.
"Jack, we need to be careful."
"Doors are locks, cameras are off and I wanted to say hello to my boyfriend. That okay?"
"It's fine." Daniel managed before surrendering to Jack.
"I really wanted to call but It was so late, early…something. I knew I'd see you today."
"Are you ever going to tell me why you were in Oregon?"
"One day I hope I can. Till then, don't worry. I love you, and that's all that matters."
"If you say so."
"I do. Now Dr Jackson, I have incredibly important memo's to read and file."
"Throw in the trash…"
"Emails to read."
"Delete."
"And many important people to see."
"So I'll see you for lunch?"
"If I don't get bored and come to find you before that."
"I love you."
"I love you."
Baby come here next to me, I'll show you how good it can be
I'll breathe each breath you breathe
I can, pour out everything I am
Sam sat with Janet and Teal'c as she ate her lunch. She couldn't believe she actually wanted to eat from the commissary. She was happy at this point to be a girl, it meant she was capable of multitasking. For example she could follow the conversation on her table and even give her input but at the same time she could watch Jack and Daniel who were sitting eating together. They had come in later so the team weren't able to sit together but Sam was glad because it certainly made her lunch experience a whole lot more interesting.
It was nothing more than a simple lunch between two friends. Even knowing what she knew about the Colonel she couldn't tell anything was different. Even if she ignored the quick smiles and the way they sat just a little closer than normal, she knew there was nothing different.
Sam turned her full attention back to her group. If anyone asked she didn't know anything because there was nothing to know, even if she did know better.
*I love those guys.*
"It was easy!" Jack exclaimed as he stirred a pot of pasta that evening
"I think I was worried for nothing."
"No you had every right to be worried, we both still do. But we proved today that it won't be a problem at work if we don't let it."
"We just need to stay vigilant."
"Can't half tell the linguist has gone back to work." Jack noted
"It is good to be back. No more trips to Antarctica for a while okay."
"Sounds like a plan."
"So are you going home tonight?"
"Of course, unless you tell me otherwise."
"Sorry."
"I'm not. I love you."
"I know."
Daniel went and turned on the CD player. He couldn't believe how well the last two weeks had been for him. He looked at the man singing rather badly in his kitchen to the song now playing and he laughed. For the first time in a long time he looked ahead with hope instead of worry.
Life was good.
Baby come here come next to me, I'll show you how good it can be...
Baby come here next to me, I'll show you how good it can be...
Baby come here...
Baby come here...
Baby come here...
Epilogue
Jack knocked hesitantly on the door
"Amanda Case?"
A lady, not much older than himself looked up in surprise
"Yes, can I help you?"
Jack walked into the classroom, taking in the lady in front of him
"Are you the Amanda Case who worked at an elementary school in New York twenty years ago?"
"That's me. Who are you?"
"I'm sorry Ma'am, My name is Jack, Jack O'Neill."
"It's lovely to meet you Jack, now what's this about?"
"Twenty years ago you sat a little boy down to find out why his grades had dropped. He told you a horrible story and you pulled him out of the foster home. Is that you?"
Amanda sank down onto her desk, her hand covering her mouth.
"Danny. You're talking about Daniel Jackson."
"You got him out of that home, away from the boy who was hurting him?"
"I did everything I could. He was the most beautiful little boy, someone had to look after him."
Jack walked over and pulled Amanda into a hug
"Thank you so much! I don't have the words to say how thankful I am for you."
Amanda was shocked to find herself in the mans arms, a man who had tears running down his cheeks. She was even more surprised to find tears running down her own.
"You're welcome. I take it you know Danny?"
"Very well. Amanda, you have no idea what you did for him. You saved him and the world is a much better place for it. Thankyou."
"Is he okay? I mean...He really was the most beautiful little boy. so smart, so helpful."
"He still is. He's a Doctor of Archaeology, linguistics, history, you name it he's done it. He is the most loving human being and that is all because of you."
Amanda couldn't believe what she was hearing. She remembered Daniel Jackson so well. She would have addopted him herself if she could but she was only twenty-four and in her first teaching position out of college. She just wasn't able to do it,, but she remembered him well and thought of him often, hoping and praying that he was okay.
She was still crying as some kids entered the classroom. They stopped short when they saw the strange man in the room. One little kid walked up to Jack who had managed to pull himself together when he saw the children.
"What's your name Sir?"
"Hi, my name is Jack. What's yours?"
"Henry."
"Hi Henry." He turned to Amanda who was wiping her eyes, "Sorry for interupting your class. I just had to find you and tell you that you saved a little boys life and that I am so greatful."
"Your welcome. I would like to see him one day, do you think he would mind?"
"I'm sure he would love that. We can talk later."
"Why are you crying Miss? Did Jack hurt you?"
"No Henry, Jack didn't hurt me. Just the opposite, do you remember what opposite means?"
"Yes. You're tall, are you in the army?"
Jack laughed and looked around the room which was now full of children
"Nope, but close. I'm actually a Colonel in the Air Force. I fly planes."
"Wow." Jack could see he had their attention. "Maybe one day I can come back and tell you about that but for now I want you to do something special for me. I want you all to make sure that you look after Miss Case for me okay? She is a very special lady who helped a friend of mine when he was your age. Can you all look after her for me?"
Henry got out of his chair and saluted Jack, he reminded Jack of Charlie.
"I can make sure we do Sir."
"Excellent. Alright kids have a good day."
Jack waved and looked at Amanda who still couldn't control her tears.
"I'll be in touch."
"Look after him?"
Jack smiled softly,
"Always."
The End...For Now
