Lex left the next week with promises to come once more in August before the semester started up again. That was clearly more for Bobby than it was for me, considering when the semester started, we'd be living together. The fact that she was planning on that at all was really a fantastic sign for their burgeoning relationship and I honestly couldn't be happier for the both of them.
Realistic about it's longevity, but very, very happy.
Honestly, in many ways, that summer shocked me to the core. I mean this kind of thing just doesn't happen to us normally. Not for whole seasons at least. Allow me to expand on that.
When things go well for X-Men, in their personal life, it's practically a scientific fact that other aspects are going to get fucked up so badly that they then eventually affect your personal life to the point that it falls apart utterly. See how much fun it is to be a superhero? And some of the younger students wondered why the hell I worked so hard to go off to college instead of hang around and do online courses.
First of all, I've been a part of this bang up operation since I was thirteen and therefore I am not a complete idiot to it's realities.
Secondly, a girl's gotta grab a chunk of normalcy where and when she can.
Therapy continued on for me, which is all I really want to say about that. I suppose I'm making progress just fine, but I'm gauging that more on how I feel when I'm with Logan than anything else.
Surprisingly, hanging out with Logan for the whole summer was supremely normal. I marveled at how natural it felt, at how content we both made each other, at how easy-going and relaxed he seemed about our relationship. I wondered at my own ability feel an elation I've never experienced and finally allowed myself to own up to the fact that this must, indeed, be love.
God, help me.
I asked Logan if it scared him. If he was maybe waiting for the other shoe to drop and for the shit to hit the fan in a spectacularly explosive way that would leave our lives destroyed in the aftermath. Okay, maybe, I didn't put it in such dramatic terms, but I still regretted asking because I recognized the look on his face all too soon. It was the look he wore when exactly that happened to him before. To all of us. And, man had I been there for some remarkably hideous days when it comes to my man's life.
His answer was less than reassuring when he succinctly told me, "Yeah, darlin' it scares the hell outta me sometimes."
But, we continued on anyway, because, really, what other choice do you have? And no amount of waiting for the inevitable was going to make me give him up. I totally admit that I just was in no way strong enough. He is worth every second.
That's about the time I found out just what Rogue and Remy's problem was. She was, quite simply, running scared.
****
"So, wait, what?!"
"I know. I'm just down right stupid, huh, Jubes?"
"Well, I wouldn't put it like that per se, but...."
We were dishing over frozen yogurt concoctions. Remy was practically living on the roof; I should know, I ran into him three times in the last week. Rogue was spending record-breaking amounts of time away from the mansion and this occasion was no different since we found ourselves once again at the mall.
Not so dangerous as the last time (and any other time in the history of my existence) considering my new favorite obsession involved working towards taking clothes off instead of buying new ones. Unfortunately, I haven't gotten far all summer in this particular quest, but, God, was it fun to try. I do, however, have a brand new collection of trendy light-weight summer scarves. What can I say, that man likes to leave his mark. Bobby giggles every time he sees me in one.
Ass.
But I digress. Astonishing, I know.
"So, lemme get this straight. You love him. You are completely and utterly and totally convinced that he is the only mutant for you in the whole wide world...but, that just isn't good enough?! Rogue, if that's not good enough, pretty, pretty please tell me what is, because I am clueless right now. I am apparently going about my life in the completely wrong way and should break up with Wolvie and set up permanent camp on the roof with Gumbo."
She smiles a pathetic smile at me and I resist the urge to slap her across her pretty face. I love her, I do, but what the fuck?
"Okay, let me put it this way, Jubilee. You're still young; you don't quite see it the way I do yet. When I look at Remy, I...see everythin'. I mean everythin'. White weddin' dresses, an' cute lil' Southern chapels, an' kids, an' wrinkles, an' big porches to sit on while lil red-eyed grandkids play all around us and drink lemonade. Every stupid, white-picket fence bullshit image that has ever existed. And I want it. I want him and I want it all. But it's all just a dream. An inaccessible dream."
My spoonful of gummi-bear-chocolate-chip yogurt stays suspended right before it's end destination of my mouth and dribbles onto my shorts as I stare at my friend.
"Well, I do declare. I have rendered one Jubilation Lee speechless."
"I--" The rest of the yogurt dribbles off and I reach for napkins to wipe up my lap. "It's just that--"
"Yes, Jubilee?" Her eyes are faux innocent with a hint of sadness.
"Well, I..."
"I know it doesn't look like it, but we are still together, Jubes. It's just that...it's been kinda hard to be around him as much lately."
I proceed to say the lamest thing ever. "It's not like it's completely impossible...to have all that..."
She knows I don't even sort of believe the words as they come out of my mouth and so doesn't bother to argue the point.
I've suddenly lost my appetite and leave my yogurt half uneaten.
"So, what, we just don't even try then, Rogue?" I feel like all my dreams are melting with my yogurt.
"Course not, Jubes. We always keep tryin', keep goin' forward. I'm just...haven' a crisis of faith so to speak."
"But, you two are still together." Their relationship suddenly seems monumentally important to me.
"Yes."
"You are not broken up."
"No. Where do you think I've been spendin' most of my nights?" At last a genuine smile.
"This is just...a sort of down period," I clarify.
"Yeah...and I'll work my way out of it eventually."
We toss our unfinished treats and make our way home and I proceed to go hunt down the Wolverine and make the most of the rest of our day.
****
I've delighted in making a mess of Logan's well-made bed, letting the sheets tangle around us and our thoroughly rumpled clothing as I snuggle into his chest as much as possible and take the opportunity to snake my hand up said chest and under his shirt.
"Whew..."
I grin hugely and pretend to not notice how certain lower areas are...reacting.
"Yeah?" I ask, somewhat breathlessly, and then steal one of his favorite moves and bite down on his neck possessively.
He groans the ultimate groan of need and I am delighted even more.
"What's gotten into you today, sweetheart?"
"Just feeling the need to seize the moment...y'know carpe diem, live for today..." I snuggle back into his neck and let my free arm travel south toward his belt buckle and feel his entire body tense up. "Smell the roses...take the unbeaten path..." He growls and clasps my naughty hand in his powerful one.
I'd be disappointed except for the fact that he decided to flip the tables, or, rather, me over and I suddenly find his weight crushing me into his mattress as his mouth descends onto mine again, hard. Belt buckle's totally out of reach, but I don't even care anymore.
Sharp teeth scrape me ear. "And the need to seize for today happened because...?"
Logan's been super tuned into my needs, my wants, my thoughts, and the reasons behind it all since we started our relationship. If he doesn't know what's going on, he asks. Sometimes, I admit, I make fun of his unmanly communication skills, but most of the time I appreciate the hell out of it, knowing he's doing if for me, knowing he does it because he cares.
I resist the urge to scrape nails up his back, and under his shirt, knowing I'll see a hint of his feralness if do, and work on focusing on his words.
Our bodies fit together near perfect and I'm able to look straight into his intense eyes which can be a thrill in and of itself.
"I was just...talkin' to Rogue earlier. About relationships...and stuff. It got me thinking..."
"Thinking...?" he prods.
Oh, my God, his hand is just below my breast, right up against the underwire, in fact. I can't help but wriggle.
"Thinking that...you're worth it all. That this is worth it all. Even...if I can never have it all."
He kissed me again and I swear to God, it was more tender and more extreme than it had ever been before. I'd rather die than stop.
Ostensibly, he's decided that the talking portion of this evening's activities were over. God, I love my life.
I lose myself in the feel of his weight on top of me, in the feel of his scruff against my face, his lips on my mouth, hot and wonderful. I let all the recent worries, and fears, and doubts just fade away, let Rogue's worries about potential futures fade into the background, let my own forebodings drift out of my head as I let my world shrink down to just me, Logan, and the bed. Wolverine promotes this as he takes a turn at moving his hand down my abdomen then back up--under my shirt, his hand practically burning my skin, his thumb moving over the lace of my bra in a way that makes my stomach tighten and my body spasm.
That's when Cyclops burst violently into the room.
