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12:59 a.m.
Heidi and Alec didn't get a word in edgewise during the twenty minutes Bella and I spent spewing bullshit. It was probably rude of me to play along like this in front of Heidi, but this wasn't for her anymore and maybe it never was to begin with. I wasn't trying to make her jealous or angry. I realized this was about seeing how much bullshit Bella and I could come up with to amuse ourselves. She'd ask ridiculous questions and I'd come up with even more ridiculous answers.
"Do you remember the first time you knew I was The One?" Bella asked, petting my cheek twice before she dropped her hand to sip her beer.
"Yeah. It was right after you sliced your tongue while licking a butter knife," I replied instantly, causing her to snort beer out of her nose. "Oh, and I love it when you do that." I pointed at her while she wiped her nose and mouth. "It's very attractive."
"I ooze sex appeal," Bella directed towards Heidi. "I can't help it."
I leaned back and let my arm rest across the back of the booth as I asked, "When was the first time you fell in love with me?"
Bella pretended to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. "I think it was when you stuck your key in my ignition," she said, sounding choked up.
"Really? Shouldn't you have known you loved me before revving the engine?"
"Probably, yeah, but I needed to test out the ride beforehand." Bella shrugged then smiled at Heidi. "Definitely not a premature ejaculator, if ya know what I mean."
"I do know what you mean," Heidi replied coolly. "We did used to date."
Alec shifted uncomfortably and it was silent before Bella gasped rather loudly.
"You two used to date? Peanut Brittle, you never told me that! Oh my God, how awkward is this? I apologize, I really didn't...wait a second." Bella pressed her finger to my lips despite the fact that I wasn't speaking. "Do you hear that, Puffy Nuts? They're playing our song."
"Your song is 'You Make My Dreams'?" Heidi deadpanned and shot a glance at Alec who was being entertained by his phone.
I listened for a second and couldn't help but laugh as she removed her finger from my lips. "That is most definitely our song."
"Let's dance," Bella insisted and practically crawled over me to get out of the booth.
"You know I'm a horrible dancer, Belly Bottom," I snickered before playfully smacking her ass.
"You know that I don't care. C'mon," she pleaded and pulled my hand.
"Let me finish this beer."
"But then the song will be over! You can't not dance to our song! It's blasphemous!"
"Strong choice of words while speaking about Hall & Oates," I groaned and chugged the rest of my beer before sliding out of the booth with a scowl. "No one else is dancing."
"So?"
I followed a persistent Bella over to the jukebox and stared blankly as she broke out into a dance. And I use the term 'dance' very loosely.
"What the hell are you doing?" I blurted out and ran a hand through my hair.
"I'm doin' 'The Toothbrush'," she explained while shaking her hips and miming squirting toothpaste on a toothbrush.
"No way in hell I'm letting my fiancee do a dance based on oral hygiene." I stepped forward, grabbed her arm and pulled her against me.
"I didn't even get to the good part yet! Besides, this isn't a slow dancing type of song," Bella said, as if I didn't already know that.
"Who cares? This will keep you from embarrassing yourself," I explained in a low voice as she grudgingly wrapped her arms around my neck.
"Fine. I could use a break from embarrassing myself anyway, Puffy Nuts."
"Yeah, those pet names were a bit much. I'm really hoping Heidi didn't believe any of what just happened."
"Why? You gonna try to win her back or what?" Bella asked while trying to sound casual.
"Ha. No, but if she believed all of that, what does that say about my choice in women?"
"Well, you have nothing to worry about. I'm pretty sure the look on her face held more of shock than belief," Bella pointed out.
"Thanks for doing that," I mumbled as she played with the back of my hair. "Not that it really matters. I'm kind of over all of that shit, but still. Thanks."
"Whatever. You may be over it but it's still shitty. Besides, you would've done the same for me."
"Probably not, actually." I laughed as she narrowed her eyes. "If it were me, I would've stayed out of it."
"Well. It was fun."
"It was fun but," I paused and pulled her closer to my body, "you're drunk."
"You're fun."
"You're weird. Like, the weirdest person I've ever met," I murmured while staring down at her.
"I know," she replied with a grin.
"How can you take that as a compliment?" I asked in awe.
"Because coming from you, it feels like one."
"Ah. Well, then," I breathed out and gave her a small smile.
"Is she staring over here?" Bella asked before resting her head against my chest. I snuck a glance over at the booth and realized Heidi and Alec had left.
"Actually, they-"
"Cause if she is, we should totally kiss. You know, go all out."
"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "Yeah."
"Besides, I'm a really good kisser so it's win/win for you."
"Oh, is it? You're very kind. You offered to shank my best friend and now offering to use your kissing skills to make my ex jealous."
"I do what I can. I don't really do a lot of volunteer work, so this is kind of like my way of giving back to the community," Bella explained in a serious tone, but I had a feeling she was holding back laughter.
"Kissing in a bar is considered giving back to the community?"
"French kissing in a bar. It's a little more work than just puckering your lips."
"You want to french kiss me?" I asked, knowing she could hear the smirk in my voice.
"The french kissing is more for your benefit, I promise."
I scoffed and tightened my grip around her waist. "Oh, and you'd get absolutely nothing from kissing me?"
"Exactly."
"Yeah, right. You told Kate you want to lick my scruff. You can't fool me."
"First, you have no proof I actually said that. Second, I said that your scruff was borderline lickable, not that I wanted to lick it."
"Oh, alright. Now that that's cleared up..." I chuckled before trailing off. "I want to tell you something."
"Go for it."
"You're the funniest scarf knitter I know," I said quickly.
"Hilarious."
"Yeah, I know. You are," I promised.
Bella lifted her head from my chest and stared up at me. "Seriously?" I nodded furiously. "I'm not that funny," she disagreed with a sigh. "I think I feed off your energy. We work well together, you know? Maybe we should become con artists. That'd be so fun, right?"
"Is your definition of 'fun' the same as 'illegal'?"
"Point taken. So, about that kiss."
"Yeah," I dropped my hands from her waist, "I think I'll pass."
"What? Why?"
"You just stated that being a con artist would be fun. What if you're conning me into thinking you're a good kisser and then all of a sudden, mid-kiss, I find out that you're really awful."
"You're just going to have to take my word, I guess."
"Taking your word could be ultimately scarring," I continued to say while running a hand over the scruff on my jaw. You know, just to really fuck with her. "I don't know if that's a risk I'm willing to take."
"Stop being so frugal with your kisses, Edward," she demanded.
"Stop being so demanding, Bella."
"You're really not going to kiss me?" she asked in exasperation. "Oh, wait. I see what you're doing. You're a terrible kisser so you're trying to spare me, right?"
"Wrong."
Bella crossed her arms with a huff. "I don't even want to kiss you anyway."
"Reverse psychology?" I asked while breaking out into a grin. "Nice. Because that always works out."
"Fine. You know what? Fine."
"Ooh, burn," I joked as she stalked over to the booth to grab her purse and scarf.
"Who still says 'burn'? You're kind of annoying."
"Annoying in a sexy kind of way, right?" I goaded.
"Wrong," she said this time as she wrapped the scarf around her neck.
"You're just mad I won't kiss you."
"And you're just...being all dumb over there with your dumb face," Bella sputtered.
I lifted my brows in response before saying, "You're really killin' me with the comebacks."
"Hey, fuckface," Ben interrupted as he tripped over to us. "Blondie just got kicked out of the bar. Y'all wanna go grab a bite to eat?"
Bella sighed and turned her glare on Ben before pushing past me.
"So...is that a 'no'?" Ben asked as I groaned and walked after Bella. "No, seriously, is that a 'no'?"
A/N: I don't know what Edward is talking about- reverse psychology always works.
Thanks for reading! Make sure to check out Livie79's new story A Beautiful Mess. It's real and good and lovely, just like she is! :)
