Thanks for all the reviews!! They brighten my day, and to reward you, here's a longer chapter! Enjoy!
Song is Broken by Seether and Amy Lee
It had been one hour since Dr. Drake had broken the news of Jules' pregnancy. She hadn't said a word, except to ask if he was absolutely certain. Since he had confirmed it, there had been silence. Every time one of the guys had tried to speak, Jules had cut them off. She didn't want to hear it yet. She needed to absorb the news herself, before she could listen to her team.
Team One, minus Sam, watched silently as Jules stared out the window, arms wrapped around herself, lost in her own thoughts. Upon hearing the news, Sam had stormed out of the room, furious. Wordy went after him, but made no move to stop Sam as he punched the wall and finally broke down crying. At that point, Wordy said nothing but grabbed his friend in a hug. He knew what Sam was feeling, what they all were feeling. A mixture of anger, helplessness, and sadness were rushing through Team One, because of everything that had happened to Jules.
Wordy knew Sam knew that they were all together on this one, but that Sam still blamed himself. After several minutes, Sam pulled himself back together, and looked Wordy straight in the eyes. Giving him a nod, the two of them slipped silently back into Jules room, which is where they remained for the next hour, just watching an emotionless Jules. But now they saw that the dam was finally going to break, as Jules reached up and brushed a tear from her cheek.
"Jules, I know that this isn't the right time, but I'm just gonna ask anyways, " started Lou cautiously, "Do we need to order a DNA test?" Greg, Ed, and Wordy turned and gave Lou a look, while Sam just focused on Jules, trying to calm the hope that had just leaped in his chest. If there was any chance Jules' wasn't pregnant with that SOB's child, Sam would take it.
For the first time since Jules found out she was pregnant, she turned and faced her team….her family. Looking them straight in the eye, Jules quietly spoke, "There's no need, Lou. I know exactly when I conceived, and so do you. " Sam shut his eyes, attempting to calm the flash of rage that came over him.
"Jules," Sam whispered, reaching out a hand to her. "Don't Sam. This isn't your fault. It just happened. Okay? Now, I need some time to think, so could someone take me home please?"
"I will. Let's go kiddo." Ed volunteered, handing Jules her coat. Jules led the way from the room, with the rest of Team One following right behind her, the way she knew they always would be. Once outside, Jules gave everyone a hug, trying to hold herself together as she saw the expressions of sadness and helplessness on her team's faces. "I'm okay guys…..I'm going to be okay."
Lastly, Jules wrapped her arms around Sam and hugged him close. She whispered in his ear, "I know you are blaming yourself for the rape, and me being pregnant by Zachara, and I want you to stop it. The best way for you to help is to stop blaming yourself, Sam. Promise me you'll forgive yourself."
Sam pulled back a little and looked Jules in the eye, "How can I, Jules? You were shot because of me. You were raped, and it's all my fault."
"Sam, it is not your fault! What happened, happened, and there is nothing anyone can do to change it. The only way to go is to move forward Sam. I need you to help me do that. I need you to forgive yourself."
"Jules, I can't forgive myself until you forgive me for everything Zachara did to you—what he did to you because he was trying to hurt me."
"I can't forgive you Sam, because there is nothing to forgive." Jules said quietly, giving Sam one last hug before she climbed into the passenger seat of Ed's truck. As the two drove away, Sam stared in the distance, struggling to follow Jules' wishes.
In the truck, Ed shot a glance at Jules. "What?" Jules asked, rolling her eyes. "It just, you're really calm about this Jules. And honestly, it kind of scares me." Replied Ed, giving her another look. Ed pulled into Jules driveway. "Ed, do we have to do this now?" wondered Jules as she heaved out a heavy sigh.
"Yeah, Jules, we are going to do this now. Because no one, no one, can be this calm after just realizing they were raped and that because of that rape, they are pregnant." Baited Ed, wanting to get Jules riled up so she would actually feel something. "Jules, you have to face this, if you don't it's only going to make everything worse."
It worked. Whirling around on Ed, Jules yelled at him, "Worse Ed? How the hell could things possibly get worse? Huh? Can you tell me that? It can't get worse by me getting shot, because that already happened. Could it get worse if I got raped? Nope, that been done too. NO, I got it if I got pregnant by a rapist? That doesn't work, because that's already happened to me. So what do you want me to do, Ed?"
Ed had observed Jules quietly as she ranted. "I want you to feel. I want you to care Jules. When you found out about the pregnancy, it was like you shut down, and it terrified the crap out of me Jules. And now, you are finally taking in everything you have been through, and letting it affect you."
"You don't think it affects me?" Jules cried, "You don't think I can't feel his hands all over me? Feel him inside of me? You don't think I care about the fact that the man who raped me got me pregnant? That his child is growing inside of me? I hate it, and it's tearing me apart inside! But I can't acknowledge that because if I do, I don't think I will be able to pick myself up again…." Jules was fighting back tears now, and Ed whispered, "Oh Jules."
"I am broken Ed. I'm broken!" Jules sobbed, her body shaking.
The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain
Ed's heart broke as he watched Jules face her emotions; the fury, the pain, the humiliation, and the agony. Fighting to hold back tears himself, he wrapped his arms around Jules, thinking maybe if he held her tight enough, then he could protect her from all of the pain.
When Jules' tears finally subsided, Ed looked her in the eyes. "Jules you don't have to go through this alone. Actually, you don't have to go through this at all, if you don't want to."
Jules raised her head, wiping the last tears from her eyes. "I know Ed, I know I'm not alone, but I need you to help me. I can't do it Ed. I can't have his child grow inside of me. I can't do it…." Jules closed her eyes and reopened them, tears streaming down her face. "Please help me Ed. I know I am Catholic and everything, but I cannot carry that bastard's child inside of me. Please."
"Jules, take it easy. Okay. Everything is going to be all right. I'm going to help you."
So, thoughts? Review as always!!!
