So vacation was great. Until I got sick and threw up all over the place. Really fun. So I dunno if there'll be much updating until I feel better in the head. There probably will. We'll see, I have so much other crap going on. Essays, other fictions, reading through tons of books I've gotten, my birthday (the 1st April, suck on that), surviving, buying home some of the YGO-manga, watching through stuff I haven't seen... the list goes on and on. Man I want a new vacation.
Anyway… I was reading this story through, to check a few things so I won't make embarrassing mistakes, and… I don't really like the early chapters. I have no idea how you bear with the typos, the shortness, the… Know what? I'll just stop badmouthing my own works and appreciate your support. THANK YOU ALL.
Now. This chapter is yummy. I dunno if it'll be OOC though… but… I like Yuriy this way. And I like Boris too. Because I like torturing Rei. And I like writing complicated romances. Mmmm, men with commitment issues. (cough)
Enjoy! (And review, because Yuriy is cute.) And this is a little short, but that's okay because the next one has a fighting scene! Ooooh!
Chapter Twelve
Flight of the Falcon
Yuriy shifted lazily on the king sized bed which creaked unhappily underneath him. The hideous stripes of brown and orange which plagued the bed covers made his eyes hurt, but still he couldn't tear his eyes away. Dull voices from the TV buzzed, filling the silence with its artificial tragedies. Drama was unraveling on-screen but the red head could not have cared less, for he was concerned with much bigger and important things.
He cast a thin glance towards Kai who was currently reading a book. He seemed to do that a lot, not particularly interested in the driveling nonsense of the TV, nor very fond of socializing or participating in pointless, casual small-talk. That suited the Wolf just fine, most of the time, but now he was feeling utterly bored and not to mention restless. He had tried to figure out what was going on with his fellow teammate, the Falcon, ever since they met him in the hallway.
Yuriy did not like being preoccupied with thoughts like that. It was disturbing, to say the least, especially since his not being able to get that stupid grinning face of Boris out of his mind was disturbing his sleep. What was going on with the man? Why was he living with Rei of all people? Of all the hidden motives Yuriy could think of, none that came to his mind seemed sensible. Not that anything with Boris ever was sensible, but he wasn't so utterly out of it that he would succumb to profound and unfounded solutions.
It just wasn't making any sense. Why would the Falcon, Mr. I'm-too-short-and-pale-to-consider-the-feelings-of-anyone-except-my-bastard-self-would-it-been-I-had-any, live with Rei Kon of all people? Boris didn't even like living with people! He was barely putting up with living with the Blitzkrieg boys! And to top it all off, because this was merely the tip of the iceberg, he hadn't even visited them at their stupid hotel! That damn hotel which was so crappy and unkempt it angered Yuriy further. If Kai was so rich, how come he didn't even have the decency to give them a tad more exclusive room? Yuriy's mouth twisted into a grimace.
What was going on?
He growled, staring off into nowhere. Kai gave him a questioning look from over the top of his book. He had noticed the mood of his friend, it had been quite obvious even though he had been trying to hide it. But whenever Yuriy got really pissed off, it seemed to radiate from every pore of his body. Yes, Yuriy was supposed to be the calmer heir of the title as leader whenever Kai was absent, but from time to time he seemed to fail at not giving his inner turmoil away. Especially when he was growling loudly about it in the far corner of his bed.
Kai sighed and put the book down, bracing himself for the unavoidable confrontation that was going to take form.
Ian paid no attention to the drop of mood in the room whatsoever, too indulged in the soap opera taking place behind the glass of the TV. Spencer had passed out long ago behind him, a pack of chips on his stomach, snoring loudly. Or, he had been snoring until Ian had shoved a sock down his mouth.
''Yuriy'' Kai said, fixating the Wolf with his crimson eyes, like two fires burning timidly in the afternoon light. ''Would you stop your muttering and just spit it out already?''
The patience had been slipping off the Phoenix for each day, but he had forced himself to regain it once more. It was needed at times like this, and Yuriy was someone who could not be dealt with otherwise. When he was in such a bad mood he could often resemble the stubbornness of an angry child.
The aqua eyes gave him a heated glare.
''Just what the hell is going on between those two?!''
Kai pinched the bridge of his nose.
''Is that what you have been growling about all week?''
Yuriy looked mildly insulted for a short moment, before regaining his snarling grimace.
''Yes! Don't you think it's weird?!''
''Don't I think what is weird?''
''The two of them! Living together like… like…''
''Roommates?''
''No! Well, yes, obviously they must since they're living tog… AGH! Something is going on between them and I know it!''
Yuriy shook a meaning fist at the blue-haired man, baring his teeth, thus donning more and more the resemblance of a wolf. His sharp chin was trembling out of irritation, his posture much like one of an animal ready to attack. Kai put the book away, guessing he wouldn't be spending it much attention for quite a while, and looked stoically at his friend.
''So what if it is?''
Yuriy's face twitched oddly.
''What?''
''What if it is? What's it to you what Boris does and whom he does it with?''
''Because, I don't know if you've notice this, he is Boris Kuznetsov! When was the last time he could tolerate another human being?''
Kai opened his mouth to speak, but got interrupted.
''An alive human being, mind you!''
Kai sighed.
''Not in the entire time that I have known him.''
A triumphant, and slightly psychotic, look crept itself into the red head's face. He was getting too enthusiastic in his statement, as if convincing Kai something was wrong was going to solve everything. Kai only looked at him, raising an eyebrow every now and then.
''Don't you think that's a bit weird? He's changed all of a sudden? What did they do to him at that Institute anyway? Electrocute him?''
''Yuriy, look. I know Rei. I've known him for many years now, and he is just the kind of person who brings a new perspective of things.''
The patience and eagerness in the Wolf were clearly making him impatient, not wanting to play riddles and mind-games. He wanted black on white, exactly how he wanted it and exactly when he wanted it, on the spot, no questions asked. It took a while to get used to it, but the respect Yuriy's whole being demanded sort of made up for it. You couldn't help but fear and admire him at the same time, which made it hard to approach him. Yuriy could warm up though, he was an intelligent young man. He just didn't like it that much.
''Perspective?''
''Yes. You know me, and how I used to be. When I first joined the Bladebreakers I wasn't much of a social person, but as time went on Rei taught me, if yet subconsciously, to accept the others. Slowly I planted just the slightest shard of trust in them.''
''He didn't seem to help that arrogance of yours, though.''
''Yuriy, I'm being serious.''
''So am I.''
Kai growled, shaking his head slightly.
''What I'm trying to say is that Rei taught me how to be more open, so maybe he's done the same thing to Boris as well.''
The clear blue eyes looked at him like he was completely insane. That's it, Yuriy growled mentally, I'm surrounded by morons. Lunatics, the lot of them. Didn't Kai understand what he was saying? Something was very, very wrong with all of it and he wanted to, no he demanded to know what it was. No one was allowed to keep such important facts from him, not if that one person happened to be his childhood friend. They were supposed to look after each other, sharing the same troubled and mentally disturbing pasts as each other. They were supposed to be the only ones to understand each other and the feelings they could hold. Because believe it or not, they did have feelings. They just were damn good at hiding them.
''What? So Rei's taught Boris how to feel? Are you mad?''
''Why don't you just ask Boris yourself instead of sitting here pouting about it?''
''First of all Hiwatari; I am not pouting! And second; I think I will!''
With a quick movement Yuriy had leaped up from the bed and gone towards the door. Quickly grabbing his fake-fur lined coat, he left the room with a proud and somewhat stubborn posture, leaving a cold draft in his trail. Kai watched the closed door for a moment, before picking up his book with a slightly amused tug of his lips.
Just about to start reading again though, there was a very loud and very violent knock on the door. This was followed by several impatient kicks, which clearly indicated that the visitor did not wish to be put on hold. Kai growled slightly, irritated placing the book back on the nightstand. As he walked over to the door, the knocking only grew more determined.
''Yuriy, if you forgot…'' he said, but as soon as he had opened the door it was not Yuriy who burst in.
Instead it was Boris, looking as rabid and wild and unsettled as ever. His grey stare darted around the room, taking in every piece of furniture and occupant in it, but not really registering anything. Kai raised one wondering eyebrow at him, but only received a very unfriendly glare in response.
''Boris, what's..?''
''What is he doing to me?''
The Falcon's voice came out as a harsh and painful hiss, as if his notorious gusts of winds were cutting through Kai's skin. He closed the door behind him, nodding towards Boris to have a seat. But the man had no intentions to, and instead simply stood glaring and panting at Ian. The large nosed man unwillingly tore his eyes off the TV and looked drowsily at Boris.
''What?''
Boris looked as if he was trying to execute the man right on the spot with his mere willpower. Ian only looked slightly unnerved, but not half as much as irritated.
''Get – the – hell – out''
''Why? This is my room, you know.''
''GET THE HELL OUT!''
His voice rung loudly, ricocheting off the walls, hitting its occupants with maximum capacity. Ian blinked slightly at the ringing in his ears, before sighing. Kicking at Spencer, he got up and headed towards the door. Spencer blinked his eyes open, looking tiredly around.
''Wha' nah..?'' he slurred through the sock, not quite awake yet.
''Boris is having a fit – again – and he wants us to leave.''
Spencer spit out the sock in his mouth, making choking sounds. He glared at it shortly before crumpling it in his fist and throwing it away, looking at the visitor. Boris looked close to exploding, so the blonde simply grunted and got to his feet. Ian handed him his jacket and in a breath they were gone.
A deafening silence and pressure threatening to tear the room apart was left in their absence, Kai fixing his gaze at Boris. Had someone announced him to be the local Dr. Phil or something? With a mental sigh he crossed his arms, a firm expression on his face. Boris glared hatefully at him, having to take out his anger and frustration and pure, naked, utter and ravaging confusion on someone.
''Boris'' Kai spoke, shattering the tension as if it had been only glass.
''What the hell has he done to me?!'' Boris rumbled at him, making Kai feel as though he was getting pushed into the wall.
But he stood content still, not moving the slightest. Boris began pacing around the room, throwing random objects into the nearest wall every other second. This was going to be expensive, Kai pondered, before biting the inside of his cheek.
''What happened?''
''Rei! Rei is what fucking happened! What did he do?!''
''I don't know. What did he do?''
''He... he... just came into my life, like the pathetic little bag of misery he is and just... pranced around in his stupid boxers and now I have these… these… feelings! Feelings, Kai, feelings! Why the hell do I have feelings?!''
Kai frowned.
''What are you talking about?''
''I'm saying'' Boris took a very deep breath to calm himself, but didn't even come close to succeeding. ''He's… I… Do… We… FUCK!''
''Oh, I see where this is going'' Kai nodded his head, like he already had figured it out.
Boris shot him glares like shots out of a flare-gun, hoping to burn the other man into the floor for his irritating behavior. How dared he speculate about Boris' situation?!
''Oh? Then tell me Kai, where is this going?!''
''You're in love with him.''
The grey eyes widened in what could only be anger, disgust and utter bafflement.
''What the hell?! Love him?! I love him?! Are you retarded?!''
Calm crimson locked with obliterating silver, a spark sizzling in the red. Kai barely suppressed that wicked smile that all the fans loved and adored him for.
''Boris, just for a second calm down and think. What do you feel about him?''
''I don't know! That's why I came here! Of all the places I could have gone to – like the damn bar, which reminds me, do you have any alcohol?''
''No.''
''Yes you do! I can see the damn mini bar right there! It's buzzing, for fuck sake!''
''If you want something to drink buy it yourself. Now we're getting completely off subject. I repeat; what do you feel about him?''
''How the hell should I know?!''
Kai sighed, clenching his jaw. Speaking to Boris when he was in such a mood was nearly impossible. The odds of both the Wolf and the Falcon to freak out at the same day were high enough, but the mere exhaustion of trying to calm both of them down was simply bothersome. But Kai held it together, refusing to tear his stern gaze away from the other.
''Just think. How does it feel when you're near him?''
''How the hell would you know anything about love anyway? You're as cuddly as an ice-pick!''
''Boris''
''Don't you dare use that tone with me!''
Kai had enough. He headed to the door with large and angry steps, opening it and pointing towards the hallway. Boris glared at the door as if it had thrown his Beyblade into the toilet, stolen his underwear and killed his family.
''If you're not going to even be the slightest bit cooperative about this then I suggest you just leave.''
Boris growled. With a large pout he sat down on the ugly bed, glaring with pure disgust at the covers. Kai looked at him for a moment, before closing the door.
''Good'' he said and walked over to the bed, looking down at the other. ''Now, let's try again. What do you feel about him?''
A grey eyebrow twitched, the pale face of its owner looking more strained than that of one who had just endured a face lift and multiple Botox injections.
He glared at Kai out of the corner of his eyes, before standing up abruptly.
''Fuck this. Like I'm going to discuss this with you.''
''Isn't that why you came over?''
''No! Or… well, maybe… I… Fuck you!''
''Boris. We've known each other since we were children. I won't judge you.''
''I don't give shit about what you think of me!''
''Then what are you afraid of?''
It sounded so much like a challenge, one which he just simply couldn't refuse. Feeling the fury rotate inside of him, eating away at his very intestines, he turned around like a swirl of smoke and fire, bringing his strong fist to grab Kai's collar. Kai stared harshly at him, daring him to go any further. Boris panted heavily, white dots dancing before his eyes. He was shaking, like a volcano about to burst. They kept staring at each other for a moment, before Boris finally let go.
He slumped down on the bed, looking tired for a moment. Then he quickly regained his emotionless face and simply sat glaring at the TV. For some reason he found himself hating the actors within it.
He would much rather have talked to Yuriy. Kai was just like a bad eyesore to him. He always whored around with teams, jumping ships like another changed socks.
One minute he was an ally, the other he was an enemy. Regardless of that, they always trusted him whenever he decided to come back. No matter how many times he betrayed them, Yuriy always trusted Kai. And he always replaced Boris. He hated that fact, and it was enough to fuel his anger-engines anew. But Yuriy wasn't there right then, and besides, Kai knew Rei much better. Which was another thing to hate him for.
''I know Rei, more than anyone else does. And that's not saying very much, since I am guessing you know more about him than I do. But I know his personality, and that's what's important right now. But we won't get anywhere unless you stop being so damn stubborn.''
Boris snarled.
''I am not –''
''Boris''
The Falcon bit his lip down hard, nearly drawing blood. He could feel his wounds itching, as if the adrenaline pumping through him was tearing at his skin. He clenched his fists, glaring at nothing. He knew Kai was right and by god how he hated him for that.
''I feel like… I don't have to hate anymore.''
Kai nodded.
''And?''
''And like I don't want to... hurt him'' The words were coming out bit by bit, as if sticking to his throat and clinging to his teeth. ''I hate it when he's not around, and I hate when he's looking at someone else. Talking to someone else, smiling. He looks too good not to smile, and I really, really want to kill someone when I'm not the one to cause it.''
He very much hated opening up like that. But no matter how agitating it was, some things were far too complicated to be figured out by oneself. Sometimes one needed help, and the Russians were the only people in the world that he actually trusted. He had never loved anyone before, and he wasn't sure if he wanted to. If he actually dared to.
''I don't want to hurt him.''
Kai gave him a silent look, his face speaking nothing of what he was thinking. But he understood, he knew how Boris was and it didn't surprise the Phoenix the least that he was reacting the way he was. Of course he was angry, it was the only thing he knew how to be. He wasn't familiar with anything else, so how else could he react?
''Boris, do you want to lose him?''
He got no answer, the silver giving away nothing. But something in the way Boris' twitched his mouth told Kai, that no, Boris did not want to lose Rei. Not when he had finally gained something in his life that wasn't utter and complete shit. Something so good that wasn't intimidated by him, that didn't run away. Something that actually wanted to stay.
''Then'' Kai took a deep breath, that wicked smile appearing on his lips at last. ''I suggest you leap.''
The Falcon gave him an odd look, not really understanding what the man was trying to say.
''Boris, there is no way that you will be able to avoid hurting him. It's just the way life is. But if you want him to stay with you, then don't do something rash like pushing him away. If you've let him this close, then he's worth the risk. Whatever you are afraid of, if Rei is worth it, then give it a try. Do you want to live your life thinking 'what if'?''
There was no response at first, until Boris eventually shook his head dully.
''No.''
''Then, don't think about the fact that you may hurt him or even that he might hurt you. That's the thing with love. You just never really know.''
Boris muttered Russian curses under his breath, clenching and unclenching his fists almost therapeutically. Somehow he calmed down, if only by a bit, and let out a final snarl before standing up.
''Great. Now I have to figure out if he's worth it.'' He growled at Kai, who only kept his small devilish smile.
''I think you already know.''
Boris scoffed, and without another word, he left. Kai watched the door close, before leaning back against the bed with a loud sigh. Sometimes it could be so stressful being a leader. Sometimes it made him wonder what they would ever do without him.
Deciding not to grace the others with any more thoughts, he reached out for his book and began to once again, peacefully read. Hopefully this time he wouldn't be disturbed.
X
They sat huddled up in the couch, which wasn't as much of a couch as it was sad, really. Its leather was torn and bleached by the sun, tearing at the edges. In some places a spring would poke madly underneath the cover, irritating for whoever was placed upon it. Rei seemed to be the unlucky one this time.
Boris lay somewhat stiffly beside him, looking lost in his own thoughts. But he seemed to relax somewhat as Rei's fingers circled around the fabric of his shirt. Doodling invisible drawings with his fingertips, it left a slight tingling sensation in the skin. Boris closed his eyes, exhaling deeply. The warmth of Rei making that etching headache of his back off.
Rei closed his eyes and crept nearer to the other man, taking comfort in his rising and falling chest. He nuzzled into the curve if his neck, the black hair tickling the Russian's chin slightly. There had been silence among them, but a comfortable one. The only thing to be heard had been the TV, which none of them had been paying much attention to anyway. It was just an excuse for lying there, doing nothing but drinking in the other.
Rei drew in a deep breath, the smell of Boris filling him with an intoxicating wave. He was feeling rather giddy at the moment, like a schoolgirl. But that was alright with him, because it felt damn good. Even though Boris looked cold, as if one would freeze to death just by touching him, he was in fact surprisingly warm. His hair was smooth, like water between Rei's fingers. Moving his free hand up from the man's chest he started running them over his face instead, like treading and precautious footsteps.
Boris was completely blown away by the sudden peace in his mind. He hadn't felt as calm in years, and it was a pure and unimaginable bliss. He had thought long and hard about Kai's words, but managed to become nothing than even more confused. And to add to that, his attempts at trying to lay off the bottle were not very successful. But Rei had confidence in him, and even though he could not understand why in the slightest, it felt good.
Allowing the small but gentle touch to caress him, he leaned closer. As if Rei was some sort of comfort, the only place in the universe that actually made sense. He wrapped one arm possessively around his slim waist, bringing him closer. Rei wrapped a leg around the other man, kissing his jawbone lightly. It was gentle and barely noticeable, but still the kiss sent sparks flying through his nerves.
So this was what affection was, he thought grimly and somewhat smugly. This was what all the people on TV spoke about so warmly. This was what he had been missing all his damn life. How could he have been so oblivious to something so untouchably undeniably good?
But if it was something more than that, something deeper, then it got dangerous. Affection was fickle, light and didn't expose the person so entirely. There was still an amount if dignity and caution. But in love one didn't seem to care too much about those things. It was as if loving someone meant to also unconditionally trust, believe in and protect the one who was the subject of this emotion. Boris mentally scoffed. Yes, love sure was the greatest of all security nets. But what if it backfired?
That was when it got nasty. When someone who had gotten so close to your heart suddenly decided to turn away, that one person could ruin your entire life.
But was that a problem? It seemed like such a small risk. His life was a complete mess anyway. And if Rei ever dared hurt him, what was to say that he couldn't hurt him back? That lone fact that he simply couldn't bring himself to, maybe. He just couldn't, no matter how much he wished for it, he just couldn't hurt him anymore. So why was he still hesitating? Why was he still so daft about it? What was there to think about?
Boris head started hurting again, and he sloppily tried to chase the headache away by drawing in the scent of Rei's hair. It still smelled sweet and soft, like honey or some sort of flower. Rei let out a pleased sigh. They lay so still, so confident, so perfect. For a moment it seemed like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like they were supposed to end up like that, together, on that pitiful couch.
Boris started to absentmindedly play with the strands of raven hair that lay within his reach. It seemed so soft between his fingers, like rays of black light. Rei gave him a curious look from beneath all that hair and piece of clothing that he had somehow gotten himself entangled into. He reminded the Falcon more of a kitten than ever before.
''Boris?''
''Hmm?''
The moment seamed so precious Rei almost didn't dare speak out of fear for ruining it. But he had to, he just couldn't lie there and pretend like the other man was not distracted. He was unsure of where they stood with each other, even though it looked so clear. They were practically glued to each other, for crying out loud! So why did it feel like there was still a large barrier between them, keeping them at distance?
He knew something was troubling the Russian, he just wasn't sure what it was.
''Do you...''
He trailed off, his words failing him.
''Do I what, kitten?''
Rei felt his heart jump right up in his throat, swelling over with a very peculiar feeling. That nickname, only months ago had he despised it so much. It had made him feel inferior in a humiliating way, while now it just made him blush. It was as if it made him special, as if the name was now draped in affection instead of mocking.
''What do you want to do? About us, I mean?''
Boris growled and abruptly sat up, making Rei fall slightly into the couch. Hiding his face in his hands, growling still, Boris let out a tired breath. Rei watched him in concern and worriedly placed a hand upon his shoulder. Boris flinched away from it, leaving Rei with a hurtful pang in the chest. His throat felt like it was shrinking, the anxiety bubbling inside of him like tar.
Boris leaned his arms to rest on his knees and gave the floor a very tired look.
''Don't go there, Rei, not now''
Rei? Boris thought venomously. Since when had he started calling him by his first name? And why did he feel like he just had to get out? Like he had to run out of there because the walls were closing in and they were laughing at him, mocking and taunting and gleefully harassing him. He had to get as far away as possible, to think. But he didn't want to. He wanted to stay but he couldn't let himself. How was he supposed to figure out whether or not he could take the risk of loving?
One look at Rei and the hurt that glimmered in his eyes, made Boris' stomach flip. To think that only months ago he would have loved that look, he would have loved the hurt and the pain that so clearly stormed in the gold. But now he didn't, and he hated that. He didn't want to budge, to give in. Because once you let other people in they never stopped coming and one of them was going to realize one day that you're as vulnerable as a puppy.
He wanted to stay so badly, but he had to get away. If he didn't know if he dared risk everything for one person, if it was worth it, then he had to figure it out before it was too late.
''Where are you going?''
Rei watched Boris as he stood up and in a minute he had thrown on his coat. The Tiger looked worried, but angered yet.
''Out.''
''Will you be back?''
It was clear that worry lingered in his voice, as well as suspicion. He had thought everything was fine. It had sure looked fine. They had been so warm and silent where they had lain, so what on earth was wrong now?
Suddenly anger flared up in his chest, like a clawing beast. Quickly he got up, grabbing a hold of Boris' wrist.
That strong and pale wrist that felt so flexible and demanding under his grip.
''Boris!''
He got no answer, not even a look. Soon the man had ripped his wrist free and gone out the door. Rei stood gaping for a while, before growling running after him. The man was fast, that much you could say. But Rei was too, and as long as he knew where the other was going he could catch up without breaking a sweat.
''Boris!''
But the Russian had already disappeared out of sight. Looking desperately around himself, Rei was starting to get scared. A few by passers gave him funny looks, but he couldn't care less. The sky was darkening bit by bit, getting purple and red in the edges, and cold winds blew past. He didn't want to be alone in this. He didn't want Boris to go.
But even though he ran up and down every road and alley that he thought the Russian could have gone to, it simply was no use. The man was gone without a trace and no matter how hard Rei screamed his name, he just wouldn't come back. Rei slumped down on his knees, drawing in knife sharp breaths. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening to him. Why was it happening to him?
''Boris you…. Fucking…'' he tried to choke down a sob, but found it hard to.
No matter how much it sickened him to be so weak, again, he couldn't help it. His security, warmth and courage was gone. The man he had grown to more than just like, had disappeared. And left was only he, in the darkness, in the cold and the bone-chilling emptiness. And it wouldn't matter how hard he screamed, because he was still completely and utterly alone.
