Computer Apocalypse
Chapter Twelve: Day 11
Tails
"Hopefully this song I wrote will make Sonic forgive me." Tails prayed. Tails walked to the nearest post office and dropped the letter in.
Sonic
"I got mail!" Sonic said. He hopped out of his shower in the nude, walked to the door, and opened up the letter. It was a letter stating he won 5 million dollars!
"Hell yeah!" Sonic said. He opened up another letter. It was his hardcore/lesbian/interracial/gangbang/barely teen/upside down/hedgehog/catholic porn magazine.
"Hell yeah!" Sonic said. He opened up another letter. It was his bills and taxes that he had to pay for whatever grown ups had to pay for... freaking old people...
"Hell yeah!" Sonic said. He opened up another letter. It was a song apologizing from Tails.
"Hell no!" Sonic said as he read it very thoroughly. Sonic caught on and he knew that it was a complete copy of a song Sonic listened to when he cried himself to sleep while blacking his wrists and cutting his eyes. Sonic walked over to Tails' apartment room and knocked on the door.
Tails
Tails walked to the door and opened it up to see it was Sonic.
"Soni-" Tails was interrupted. Tails got punched in the face by Sonic.
"Next time you apologize by writing a song, do not copy my favorite song from Hawthorne Heights you American bastard!" Sonic yelled. Sonic stormed back downstairs to the Station Square Warehouse to get high off of information.
Espio, Knuckles, and Vector
Knuckles walked up to Espio and Vector's apartment room holding up a box full of hidden miscellaneous items. Knuckles knocked and Espio opened the door, with Vector in the back of the room.
"Hey Espio! Hey Vector! Do you want to watch Broke Back Mountain with me?" Knuckles asked. Espio's eyes lit up.
"HELL YES!!! MY FREAKING FAVORITE MOVIE IN THE WORLD!!!" Espio yelled. They all watched it, and at the sex scene, if Broke Back Mountain does have one, Espio got hot, Vector got disgusted, and Knuckles got confused.
- - -
Everybody was in the Warehouse this time, hell, even Big was there for once in the past 10 chapters... that slacker... Big took his task card and read it out loud.
"Climb a tree with no branches, like a normal cat." Big said. Tears rushed down Big's eyes and he ran away, to ease his troubled mind. Knuckles started to chase him because Knuckles still thinks they are playing tag and he was it. Amy got her card out and it said to 'beat four of your friends in a fight'. Shadow walked up to the board and looked at his card.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" Shadow yelled in a Luke Skywalker wannabe manner.
"What do you have to do there emo kid?" asked Sonic as he tried to look at Shadow's card. A tear rolled down Shadow's eyes.
"I have to…" Shadow hesitated for literally ten minutes, and then whispered, "get a girlfriend…" Everybody laughed at Shadow for a while, 'cause it was funny, then laughed at Tails, because he had a 14 inch ERECTION again, then laughed at Shadow again because he then killed himself. Nah, I can't kill him… Shadow took it like a man, and did not run away to cry himself to sleep this time. Still, he took being made fun of like a real dateless loser would, and that takes a lot of emo skill… The team separated to do their dumb little tasks.
- - -
Amy
"This is my last task. I have to fight my friends… I know I can kick Big's ass and Cream's ass because they are the worst Sonic characters in the more recent gen consol games…" Amy said. She thought for 2 hours and she had a plan. Amy walked to Burger King and talked to an obese ten year old.
"Hey, do you want to be my friend?" asked Amy.
"Sure! Mommy! I made a friend!" said the kid happily, as he lifted his Triple Whopper Junior Deluxe Quarter Pounder Chicken Bacon Cheeseburger with extra double cheddar cheese: hold the pickles and the mayonnaise, in the air. Just then Amy kicked him in the genital area, which caused his eyes to tear.
"My mom does that to me too… WHY DOES NOBODY LIKE FAT PEOPLE!?!?! IT'S A PROBLEM I CAN'T CONTROL!!!!" the fat ass cried while holding his painful… no-no area…
"One down, three more friends to fight!" said Amy. She walked over to another fat kid in the food restaurant.
"Hey, do you want to be my friend?"
"Yeah!"
Kick!
"Ouch!"
"Seriously, where does that random 'Ouch!' come from?" Amy asked as she kicked the air.
"Ouch!"
Kick!
"Ouch!"
Big
Big looked up at the 100 foot tree. He removed his fishing gloves, said his Jewish prayers, and let his nails out and started to climb.
Tails
"Erection."
- - -
The team met at the restaurant. Big was covered in bandages, casts, and looked like a mummy.
"Big, what happened to you?" asked Cream.
"I fell off a 100 foot tree, Blaze was chasing me with a paper fan, that unlucky Indian guy kicked me in the balls for killing his dog and being a 'White Devil', the deformed white guy slapped my ass, and Knuckles wanted to play tackle tag again, and he was it. Oh yeah, and this heroine addict, Kurt Cobain called Courtney Love, shot me in the mouth with a shotgun, kinda like how he died." Big answered.
"Oh my Shiva…" Espio said.
"Holy crap! Big! Are you alright?" asked Vector.
"Of course! The doctor said it will clear up in a few minutes." Big said. Shadow was walking around the restaurant. Shadow first stopped at an 8 year old girl.
"Hola, senorita bonita. Quieres estar mi novia?" Shadow said in a deep Spanish accent.
"Tu no tiene pene y no me gusto burros" She answered before she slapped him in the face and summoned her giant dog on him, but Shadow walked on with the determination of the little train that could! Shadow stopped at a red, curly haired, middle aged, overweight, Italian, lonely, mole-faced woman with cats sitting on her shoulders. And she had mad body odor too, with no deodorant.
"Hey, I'm Michael, do you want to be my girlfriend?" asked Shadow. The woman pulled out pepper spray out of her curly, unkempt hair and sprayed it at Shadow's eyeballs.
"That doesn't work on me because everybody I asked that to did that to me. I think I'm blind now, but I can't tell anymore, but it's worth it. So indirectly and hypothetically, I sort of built an immunity." Shadow explained. The cat woman pulled out a metal bat from her pants and started whacking Shadow in the head with it.
"The people I asked also did that to me, so I built an immunity towards that too, along with pepper spray." Shadow said. She started kicking Shadow square in the balls about five consecutive times.
"It doesn't affect enemy Shadow with the LEVITATE ability." Shadow said in a Pokemon announcer voice. The woman then threw Shadow out the 2 story window.
"Ow! I'm only semi immune to that." Shadow said. Just then a meteor was aiming straight for Shadow.
"Ok, I'm not immune to that… yet… but I can try." Shadow said as he lay on the cold concrete. The team separated after lunch.
- - -
Big
"Damn it!" yelled Big. He pulled out a circular device from out of his pants, "My Blaze Radar is tingling! That means she's coming at me with a non lethal item… OF DEATH!" Big looked back and saw Blaze rush for him with a keyboard. Big ran up the 100 foot tree and stayed stranded up there.
"Big! God damn it, he's stuck up there." Blaze yelled, "Help! My cat is stuck on a tree!"
Shadow and Wave
Wave was walking down the streets of the new town she moved into and saw a strange black figure sprawled all along the floor. She ran towards it and noticed it was Shadow the (EMO) Hedgehog.
"Hey Shadow! Are you alright?" asked Wave, shaking Shadow's body.
"Yeah." Shadow said. Shadow tried to stand up, but Wave picked him up.
"What happened?" asked Wave.
"I don't exactly remember. I think I'm blind now though, and I got rejected by a Spanish girl and a woman with red, curly hair, was middle aged, overweight, Italian, lonely, mole-faced, with cats sitting on her shoulders. And she had mad body odor too, with no deodorant..." Shadow sadly said.
"Aww…" Wave cried, giving Shadow a chaste hug.
"Hey Wave! Do you want to be my girlfriend?"
"Sure… I guess…" said Wave shyly as she blushed.
Knuckles and Rouge
Knuckles and Rouge were walking down the apartment's hallway. As they walked toward Shadow's room they heard something.
"OMG WAVE! YOU ARE PICKING UP TURBULENCE IN MY PANTS!" Shadow yelled.
"SHADOW! YOU'RE PULLING OFF AN X TRICK IN MY PANTS!" yelled Wave.
Rouge and Knuckles were staring at each other, and then peaked through the door.
"Hey, Rouge. Do you want to play Sonic Riders with me?" asked Knuckles.
"Finally!" Rouge said excitedly. Rouge took off her clothes and started riding Knuckles' automatically hard turbulence.
Wave
Wave lay in bed, half awake and half asleep, and half naked baby!
"How the hell was I able to lose my virginity to a man who has no penis?" asked Wave. Tom Cruise crawled out of the bed sheets.
"Just ask my wife, she's been through the experience with me before…" Tom Cruise said as he walked away.
