They stumble into the hallway in each other's arms, laughing and kissing and generally being happy teenagers. They kiss for so long Tara sobers up considerably, and when they join the party again, people shout and cheer at their appearance, dishevelled, messy and content.
Jax parades his tattoo to everyone, he gets clasped on the back, and kissed on the cheek and told it is wonderful. Tara hides hers, so eager for everyone to know a moment ago, and desperate to keep it to herself now. Jax doesn't say anything, so she assumes he feels the same. She's not ashamed of it, she doesn't regret it, but she knows, now that she is more sober than drunk, it was for her, and for Jax, and no one else. She was declaring herself to him, and how safe and loved he makes her feel. They chat amongst everyone, but stick close together, always making sure some part of their body is touching, Tara with a hand on his arm or their fingers entwined, or Jax snaking his arm around her waist, kissing her on the forehead. They are not two people who touch each other carelessly; every bit of contact is important, a feral need. Gemma, Clay and Tig notice this, their need for each other, the connection between them. Without even knowing it, Tara shifts when Jax does, Jax moves as Tara does. It is nothing anyone in that clubhouse has seen before, something you would believe of twin sisters that have a bond unbreakable. To Gemma and Tig, this is dangerous. Clay, though he can see their bond, puts it down to teenage love that will die out. Look at Gemma and John, they were once similar and soon broken. Now he had Gemma, he knows it won't last, they're just kids.
Tara can feel them watching her, even if Jax is oblivious, and when her eyes meet Gemma's, she sees only disapproval there. If her only sin is loving Jax then she can accept that, and prove she is worthy of Jax's love too. Tara, her jaw set, doesn't look away until Gemma does.
"Hey." Jax whispers in Tara's ear, nudging his nose against her cheek. They've managed to wrench themselves onto a sofa, and sit side by side. Jax was talking to Juice whilst Tara kept her staring contest with Gemma going. Jax's arm is around her shoulders, her hand possessively on his thigh, their legs pressed together tightly. She looks at him, and he nods to the other side of the room. Across from her, in pretty much exactly the same position on a different sofa, is Donna and Opie, kissing deeply, hands roaming. Tara grins.
What a wonderful day to be alive.
"Can we leave soon?" Tara asks, she's tired and she wants to be alone with him.
He searches her face, wary for some reason, though she doesn't know why. "We can stay here? In my dorm?"
Her mouth pops open, "you have a dorm? Gemma allowed you to have one?"
He raises his eyebrows, a grin on his face. "I only stay in it when she's here, otherwise she worries. I don't think anyone is making it home tonight, babe." He looks around the room pointedly, highlighting how drunk or high everyone is. But Tara is staring at his face.
"How did I not know you have a dorm here?" It comes out a little hotly, demanding. The idea makes her uncomfortable, what would happen on the nights he stays here without either of them? Gemma would welcome him to sleep with another woman, she would probably try and force it. Tara quashes the thought immediately, she's trusts him, she knows he loves her, wouldn't hurt her, has only slept with her. He wouldn't risk their relationship and what they have. It's the be all, end all, of who they are now.
He frowns at her, "why would it bother you?"
He knows why, but for arguments sake he wants her to say it. She can't not trust him, she knows him better then that.
"It doesn't." She says quickly, and Jax doesn't press it. Tara isn't exactly shy at saying what she thinks, if it really bothered her she would speak up. He kisses her softly. "I love you, I only want you."
She smiles, "I know. It was a stupid thought."
"Yeah," his face is serious as he stares into her eyes, "it was."
"Come on," she stands, "let's go."
He allows her to lead him to the corridor, then he shows her to his dorm. There's a bed and a few posters in it, but it's evident he never stays there. Which she should already know, since he stays with her every night. They grin at each other as he closes the door. They make love four times that night.
Tara wakes first. Her head on his chest, holding his hand above his heart which she listens to, it beats strong and steady beneath her. Suddenly, like a slap in the face, she remembers her tattoo. No matter how sober she felt by the end of the night, she wasn't sober at all. She untangles herself from Jax and gently tip-toes to the bathroom. She has to climb up on the sink, her bum almost in it, and twist in an impossible way to be able to see it. When she finally gets a glimpse of it, she hates to admit it, but she loves it. Jax suddenly appears in front of her, his face worried for a split second and when his eyes meet her, his expression clears. He always has that look when he wakes without her.
They stare at each other. Tara doesn't know what to say. The only other person that has this tattoo is his mother, which she got on her heart, for John. It's The Old Lady's tattoo, it's as serious as getting married. It's more permanent than marriage. But that is how she feels about him, permanent, everlasting, serious.
After an immeasurable amount of time passes, Jax opens his mouth. "I'm sorry." His shoulders slump, he looks defeated.
She hops off the sink and strides straight towards him, stopping only when their faces are inches apart. "Don't you dare." Her voice is angry.
He stares down at her, regret on his face, his voice soft. "I could have stopped you."
She reels back. "Why are you so eager to believe I regret it?" She throws her hands up in the air in exasperation,and turns away from him. Walking over to the bed and sitting down. When she looks back at Jax, he hasn't moved but has turned so he is facing her. His look is hesitant, scared. It is pushing her buttons in all the wrong ways, she knows he's thinking that she's on the verge of running, like he always thinks.
"Stop looking at me like that!" Her voice is raised, but not quite a shout. "You think I always have one foot out the door, that I am running away! I am not." Jax goes to speak but Tara rushes on; "I don't regret this tattoo, Jax." Her voice is firm.
She pushes hair hair angrily away from her face, then stands and walks to the one thing in the room that makes it his; a picture of him and her on his bike, he's smiling at the camera, she's leaning over him to kiss his cheek. She turns to him, his eyes are on her, he's breathing deeply.
Her voice isn't raised this time. "I have spent six months fighting your mom and ignoring her digs. Six months being glared at by Tig and Clay when they see me. Six months of not asking too many questions when you roll in at stupid hours of the morning, sometimes covered in blood, and almost always covered in bruises. I have watched you get hit on by crow eaters, pornsluts and Wendy. I have had boys at school make sly digs about me, about you, and about my father. I was suspended for a week because Betty Koans wanted to know if you still kissed the same, and I gave her a black eye. And yet Jax, I am still here." She shakes her head, Jax thinks she's about to cry. "I don't have all the stuff you have going on, I don't have a great family and wonderful support and good friends. I have you. I have David. And I have a drunk daddy. That's it. So quit acting like I'm gonna run away from you, like I can't handle you, or your life. Everyone in town knows you're outlaws, I've known you my whole goddamn life and I chose you everyday because that is what love is. Choosing someone. You don't just fall in love and it's easy. No, it's really fucking hard, and you have to pick them, you have to choose them every goddamn day." She pauses, Jax stays staring at her. Her arm reaches for her tattoo and the back of her hand runs along it. "I don't regret this tattoo, because I plan on being with you for the rest of my life. You're my lifeline, Jax. This tattoo is a symbol of that. You don't get to be sorry for this."
"I love you." It's all he can think to say, "and I'm proud of your tattoo. But your dream is to leave Charming, to get away. It won't be that for me."
She walks towards him, kisses him softly and wraps her arms around his neck. "We have years to figure things out, Jax. But I will always love you, no matter what. This tattoo is just another part of what is ours. What is us."
He nods, she pulls her face towards him. Somehow he will see that he loves her. Somehow he will know. He deepens the kiss, and begins undressing her, they both jump apart when the door to his dorm swings open. They turn, startled, to see Gemma standing there, hands on hips.
"You didn't tell me you were staying here." She accuses Jax, but her eyes are on Tara.
"Ma," he rolls his eyes. Gemma's gaze flicks to him. He doesn't know he's doing it, but he closes the distance between him and Tara, standing so his hand entwines with hers. "Everyone stayed here last night."
"Me and Clay didn't." She quips.
"Everyone else did." He almost wants to tell her that he never sleeps at home, but he doesn't.
"Clay is looking for you, you got Prospect shit to do." She looks at Tara again. "You should leave, but we're having a family dinner tonight and I'd like you to come."
Tara knows if she says no, Gemma will never like her, so she shrugs and says "sure."
Jax kisses her on the head and grabs his clothes, slamming the bathroom door. Tara jumps at it, looking nervously everywhere except for his mother. Gemma looks at Jax's SAMCRO t-shit that swamps Tara. Then at her bare legs. Tara has never felt so exposed in her life. Then, with a knowing nod Gemma walks out of the room, leaving Tara shaking. She hates that Gemma has this affect on her, she wants to be strong, prove herself. She wants Gemma to like her, but she won't put up with Gemma trying to sabotage the relationship either.
Jax leaves the bathroom fully dressed and kisses Tara a quick goodbye. Suddenly she's Alone in the dorm room of the clubhouse and she doesn't know why, but she feels a little empty.
