Sorry this chapter is super short. I couldn't decide what will happen next so...

Anyway, I hope you enjoy. And I do apologize for not updating much lately. It probably won't get any better any time soon, but I'll try!

Self-harm warning

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Peaceful sleep didn't seem to be attainable for the bluenette unfortunately. Maybe it was the snow reminding him of his last moments with his dying friend or maybe it was the fever making his mind vulnerable to the memories he usually pushed from his mind. It didn't really matter since the fact remained that once again he woke up from another nightmare. At least he wasn't crying or screaming this time, but he felt a bit nauseous. His heartbeat was rapid too and his hands were sweaty; signs of the panic he felt during the last moments of the dream.

Shifting his position slightly, he became aware that his movement was limited. An arm was draped over his torso and his back was pressed against something firm and warm. At first, he was confused. Then his face heated up. He had asked Akashi to stay with him. The memory just made him panic more. What was he thinking? Obviously he wasn't thinking. Did the fever fry his brain or something?

Embarrassing! He shouted in his mind. It then occurred to him how selfish he had been to make such a request and how he shouldn't be cuddling with someone he was planning to leave. This was just too much. He could feel his breaths becoming shallower and he wanted to scream out. He needed to get away, to release all these feelings building up inside of him from his dreams and his current predicament.

Carefully, he removed the arm draped over him and slid off the bed. The room spun for a moment but soon stilled. The ragged bag possessing his few belongings was sitting by the night stand and he grabbed it before going into the bathroom.

He locked the door even though he doubted the man would realize he was gone or barge in. Taking a seat against the wall across from the sinks, he pulled out a leather case holding the knife he kept with him. This would stop the nightmares.

He shouldn't be doing what he was about to do. He knew that. However, there was something about the moment when the urge comes that makes all rational arguments useless and ineffective. Nothing short of physical interference from another could possibly stop his next movements. He needed to do this to take away the edge of the panic and to stop his minds relentless urging. Whatever consequences could be dealt with later.

He pulled off his pants and stared at the skin of his small thighs. If he cut there, no one would know. Easing the knife from its case, he pressed the cold blade to his skin sending a shiver through his body. He let his eyelids fall as he pressed the metal into his skin and pulled it across. A wave of relief swept through his body relaxing his muscles. His guilt slowly draining from his mind like the blood from his leg. Another cut sent another wave of relief and his panic and fear began to ebb away. Still, he cut again, and again, relishing in pain. With a total of eight cuts, the earlier uneasiness was destroyed, at least until he opened his eyes. His eyes widened when he saw all the blood since he thought he had kept the cuts shallow enough that they wouldn't bleed so much. Apparently his control wasn't as good as he thought. Now a pool of red was taking over the white tile around his thigh. He fumbled for the wash cloth on the bar above him and pressed it against the cuts.

When he was sure the bleeding had slowed down, he used the wall to help him stand. He had to wait for the dizziness to pass- his fever was still affecting him- before dragging himself to the sink. The water stung, but Kuroko found it calming instead of unpleasant. He deserved the pain anyway.

He pulled out a first aid kit from under the sink and pulled out some gauze pads and rolls. It was nice to have clean bandages for once even if he felt like he was stealing them. With the bandages secure, Kuroko put on his pants and cleaned up the tiles, only then realizing that he wouldn't be able to salvage the wash cloths. His shoulders drooped as he let out a sigh. He had clearly underestimated how much trouble cutting here would cause and it was too much for his sick body and mind. He could barely keep his eyes open anymore. All Kuroko wanted to do at this point was go back to sleep. He felt like he was about to collapse but willed himself to find something he could put the bloody cloths in. Luckily, there were trash bags in one of the cabinets. He tossed the cloths in and tied up the bag before shoving it into his little bag along with his knife. The deed was done. Stumbling with half closed eyes, Kuroko opened the bathroom door noticing the dizziness had returned. He made it a few steps into the bedroom before his legs gave out underneath him. He wasn't unconscious though and heard his name called out.


The light from the bathroom brought Akashi out of his slumber. His eyes opened just in time to see Kuroko collapse on the floor. Throwing the blankets aside, he rushed over; relieved to see the boy was still awake. "Tetsuya." He kneeled down and slid his arms underneath Kuroko's back and knees and lifted him up with ease. "Let's get you back to bed." Akashi carried the bluenette to the bed and settled him under the covers. "Do you need anything?"

Kuroko opened his mouth to speak. Instead he had a coughing fit. Apparently, the red head took that as an answer and pressed the intercom button to order some tea with honey. Then Akashi situated himself on the bed and rubbed Kuroko's back to soothe him.

By the time Mibuchi arrived with the tea, the coughing fit had passed. Kuroko was still grateful for it though since his throat was sore again.

"Is everything alright Seijūrō-sama? Kuroko-sama?" The butler bent over to offer the tea to Kuroko's lips while eyeing him with concern.

"Everything is fine. Tetsuya just had a bad coughing fit."

"Please feel better soon Kuroko-sama. Is there anything else I can do for you sirs?"

"Not right now. Thank you for bringing the tea." Akashi took the tea from Mibuchi and set it on the table.

"Of course, Seijūrō-sama." Mibuchi bowed and left the room quickly.

Akashi pulled the covers up to Kuroko's shoulders. "Get some rest." He whispered.

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Comments/feedback/opinions appreciated!

Have a wonderful day