A soft voice awoke Carmen from her sleep - induced by stress, shock, and exhaustion - and she arose groggily to an expanse of trees surrounding her on all sides. Everything was green, though in many different shades, and the branches were so thickly woven together that she was sure nothing could see her where she now lay. Of course, this also meant that she couldn't see anything that lay beyond it either, and the thought instantly worried her. Anything could be out there: guards, enemy ninja, ferocious animals. And right now, as her training hadn't even begun, Carmen was useless.
Great.
It took another moment for her eyes to adjust, but after a good few minutes of hazy blinking, she made out a mop of red hair, and then a pair of teal eyes that simply stared at her; unfazed by her unladylike morning state.
"We need to continue."
...If Gaara wasn't there, Carmen was sure she never would have made it through even the castle gates. The memory of them escaping was hazy, like her vision, but she knew that she had been little to no help in her hysterical state. Since then, she had calmed down, but her mind was in no way repaired from the damage that had been caused. She still felt, even now, the heavy weight of her father's words on her shoulders.
"I'm sorry."
Every little thing about her surroundings seemed to bother her, though she had passed through those outer gardens more times than she could count; more days than she had lived. And yet, they seemed completely foreign to her now, like she was rushing away from a hated prison she never got the chance to explore, and in the process, leaving behind all that she cared about.
Not like it meant anything, but only about a third of that was untrue.
"Of course."
Carmen stood up as quickly as her still slightly blurred vision would allow, and took the few steps that separated her from Gaara. He took her arm as she came by him, and he guided her away from the camp she was only just now noticing. A dying fire blazed in the night air; only slight remnants of ashes still sizzling, and the area seemed just as unused as it had surely been when they first arrived. Gaara knew how to cover his tracks, apparently. Probably something he acquired during his demon years.
In truth, she very much wanted to ask him about it - about his past - but she decided against it, once she saw his face. His expression, so worried, so uncontrollable; like he didn't know what he was feeling, and he didn't know how to stop it. Like Carmen was the one causing all of this anguish, and the only reason he was still here was out of a certain degree of obligation he still felt over the fact that she had released him from prison what felt like forever ago. She wished she could tell him to go free; to do what pleased him, and start over, but she didn't have the courage. At least not yet. Maybe, if she could get to the place he had in mind, where she could find someone who could teach her the ways of the ninja, she would be ready. Maybe she'd be able to let go once she had another solid person that she could count on.
Once she knew how to defend herself from the evil force she still didn't know the name of, she'd be ready to let him choose his own path. She wouldn't allow him to tag along with her, if all her felt was obligation. And if he did leave her, she would simply find someone else. After all, it wasn't like her father would care anymore.
Carmen choked on her air.
...Her father-
"Are you alright?" the concerned tone in his voice had her drawn back to present, and she drew the tears back before they could sneak out of her eyes.
"Fine, just a bit cold."
This time, were words conveyed half the truth.
"Oh, well, you can have my jacket…"
Carmen had said she wouldn't mind if he left her, but yet again, she found that her words were nothing but false bravery. No one could replace Gaara. Ever. Not even someone a thousand times as beautiful, or a thousand times as sweet. Because Gaara just was both of those things, all of those things, to her. He was her perfect companion. And if she lost him, she would surely collapse long before that man ever got to her.
She would give him the option to leave, no doubt. But there was no denying that not even a single shred of her existence was okay with him suddenly being gone. After her father, after her mother, after her sister, and after finding out what she was...she couldn't lose anyone else. Not again. She needed Gaara more than she knew.
And if he decided he did want to leave, once she told him it was 'alright', it would break her heart.
"Is that better?"
Truth be told, as soon as he placed his cotton jacket over her shoulders, the warmth in her body doubled; like she was being heated from the inside out. Perhaps it was simply the fact that Gaara had willingly offered her something that would clearly have benefited himself if he had kept it, or perhaps it was simply the fact that the contact reminded her of one of his infamous hugs that she had gotten used to over the past week. It didn't really matter. All Carmen knew, was that she felt a heck of a lot better now that he was talking to her, and she didn't want him to stop.
"Gaara?"
His tone was level; calm. "Yes?"
"Where are we going, exactly?"
She didn't know why she was nervous, but for some reason, as she spoke, her voice cracked, like she was suddenly terrified of his reputation. She wasn't really, as she had gotten over that back in the dungeon, for the most part, but the worried feeling nonetheless was there.
Again, he spoke just as calmly, as if testifying to the fact that there was absolutely nothing to worry about.
"A village called Konoha. I have friends there."
For some reason, such a thought sounded strange. Gaara actually had…?
"Define 'friends'," she told him; twirling a piece of dark hair awkwardly between her fingers. She didn't exactly want him to think that she thought he was a bit of a loner, but it wasn't like he didn't already know. Gaara was one to notice such things from the beginning, and due to the fact that he hardly showed emotion anyway, something told her that he wouldn't care as much as a normal guy his age.
What was he again, 22? Carmen was pretty sure that was what the warden had said, and yet, such a time when she was back in the dungeons felt like years ago. Like decades upon decades had passed, and she had missed her chance at love the very moment she chose Gaara; a man that was probably no good for her, considering his background, and her current status. A princess shouldn't be off gallivanting in the countryside with a man hardly short of a serial killer! It was unethical, and yet, here Carmen was, doing just that; except for the fact that gallivanting may have been too loose of a term.
Perhaps: running for dear life with the occasional hug, would be better.
He answered with a lopsided frown that was more of a grin than anything else. "Shocking, I know. But I do have friends, believe it or not."
She smirked; happy she could actually tease him in light of the circumstance. "I'll believe it when I see it."
Gaara nodded solemnly. "As expected. But do know that your life is riding on the idea that they actually exist. They're the ones that would be teaching you, you know."
The mention of the fact that she was a ninja had her shivering, and the pleasant mood dropped again. She didn't want to even think about training right now. All Carmen wanted to do, was sit with Gaara, right here, right now, and to continue living. Just to continue walking through the dense trees, seeing the sights, smelling the smells...To keep living in this...In this dream.
That's what it was.
All of this, from start to finish, had been a dream. Her father was still sitting on his throne, alive and well, her sister was as carefree as she always was, and Carmen would soon wake up to find both of them ready to greet her. She would arise to the usual chaos that was breakfast at the castle, and wear one of her pretty silk dresses that cost a fortune to buy, but only a moment to tear, and she would skip through the halls with Gaara, as their wedding was soon approaching. They'd continue rehearsing for the ceremony, and Carmen would hold Gaara's hand throughout it, explaining things as they came to them, and when he himself asked for help.
Yes. After some thought, Carmen found that she firmly believed the current events were simply part of a dream, despite the fact that every single moment that passed was frightening painful; frighteningly real. She forced herself, even to a point where she was almost in tears once more, to not think of what might happen. This was a dream, she tried to tell herself. Her father was fine. Her sister was fine. Everyone was fine. She was fine.
But it was such a lie.
She knew, though she despised even the mere thought of it, that this wasn't a dream; this was reality. Her father was locked in a dungeon, half dead, and she might never see him again, not to even mention the fact that her sister was in enemy clutches, taking Carmen's burden on herself. The events were so terrible that Gaara was actually showing expression on his face - meaning even he was affected - and she, most of all, was not okay. Not even close.
She had said she wanted so terribly to be a ninja before, but now that she knew the prices that the power came with, she was no longer very gung ho about the idea. Even the simple fact that she had the potential to become one had been hidden from her her entire life, and to spring it on her so suddenly like this was like pouring water on a sleeping person. And Carmen hated when that happened.
Long story short, she didn't want to be a ninja; not anymore, and not because of the reasons she had to be. she didn't want this responsibility, and she didn't want to constantly live in fear of the day that that man would return for her. She didn't want to worry every waking moment for the family she had lost to his clutches, or to spend her entire life debating over the fact that her mother might have been killed by that very man. That there was more to her death than just some random disease. That everything in her life had been connected, and yet Carmen had never noticed it until someone had pointed it out to her.
Carmen just wanted to be free again. Like she was when she was a child, and when she and Katherine used to care about nothing other than the smiles on their faces. When her mother was still around, and when Carmen could look in the mirror and see someone worth looking at, because she was actually told to value her own self.
She missed the days in which she could be so carefree terribly, yet even thinking about them arose more unwanted thoughts. Thinking about her mother led her to wonder; how much of her relationship with her had been a lie? How much of it had really been her mother's own happiness? Was she even a person Carmen could say she truly knew?
Carmen couldn't tell what was real and what was fake anymore, and suddenly, the entire world seemed to be entirely against the idea of her ever finding satisfaction. Gaara cared about her more than she allowed herself to believe, but she didn't know for certain how long he would be willing to stay. Her father definitely cared about her more than she ever knew, and it was the same with her sister, though their bond had been real; though based off of many hidden secrets. However, her mother was a complete mystery, as she really had no idea who she even was anymore. The only remaining memories Carmen held of her were fading fast, and she knew that they would be gone before she even realized it.
How she wished she could ask someone for help.
Carmen needed closure on so many things, and yet the only people that could possibly answer her questions were either dead, close to being dead, or being held hostage. Gaara, she could talk to, but she wouldn't receive any answers; at least not in the terms she wanted.
What she needed right now, was the impossible, which meant that she wouldn't be obtaining it.
All Carmen had, at this point, was Gaara. And though she knew that she loved the man to death, and would be devastated if he left, he just wasn't what she needed right now.
Carmen could only hope that this Konoha would have at least some of the answers.
