Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.


"I don't exactly need to go back to the house, it's not like I'm going to forget what happened any time soon" Kate stated.

She and Dr Burke had been discussing going back to the house for almost forty minutes. She had long abandoned the comfort of the leather chair and instead had decided to pace back and forth, ignoring the shooting pain that shot through her shin as she did so. Her ankles still weren't as strong as they were previously and after the effort she'd put into her physio session earlier that morning, it was no wonder that her joints were screaming at her to slow down.

"I don't think Detective Castle thinks you are going to forget"

"But He says that it will help me remember things, but how can I remember things if I haven't forgotten anything"

"Maybe you haven't forgotten. But maybe there is a part of you doesn't want to remember certain details because it is too traumatic for you to handle right now" Dr Burke offered again. He had phrased the same sentence numerous times throughout their session, beginning by offering it gently to her, easing her into acceptance of the fact. However when that seemed lost on her he had eventually decided on a more direct approach.

Kate looked quizzically at the Doctor. She liked him and in a strange way looked forward to their sessions. He was able to clear up any doubts or worries she had about being an inconvenience to Castle, he was there to talk about how she could rebuild her relationship with her father and he listened to her describe the nightmares that had been taunting her for the past few nights. However this, talking about something that was sure to bring all the nightmares to the surface once more, was a lot more difficult to deal with.

"Would you do it?" she asked, turning purposely to face the Doctor, who remained seated in his chair looking as calm as ever.

"Kate, you know I can't answer that."

"No I'm serious" she continued, lowering herself back down onto her chair. "If you were me, do you think it would help?"

"I think that it will help to solve the case, which in turn may help you deal with the aftermath of what you have experienced."

Kate sighed. It wasn't the answer she was hoping for.

"What if the nightmares come back?" she asked, her voice dropping to a meek whisper, like she was afraid that the demons that haunted her in her sleep would hear her and know that she was vulnerable to them.

"Then you will deal with them. You said it helps to read?"

"Sometimes" Kate agreed. "My physio tends to help as well, it takes my mind off the nightmares."

"How often are you doing your physio?"

"As often as I can. In the morning and at night at least, sometimes three times during the day. If I wake up in the night I do some then. It tires me out and then when I get to sleep again I don't have any dream because I'm too tired."

"You're taking care of yourself though? You're not overdoing things?" her therapist asked concerned that she was pushing herself too hard. Listening to the way Kate answered most of the questions, he knew that she was determined yet stubborn and he did not want that stubbornness to delay her healing.

"No. No, I'm fine, I'm handling it" she affirmed, slightly taken back by the boldness of Dr Burke's comment.

"So how are things with you and Rick?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well you said earlier that you prefer it when he is around?"

"I feel safer" she shrugged.

"Why do you think that is?"

"I'm not sure." She said truthfully.

"You said when they found you" Dr Burke began and saw Kate instantly tense. "In the bathroom, you wouldn't let anyone else but Detective Castle inside"

"He promised to leave his gun outside" she remembered, "none of the other officers said they would do that" she clarified.

"So you felt safer letting him in because he didn't have a weapon?"

"I guess."

She hadn't thought about it too much, the other officers were a blur to her and she only vaguely remembered Castle coming inside to get her out. The ambulance ride had been lost on her and it was only when she was sat in the hospital bed that she actually realized that she was no longer in that house.

"He's been taking care of me, and I think we have grown closer. I trust him a lot more now." She smiled.

"Do you trust him enough to trust his judgment about returning to the crime scene?"

"He thinks it will help. I'm not too sure"

"Well you should do whatever you think is best. Has there been any more progress on the case?"

"Not that I know of. They were looking into the other man but at the moment they can't find anything useful to give them more leads"

"And how do you feel about that?"

"It scares me. It shouldn't, but he could still be out there, he could be watching me right now and we wouldn't even know about it."

"Maybe going back might not be such a bad idea to consider then. If you do return to the crime scene, you might see something that will help"

"You keep calling it the crime scene. Like I didn't spend over a half a year there"

"I find that by giving a place a name, you give it power. If you think of it as a prison, then that is how it will always feel to you. If you think of it as a crime scene, it is something in the past, it is a place that you control and can leave anytime you wish. You're claiming back your power while acknowledging what happened to you. "

She considered him for a moment. A part of what he had said made sense. She had always seen that place as a prison, her bedroom like a cage and her the wild animal they were trying to contain. If she viewed it like a crime scene, if she saw what Castle saw, then maybe it wouldn't be too hard to return there after all.

After thanking Dr Burke and scheduling another appointment for a weeks' time, she left the office building and made her way to the car park where Castle was waiting. Once again, the drive back was quiet, each thinking up questions to ask but never quite finding the words. Kate thought about what Dr Burke had said, about her being able to leave the house any time she wished. She would be able to walk out of there any time she chose to.

She glanced at Castle whose eyes remained glued to the road. He was sat rigid in his seat, the lines on his forehead showing that he was deep in thought as his hands gripped the steering wheel with slightly more force than necessary. She didn't question him, she hated bothering him whilst he was working and when he looked as focused as he did now she felt rude asking him if something was wrong.

It was when they arrived back at the loft that she knew something was wrong. Castle was acting strange around her all evening. Never leaving her side for too long and repeatedly asking how her session with Burke went. It was only when she excused herself to her room before dinner that she finally got time to think by herself.

She stood facing the bedroom wall and began working through her stretching routine. Stretching each muscle for thirty seconds, repeating five times; the hospital had told her three, but she knew she could do more. Next were wall squats, they had told her to do as many as she could but she must stop immediately as soon as she felt any pain. She didn't. Instead she pushed through and made sure to do at least twenty, at that point her legs were shaking so much she slipped down the wall and onto the carpet.

Next up were sit ups. She hooked her toes underneath the bed and worked her way through forty sit ups. Her stomach muscles screamed in protest and her back stung with pain. She paused every so often to make sure that she wasn't pulling the marks on her back. They had been healing well, especially since she started letting Castle help her apply the cream each night before she went to bed and for the first time she was actually beginning to see a difference, she wasn't about to risk that now. The hospital hadn't told her to do sit ups, in fact she was sure if they found out exactly how much she had been pushing her body they wouldn't be very impressed with her. But she wanted to be stronger, she needed to feel like she could defend herself and this was the only way she saw fit.

Castle calling from downstairs interrupted her, to tell her that dinner was on the table, interrupting her workout. She reluctantly pulled her feet from under the bed and slowly pushed herself into a standing position. The blood rushed to her head and her vision began to blur at the sudden movement. She gripped the sides of the bed, steadying herself as she closed her eyes and waited for it to pass. It wasn't uncommon for this happened, in fact it had been happening ever since she had started doing more vigorous exercise. She brushed it off assuming she had just forgot to eat lunch and then did too much during the day that her body was telling her to slow down.

The clash of thunder outside startled her, making her jump and fall slightly onto the bed. Once she felt steady enough she stood up again, peering out of the window to see the rain was now crashing down against the windows before trickling down the glass like tear drops.

She made her way back downstairs, her legs still slightly shaking, forcing her to grip the banister harder and take cautious steps. She prayed Castle wouldn't notice. Luckily his back was turned as he was grabbing two bottles of water from the fridge. Kate settled herself at the table, staring at the overflowing plate of Spaghetti Bolognese. She liked pasta, but Castle had been making lots of pasta dishes recently, something about them being full of carbs and protein to help keep her strength up. She wasn't too keen though, the pasta made her sluggish and would force her to cut her evening workout shorter. Instead she pushed around the spaghetti and ate as much as of the meat as she could before declaring that she was full.

"So it went well with Dr Burke today then?" Castle asked, although she had already told him that twice today already.

"Yeah. It was good"

"Did you talk about the case?" Castle asked tentatively.

"A bit. We talked about going back to the crime scene"

Castle nodded slowly.

"Did you come to a conclusion?" he asked slowly.

"Maybe. We talked about seeing it as a crime scene. That way it won't mean as much to me."

"That's a good way of looking at it" Castle said, shoveling a forkful of spaghetti into his mouth.

"If we did go. Would you give me the key?"

"Um well, yes if that would make you feel better. I think there are still officers stationed there in case…" he stopped, he'd blown it and now there was no way he couldn't not tell her about the card.

"In case what?"

"Kate, I'm going to tell you something, and I need you to not panic, ok?"

"Castle what's going on?" she demanded.

"Jonathan Landers bank card was used in the city yesterday, so officers are stationed at the crime scene in case he returns to it."

"He's in the city?" Kate asked.

"We don't know. Someone might have used his card, or it could be him. We haven't managed to track him down, the card hasn't been used since, but we're looking through CCTV to get an image of him and get it circulated. It's only a matter of time"

"A matter of time until what?" Kate exclaimed, rising from her chair making Castle put down his fork and move to go after her.

"Kate please, come and sit down" he begged, offering a hand out to her as if to stop her from spiraling out of control.

"He could be in the city and you didn't think to tell me. His card was used yesterday, we've been out today he could have seen me, and now he could know where I live"

"He doesn't"

"How do you know?"

"Because Kate I won't let him find you again"

"How can you be so sure of that? What exactly are you doing on this case Rick, because from where I'm standing it's not enough?"

"Kate we're doing everything we can, but we need your help" he pleaded. "Please Kate, we need more to go on"

"I can't be here right now" she whispered, her voice filled with mistrust and fear as she made her way towards the front door.

"Kate wait" Castle called after her.

"Stay away from me" Kate shouted, before leaving the loft and slamming the door behind her.

Damn it, he was an idiot. He shouldn't have kept it from her, he should have been straight with her from the start, at least if he had maybe he would have more ground to stand on when she upped and left.

He wanted to chase after her, tell her how sorry he was and that he was only doing it to protect her. it was the truth, all he wanted to do was solve the case and give her the life that she had been missing for so long. He was a detective, it was what he did best. Kate's outburst rang in his ears; 'what exactly are you doing on this case?', he knew she was right, he had been neglecting his work at the precinct somewhat since she had moved in with him, but he hated leaving her on her own. She was getting stronger and more confident with each day that passed. The way she moved around the loft at her own pace, rather than watching where he was in comparison to her, and checking that he wasn't watching or judging her every move showed that she was more relaxed around him. Truth be told, he had enjoyed spending time at the loft with her and taking her to her appointments. It gave him chance to get to know her, and to make sure that she was safe.

Thinking about it now he wished he had told her about the bank card as soon as they had found out it had been used. She might have been able to help in some way, maybe she overheard them talk about a place they knew of or a friend they had in the area where the card was used. Instead he had kept in from her thinking he was protecting her, when in reality he could have made the situation much worse.

Since moving into the loft, Castle had relied on Kate to trust him, to trust that he was kind and would take care of her, that he wasn't like the men that had kept her prisoner and that there were still people out there who wanted to look after her. So far she had trusted him more than he expected. At first she was nervous, always watching what he was doing and asking him before she did anything, being extremely polite and forever thanking him for the simplest thing. She had managed to calm that down slightly, watching him less and relaxing around him more, no longer seeking his approval and instead seeking his company. She'd grown to trust him, and now he had blown that trust. She would never trust him again after this, anything he said about the case she would probably want confirmation from someone else, and he worried that around the loft she would become hesitant again and he doubted that she would talk about how her therapy was going with him.

He debated going to find her. He knew she wouldn't go far, probably down to the lobby, if he followed now he would be able to catch up with her. He knew she wouldn't go too far, not in the state she was in and he knew she didn't like going out into the city on her own, especially in the dark. He needed to sort this out, he needed a plan, and he needed a way to make her see that she could trust him again.

Grabbing his coat and another jacket for her just in case he decided to go searching for her. His plan was to bring her back so they could talk, like adults, rather than a cop and a victim. He would answer all her questions, tell her every single detail that he knew about the case if it meant she would come back. He would do anything to make sure that she was safe again.

Kate didn't know where she was going when she left the loft. With only her day clothes and flats on she knew she couldn't go out into the city but she couldn't stay in the loft any longer. The walls felt like they were closing in on her, just like her captor was now. He was coming for her, she knew it and he would find her and when he did she knew he wouldn't hesitate to kill her. She knew too much, too much that she couldn't remember, that she had forced herself to forget in order to get on with her life.

The rain was hitting her face before she realized where her feet had carried her to. The roof. Standing on the roof she felt like nothing could touch her, she was completely free there, no walls surrounding her, no one was telling her information she couldn't handle or pushing her to do things she knew she couldn't deal with. No, on the roof she was free.

The night air was cold and the rain continued to pound down onto the concrete beneath her, soaking through her thin shirt and pants and wetting her uncovered feet. Her hair was drenched within seconds as the water dripped from the ends of the locks and onto the back of her shirt. She didn't care, if felt good to feel something other than fear. She took a deep breath in, feeling the burn in her lungs as she did so, the stitch in her side from her earlier exercise making itself known as she continued to stand in the pouring rain.

She stood there until she couldn't feel her fingers or toes any more. Her chest had started to ache a while back but she had ignored it and forced herself to remain outside longer. It was only when she felt a cold hand on her shoulder that she spun around to come face to face with Rick. His hair was drenched as well but he had had the sense to grab a coat before leaving and luckily had brought one for her too.

"Kate" he shouted, "we need to go back inside" he continued, shouting over the noise of the rain and thunder.

"I don't want to" she replied.

"Kate you're freezing. Please come inside and we can talk. I shouldn't have lied to you. I should have told you everything as soon as I knew. Please come inside and we can talk?"

His blue eyes were staring back at her, pleading with her to see reason and come back inside. She looked down at the coat in his hand, noticing how pale her skin looked in comparison to his as her body finally began to realize how cold it actually was. She stepped closer to him and allowed him to wrap the coat around her and guide her back inside the building.

"Kate what were you thinking?" Castle asked with misplaced fear turning into anger as they made their way to the stairs.

"I just wanted to be free" she explained through chattering teeth as her body started to shiver in his arms.

"Come on, we need to get you in the shower and then into bed"

"You said we would talk" she reminded him.

"We will, first thing tomorrow, we will talk. But right now we need to make sure you don't catch pneumonia."

Like a reluctant child Kate followed Rick to the bathroom. He left her to get showered and make her a hot tea to drink in bed.

The shower warmed her bones, but the sudden change in temperature made her feel even weaker and dizzy. She got out the shower as quickly as she could, wrapping her hair in one towel and her body in another before making her way to the bedroom to get dressed. She usually didn't sleep with a sleep shirt on, but tonight it was far too cold not too. She climbed under the covers and pulled them up high just as Castle came in with a drink for her. He placed in on the bedside table, along with her phone.

"Try and drink that Kate and then get some sleep, you're exhausted. I promise you we will talk in the morning"

Kate nodded wordlessly and pulled the duvet higher up towards her chin, whispering a quiet goodnight to Rick before watching him leave the room.


Once again thank you for reading. I love hearing what you think and where you think this story is heading, and thank you for all the reviews for the previous chapters.

This chapter is dedicated to CastleFanficMonday.