A/N: May have noticed the title change. I never was satisfied with the title, and the new one has an appearance near the beginning. Let me know if you find it. :)


Castle meanders slowly around the kitchen early the next morning, looking for something in a fully stocked kitchen that catches the attention of his appetite. But being about ten minutes in, he's still not having much luck. He doesn't have the energy to make anything, and the stuff that doesn't require cooking isn't very appealing. He decides to just shut the door to the fridge with a sigh, settling for coffee.

"Morning, Darling." His mother calls from the top of the stairs, drifting her way to the counter.

"Morning." He huffs, bracing himself on the counter and craning his neck.

"So… have you made any progress?"

He looks up inquisitively. She left him in a bad way last night, and he didn't get hardly any sleep. But he's made his decision. And after going back on it out of selfishness, he's made it final. "I'm telling her."

Martha's brow goes up, surprised. "You are?"

Castle nods sadly. "I've waited to be with her for years. Now, I'm finally with her and I can't even bring myself to enjoy it. I know she could tell how far away I was yesterday."

"How do you think she'll take it?"

"I don't know." He says lowly. "She has a knack for surprising me, but… either way, I can't hope for a future with her if I'm not honest with her."

"Well, that's understandable, Richard. But just realize also that this could put her in danger." Martha reminds him, pushing herself up on a stool.

"Don't you think I haven't thought of that?" He asks, sorrow starting to creep into his blood. "The best I can hope for is her at least… trying to understand why I did this."

"You think she will?" Martha doesn't ask, but challenges. Probably a small test of what he's going to have to go through with Beckett.

He closes his eyes and feels his heart harden. "No, I don't." He says just above a whisper. "I don't think that she'll choose me. But I have to give her a chance to choose, nonetheless. If she does choose me, then I'll know that this is real to her. And if she doesn't, then…"

Martha lowers her head and looks her son in the eye, "…then?"

Castle breathes a long sigh, "Then I'll know that I've been doing nothing but fooling myself for four years."

"Richard…" She says soothingly, "if you're so certain how she'll react, why are you telling her now?"

"I'm not certain, Mother." He says, lifting his head with half lidded eyes. "If there's one thing I've learned about Kate Beckett, it's that she will always surprise me. But I at least have to hope that she'll see past her case and for once see me."

"And you believe that you can do that?" She asks him, seemingly honest.

Castle shrugs his shoulders with a shake of his head. "Why the hell am I even with her at all if I don't believe in her? Beckett's done a lot of things wrong, but she deserves someone who will believe in her the way I do. And I just have to get her to see that that someone can be me."

"And if she doesn't see it the way you're hoping?" Martha cautiously asks.

"Then I'll know we weren't headed in the same direction to begin with. But I'm not wasting anymore time not doing this the right way." Martha nods and folds her hands together, accepting her cons decision. "She'll be here in about an hour, and I'd appreciate it if you could take Alexis and be somewhere else."

Martha nods, putting her hands up. "Alright, Richard. Whether it end good or bad, you will have the house to yourselves. I will get Alexis and leave you to it."

Castle nods, battling himself with honest gratitude for his mother, and desperate anxiousness of Beckett's arrival, due here in just over an hour if she keeps her time. Martha and Alexis leave just twenty minutes later, Alexis naïve to the situation and kissing him on the cheek just before going out the door. If nothing else, he still has his daughter. Once the door closes, he feels his smile fade quickly, brought down by the impending situation.

Taking a breath that feels empty going into his lungs, he goes into his office and plugs the flashdrive into the smartboard, watching his digital murder board come up on screen. He draws in a deep breath, looking at that beautiful smile in the center of the screen, letting it out almost certain it's going to be the last time he sees that smile grace her features after today. All he has is hope now.

He grabs the remote and shuts it off, letting the remote fall back down to his desk with a clatter. He's not set on losing her, but he's set on telling her. He goes back into the kitchen, killing time until she arrives by organizing a few things that don't need organizing. He just finished a second cup of coffee when he hears a knock on his door. He closes his eyes and takes a breath.

Once he pulls the door open, everything weighing him down falls away. She smiles brightly, her eyes light up, and she just radiates happiness when her eyes fall on him. "Hey." She calls quietly, taking a step forward.

He feels a smile tug at the corners, knowing by the time he notices it, it's splitting his face in half as she extends her arms to him when she steps through his door. Her arms go around his mid-section as he pulls her in, his fingers lacing together against the dip of her spine, trapping her in his arms. She wastes no time in leaning up the short distance she needs to firmly press her lips to his.

That familiar, but not unwelcomed jolt of electricity shoots up his spine as her hands splay out against his back, pulling a deep moan from the back of his throat when she pushes her lips harder against him. He can feel her giggle against his lips when she hears him. They finally separate after a kiss too long and passionate to be considered a good morning kiss. She leans back with her eyes still closed and her smile soft. "Mmm…" She hums, opening her eyes with her hands starting to roam his back, "you have any more of that coffee?"

His brow quirks, "Why don't you just have some more of mine?" He jokes.

Her teeth flash as she smiles, "It is my favorite flavor." She moans, her eyes darkly darting down to his lips, kissing him just a second after the words sexily leave her lips, allowing him to capture them.

He presses her harder against him, feeling her do the same as he moans against her lips again, separating them after they kiss shortly. "I love getting you coffee."

"If this is how we're going to say good morning now, it's going to cause problems." She says, half seriously, more on the side of just being humorous.

"You always said that was my specialty."

Her lips purse, being pushed off to one side as she frantically fights her smile. "Do you always have to have the last word?"

Castle looks away, not moving to release her from his arms. "You're going to be annoyed if I answer that, aren't you?"

She finally flashes him an all too brief smile, her eyes sparkling up at him before she shakes her head and looks down between them. He notices, and is feeling the weight of what he has to do slam back onto his shoulders, but it only lasts as long as she has her head down. Once she looks back up to him, her eyes softer, he feels it start to fade. "Castle."

He answers her with a soft smirk.

"Was there something bothering you yesterday?" She asks, making his chest tighten. "It just felt like there was something on your mind all day." He feels his neck crane, his eyes skirting away from hers. "Hey," She encourages, her voice much softer as she gently pushes against his back to get his attention. He looks up with that, unable to deny her. "You know you can tell me, Castle. What is it?"

He draws a breath in through his nose before tightening his arms around her. "You remember what I said… about doing whatever it takes to protect the people love?"

Her brow creases, forming a straight line as her eyes seem to harden. "Castle, what is it?" She asks lovingly.

He steps out of her grasp, grabbing her hand as he does. "Come with me." He says, tugging on her hand. "I need to show you something."

It takes her a moment to unplant her feet, but she follows, but hesitantly. He leads her into his office, letting her hand at the threshold to walk to his desk and grab the remote sitting in the middle. He can hear her heals click as she continues in behind him. He hardens his resolve and clicks the remote, the screen turning on in front of him. He pauses, sensing her presence dwindle, and sets the remote down gently.

When he turns around, her eyes aren't on him, but staring right past him, her brow in a hard line and her eyes fixed on the smart board. "This is everything we have on your case."

Suddenly, she takes wide steps to go around his desk and points at a blacked out picture. "What's that?" She turns around, the same scornful look in her eyes. "Who's this?"

He takes one last breath before he starts. "Before Montgomery went into that hanger, he put a plan in place to make sure that they couldn't touch you. He sent a file containing information that could expose the people behind all this to someone he trusted. That person… made a deal with them. If they left you alone, the information would stay buried. But they had a condition. You had to back off."

Her eyes still haven't changed as she slowly starts back around the desk, staring him down. He's only seen that look in her eyes in interrogation.

"The deal hadn't been struck until after you'd been shot, but he made sure that they wouldn't touch you, but only if you stopped investigating. That's why you're still alive."

She's standing in front of him now, just a foot away, looking… cold. "How do you know all this?" She asks in a small voice.

He closes his eyes again and lowers his head. "In order for it to work, someone had to make sure you were holding up your end. He needed someone around to make sure you weren't going after it."

He can hear her let out a shuttering breath as she takes a step back. "You're a part of all this." She mutters.

"I was doing what I had to to keep you safe."

Her brow tightens as she continues backward, away from him. "That's not what I needed, Castle. I needed a lead, and you've been sitting on this… how long have you known about this, Castle?" She asks, her voice starting to raise.

"Since just after you got back from recovery."

She lets out another shuttering breath as she doubles over slightly, still backing away from him. "You've known about this the entire time." She stops and her anger seems to flash, "You made me a promise, Castle!"

"I wasn't given a choice, Kate." He tries desperately.

"You could have told me! There's someone out there who knows everything. You knew that, and you sat there! You looked me in the eye and you lied to me!" She spews, hot tears starting to well up in her eyes.

"You make it sound like it was easy for me."

"Castle, this is the most important thing in my life. You knew that and you spied on me. You used me, Castle."

"I was showing regard for your life because I knew you wouldn't." He defends himself, finally finding his voice.

"That's not your decision to make!" She yells, jabbing a finger toward the ground. "This is my life, Castle. I am not Nikki Heat, you do not get to decide!"

"They were going to kill you and I was not going to watch you die in my arms again!" He matches her volume.

"This isn't about you, Castle." She spits. "This is my investigation, not yours!"

"You think I don't have a stake in this, Beckett? You think I don't want to see this end?" He asks, shoving a finger toward the smartboard. "Because of these people, I had to watch the life drain out of the woman I love, and I know for a fact that they're still gunning for you, Kate. I'm not going to just sit back and watch you die again!"

"Castle, I don't need your protection. I need to end this!"

"Kate, Montgomery gave his life to keep you away from this!" He says, words getting voiced as soon as he thinks them, and it seems to catch her off guard. "He sacrificed himself to put a stop to it. The man had a wife, he had a family, Kate. He didn't have to go into that hangar for you. He could have just handed you over to them like they wanted, but he didn't. He gave his life so you wouldn't lose yours to these people."

"That's why I have to stop all this, Castle! I have to end all this so I can get on with my life!"

Castle lets out a breath and shrugs his shoulders with a shake of his head. "What then?" He asks, feeling the back of his eyes starting to burn. "What then, Kate? What's going to fill that hole in your life once this case is over with? Because if I can't, tell me now so I can stop fooling myself into thinking I could ever be that for you." He says, his voice starting to strain.

Her expression is softened, but not by much. "Castle, this is not about us. This is about me, and my case."

He closes his eyes to stop the burn, feeling his life leave him. "You're right." He says with a nod, trying and failing to quickly shut off his emotions. "You've… clearly made your decision." He says and moves around his desk, pulling the small thumbdrive out of the smart board and tossing it down on the middle of the desk in front of her, seeing her follow it with a hollowed expression. "Everything's there. Transcribed conversations, composite sketch, phone number. You can… you can have it all."

She slowly picks up the thumb drive in her hands, shaking.

Castle stops at the edge of his desk, always having to have the final word. "I just…" He struggles, his teeth clenched, catching her attention. She feels her heart pound. "I just wish I could have been enough for you, Kate. But… I clearly never will be, so… thank you." He says steadily. She looks up, finding his mouth closed tight, his eyes glossy. "For… for setting me straight. You said yourself that this case was the most important thing in your life, so… who am I to stand in the way of that?"

She feels her breath break as it leaves, her hand loose around the thumb drive as it shakes in her hand.

"So just… take it and go."

He starts out of the office and goes into his bedroom, pushing the door closed, but not closing it shut behind him, leaving her standing in his office, clutching the thumbdrive to everything she… she's supposed to want. She looks at it for a moment, then looks back up toward his bedroom door, feeling tears well up in her eyes, blurring her vision.

As they fall silently, she feels her heart quiver, the thought ringing in her head ever since he confessed it to her.

Not enough?


A/N: I was going to drag it out with some more events, but I didn't feel it hold true to the purpose and plot of this story. I felt this was best. The next chapter will be the last. Wouldn't be organic if I kept it going any longer after that. After I'm finished with this, I will go back to A Whole New Light, then continue on to a few more ideas I have. Let me know what you think. :)