The Big Hellsing

Chapter Twelve: The Short road home

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Soylent green is peepholes.

Forks, Washington, Cullen Residence

Rosalie and Emmet woke up. It was a strange sensation for them and it was almost frightening. Since becoming vampires, the two had never experienced any sort of unconsciousness. Unlike Nosferatu which slept during the day and slept like the dead, Unstet did not. Unstet spent all of their time fully awake and alert, their bodies having no use for the periodic extinction known to humans as sleep.

Rose and Emmet woke up, fully clothed and sitting down on a couple of folding chairs. Emmet awoke first, his eyes snapped open and he jerked his head around; looking for traces of Alucard. Strangely enough, there was no sign of the No-life King or his blasted ebony coffin. There wasn't even an imprint on the dirt from the heavy funeral box, like the whole thing was a horrible dream. Seeing no sign of Alucard, Emmet moved to wake his mate.

Rose sat in the folding chair, completely unmoving. Seeing her prone form made fear course through Emmet's frozen stone heart. He started to play horrible scenarios through his head, scenarios of Alucard abusing her body. Another thought ran through his head, suppose that Alucard had somehow killed Rose. If Rose was dead, then he would like nothing better than to join her in the land of the dead.

His fears proved untrue as Rosalie sprang to life with a gasp and a shriek. Emmet smiled and gave a strained laugh, he was just so glad to see her alright. "Rose"!

Rose spun in Emmet's direction, "Emmet"! She jumped at him and embraced her husband. Both of them hugged the other as if at any moment Alucard would swoop in and snatch up one of them. Eyes clenched Rosalie's voice was small and for once humble, "I thought he killed you or worse".

Emmet's voice was choked with emotion, "I thought he killed you or worse".

Rose opened her eyes and smiled at Emmet, "I guess we were too tough for him to handle".

"Rose".

"Yes Emmet"?

"You were good, I mean really good. Except for the lightning that was some of the best sex we've had".

Rose laughed this time, "Please Emmet, I wasn't even trying". Rose looked over to where Alucard's coffin had lain, "I was planning after the third orgasm to involve that guy's unconscious body".

Emmet furrowed his brow, "Technically wouldn't that be necrophilia. Or, rape"?

Rosalie waved it off, "No it wouldn't have. He'd have been unconscious, he'd never have known".

Emmet loosened his hold on Rosalie, "Well, I'm just glad that he's gone. That guy was really antisocial".

As they both started to get up Rose smirked, "Antisocial, that's one way of putting it. I haven't seen anybody that crazy since Edward went feral".

"Come on Rose, Edward wasn't that bad".

Rose shot Emmet a look, "Wasn't he? When Edward came back he was pissed off, crazy, lustful and generally acted like a problem kid headed for death row. Doesn't that remind you of tall dark and gruesome"?

Emmet relented, "I guess your right. But still, don't think that around Edward, it'd be mean".

Rose laughed as she and Emmet headed for the stairs, "Sure Emmet, I'll spare poor little Edward's delicate feelings".

As they headed up the stairs Rose went ahead of Emmet. Her plan was to put her ass at level with Emmet's face so to tease him. But as she climbed the stairs with her sexy walk Emmet noticed that something was amiss. When Rose's shirt lifted a little bit he saw something red on her normally porcelain white skin. "Rose life up your shirt quick"!

She mistook his meaning, "Easy big boy, all good things come to those who wait".

"No I mean it Rose, hold up your shirt"! Rosalie was shocked by Emmet's forcefulness but complied with it anyways. With her shirt up, Emmet couldn't suppress his shock, "Oh. My. God".

"What, what's wrong Emmet"? Emmet didn't immediately respond, the thing on Rosalie's skin was just too horrible for words. "What"?

Rose turned her head around and saw that there was a mirror propped up on one of the walls of the root cellar which wasn't there the previous night. There in the mirror's cruel reflection she saw it. The horrible thing that made Emmet stop in his tracks. There on her lower back and standing roughly as tall as a ruler, was a full color tattoo of Alucard.

Washington state, outskirts of Seattle

Carlisle and Esme agreed to drive Alucard to the airport. Esme tagged along for the ride because she thought that Carlisle might need protecting from Alucard. She still couldn't shake off the fear that Alucard would violate Carlisle or worse; familiarize him. So the three of them headed on their way to the Seattle airport.

All of the car's windows were opened and the speaker system was being blasted to nearly full volume. When he first arrived in America, Alucard made it his mission to find and purchase the Batman soundtrack. Now that he had it, it was all that he wanted to hear. So with the Batman soundtrack playing at full volume and all of the windows opened, Alucard was finding it to be a very enjoyable drive.

Alucard sat in the back seat of the car, half of his body hanging out the window. He grinned madly as his long hair and tongue flapped about in the strong winds. In many ways he was like a big dangerous dog with his head hanging out the window.

Neither Esme nor Carlisle had said anything over the course of the drive. Even though they could hear each other over the pounding winds and the sound of Elfman's score, it just wasn't the ideal place to have a conversation. Esme was among other things, distracted by Alucard and the way he stuck his head out the window, it just wasn't safe. She tried to warn him, "Alucard, you should pull yourself back into the car. That's a good way to lose an eye".

Alucard wasn't interested in what Esme had to say, "AH SHUT UP ESME"!

Esme was very hurt by Alucard's harsh words; after all she only wanted to help.

Carlisle spoke up, "Alucard you shouldn't yell at Esme like that, she's only trying to-

SPLAT!

Carlisle was cut off as Alucard hit his head on something and nearly fell out of the Chevy Nova. Slowly, Alucard pulled half of his head into the car. The other half of his head was splattered all over the side of a passing semi truck. Alucard gave Esme a dirty look as the other half of his head regenerated. "What"?

Meanwhile, Cullen Residence

Rosalie screamed at the top of her lungs. The volume of her voice made crystal vibrate and caused birds within many kilometers to take off. "HE DID THIS TO ME! THAT SON OF A BITCH DID THIS TO ME"!

The tattoo of Alucard was one of the best done tattoos that Emmet had ever seen. It perfectly matched Alucard's color pallet, from his red coat to his black hair it all matched the real life version. The tattoo showed Alucard with his hands spread wide and a warm and friendly smile on his face. He looked like a smooth talking child with a hand caught in the cookie jar.

Emmet being the kind soul that he was tried to calm down his wife, "Just take it easy Rose, don't panic".

Rose only did the opposite, "I'VE EVERY FUCKING RIGHT TO FREAK OUT RIGHT NOW MISTER! THAT CUNT HAS RUINED MY BEAUTY"!

"Come on Rose, it's not that bad. It actually looks kind of good on you".

Rose spun around to face Emmet, "Oh fuck if you like his looks so much why don't you marry him"!

Emmet was offended by Rosalie's hurtful statements, "Don't get offended Rose, I'm only trying to help".

Rosalie was just about to throw another insult Emmet's way when she noticed something. The way Emmet held up his large muscular arms caused his short sleeves to rise a little bit. As the sleeves rose on Emmet's shirt Rosalie saw something red on Emmet's skin. "What is that"? She pointed at his arm.

Emmet was confused, "What"? And then he saw it, "OH GOD"!

Meanwhile, Hellsing Headquarters

Zohall Mercer was a little bit uncertain about Walter's plan, "Are you totally sure about this"?

Walter had been stuck in the toilet for the better part of nine hours now and all traces of politeness were fast fading, "OF COURSE I'M BLOODY FUCKING SURE"!

Leon rose to his friend's aid, "The Kid had a point, if we crack open the toilet with a sledge hammer we might break your arm".

Walter ground his teeth, "Leon, I've been stuck in this fucking toilet for nine fucking hours. We've tried every other fucking way to get me out of this fucking toilet. SO CAN YOU SEE WHY I'M SO FUCKING EAGER TO GET OUT OF HERE"!

Zohall was still unsure about the plan. Holding the fifteen pound sledge hammer close to his chest he tried to dissuade Walter, "IN THE NAME OF THE QUEEN, BASH OPEN THIS FUCKING TOILET"!

With a reluctant "Okay", Zohall raised the sledge hammer like a golf club and swung with all of his might. That's where things were a bit awry. When Zohall hit the toilet he struck it at a poor angle. The fifteen pound hammer head skidded off the toilet's surface and busted Walter right between the eyes.

"EEEEK"! Zohall gave a high girly squeak as he dropped the sledge hammer on the floor.

Leon reacted in a similar if more manly way, "OH FUCK! YOU KILLED WALTER"!

Zohall held up his hands defensively, "Come on Leon, it was an accident. I didn't mean to kill Walter".

Leon was in hysterics, he'd seen how Integra reacted when she found out that Zohall totaled a bunch of suits of armor. He could only imagine how things would go down when she discovered that they killed her most prized servant. It was definitely going to be the firing squad for him and Zohall. "HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTLY KILL SOMEBODY WITH A SLEDGE HAMMER"!

Walter piped up, "Actually I'm not dead".

This time it was Leon's turn to scream like a girl, "EEEEK! I mean, holy shit you're alive"! The survivor of Raccoon City couldn't hide his surprise.

Walter was looking up at Leon with his kindly expression back, "Of course I'm alive, why wouldn't I be"?

"I hit you in the head with a fifteen pound sledge hammer", Zohall brushed off the shock.

"It's quite alright Mr. Mercer, a little sledge hammer isn't going to do me much damage".

Leon looked at Walter with wide eyes, "How are you still alive".

Walter was quite happy to answer Leon's query, "Well Mr. Kennedy, when you have hunted vampires for as long as I have you develop a tolerance for abuse. Now could one of you pick up that hammer and kindly smash open this toilet"?

Meanwhile, Cullen Residence

"OH GOD"! Emmet cried out as loud as Rose had when he saw the Alucard tattoo on his forearm. The tattoo was as detailed as the one on Rosalie's back, albeit in a different pose. This one was sitting cross legged as it levitated off the ground, evidenced by the fact that his jacket was hanging past where ground should have been.

Rose tried to calm Emmet down, "Take it easy Emmet we'll just head to the nearest tattoo parlor and-

"AND WHAT? THAT FREAKSHOW PROBABLY THOUGHT OF THAT AND NOW WE WON'T BE ABLE TO GET RID OF THESE TATOOS"!

"EMMET! If you don't calm down right now I will make you regret your outburst". She spoke with the authority of a drill Sergeant.

Emmet hung his head, "I'll be good".

Rose continued, "Okay, we'll start with soap and water. If that doesn't work we'll try to burn them off. If that doesn't work I know the address of this occult shop in Port Angeles".

As Rose and Emmet continued on in this way, upstairs was calm and peaceful. Above the fireplace, right next to the portrait of the three Volturi leaders stood the painting of Dracula. The Dracula painting stood there, seemingly sucking up all the light in the room. It was the same as when Carlisle left the home with Alucard and Esme; or was it? To a careful observer it would seem that Dracula's smile was a little wider and a little more gleeful.

At the Seattle airport Alucard looked out the window, seemingly spellbound by the New moon. Invisible to human eyes, the New Moon stood out to Alucard like a beacon. He said to himself, "Lovely night".

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
And that wraps up this edition folks. I hope that it was up to standards for all of my reviewers. I am now declaring a national holiday on Fanfiction because Variant and the Vampire: Plague has been updated. And as for Walter, he's pretty tough. In the Dawn he got punched in the face by Captain and got back up.

Sincerely: The Master of the Boot