CHAPTER 10

Dreams are defined as being thoughts, images, and sensations that occur during sleep. But how can you always know what is a dream and what's reality? Sometimes dreams can be so powerful, you cling desperately to them in order to hold on to the happy sensations that are brought with it. But if we could live in dreams, would it be worth it? What would we miss? People? Events? I was almost certain I was dreaming. One moment, I was locked in that cell under the tortures of Exodus and the next minute, blurred images and incoherent voices drifted in and out of my consciousness. I felt myself being lifted, held by something cold and hard. I heard my name being called and the familiar voices of those I once knew. Voices I'd dreamed I could hear again. Voices that proved I was loved.

"Put him down gently." One voice said as I struggled to open my eyes. I thought they were open but all I could see was darkness. Whatever I was lying on was rough against my battered skin, causing me to shift my body trying to get away from it but only succeeding in exacerbating the scratchy feeling.

"We need to get him back fast!" Another, lighter voice said, it's tone sounding panicked and worried.

"I'm going as fast as I can Alice!" The first voice replied. Wherever I was rocked dangerously before bouncing hard, nearly throwing me off. I could hear the squeal of tires and I knew I was in a car.

"Watch it Emmett!" Alice shouted. The two of them continued to bicker until suddenly they both grew quiet, Alice releasing a sigh of contentment. I didn't know why they'd stop yelling until I felt the feelings of contentment wash over me as I slipped back into oblivion, Emmett's name hanging on the tip of my tongue.


I felt the pain before I even registered I was no longer in the car. I was lying on something cold and hard but unlike my last encounter with this feeling, this was made out of metal. I tried to turn on my side when a hand pushed me back onto my back. I felt panic rush through me and I tried to escape but I quickly lost all fight as the pain of my injuries lanced through my body, making it hard for me to breathe. I tried to open my eyes but when I did, bright light invaded my vision, causing me to shut them tightly in protest.

"The only good thing about this is that because he's so undernourished, his healing factor has slowed down considerably." A new voice said.

"And why is that a good thing?" The voice I now recognized as Emmett's said, anger barely hidden under the surface.

"Because it means I can administer the morphine without his body burning it off." The voice replied clinically. "Now, you need to go."

"I'm not leaving Carlisle." Emmett said stubbornly.

"You will, Emmett." Carlisle responded undaunted. "I have a lot of work to do- bones to be broken and reset, stitches to administer, and bandages to wrap and I can't do this with you hovering."

"Maybe you should go, Emmett." Edward said. "I'll make sure he's okay and I'll let you know when Carlisle is done."

Emmett scoffed at this. "As if I'd trust you to protect him. You hate him."

There was silence for a while and I cheered internally at Emmett's win. I tried to speak up, but only a cracked moan escaped.

"We don't have time for this!" Carlisle shouted, rushing to my side. "If you're going to stay Emmett, fine, but make yourself useful and pass me that syringe!"

I could feel the air shift as Emmett moved away from me and I didn't like it. Even though I couldn't see him, I felt the lack of his presence and the feeling left me cold and empty. He was back in an instant and I felt relief wash over me. He made me feel safe and protected.

"Here." He said. Seconds later I felt a prick on the cleft of the other side of my elbow and even behind the darkness of my eyelids; I could see the shadows of unconsciousness creeping up on me.


"How can I trust you around him?" Emmett asked. I turned towards the sound but something kept me from moving. Every time I would turn my body, I would feel something tug on my arm and immediately pain would shoot up my arm. I tried to open my eyes again but they wouldn't budge. I felt groggy, exhausted, and wrung out. I couldn't even lift my arm.

"Because whatever animosity I had towards him, is gone." The other person responded. Edward.

"Just like that?" Emmett asked, his suspicion evident.

Edward sighed and I could hear something squeak. "I never hated him..not really." Edward said finally. "Don't get me wrong, I did at first. I thought he was going to bring ruin to us all and bring nothing but trouble to this family. But then when I saw that he needed our help, I was willing to help him but by that point I saw the way he looked at you and what he was doing to you and Rose and it made me hate him all over again."

"What's changed now?" Emmett asked.

"You." Edward replied. "You seem happier now...more at ease and I like this side of you. I know it's because of him."

"It is." Emmett said, the smile evident in his voice. "Edward...I think I love him."

"I know you do!" Edward chuckled.

I never got to hear the rest of the conversation because moments later, I was out like a light.


The next time I woke up, I didn't try to move or speak. I lay in bed with my eyes closed, listening to the rhythmic beep of the heart monitor. Like a metronome, the beeping focused me and I took in everything that had happened to me. I knew I didn't want to open my eyes. I feared that if I did, I would open them and find myself back in the clutches of Exodus. I was afraid this would all be just a dream and if it were, I wanted to stay asleep a little longer. I took stock of my body. My left arm felt numb and I could barely move the fingers on my right hand. I knew my right leg was elevated, probably in a cast but everything else felt fine albeit bruised and achy. My head was pounding and I could still feel the residues of the morphine leaving me slightly dazed.

I thought about the last week. It had been hell on me with the rape, torture, and starvation. Barnabas had raped me and that was something I knew I could never erase. What he did to me left a stain on my soul that I would carry with me for the rest of my life. Emmett would know by now what happened to me down there and I was afraid to know what he'd think of me. Would he see me as damaged goods? Would he pity me? Would he find me weak? Would he ever want to speak to me again?

"I know you're awake." Emmett said, his voice sounding louder in the room we were in. "Your breathing changed." He added matter-of factly.

I finally worked up the courage to open my eyes and it was a lot easier this time around. My right eye wouldn't open completely and every time I tried, I quickly shut it in pain. I knew it was probably black and swollen. It was like I'd turned back the hands of time as I opened my eyes and took in my suroundngs. I was back in the same room I woke up in when I first arrived here so many weeks ago. The room looked the same. Everything was bright white and the room had a heavy smell of lemons and antiseptic. This time though, the smell wasn't as harsh and every time I took a deep breath, I got a huge whiff of my favorite smell- Emmett. Unlike the other vampires, his scent wasn't overpowering and it didn't burn my nose. Sure, it was sweet like a normal vampire's scent but it was lighter and more intoxicating like walking into a bakery. It was almost comical that someone so muscular could smell so sweet but the smell made me want to burrow into him and inhale. But something froze me in my tracks.

"Hosea?!" I shouted, propelling my body forward. The action sent pain throughout my entire body and I fell back with a groan. My arm was in a cast and sling and most of my fingers were bandaged so movement was very limited. There were tubes everywhere and I knew I must have looked like shit. Emmett was at my side in an instant, panic written on his face. Up close, the toils of this week was etched in every wrinkle of his being. The ever-present bruises underneath his eyes were dark and heavy matching his black eyes, dark with hunger. His hair was messy and complimented the messiness of his clothes which were crumpled and a mass of wrinkles. He even looked paler than usual if that was at all possible. I knew instantly that he must not have left my side and that knowledge calmed my heart.

"Don't move!" He said, hurriedly checking me over to make sure I was okay. After he was sure I was fine, he shifted his gaze to my eyes. I found myself being pulled into him, as if the only thing holding me down right now and stopping me from floating away was gravity itself. I could feel him moving closer to me, his lips opening to invite me in but right before he could kiss me, I felt his hand fall onto my arm and instinctively, I recoiled from his touch. I could tell instantly that he had seen the motion because the happy, relieved expression on his face melted away into something I couldn't read. It looked like regret and... something else. As he moved away from me and settled back into the chair in the corner, I knew what that look was. Hurt.

"I'm sorry Emmett." I mumbled. He didn't respond but I knew he'd heard me. "I don't know why I pulled away."

He still didn't say anything and for some reason, I found myself talking. I was almost certain I was babbling. "It's just, you know, I've wanted you for so long and you're so hot and you look good in that sweater and oh my god I can't believe you stayed here all this time, you should really go hunting, I bet you're starving..."

"Akando." He said finally meeting my eyes. "It's okay. I should have known better, especially after everything you've been through."

"I'm still sorry." I responded, turning my gaze towards the heart monitor. "And I do want you...A LOT, I just need time, okay?"

Emmett stood up smiling and made his way to the foot of the bed. I could tell he was trying to be close to me without invading my personal space. "It's fine, really. We'll wait as long as you need to."

I don't know when it happened but there seemed to be some unwritten truth between us. We'd never spoke about our feelings for each other but somehow we both just knew.

"God, I must look like shit." I said, gently prodding my bruised face.

"No you don't." Emmett said. "You look beautiful. You look strong. You're a survivor."

Embarrassed, I replied. "Now don't go getting soft on me Cullen."

"Sorry, but it's true." He said grinning. "I'm proud of you. Normal people would've given up but I know you fought and I know you were going to try to get out of there. That takes a lot of courage."

"But how...?" I began but then it struck me. He must have spoken to Hosea about what happened, which meant they'd rescued him. Hopefully. "Hosea. Where is he?"

A look of confusion passed across his face before he responded. "Hosea?"

"Yea, he was locked up down there with me."

"Oh!" Emmett said, realization dawning. "That was Hosea?!"

"Who did you think it was?" I asked.

"He said his name was Lucas."

"That's his real name but I knew him as Hosea. Where is he?"

"He left a couple of days ago. We tried to get him to stay but after we told him what happened, he got really sad and said he had to go."

I was sad that he had left, I really was. Hosea...Lucas, had been a part of my past and I'd hoped he'd be a part of my future. I hoped I'd see him again one day.

"What did happen down there?" I asked finally.

Emmett's smile melted from his face and he looked at me seriously.

"We'll talk about it later." He said. "For now, you need to rest. Carlisle has you on an IV and he said that as you get healthier, your ability to heal will speed back up so you shouldn't be here long."

"Fine." I said stubbornly. "But I don't want you to sit here and watch me sleep. First of all, it's creepy as fuck. Secondly, you need to eat...and bathe. So go."

"But I..." He protested.

"Go!" I shouted with mock indignation. He smiled and made his way to the door.

"Ok, but I'll be back as soon as I can."

I shooed him away and lay back down. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, there were so many thoughts running through my mind, I knew I couldn't calm my mind enough to sleep. But as I closed my eyes, sleep seized me and slumber fell upon me.


It was 4 days before I was able to get out of bed and a week before I no longer needed the casts. After I had eaten and slept, my ability to heal kicked into high gear and pretty soon, I was as good as new, albeit a little stiff. Emmett had kept me away from mirrors and I suspected I looked like shit. From what I could feel with my fingers, my face was still a little bruised and the left side of my head had to be shaved so that Carlisle could stitch me up. Apparently the injuries had more severe than even I had known. Outside of the hospital room, life continued on as normal. Alice, Jasper, Bella, Esme, and even Edward and Jacob frequently came to visit me. Even once Embry came by and we talked about everything. He was a little sad that there would be no us but he was willing to be friends. I had tried to call Lucas but his phone would always go straight to voicemail which worried me a little. I'd even spoken to my sister, Anola a few times, leaving out the part where I was attacked by a supernatural hating, humanity cleansing puristic group. All in all, things were looking up.

Over the last week Emmett would come to my room and fill in the times we missed, from the time he spent in Canada to the rescue mission and in return, I told him about how I'd heard him and Rosalie fighting and about how I'd felt about him. There were several times he'd tried to ask me about what they'd done to me in the dungeon but I wasn't ready to talk about it so I would quickly change the subject, the same way everyone else would change the subject when I'd ask what happened to Barnabas.

Now that I was better, I was no longer taking 'no' for an answer. I knew I could never get any kind of closure if I didn't know what happened to Barnabas so I prepared myself for a fight when Emmett walked through the door. He'd returned from hunting a couple of days ago so his eyes were golden and clear. He was wearing a fitted black t-shirt and tight black jeans. In that instant, I wanted to tackle him to the floor and do disgusting things to him. He smiled and I felt my blood boil and my heart race. The effect he had on me was embarrassing but welcome. As he strode in, I knew he wanted to touch me, to comfort me but I could also tell it took a lot of restraint for him not to. Instead, he came in and sat in his chair. Bright light was streaming in from the open curtains, catching a bit of Emmett's arm and sending the refracted light all over the room. He looked like an angel. My angel.

"Hey babe, how are you today?" He asked. He'd never called me 'babe' before but I realized that I kind of liked it.

"I'm good." I replied slowly. I knew what was about to happen but I was sick of skirting around the issue. "Emmett...what happened to Barnabas?"

The smile fell from his face and he hunched down into the chair, a deep sigh escaping his lips. "I knew you would keep asking."

"What's the big deal?" I asked, sitting up in bed. "Did you let him escape? It's fine. Just tell me."

"No, he didn't get away. I kinda... Maybe I should just show you." He said, standing up. For a minute, I thought he was going to reach out his hand for me but when he didn't, I was almost disappointed.

I stood up from the bed, stretching out my stiff muscles as I followed Emmett out the door and down the stairs. When we reached the bottom, I thought he was going to lead me outside but instead, we turned right. I had actually never been on this side of the house. It was where the formal dining room, the library, and the entrance to the garage was so I never really had a reason to be here. We walked through the dining room, past the vintage gold leaf, bone china and curio cases filled with Faberge eggs and other expensive antiquities when Emmett stopped at a plain wooden door. I didn't know what was behind the door but the expression on Emmett's face told me it wasn't a good thing.

Emmett spared me a glance before pulling the door open and I found myself holding my breath. I don't know what I thought would be behind it but all I saw was darkness and a flight of stairs leading down. This must be where the basement is. Emmett flipped the light next to the door and I followed him as we made our way down the stairs. I thought it would have that dank, mildewy, basement smell but instead there was a rich cinnamon smell that reminded me of Christmas. The smell made me realize that Christmas was only a few days away which caused the momentary weight of sadness to settle over me. I always got this way around family holidays. My only reprieve was that this year was different, this year I had a family.

When we reached the bottom of the stairs, I was surprised by not only the vastness of the basement but it's appearance. It looked nothing like what you'd expect a basement to look like. The concrete floor had been covered in dark hardwood that complimented the red brick of the walls. Scattered around the room were all manner of games. There was the traditional pool, foozeball, and air hockey table but there were several old school arcade games lining one of the walls, a stationary table like the ones in Central Park that held the combination chess/checkers set, a miniature golf windmill surrounded by fake grass, and in the corner there was a full blackjack and poker table. I was awed but a little confused. Why had he brought me to the game room and what did it have to do with Barnabas?

I turned to ask him when I realized he wasn't behind me. I walked back towards the stairs and continued on to the other side, past the shuffleboard court and what appeared to be a room full of movies and videos then around the corner where I found Emmett waiting. He was standing next to a huge metal door, a strange look on his face.

"Are you sure you want to see this right now?" He asked.

"Yes." I said simply. Whatever was behind this door, I could handle it. And if I couldn't, I would at least know the truth.

With a sigh, Emmett pulled the door opened and a light on the inside came on. As I stepped through the door, the first thing I noticed was the unmistakable smell of vampire, so strong I almost gagged. But the smell wasn't so strong to distract me from the most shocking thing about the room. Dead center was a large metal table but that in itself wasn't what was so shocking. On the table lay Barnabas but he wasn't how I remembered him. He lay dead on the table, his skin so pale it was white. He had familiar purple bruises underneath each closed eye and even in this state, he was beautiful. He was also a vampire. What was most surprising was that he wasn't lying on the table as a whole person. His body and limbs had been ripped apart into pieces of 6, each held down by thick metal bands that kept them separated.

"You turned him?!" I said, turning towards Emmett. A look of shame crossed his face. "Emmett, how could you? You made him stronger? That was so irresponsible!"

"I know, Carlisle already chewed me out about it but I figured for everything he's done, death was just too easy." He said pleadingly, trying to get me to understand. And I did. But it didn't mean I approved of what he'd done. "I thought it would be a much more fitting punishment if we turned him into the thing he hated."

"Ok, fine." I sighed. "But how did you get him like this? Aren't newborns really strong?"

"Yea." He said, walking over to where I was standing at the table. "But after we brought him here, we took turns watching him through the change. The instant the change was complete, we ripped him apart. We never gave him a chance to attack us."

"But what's the point Emmett?" I asked. "He doesn't even know he's a vampire."

"Actually I do." A voice said. I looked down at the table and there was Barnabas staring up at me, his bright red eyes filled with hate. Instantly fury filled every bone in my body and it took everything in me not to pulverize his head into dust. "And I will warn you the instant you let me out of here, I will kill you, your entire coven, everyone you love, and every abomination I find along the way."

"Yea, your promise doesn't hold much sway now that you're one of us." I said smirking angrily down at him.

"I will never be like you freaks!" He shouted. "I will never be a monster! You think that by changing me you've done something righteous?! All you've done is make my conviction stronger. I will rid the world of beasts like you!"

"Actually," Emmett said, completely unfazed by his words. I realized it was probably because he'd heard them from Barnabas before. "You and your Idiot Brigade did a fine job of changing yourselves. By the time I bit you, you were halfway changed anyway. It's what happens when you inject yourself with vampire venom for as long as you have."

"Lies!" He shouted. "The Devil is a liar and you are the Devil!"

"I don't want to hear this anymore." I said to Emmett. I could feel the anger inside of me threatening to burst through. I wanted him to feel pain. I wanted him to know the damage he'd caused to not only me but countless people.

"You won't have to." Emmett said, fumbling around in his pocket. "The main reason I kept this asshole alive is because I knew the person who should get to kill him should be you." Emmett grabbed my hand and my first instinct was to yank it away. Using as much effort as he could without hurting me, he pried my fingers open and dropped something cold and metallic into them. When I felt his grip loosen, I wrenched my hand away as if his touch burned and I could see how hurt he was. Instead of dwelling on his pain, which would only make me feel worse, I looked down at what he put in my hand. It was a rectangular Zippo lighter. It had a bear etched into the side, pouncing to attack. I didn't need to ask him why he'd given it to me. I knew. This was my revenge. This was my closure.

I flicked the lighter open, the blue and yellow flames dancing in my palm and I held it up for Barnabas to see it. His eyes grew wide as he saw what I was holding and I could see the recognition in his eyes. He knew he was about to die. I don't know how I expected him to act but the look of fear on his face slowly melted away and was replaced by a blank stare as he began chanting.

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me..."

I didn't let him finish. I tossed the lighter onto his body and like hay on a dry summer night, his body caught fire in an instant and his chanting turned into screams. I closed my eyes and I listened. I listened as his screams filled my ears and permeated my soul. I would never forget what he'd did to me but I would always remember his screams. I opened my eyes and watched as the fire burned him from existence. And as I stared into the flames I imagined them surrounding me and purifying me of my old life, preparing me for my new one. The one I now had here in Forks with the Cullens. I didn't know what the future held for me or how long Emmett and I would be together but I was ready for it. I was ready to begin building my life again to become the man I know I can be. One who is surrounded by love and light. I was ready to love. Myself and others. I was ready to feel, to no longer keep everything inside because I was no longer on my own.

But most of all, I was ready to stop running.

THE END

AUTHOR'S NOTES:

And there you have it! I know I was supposed to post this last week but I didn't want to post it without the Epilogue because I knew people would have a lot of questions that I knew I would answer in the Epilogue.

I hope you guys enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it and I thank you all for supporting me while writing this story. Specifically, I would like to thank jessa76 who has been there since the beginning, reviewing each chapter and giving me things to think about. Thank you s much!

I won't begin writing my next story for a while because I have a lot going on right now but when I do begin writing it, it will center around my X-Men character, Addison. If you want to get a jump on him, you can find his profile and picture on my DeviantART page.

Again, thank you everyone.