Chapter 12
Needless to say, their first hour or so together wasn't the most comfortable one either had experienced. The fact that they nearly began shagging each other in the middle of the lounge in front of Joseph's friends didn't help, but it had been a long time since Harry or Joseph had seen each other, and while they had both played out this conversation a million times in their own heads, they were jumbled and awkward when they came face-to-face.
They helped with preparing for the party and over the course of the hour, more people arrived, most of them from Joseph's workplace. Presently, Harry was seated on the couch, with Joseph next to him, playing with his fingers on his thigh as Louis tried to embarrass the taller raven.
Joseph protested a story about his first real taste of alcohol and how it had apparently resulted in a one-man recreation of every Celina Warbeck song that could come to mind. Suddenly, Harry looked up at him in awe.
"You've got an accent now," Harry said softly, interrupting Joseph's pleas and causing the room to go quiet.
Joseph blushed slightly, "Do I really?"
Harry nodded, "Just slightly...like a whisper over the top of your voice. I like it...it's kind of sexy." Then, as if only now realizing what he had said, Harry blushed and looked at his fingers.
Joseph smiled softly, "It's okay for you to call me sexy, Harry. We did just make out for a few minutes in front of everyone."
Harry blushed and nodded, "Right. So it's official then? We're together, right?"
There was no hesitation to Joseph's nod.
"So the question then," Harry said carefully, "Do we count the last decade?"
At this, Joseph went quiet. His eyes cast themselves to the side as he began to think through the question, weighing his own feelings with the truth of the past. Finally, he made eye contact with Harry.
"If you want to, then yes because I would like to," he said seriously.
Harry couldn't contain his smile, "Of course I want to. I've always had you in my heart. You've been my one and only this whole time."
Joseph's smile was almost shy in its quiet meaning, "I love you, Harry."
"I love you too," Harry said, though he nearly didn't finish because he was being kissed and he was kissing and the whole world was happily his.
The two pulled away with huge blushes when Michel cleared his throat. Despite nearly making out in front of Joseph's friends again, Harry was less awkward and talked more. But he realised that going back to the way things were before Joseph left, even though they both agreed to count the past decade, wasn't going to be as easy as he thought. Joseph and his friends talked about events that only they knew about, told inside jokes, and all Harry could do was offer a small smile and nod from time to time. A few minutes later he excused himself and entered Joseph's room.
Harry sat on the taller raven's bed and looked around. He was kinda expecting that there'd be little photos of Joseph in the lounge, but he didn't expect that there wouldn't be a lot of photos in his own room. There was a photo of him and his parents on his desk, and about four other framed photos on the wall; one where he was younger with Draco, Blaise, and Theo. Another one showed him, Jess and Louis in muggle clothing at a cafe. And the final two photos were of Joseph at his graduation, one with his parents and the other with his friends.
"Harry" He heard Joseph say as he entered. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine" Harry replied, but Joseph looked unconvinced.
"I know you better than that" Joseph said as he sat next to Harry. "What's going on?"
"I've wanted to know what you've been up to since we last saw each other" Harry said. "But now, I'm hearing about it all, from you and your friends, and I feel sad that I wasn't there to experience those things with you."
"I know what you mean" Joseph said as he took Harry's hand. "What I hated most about being in hiding was that you were in a war, you were fighting Death Eaters and Voldemort, and I was safe and sound in a French chateau. I wish I was there for you. I wish I fought alongside you."
"I want us to move forward, but I do want to hear about you and what you did, and not ignore it because I can't handle hearing about them" Harry said.
"How about instead of hearing things from our friends, we tell each other ourselves?" Joseph suggested.
"Do you think that will work?" Harry asked.
"I think so" Joseph said. "When I learned things from Draco, about my friends and you, it felt like I didn't fit into our group anymore."
"I kinda felt like that" Harry nodded. "When should we do it?"
"How about now?" Joseph suggested.
"Don't you have to get back to the party?" Harry asked.
"It's fine, we're not celebrating an important event" Joseph answered. "Let me just tell Jess to tell everyone not to disturb us."
While Joseph returned outside, Harry went into the bathroom to use the loo. After he washed his hands, Harry looked at himself in the mirror, and then only realised how many horrible things he'd have to talk about with the taller raven; nearly killing Draco in the girls' lavatory, Snape killing Dumbledore, Voldemort murdering Snape 'cause he thought Snape was the master of the Elder Wand, and all the people that died.
"Harry, are you alright?" Joseph asked when he knocked
"Yeah. I'll be out in a sec" Harry called back.
He glanced back into the mirror one more time before heading out the door. He was about to warn Joseph that some things he may talk about would be unpleasant, but he forgot that, as well as how to speak, when he saw that the Slytherin was lying on his bed, in just his boxers and a tight fitted shirt.
"Joseph...you stripped down" Harry said, a blush growing on his face.
"You can to if you want" Joseph said. "No one will bother us. And I've put up locking and privacy charms."
"But I don't have my clothes with me" Harry said, cursing himself for sending his luggage to the hotel he was staying at.
"It's alright, you can borrow one of my shirts" Joseph said.
Joseph then stood and opened his closet while Harry began slowly taking his pants off. As he began pulling off his shirt, he just realised that he and Joseph had never been intimate with each other. If he was being honest, he probably never saw Joseph without his shirt on.
"Here, this should be comfortable" Joseph said and Harry turned to see him bringing over a red pyjama top that had a golden trim.
"Shouldn't you be disowned by Slytherin for having something in that colour scheme?" Harry asked.
"Don't really care" Joseph replied. "It's soft and helped me sleep on nights I really missed you."
"I get that" Harry said with a nod. "I went as far as buying a Potions book to make it seem like you weren't so far away."
Joseph smiled, and leaned down to give Harry a short kiss. After pulling away, he helped Harry put the shirt on. After buttoning up, the taller raven smiled more since the shirt was too big on Harry; the hem reached halfway down his boxers, only the tip of his middle fingers could be seen if he kept his arms straight, and he could still see the Gryffindor's collarbone even without the top button unbuttoned.
"Do...do I look okay?" Harry asked shyly. He was also self-conscious about how he looked, since he was underfed and lived in a closet for the first ten years of his life. Even though people have commented that he had gotten more attractive, and he was aware of that, he was always afraid that he wouldn't be up to the standards of certain people, like a former Slytherin with an unreadable poker face. So it was a mixture of relief and surprise when Joseph leaned down and kissed Harry again, a little bit longer this time.
"You look gorgeous, as always" Joseph said when he pulled back.
He then sat with Harry on the bed, taking both their glasses off and setting them on the side table.
"So, what do you want to talk about first?" Harry asked as they lied down and faced each other.
"Well, I'm pretty sure you'll have more heavy stuff to talk about" Joseph said. "I can talk about my stuff first."
"No, I can go first" Harry said. "At least we can end with happy memories."
"Alright" Joseph said. "If there's anything that's too much for you to talk about, you can skip it."
Harry nodded, but he had no intention of skipping anything. Other than Joseph not being by his side, there were so many things that kept Harry up late at night. Maybe finally talking about them with Joseph because he wasn't in the war, he wasn't a part of all of those horrible experiences, maybe it'd help Harry move on.
"Should I start the day after you left?" Harry asked.
"Whenever you want" Joseph said, and took Harry's hand in his.
"Well, the day after you left and the months that followed were extremely hard" Harry began. "Not just because you were gone, but because Sirius died."
"I'm so sorry Harry" Joseph said as he squeezed the other male's hand. "I wish I was there for you."
"No, if you had stayed, I would've lost you and Sirius" Harry said and shook his head when Joseph opened his mouth to say something. "If you keep interrupting, this is going to take longer than it needs to."
"Alright" Joseph said with a nod.
Harry took a deep breath and began talking again, summarising the rest of that school year and the following summer quickly. While he did, Joseph squeezed his hand when he needed comforting, and that helped Harry a lot. He felt pretty good after that first bit, but now he had to talk about his sixth year.
"So, things are going to get Harry to talk about" Harry said, and Joseph nodded. "I assume Draco told you what he was tasked to do."
"He did" Joseph said with a nod.
"I've gotta ask you this first" Harry said, looking up into Joseph's amber eyes. "Dumbledore offered to help Draco, to protect him. He was about to take it when Bellatrix and the other Death Eaters arrived. Would you have done it, or would you have taken Dumbledore's offer?"
"If I was the only one in danger if I had failed, then yes I would've taken Dumbledore's offer" Joseph said. "But that wasn't the case for Draco, and it wouldn't have been the case for me if I was assigned that task. Of course father and mother would have told me to take the offer and protect myself, to not become a murderer for their sake. But I would've done it."
"You would have?" Harry asked. There wasn't shock, surprise, anger or any kind of emotion going through Harry. He was truly curious.
"I would do anything and everything to protect my friends and family" Joseph said before gently cupping Harry's cheek. "You most of all."
Harry nodded, and began talking about how the first half of his sixth year went. He left no details out, no matter how hard it was for him. Then came the part of the year that Harry didn't want to talk to Joseph about, possibly because he didn't know how the taller male would react.
"So, did Draco tell you what happened between us in our sixth year?" Harry asked.
"That you stalked him" Joseph said. "More than usual."
"That's all?" Harry asked.
"Yes. Why?" Joseph asked in return.
"Well, it's not pleasant to talk about" Harry said. "And I'm afraid of what your reaction is going to be."
"I promise that I'll keep my reaction to a minimum" Joseph said, and Harry nodded.
"So, like I said, Draco's first attempt at killing Dumbledore was having a cursed necklace delivered to him by Katie Bell under the influence of the Imperius curse. Unfortunately, curiosity got the better of her, and she opened the package" Harry said. "The day Katie was out of the Hospital Wing, I approached her and while I was trying to get information on who gave her the necklace, I saw Draco enter the Great Hall. When he spotted us he looked terrified and left. I followed him to Moaning Myrtle's Bathroom, and we dueled each other."
"Okay" Joseph said with a nod, squeezing Harry's hand.
"Well, the duel was intense and Draco was about to use the Cruciatus curse on me, so I used the spell in Professor Snape's old book that was simply labeled for enemies" Harry continued and let out a shaky breath. "His clothes ripped as if they'd be slashed with a sword and...and blood spurted out. Draco...he lied there losing blood quickly...and all I could think about was that I didn't know the spell would have that effect. If Professor Snape hadn't gotten there so quickly, Draco probably would've...he would be dead."
Harry held back his tears and looked up at Joseph. He expected him to look surprised, shocked or angry. He expected him to show some emotion, but Joseph was just staring at him blankly.
"Why are you staring at me like that?" Harry asked.
"I promised to keep my reaction minimal" Joseph said.
"This isn't minimal, this is no reaction whatsoever" Harry said. "You just heard that your boyfriend nearly murdered your best friend, that I didn't call for help. Why aren't you angry or sad or anything?"
"I'm feeling a lot of things right now" Joseph said, pulling Harry close until they were pressed together. "But I can tell that telling me that was hard for you, recalling it seems hard for you, and I don't want to make you feel worse by yelling or crying or whatever."
Harry couldn't believe it; Joseph wasn't getting mad about him nearly murdering Draco because he was thinking about his feelings The Gryffindor buried his face in Joseph's chest, letting his tears fall, and felt one of the Slytherin's arm tighten around him while his free hand rubbed Harry's back comfortingly. As Joseph whispered comforting words into his ear, Harry couldn't believe how lucky he was.
"Can you tell me what you were feeling when I told you?" Harry asked once he had calmed down.
"Like I said, I was feeling a lot of things" Joseph replied, still rubbing Harry's back. "Mostly regret. Regret of not being there. If I had been there, maybe I could've mediated a meeting between you two, or got you to understand the situation Draco was in. If I was there, maybe you wouldn't have had to be in that position in the first place."
"Are you mad at me?" Harry asked.
"Of course not" Joseph said. "You were in a tough and desperate position. You used a spell that was meant for enemies, you can't be faulted on that."
"But I didn't know what the spell did" Harry said.
"Draco was about to use the Cruciatus curse on you" Joseph reminded him. "You used the spell as a means of self-defense."
"That's not an excuse" Harry said. "What if the spell had killed Draco?"
"I would've been sad, and immensely angry, but I would have forgiven you in time" Joseph said. "Harry, in war, you have to be willing to do anything and everything to survive. Self-preservation is a natural instinct, you can't be faulted for wanting to protect yourself."
"But why have you forgiven me so quickly?" Harry asked.
"Because you didn't mean to hurt Draco that much" Joseph said. "And you've more than made up for it. Not just by beating Voldemort, but by risking your own life to save him from the fiendfyre in the Room of Requirement."
"You know about that?" Harry asked.
"It was one of the topics Draco talked about most when we started writing to each other again" Joseph replied. "Mostly, he thought you'd let him burn because you hated him, and he wondered what he should do as a thank you."
Harry chuckled, recalling that random Tuesday he found an envelope addressed to him, and inside were tickets to the British National Quidditch Finals.
"I just hope Draco can forgive me eventually, but I won't blame him if he doesn't" Harry said.
"He's forgiven you" Joseph said, and Harry looked up at him
"Did he tell you?" Harry asked, and Joseph shook his head. "Then how do you know?"
"Growing up, we were trained to always wear masks" Joseph said. "Every single person we knew, even the ones we considered friends, were potential threats, and we shouldn't or couldn't let them know too much. We shouldn't show weakness and to many people, Voldemort included, emotions were considered weakness." Harry nodded and hugged Joseph tighter, recalling how stressed and sad the taller raven was during their fifth year because he couldn't trust his friends as much as he wanted to. "The reason I think Draco's forgiven you is because he hasn't brought the incident up. Because emotions were considered weakness, we were taught to push them down, so majority of us don't handle emotional situations well. Draco is not just sparing himself of the awkwardness and emotional moments that talk would entail, but you too. And if he hadn't forgiven you, he'd bring it up every time you were arguing, you two wouldn't have gotten to a first name basis, and he wouldn't have asked me for advice on how to be friendly with you."
Harry smiled and gave Joseph a short kiss.
"What was that for?" Joseph asked.
"For just being amazing" Harry said, and Joseph nodded with a smile.
"Do you want to keep going, or should we pick this up tomorrow?" Joseph asked.
"I think I'll lose my nerve if I don't just let it all out now" Harry said. "I just need a minute."
"Alright, love" Joseph said, placing a soft kiss on Harry's forehead. "Take as much time as you need."
Harry smiled, taking a few minutes before continuing to tell Joseph about what had happened since he left.
Harry woke the next morning to the sound of chirping birds, a few rays of sunshine getting into the room through the gap between the curtains, and Joseph's arms wrapped around him. He recalled that they had gotten through everything, and after everything, most especially the tears, Harry and Joseph felt a weight had been lifted. They agreed that they still needed to get to know each other again after ten years, but that really uncomfortable awkwardness was gone, and it was replaced with excitement to learn about each other.
"Like dating for the first time again" Harry had said the night before, and Joseph agreed. While the Gryffindor couldn't wait to get started, he would relish being in his love's arms again for a little while longer. He's been through hell and back just for this moment, and he would do it all over again for the man he loved.
