Hope for the Lost
Spoilers: All of Season 1 but especially the season finale!
Disclaimer: I own nothing except maybe Huang.
Nursing a cup of coffee, Skye found herself alone at nearly five in the morning. The sound of shuffling made her look up to find May sitting down across from her. They were the only two inhabitants in the lone cafeteria that had gone from serving the team to nearly 300 agents. It was an impressive feat in under a year but Coulson was managing to rebuild SHIELD from the ground up, properly and without bypassing protocols or screenings.
"You're up early."
Skye shook her head, "up late," she chuckled and took a sip of coffee. "He has his good days and his bad days, right now he's in the stage of not wanting me far from his sights because he thinks I'll abandon him again. It's like having a two year old."
May nodded and smiled, "a six foot two year old."
"Yeah but I'm not giving up on him." The hacker looked at her silent team leader, she'd always been there with Coulson step by step and the second leader of the pack. "Can I ask you something personal, you don't have to answer if you don't want?"
"You can ask but it doesn't mean I'll answer."
Biting her lip Skye tilted her head, "did it ever piss you off finding out that while he was sleeping with you he was thinking of me?"
May leaned back and folded her arms, "contrary to what people believe, it was just sex and I wasn't emotionally attached. The reason I kicked the crap out of him was he used that to distract me. So to answer your question, no I wasn't pissed." Leaning forward, May put her hand on Skye's wrist. "He may have lied about everything but the one thing he held true to was how he felt for you. He was asked a single important question almost every time Coulson visited him, before you did and he gave the same reply every time."
"What was the question?"
"Coulson asked him what he regretted the most about following Garrett's orders blindly. Every time Ward replied one word." May stared into Skye's eyes. "Skye…that was his answer every single time the question was asked. You were his light in the darkness, the unseen variable that changed everything and he'll regret forever following a madman because it made him lose you."
Skye shook her head, "he hasn't lost me yet, I'm still here."
"Reality says yes but he'll never see otherwise. He could be rehabilitated and come back to SHIELD, find happily ever after with you but in his mind he will never see otherwise no matter what is said or done." May sighed, "the disgust he saw your eyes, the hatred and anger will haunt him till he dies. That's the punishment he'll always carry for what he did. No amount of torture can compare to that moment in time and he will always hate himself for making you feel that towards him."
Looking down at the table Skye let her hands grasp the warm cup tighter. "Part of me wishes I had just accepted what he was and given him the hard drive. Maybe I could have changed him instead of pushing him closer to the psychotic killer that Garrett was, I blame myself at times."
"You love him that's why you feel guilt." May smiled as she leaned back. "Fitz had hope, Simmons and Trip faced reality, Coulson and I thought of how to take him and Garrett down but the whole time you felt guilt. That made you stronger than the rest of us. Sure Coulson will say that hope is stronger than guilt but what drives mankind more than the realization we could have changed things."
The hacker sighed, "I don't think I loved Miles but I know I love Ward. The first guy I love turns out to be a traitor and a serial killer who followed a madman's every order. I don't think it could get any worse." She looked up and shook her head, "how do I know we won't destroy that love by the time it's over with?"
"You don't but ask yourself one question, if you knew everything would you still get on the plane? From that day until today, knowing you couldn't change anything all, would you still get on plane and never allow yourself the chance?"
Silence permeated the room for a few moments before Skye smiled, "no, I would still go through hell and feel all the pain." Her eyes met May's as she smiled, "because not loving him would hurt more than loving him and carrying the pain."
May stood and nodded, "sometimes I feel the same."
"You really should tell Coulson how you feel, it would save all of us a headache." She saw May pause, "like I told Ward, we lived on the same plane so secrets aren't kept that well. Besides, he could do worse," she leaned in with a smirk, "than the Calvary."
"Don't call me that."
"Call them like I see them." Skye looked at the clock, "I should go see if my ex-SO/almost ex-boyfriend is done with his tantrum. I left him to think about his actions and words when he hauled a book in my direction."
May chuckled, "just start calling him your boyfriend, it would save a lot of time."
"When Ward can clean up his act and start acting like his age long enough to have a civilized meal with me." Skye stood up and shrugged, "then he can earn the title. Right now he's," she motioned with her hand in circles, "like a two year old, one moment he's willing to listen and the next he's yelling at me. Thankfully the whole 'do not harm Skye' is engrained in his mind no matter his mood or I'd be like Kowalski when he brought Ward's meal two days ago, busted nose. Kowalski told me I was crazy trying to rehabilitate him and Ward perceived it as a threat towards me, took me having to put myself between the two men in Ward's path to make him stop."
"What did Kowalski do?"
"Ran and next I know, I'm personal maid servant to Mr. Grant-Two-Year-Old-Ward. Meals and escorting to the bathroom which is kind of awkward. I have to stand outside the shower and stalls to make sure he doesn't agitate anyone." Skye waved her hand, "men are pigs I will tell you that. I've gotten way more sight of Mason Tyler than anyone ever should if you get my meaning."
A/N: That scene was fun to write and I enjoyed the heart to heart.
Next we see Ward 2 weeks after his breakdown and if he's on the road to recovery or facing a road of no return.
Warning: I just got done writing chapter 18 and while the last chapter seemed a road of no return, the chapters ahead get dark as the team start taking on Skye's parents. When I mean dark, I mean some actions ahead have you questioning who people are. Don't freak out though, things become resolved, can't say which chapter it will be in though...maybe 20-somthing or possibly 30-something? The title of this fic wasn't just meant for Ward...
Please read and review...
