In or Out

"Sir?" Sam repeated again. She wasn't sure what else to say. She was hoping that the man standing in her doorway had some answer other than the ones streaming through mind.

"Uh, hi there, Carter."

"Hi, sir." Jack couldn't help but grin at the befuddled look on her face. God he had missed that face. She kept staring at him too; one hand on her door as she peered around it. Her hair was disheveled and her attire was something he wasn't sure he had seen before, not that it bothered him.

Jack stared some more and then realized she was waiting for him to say something. "So, I uh…was on my way to my cabin and I thought I would stop for a minute on the way and see how things were in…sunny…Nevada." The most awkward attempt at a smile spread on his face, no teeth, just doubt.

"Sir, your cabin is in Minnesota."

Jack cocked his head to the side. "I know that Carter. Are you going to invite me in or not?"

Sam shook her head to catch her thoughts. "Oh, yes, sorry sir." She pulled the door open the rest of the way for him to come in and waved him towards the less than spacious living area with her free hand. He didn't wait for her but walked into the small space and began looking around with a disappointed stare.

"Carter…you haven't unpacked…anything." He could feel that she was behind him. He could smell her familiar scent, as odd as that thought was to him, in the air around him. More so, he could hear her breathing and knew that she was uncomfortable. But she wasn't answering. He turned. She was in pajamas, and hair messed up. "Oh, gosh Carter, I didn't mean to wake you up."

Still no response. In fact, her stance wasn't what he would consider inviting.

"Carter?"

"What are you doing here?"

"I already told you sleepyhead, I just stopped by to say 'hi' on my way to the cabin."

Sam nodded. "Does anybody know that you were making a stop on the way?"

Jack shifted his weight on his feet. "Meaning?"

She sighed, shoulders heaving up before falling limp at her sides. "I'm asking how many people know you were making this stop on the way." She seemed disappointed at him and he couldn't help but compare this stare to the one he had received when they had left Alar's planet behind. This was different, but the same basic disappointment was there and Jack felt a pit in his stomach begin to shift.

"No one, Carter. In fact, I didn't know I was coming here myself until I parked my truck!"

Sam's mouth twisted into an awkward expression in response as she continued to look at him strangely, then he realized that she was avoiding eye contact. Given, it was avoidance technique they had both done on occasion for rather important reasons, but no one was here to judge them or lay further blame. It was just the two of them, and Jack couldn't help but allow his worry to grow when he couldn't read her eyes. So Jack did what he did best, he just stared straight at her, unconsciously willing her own eyes to turn towards his. Eventually fate or some higher power worked in his favor.

Carter's blue eyes moved ever so slowly until they locked onto his, and for just one brief moment Jack thought everything was going to be okay. Her eyes weren't telling him what her posture was though. They weren't upset with him, they weren't uneasy, they were happy to see him there. But Sam would always be a hard person to read when it came to other things. And Jack never expected her next word.

"Why?"

"Because I miss you! Damn it, we all do! I just wanted to come and see how you were. I don't trust Daniel's phone calls and I suck at words, so I figured actually seeing you would maybe, sorta-kinda tell me you were doing better…but obviously you aren't!" He added for good measure, and was sure it struck a nerve when her face began to redden in her cheeks, slowly creeping to her nose and forehead.

"I appreciate the concern, sir, but I'm fine. And you really shouldn't have come here." She gnashed her teeth and Jack knew she didn't mean it. At least, she didn't want to mean it.

"Carter, no one knows I'm here. I just want to know that you're going to be okay…that, hell, that we are. Calls get monitored in our line of work and I didn't want to cause you any more trouble…but I had to do something!"

"You've done enough. We both have. And we're just going to have to live with it."

Jack crossed his arms to keep from flailing them around in his anger. "Carter, just stop! Don't start this, not now. I told myself I came here to make sure you were okay, and that's the truth, but I needed to see you for other reasons too. I know you're having a hard time whether you want to admit it or not because I sure as hell am. It's not going so well without you."

Sam's eyes glittered in the light and her nostrils flared as she fought for emotional control. "I'm sorry, that you're having a hard time…and I do miss the team, but if anyone knew you were here…"

Jack knew something was eating its way to the surface and he reached out a gentle hand and placed it on her shoulder. "What? Carter, what's going on?"

Her gaze floated in a dreamlike state towards his hand that was still resting on her shoulder. "Rumors tend to follow you everywhere. At least you got to keep the guys for support…what did I get?"

Jack didn't know what was controlling him, but he didn't care. He reached his other and up and placed it as gently as he knew how on the side of her face, softly dragging his thumb along her cheekbone. "You've still got me." He whispered.

Sam's mind filled with a thousand wishful images from the years, and the conclusions to each made a tear well up and fall. Her own hand raised and lay on top of his own. "I never had you." She frowned. "And I never will." She wrapped her fingers around his hand and pulled it away from her face, looking away before trying to walk away as well. But Jack was too fast and pulled her back by the crook of her arm as tenderly but forcibly as he could.

"Then you look me in the eye and tell me you're just fine and dandy here all by yourself with no one to talk to and a thousand miles from home, and I'll go."

Sam puffed up for some extra support to her reply. "I'm fine and dandy, sir."

"Fine." Jack replied in a hushed tone that she didn't know he was capable of. He gave her one last sad glance before he led himself towards the door and then out. She was shocked he hadn't at least growled the word. And truth be told, Jack was surprised that he had let anyone see that side of him, even Carter.

She stood there watching the door for ages before shuffling into the small kitchen to pour herself a drink. Anything to wash the lump out of her throat. She stared into the open refrigerator door as the light let her eyes focus on nothing and her mind on everything. She stepped back, leaving the door wide open. What was driving her she didn't know, but insanity seemed to be the best answer as she flew to the front door, knocking a badly stacked tower of boxes over, and cutting her arm open at the same time. She reached the door and swung it open. "Wait!"

Jack was standing there against the railing, looking out over the small attempt at a cactus garden below. "Well that was quick." He smirked.

Sam replied with a half hysterical giggle that quickly turned to tears. "I'm sorry…I just…"

He stepped away from the balcony edge and towards her open door. "I know." He had gotten less than a foot away from her and had to pitch his head down to catch her glance as she tilted her own back and looked at him glassy eyed. And then in a very un-Carter like manner, she threw herself forward, wrapping her arms around his chest and clinging tightly.

"Jack…" She started, and his own grip closed tight around her as she said his name in such an open way, allowing him to see her scars and pain, and frailty with just one word. "Don't leave me here…"

He leaned his own head down and nestled it in the crook of her neck. "I'm not leaving you." He promised out loud.

Her own stance had become so reliant on his as she held him that he was able to maneuver them both into the apartment and shut the door without much hassle. Making it to the small couch where she continued to cling to him for a comfort she had never had was another story.


A/N: My Christmas present to my friend Madaline-7!!!

Merry Christmas to all as well!!!! Thank you for reading and for all your reviews!!!