Scared
Just as Buffy had been doing, Faith was mentally kicking herself as she reached home. She hated that she freaked out on Buffy but at the same time she knew it was necessary. She had to tell her how she felt. She just couldn't keep it in any longer. She hadn't gone home right away. Instead she walked around for a while thinking and getting even more agitated.
Thinking about how the blond slayer responded to her declaration of feelings, or rather didn't respond, made Faith's frustrations quickly turn to sorrow. She loved Buffy more then she ever thought possible but it hurt beyond belief to know that those feeling were unrequited. She never thought it was even possible to feel pain like this.
"I guess now I know how Spike must have felt," she said to herself. It wasn't a good feeling.
The night's events had caused the slayer to start thinking about something she never thought she would have to think about. She started thinking about the possibility of leaving the one person she'd ever loved.
As much as Faith loved her slayer she felt that things would probably be even worse staying in a relationship with someone who didn't love her back. She hated thinking about that but it made sense. She had no final decisions made but the thoughts were definitely there.
She shook her head rapidly before opening the door to the apartment complex as if to try and shake the thoughts away. She decided that she didn't want to think about it anymore tonight. All she wanted to do was go upstairs to her apartment, take a long, hot shower and then go to sleep.
When she reached her floor, she realized that her blow dryer was at Buffy's. She sighed and decided to run in quickly to get it, hoping that Dawn would be asleep.
Of course, she had no such luck. As she opened the door to Buffy's apartment she found Dawn laying on the couch watching TV. The young girl often stayed up and waited for her sister to get home from slaying. This night was like any other so that's just what she was doing.
As Dawn heard the door open she turned her head quickly in Faith's direction expecting to see her big sister. When she saw Faith instead a questioning look appeared on her face. "Hey Faith," she greeted. "Where's Buffy?"
"She's still out kiddo," Faith responded trying not to show that something was wrong. "I just came to get my hair dryer so I can take a shower and then go to bed."
As good of a liar as Faith was, Dawn could see right through her. If Faith was back without Buffy she knew that something was up. Dawn shot the slayer a disbelieving look. "Spill," she demanded bluntly. "What happened?"
Faith rolled her eyes. She was afraid of this. Now the teenager was never going to let this go until she told her what happened. "Nothing," she lied. "We just had a little fight is all. No big."
Dawn wasn't buying it, and even if she was she'd want to know what the fight was all about anyway. She got up from her comfy spot on the couch and walked into the small kitchen where Faith was currently standing. She sat down at the small, round kitchen table and gestured for Faith to sit as well. "What about?" she asked.
The slayer rolled her eyes once again as she knew that she wasn't getting out of this. She took a deep breath, sat down across from Dawn and started to explain. "I'm just sick of it Dawny. I'm sick of having to hide all this shit."
Dawn sighed. She had a feel that this was what the argument was about. She'd seen it coming ever since she first found out that Buffy and Faith were together. She sort of understood why Buffy wanted to keep they're relationship a secret but at the same time she really didn't understand it at all. But, because Buffy was her sister, she supported whatever decision she made.
"I kind of figured that's what this might be about," Dawn responded sadly.
"So you know where I'm coming from then?" Faith asked with slight excitement. She was glad that she wasn't the only one that realized something wasn't right about this situation.
"I love my sister and I support her in pretty much everything she does," Dawn responded defensively. "But," she began to add as her defensiveness fell, "I would have to say that I agree with you here. I really don't understand why she isn't ready yet."
Faith's gaze dropped. Unlike Dawn she did know why. "She doesn't love me Dawny," she responded sadly.
The sound of the slayer's words made Dawn's heart sink. She could see in Faith's movements and the ton of her voice that she truly believed what she was saying. "Faith," she said sternly so that the woman would look up at her. When she did, she looked at her with extreme seriousness. "I honestly don't think that's true."
Faith smiled slightly at the teenager's attempt to make her feel better. "Well out of you, me and Buffy I think that makes one of us," she replied.
"Faith, you can't really believe that?" Dawn questioned. "I can tell that Buffy cares about you a lot. I can see it in the way she looks at you, the way she acts around you and the way she talks about you."
"Yeah? Well I guess she just doesn't care about me enough then does she?" Faith asked rhetorically.
"I really don't think that's it," Dawn insisted. "It has to be something else. I think she does love you. She might not even know it yet but I honestly think she does. You should have heard what she told me the night that I first found out about the two of you. I remember exactly what she told me because I thought it was so romantic."
Faith looked at the teenager slightly intrigued wondering what it was that Buffy had told her that night not too long ago.
Dawn smiled as she continued. "She told me that every time you walk into a room she automatically smiles. She said that when she's with you there's no place else she'd rather be. And she said," her smile brightened, "She said that when she's holding you, and you're holding her it's like her whole world dissolves and the two of you are the only ones who exist."
Faith tried to smile but it came out kind of half assed. What Dawn had told her was sweet and it did sound like something mushy that her girlfriend would say. But she just couldn't shake the fact that if Buffy really did love her then she wouldn't be acting the way she was. She wouldn't still want to hide they're relationship and if she did she would have a hell of a lot better of a reason then the fact that she just wasn't ready. She would have a good reason why she wasn't ready which she currently couldn't provide.
The teenager could see the pain in the slayer's eyes. She reached out and placed a comforting hand on hers. "Its gonna be ok Faith," she reassured with a soft smile. "Buffy will come around."
The dark haired slayer smiled back at the girl. "I hope you're right Dawny. I really hope you're right."
Before either one could continue they're conversation the phone began to ring. Both girls looked at each other with confusion. It was well past midnight and they had no idea who would be calling the apartment so late. "That's weird," Dawn noted as she stood up and walked towards the phone, "Who would be calling so late?"
"Beats me," Faith shrugged.
"Hello?" Dawn asked into the phone as she picked up the portable.
"Hello," the voice on the other line greeted, "Is this the Summers residence?"
"Yes," Dawn responded nervously as she began to worry. The woman on the phone didn't sound like she was about to give her good news. "I'm Dawn Summers," she added.
Faith's stomach churned uncomfortably as she saw the worried look on the teenager's face. Something was wrong. She could feel it.
"Ms. Summers, my name is Ms. Collins from Cleveland Memorial Hospital. Does a Buffy Summers live at this residence?" the woman asked.
Dawn's stomach was now in the same position as Faith's was. With the mention of a hospital she was sure that her sister was hurt. "Yes, she's my sister. What's going on? Is Buffy ok?" the teenager asked as she tried to stop herself from panicking.
Faith stood up from her chair, walked to Dawn, and looked at her intently waiting to hear what was going on. By the look of the teenager's panicked face the slayer knew that something was seriously wrong with her girlfriend. A million thoughts were racing through her mind as she waited for what seemed like hours.
What if Buffy was badly hurt? What if she got jumped by vampires or demons when she left her there in the cemetery? What if they were just waiting there for her to leave so that they could make they're move? She wouldn't be able to forgive herself for leaving her. What if it was worse? What if the one person she loved most in this world was gone?
She shook the thought out of her head. She couldn't think that way. She wouldn't let herself. Buffy was fine. Faith figured that she probably just got herself into some trouble and this was the police letting them know that she was in custody. She was probably just so upset about they're fight that she did something crazy and got caught. Yeah, that was probably it. That had to be it. Faith didn't think she would be strong enough to handle anything else.
"Miss Summers, you're sister has been involved in an accident," the woman on the phone explained. "She ran out into the middle of a road and she was hit by a car."
"Oh my god," Dawn said as she put her hand over her mouth in shook. She quickly took the phone away from her mouth and said to Faith, "She's been in an accident." She fought back tears as she resumed her conversation with the woman from the hospital. "Is she ok? Is she alive? Please tell me she's alive." Her tears began to flow as the last words left her mouth.
Faith's face turned completely white. She took a few steps back towards the wall as she felt her legs begin to give out. She held on to the wall to steady herself. She felt like she might be sick. Then she whispered to herself, "Please let her be alive." She knew that as long as Buffy was alive she would make it. No matter how bad her injuries might be she was a fighter. If she was still alive then she would make it. "Please let her be alive," she whispered again to herself.
"She's alive," Ms. Collins reassured.
Dawn let out a sharp breath that she didn't even realize she'd been holding. "Thank god," she said softly.
Faith also released a sigh of relief as she figured out from Dawn's exclamation that Buffy was in fact alive. She knew that the girl wouldn't say what she'd said if Buffy didn't make it. Now the question that remained was, how badly hurt was she?
Before allowing the teenager to get too relived the woman on the phone continued. "However, I'm afraid she's in pretty bad shape. The driver of the vehicle didn't even have time to apply the breaks. You're sister was hit extremely hard at a fairly rapid speed."
Dawn closed her eyes as the tears began to form once again. They weren't in the clear yet. "How bad is it?" she asked as she attempted to control her sobs.
The woman from the hospital paused for a moment. When she did respond the ton in her voice was that of defeat. "It's not looking very good right now miss. She's in surgery now. The doctors are doing all they can. I suggest you come to the hospital now and the doctors can explain your sister's condition in greater detail."
Dawn tried her best to keep a calm voice on the phone. "O…ok. I'll be there as soon as possible. Thank you." Then she didn't even wait for a response. She immediately hung up the phone and turned to Faith. "We have to get to the hospital."
"How bad is it?" Faith asked quickly.
The teenager paused to try and control herself but was unsuccessful. She began to break down with tears just as she responded. "It doesn't sound good Faith," she said through her sobs. "I'm scared."
Faith too was now trying to fight back tears. They couldn't both break down. She had to keep herself as calm as possible. She had to hold it together for Dawn. She quickly approached the young girl and took her into her arms. "I am too Dawny. I am too. But Buffy's strong. She's going to be just fine." Then she added softly under her breath, "She has to be."
