Ranma-papa, Shampoo-mama

Chapter Eleven

"Old Ghoul! Where are you?" Ranma yelled, ignoring his mother, Akane, Ukyo, and Genma. The two girls were trying to find out why Ranma had dragged them to the Nekohatten, While Nodoka was trying to urge Ranma to be more polite and genma was just refusing to answer any questions. Cologne soon hopped out of the resturant on her walking stick and considered the group of adults. They were soon joined by Soun Tendo and the three younger girls.

"Hello Son-in-law. And you too Shi and Himeko, who's your friend?"

"I'm |Amara Kuno, elder Cologne, but I really think I'm the least of your worries." Amara replied.

"Yeah! Hey wait... Did you say Kuno?" Ranma blinked at Amara, then shook off the surprise. "Thats not important. What's important is I hear you have something to tell me, eh Cologne?"

"What ever do you mean, son-in-law?" Cologne asked, then realized that Shi hadn't come straight home from school, and was hiding under a very worried looking Genma. "Shi, what did you tell them?"

"Oh yeah, granny. The cat let everything out of the bag." Ranma Declared. "So how long till you were planning on kidnapping Akane and Uchan and running for China?"

"At least another few weeks."

"What?" Ranma wasn't sure if he was more shocked by the old woman's candid answer, or the fact that she looked more amused then annoyed.

The girls weren't shocked, just angry. "Now hold on just a minute..."

"I'm kidding girls!" Cologne yelled, chuckling. "But from your responses I'm guessing son-in-law hasn't explained it to you yet." She glared at shi and continued. "Of course I had planned to tell you under more controlled circumstances."

Shi stared back at her great-grandmother, unblinking and with a shrug. "You didn't say it was a secret great-grandmother." In spite of her position behind the panda man, she didn''t seem very intimidated.

Cologne shook her head. "Teaches me to try and stare down a cat. Everyone sit down, and you should get Shampoo too, Shi." The smallest girl nodded, and ducked into the kitchen. "Ms. Kuno, are you part of that family?"

"I'd deny it if it would make it true."

Cologne raised an eyebrow. "Was that a yes or a no?"

"Yes I am, but if it helps I'll refrain from laughing maniacly or misquoting Shakespeare. I already know everything anyway."

"Then I suppose you're going to tell them everything then."

Cologne was now both convinced Amara was a Kuno, since no one could confuse her like that family, and that she was definately going to be annoying if she WAS thrown out. "You do know your brother and sister both have... issues with Ranma, correct?"

"With two people by that name actually." Amara shrugged at the odd looks she got, misinterpruting them. |"I'm not kidding! They say they know both a man and a woman by that name and either hate or 'love' one or the other! If they didn't have pictures, I'd assume they had both gotten a hit from one of Kodachi's experiments."

"There aren't two people... Amara was it?" Ranma explained. "They are always talking about me."

"Okay, Mr. Saotome, you're cute as all get out, but you sure as heck aren't a busty red-head."

Ranma considered explaining, then shrugged and walked over to a hose lying next to the door. He let the cool water settled inside the hose fall onto his head, turning to look at Amara as his hair and height changed. "See?" Ranma-chan asked, wringing out her pigtail.

Amara stood and stared at Ranma, then proceeded to pull a digital camera from her bag and shot a picture of her face, checked her pulse, and swabbed the inside of her mose, dropping the swab into chemicals that she got out of nowhere. "Strange. I don't SEEM to be under the effects of anything of Kodachi's."

"It's true Amara." Himeko said. "She was cursed at a place called Jusenkyo. She changes gender with hot or cold water."

"That's strange." Amara said, not completely convinced and not bothering to hide it.

Shampoo choose that moment to walk in, carrying a small tray with water and tea with Shi trailing behind her. She wasn't watching where she was going and tripped over Amara's bag. The drinks predictably spilled on the wrong persons.

"CATS!"

"HELP!"

"Meow?"

"Meow!"

"Okay, now I believe it. I think."

Mr. Panda held up a sign reading [You're handling this well.]

"I live with... Well okay NEAR my family. That's going to give you a flexible view of reality."

[Good Point.]

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

"You're telling us that, by Amazon law, we are ALL married to Ranma?" The person asking, Akane, couldn't hide her incredulity. Ukyo was basically speachless, and just nodded at the question.

"Yes, and by law you and your families are also now Amazons, though obviously we aren't expecting you to start following the laws completely for several months."

"Right. So what does this mean for my sister?" Amara, who Ranma had finally decided looked like a happy, rational Kodachi, asked.

"She was not an 'Official' fiancee', so I am sorry to say she isn't included in the ruling."

"What if we didn't WANT to be included?" Akane demanded.

"You divorce him. While a Male getting a divorce is very difficult in most circumstances, you can simply petition an elder to hear your case." Cologne raised an eyebrow. "Wanna divorce?"

"Um. I... Didn't say that..." Akane stuttered, amusing several people at the table. The exception was Ranma, whose head pounding on the table had become something akin to white noise to the rest of the crew.

"But Polygammy is illegal in both Japan and China." Nadoka said. "||I don't actually have an issue with this solution, since it does retain everyones honor and my son is certainly manly enough, but it's not LEGAL."

"Not in the People's Republic of China or Japan, no. However, by long standing tradition and the loss of a Chinese tank division to unarmed 'Peasants' the Jusenkyo area is treated in a way theoretically similar to a Native America reservations in the United States. We have a bit more political and social independance but we don't get benefits from the Chinese public services so it's an imperfect example from what Keith, an American who married into the tribe, said once." Cologne chuckled. "Basically, in the tribe, it's legal.

"It's a wonder they have never gone back on that agreement." Nodoka said thoughtfully.

"Only their hairdressers know for sure." Shampoo grinned, getting a dirty look from Akane. "It does clear split ends, true Akane?"

"Yeah, whatever."

"So what does this mean for me?" Amara asked, prompting all eyes turning to her. |"Shi made me her sheild sister, whatever that means."

"Oh!" Cologne chuckled. "Welcome to the tribe then! You, like them, aren't required to be that aware of the laws yet, and will get to be immune to some of them unless you decide to become a full member."

"Cool. I can go to China next time I run away from home!" She seemed unervingly happy, and serious, about that.

"Yes, well, be that as it may... I just want to be sure... Akane and Ranma are married?" Soun asked nervously.

"Yes." Cologne said, hopping back away from the Tendo Patriach when he started wailing, apparently in joysince he started waving fans in the air.

"Oh come on! It can't be as easy as this!" Ranma declared. "And how come you didn't tell us Shampoo?"

"Ranma no wonder why Shampoo be nice to Ukyo and Akane lately? No call Kitchen Destroyer or Spatula girl lately." Ranma, Akane and Ukyo blinked, realizing she HAD been using their real names alot lately. "Shampoo no tell because Great Grandma say not to. Shampoo am not happy with all that, either, but is better then fighting forever."

"I have to agree with that." Ranma grudgingly admitted. "But it CAN'T be this easy."

"Well, there is one more thing."

"Ah Ha!"

"You may now kiss the brides!: Cologne said formally, but with a huge, scary grin on her face. The girls eyes widened, and all locked on Ranma.

Ranma, in a fit of cleverness, nocked a cup of tea on Shi. "Ah! A cat! Must flee!"

As Ranma and his three brides ran out the door Himeko looked at Shi. "He does realize that the tea had gotten cold, right?"

The damp, and still human cat-girl just sat there and fumed.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________

One hour later Ranma limped into the Saotome home and colapsed on the couch, exhausted. Nodoka, walking out of the kitchen, grinned at the amount of lipstick covering his face. "Have fun?"

Ranma groaned, and passed out.

AN: Who missed me?

Okay, I couldn't resist making the Financee mess worse. It's funny and yeah, I claimed it wouldn't be Ukyo but I couldn't help myself! As for the hairdresser comment, if you don't know, I really don't know how to help you.