Chapter 12
Teyla studied her friend carefully. He appeared to be in a state of catatonia, his stare fixed on the HUD, his body not making any movement at all. His face made her heart break, his mouth closed tight and his eyes glistening.
Still crouching beside him, she heard Rodney ask, his voice shaky, "Is he okay?"
Teyla turned to him. She saw fear and a great sadness in his blue eyes and immediately understood. John had told him. At Rodney's slight nod, she realised that he could see he was not alone with that knowledge.
She returned her attention to Sheppard and placed a hand on his arm. He did not flinch. She could sense Ronon and Evan had moved closer to the front seats but they said nothing.
She shook his arm gently. "John?" she spoke softly.
No response.
She shook harder. "Colonel Sheppard!" she said in her most authoritative tone.
That worked. John blinked twice, then turned around to look at them all. His tears were unshed but the sorrow she saw made her lower her own head so he would not see her own tears forming. How could they have come this far only to lose her in this fashion? How could he continue without knowing what happened to her? After regaining control, she raised her head again.
"Rodney." John's voice was quiet and on the verge of cracking. "Can you tell what happened?"
Rodney was tapping away furiously on his tablet, his attention constantly shifting from the screen to the jumper's display. He was obviously avoiding facing John. He sighed heavily. "No."
Rodney suddenly stood up. He looked at Lorne and Ronon. "Go grab the ARGs!" he ordered.
"What're you thinking?" asked Lorne, as Ronon headed through the doorway to the rear compartment.
Teyla stood from her position and turned to McKay, moving herself to behind John's chair so he could see the scientist as well.
"We ask," said Rodney, in response to Lorne.
"Who?" asked Ronon as he re-entered with two ARGs, which he handed to Lorne and Teyla.
Rodney pointed to the front windscreen and HUD. "Them."
Silence greeted his revelation. "Look," he said, immediately frustrated. "It's pretty obvious. We bring one of the Replicators on board, we just scoop it into the back of the jumper, like we did with Niam. Then we revive it and ask it about…" He swallowed. "About Elizabeth."
"Is that wise?" asked Teyla, very aware that, apart from the original question to McKay, John had yet to contribute to the discussion. "When you revived Niam, he attacked you."
Rodney pointed to the weapon in her hands. "Which is we'll have those."
Ronon returned to the rear and brought back three more ARGs.
John rose and took the proffered gun. Teyla looked at him and he nodded. He had pulled himself together. "Do you really think they'll know anything? They've been Replicator popsicles for the last six months." His words were light but his voice was thick with emotion.
"They still have the subspace link, at least with each other. Maybe they know what happened to her, maybe someone took her and they know where she is," Rodney said, studying his ARG with great interest.
"Okay," said John, his voice returning to his usual more business-like tone. Having a course of action was spurring him on. "Let's do this." He sat back down in the pilot's chair and looked carefully at the signals on the HUD. He pointed to the one to the left of the display, on the outer edge of the group. "That one," he said, resolutely.
Rodney went to the doors to the rear compartment and shut them using the control panel to the right. All the men took their seats while Teyla remained standing between John and Rodney at the front. Taking one final glance at John, she could see that he had closed himself off. His response earlier was atypical, which told her how much of himself he had put into this mission. Now, he had a new goal and he was clinging to it. Hopefully, the Asuran they retrieved would be able to give them some positive news. She was unsure how John would react if she was lost to him. She did not know how she would be able to help him, if he could even be helped.
John pushed all his concentration into the positioning of Puddle Jumper One's rear hatch to collect the Asuran he had targeted. It was on the outside of the group, so he hoped it would be the easiest to scoop up. The doors between the cockpit and the rear were sealed, so he was relying on the HUD to communicate to him when it was on board.
As he guided the jumper backwards, he tried not to notice the deafening silence in his head. One of these Asurans had to know something. He just didn't know what he wanted to hear. Not that she had been destroyed. That she had been taken? That did not bode well for Elizabeth if it was the case. In fact, knowing her as he did, she would rather destruction over imprisonment, possibly to be used against Atlantis.
He started repeating a mantra in his mind, in an attempt to give himself hope and fill the void: I'll find you Elizabeth. I'll find you Elizabeth.
The Heads Up Display as well as his mind's connection with the jumper told him that the chosen body was now within the rear compartment. He hit the button on the dashboard to shut the rear hatch.
Time passed slowly as they sat waiting for the hatch to fully close. The mantra kept replaying itself. He dared not look at the others, particularly Teyla and Rodney. His behaviour of a few minutes ago could not happen again. If he saw pity from either one of them it would push him over the edge and he doubted he had the strength to pull himself back up. But he knew he had to find it from somewhere. He still had to destroy the remaining Replicators and bring his team home. He could fall apart when he was back in his quarters and everyone was safe.
He was brought out of his dark thoughts by a beeping sound.
"Rear compartment is sealed and re-pressurised," announced Rodney in a neutral tone.
They all stood at once but remained in place, allowing John to step out and lead the way. He reached the double doors and went to the panel. His hand hovered over the switch. Taking a deep breath he activated the switch and the doors slid apart.
He immediately readied himself to fire his ARG. On the floor between the benches along each side of the rear compartment laid a male body. Wearing the standard off-white trousers and shirt, the Replicator was facing the ceiling. It was Caucasian, obviously tall and muscular with short blond hair. It's most distinctive feature, though, was the hook nose. John vaguely remembered seeing it on Atlantis. However, its skin was covered with ice and its eyes were closed. One hand was stretched up towards the ceiling, unmoving. It was completely frozen.
John moved forward slowly. The feet were facing towards the cockpit. John tapped one with his own foot. He could feel the solidity, even through his steel toe-capped boot. "Rodney?" he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
McKay moved to into the compartment to stand beside him, tablet in his grip. He looked from the Replicator to his screen. "Give me a minute to hack into his systems." He tapped the tablet several times. "Okay, he's not active."
John's arms dropped down with the ARG. "I think I got that already," he drawled, irritably. "How long to revive him?"
"Well, when I revived Niam I increased the activity of his nanites incrementally. When I sped up the process his … awakening, I suppose, was almost instantaneous.
"Do it then," commanded Sheppard.
"Hold on," said Rodney. "I have no idea what could happen if I start him at full power. He could blow up or he could go nuts on us."
Sheppard raised the ARG again. "That's why we have these." He started moving around the frozen body to the right and positioned himself by the Replicator's head to the side of the rear hatch. "Let's cover it on all sides, guys, but away from the rear hatch, in case we need to use it."
Lorne stepped into the compartment and down the left side. John put his hand up when he was halfway. Lorne stopped. Teyla then took up the same position on the opposite side, a short distance from John. Ronon stayed at the Replicator's feet next to Rodney who stared at it, eyes wide with fear.
When everyone but McKay had their weapons trained on the body, John bowed his head. "Do it."
"Okay." Rodney's voice quivered. "I'm doing it faster than last time but not too fast. It should only take a few minutes."
John kept his eyes on the target, listening to the sounds the tablet made as the scientist entered his commands. Keeping his concentration on the Replicator, John waited and waited, knowing that any lapse in concentration could lead to someone on his team being injured or killed. That was what got the whole mess started in the first place. If he had been concentrating on Elizabeth more when they first escaped Asuras with Niam in tow, maybe he would have been able to stop Niam putting his hands around her throat, infecting her with nanites. He did the best he could, pushing him off of her and into the rear of the jumper. His best wasn't good enough. It was done. Now, they were here, he was waiting, wishing to know what had become of his friend, of the woman –
"His nanite activity is rising," Rodney called out. "Get ready!"
The Replicator's eyes flipped open and it sat up, it's back rod straight. John kept his ARG on it, anticipating any threatening movements.
The Replicator looked around at its captors. When it saw Sheppard, it seemed to recognise the situation in which it had awoken. It slowly got to its feet and turned to face Sheppard. Its face twisted into and expression of anger, an odd thing to see, given that was still covered in ice. It was disconcerting. Its arm rose towards him and it pointed. "You," he spat.
Sheppard took a step forward, still pointing his gun at it. "Okay," he said calmly. "No sudden movements, we just wanna talk."
"You lied to us," said the Replicator softly, but with a bitter edge. "She lied to us."
"Yes, she did." John kept his voice the same. "She was protecting us. You were a threat to Atlantis."
"Koracen was acting alone and Doctor Weir killed him," said the Replicator. "She asked us to trust you and we did. She betrayed us."
"Look, I know you're upset –"
The Replicator laughed – sarcastically? "Upset?" it said. "That does not even begin to scratch the surface."
John's patience was running out. He was a soldier, not a therapist. He didn't have time to deal with the hurt feelings of a machine. However, before he could say it aloud, Teyla took control, shifting to stand next to Sheppard.
"I understand that what we did has made you angry," she started, in that soothing way that had been able to prevent rants from Rodney, violence from Ronon and recklessness from John and to lull her child into slumber. "But you must also understand the danger you posed to us. You threatened us, blackmailed us and one of your people turned against us after we agreed to help you. Elizabeth felt there was no other choice."
The Asuran seemed to be processing Teyla's words. Its shoulders dropped, though not by a lot as it appeared to be stiff. "She may have been right. Some of the others were unhappy with the way we were being treated and did not trust Doctor Weir's reasons for killing Koracen."
Seeing its resignation, John slightly lowered his ARG. What's your name?" he asked, trying to show a bit more kindness than he had before. But it was difficult. As far as he was concerned, this thing was one of the bastards that had taken their leader away and changed her into what she later became. However, if he wanted its help, displaying his hatred and mistrust was unlikely to make the Replicator more inclined to give it.
"Ando," it replied. "What do you want with me?"
Teyla answered. "We are in need of your assistance."
Ando sighed. "What is it you require?"
Rodney sputtered slightly. "What, and you'll help us, just like that?" he exclaimed, disbelievingly.
Ando turned its body in Ronon and Rodney's direction. Ronon tensed, prepared to fire. "I do not know what it is you need from me unless you tell me. Then I shall decide if I will help you."
"Oh," said Rodney, as if that made more sense to him.
John cleared his throat in an attempt to get the Replicator's attention back to himself and Teyla. "That's great, thanks." Now the Replicator – Ando – was facing him, he dove in. "We came here to find Doctor Weir, but she seems to be gone. You don't happen to know where she is, do you?"
"No."
There it was. He had pretty much expected that very answer, but part of him had hoped that what Ando told them would give him the possibility that she was still out there somewhere. Somewhere he could find her. He could see past Ando to the devastation on McKay's face as well and suspected his own expression held something similar.
Ando continued. "You are Colonel Sheppard, are you not?"
John heard the question and, unable to trust his own voice, nodded once.
"Before we came to Atlantis, she had given up hope of seeing you again."
John said nothing.
"Doctor Weir was afraid you would think less of her."
John could hear the cracks as he answered, "I never did."
"Really?" Ando clearly did not believe him.
Recalling the words he had spoken to Elizabeth when he chased her and Koracen, John swallowed, the guilt causing his throat to catch. Swallowing again, he tried to speak. "I wasn't sure it was her, not until she took you through the Stargate." He hoped his honesty would make Ando understand.
Ando sighed again. It made him – it – seem so human. The frost on its skin and clothing was starting to melt within the warmth of the jumper. "After she led us here, she cut herself off from us."
"What do you mean?" questioned Teyla.
"As you are no doubt aware, we are connected to each other through a subspace link. This allowed us to continue to communicate with each other, even though all our other functions essentially frozen," Ando explained. "At first, all anyone communicated was their… displeasure to Doctor Weir."
"That is understandable," said Teyla. John disagreed but didn't say anything. To him, they deserved it. Not Elizabeth, just them.
"Doctor Weir said she was sorry, but she couldn't risk the safety of her people. Then she cut herself off. We were never able to communicate with her again."
John couldn't help the wry smile as his heart swelled with pride at her final act of loyalty. If only he could tell her that…
"Despite this, we were always able to sense her presence," Ando stated. "Until recently, that is."
"What happened?" asked John.
"She vanished – or at least her presence in the link did."
"When?" demanded John.
"77,760 of your minutes ago."
"That's more than seven weeks ago," Rodney said.
"Fifty-four days," clarified John, without having to think. He was always good with numbers.
"I know that," moaned Rodney.
"And you do not know why she disappeared from your link?" asked Teyla.
"I do not."
"Thank you."
"You could scan the region for traces of neutronium. If there is none it could indicate that she was not destroyed but removed," Ando suggested.
Rodney opened his mouth, ready to protest. "It's possible some traces may have been caught in the orbit of the Space Gate's planet," he said, more to himself than anyone else. "Give me a minute." He walked out to the cockpit and John caught glimpses of him connecting his computer tablet under the dashboard. "I'm increasing the sensitivity of the jumper's sensors and redirecting them," he called back. "All right, here we…"
John saw Rodney collapse into the co-pilot's chair. John stopped breathing, waiting for him to tell them what he had found. But, given his posture in the chair, there was little doubt what the news would be.
After a moment, McKay got up and trudged back to the rear compartment, leaning on the doorframe as if he could barely carry himself forward.
Lorne spoke up. "What did you see?"
"There were traces of neutronium orbiting the planet. The rest of it, I guess, had seven weeks to… float away," McKay croaked.
John let go of the breath he was holding and stepped back as if physically hit by the information. His legs felt weak and he wanted to drop to the floor, to allow them to rest from keeping his body up – a body that felt so heavy, yet empty at the same time. There was nothing left. Nothing within, nothing without. He started to sink, despair taking over, but saw Rodney and Ronon behind the Replicator.
He stopped himself from falling, realising he still had more to do. He looked to Ando and, with as much self-control as he could muster, said, "Thank you."
Ando merely nodded. "May I ask you a question, Colonel?"
"Sure," John rasped, absently.
"Are you planning to kill us?"
His voice was so matter-of-fact as he asked the question, John looked to the floor, apprehension hitting him suddenly. This Replicator had been very helpful and seemed to understand their position. He had to be truthful. "Yes."
"I see." Ando went quiet, as if contemplating something. "I would appreciate it if you would not awaken the others."
"You're okay with this?" asked Ronon.
"Death is better than the way in which we suffer now."
Ronon bowed his head slightly, seemingly comprehending Ando's response. He never took his eyes from him, though.
As John raised his ARG again, Ando spoke. "Would it be possible for you to destroy the others in one go? That way, they will not know anything from our link beyond my own loss."
John considered his request. Elizabeth would have thought it reasonable. "Rodney?"
"Huh? What?" McKay came out of his stupor as he heard his name.
"Can we connect the crystal from an ARG to the jumper's cloak and use it to get all of them at once? Like we did on Asuras?" he prompted.
"We had a ZedPM when we did that," replied Rodney, looking down.
"Yeah, but we're only targeting one area for a very short time," argued John, unable to shout.
"Um… give me a sec," Rodney went over to the left side of the compartment and pulled the panel from the wall above the bench. John watched as he pulled various crystals out and switched them around. He found if he focused on what was going on around him he was able to keep himself from drifting to other things.
Eventually, Rodney removed the crystal from his ARG and placed it in a slot in the panel he had left empty. "That should do it," he pronounced quietly.
John returned his attention to Ando.
"Thank you," the Replicator said.
John gave a short nod and took a deep breath. Firing his weapon, he was amazed at how quickly the body before him broke down into a pile of tiny grey blocks on the floor. The pieces were no longer a threat, the bonds between them permanently broken. The ARG dropped out of his hands and clattered to the metal floor. Rodney jumped at the sound. Everyone looked at him, their shock plain to see.
"Let's get this done," he said as he passed them and went into the cockpit. His body felt as if it was on autopilot, doing what it needed to do without his brain telling it. He sat in his chair as the others joined him, and looked out of the viewport to the remaining bodies.
"I converted the cloak to the shield. All you have to do is activate it and spread it to envelope the Replicators. The shield will do the rest," Rodney instructed.
With all the concentration he could gather, John's mind activated the shield. Once again gazing through the window, he pushed outwards and watched as the shield made contact with each Replicator and broke them apart, one after the other. Soon, there was nothing more than a dust cloud of useless neutronium blocks.
"I guess that's it," Lorne said, sadly.
"Yeah," was all John could get out. He deactivated the shield and, taking control of the jumper, turned the vessel back towards the floating Stargate. As the jumper moved forward, Rodney dialled the 'Gate. They watched as the pool shot out and settled. John fixated only on getting the people he had with him home, not allowing himself to break. He couldn't break, not yet.
After their post-mission medical check-ups, Woolsey had insisted on a debriefing in the conference room. Rodney felt it was completely ridiculous. It was obvious on their return that the mission hadn't gone as planned. Could Woolsey leave them alone to wallow, just for a little while?
Woolsey sat at the head of his grand mahogany table, Ronon and Teyla situated to his left and Rodney and Lorne to his right. John sat at the opposite end from Woolsey.
John remained silent, staring at the unblemished surface of the table, whilst Rodney, Lorne and Teyla took turns as they explained what happened.
When they were finished, Woolsey exhaled heavily and removed his glasses. He looked at each of them, seeing only miserable faces as far as Rodney could tell. His gaze rested on Sheppard at the end of the table, separate from the rest of them. "I am very sorry, Colonel."
John barely nodded. "Thank you," he said, monotonously.
"Well…" Woolsey said, awkwardly, "if that's all…"
They all watched as Sheppard leapt from his chair and power walked out of the room, without so much as a goodbye.
The others slowly followed, until Rodney was alone. He still couldn't believe it was over. John had managed to convince him that they were really going to get Elizabeth back this time and for good.
Now that it was done, he didn't know what to do. He felt drained, like he could pass out and not wake up for six months. He was utterly depressed and didn't feel like he could even get up at this point.
Elizabeth Weir had been his friend. She was a good person and a great boss, probably the best one he had ever worked for. Somehow, she always managed to keep his ego from growing exponentially, despite the frequency of his life-saving, ingenious plans. But, more than that, she made him feel like he was a good person and that she considered him a good friend. She treated him like a person and not an annoyance that had to be put up with, like other people had in the past.
He really only activated the nanites when she had been fatally injured because he didn't want to lose her. But losing her then might have been better than this. Elizabeth had been through hell in the last few years and for it to end this way seemed… wrong.
Poor Sheppard. If this was how he felt, he could only imagine what John was going through. His momentary loss of control on the jumper was something he had never seen before in the five-and-a-half years he had known him. It had only been for a minute or two but it had seemed like longer. John Sheppard was the strongest person he had ever met. He had never seen him broken, not until that moment.
And he didn't know which was worse: that Elizabeth had been mysteriously destroyed by an unknown party or that John would never know whether she felt the same.
It was beyond him. Not that he had lost a good friend, although that was hard to take. It was how she was lost. The argument that she could be taken by someone for her technology or the location of Earth was a viable one, but it was a very unlikely scenario. The system the Stargate inhabited was deserted. The Pegasus Galaxy was a huge place. The possibility that someone happened to come across eight stranded Replicators was incredibly remote. Not impossible, but it would seem more likely that their location was known.
However, for only one of those Replicators to be destroyed who just happened to be the one they were looking for – no. That was not a coincidence. Who did this? How did they find her? Why did they murder a good woman?
He needed to know. He would look into it, investigate, solve it. He would give Sheppard a purpose. He would find those who killed the woman his friend loved and paint a target on them.
He got up, feeling more invigorated, and walked to the doors, which opened for him as he approached. As he stalked down the stairs into the Control Room he saw Jennifer Keller standing at the railing overlooking the Gate Room, staring at him worriedly. She had carried out the check-ups on Sheppard and Teyla and could tell something was wrong. A single-celled organism would have been able to tell. She had told Rodney she would meet him after the debriefing. She had been waiting out here for him, he realised.
Rodney still didn't understand how he managed to get involved with Jennifer. She was blonde, beautiful, sweet and really smart. She was also completely sane. He was pretty sure that there were some people who did not think she could be if she was dating him, but who cared? She loved him and she got him. No one got him like she did.
Jennifer smiled softly at him and reached for his hand. "You wanna talk about it?"
He took the hand she offered him and pulled her into his arms for a much needed hug. "Let's go to my room. I'll tell you there." Revenge could wait until tomorrow, he decided. Right now he needed to be comforted.
As they walked to the transporter, hand in hand, Rodney's thoughts wandered back to John. He was sorry he couldn't see his two friends share what he now shared with Jennifer. He would give him some time alone for now, but maybe it would be a good idea to check on him later. He was pretty sure Teyla knew about John's feelings so resolved that she should come along too. Just in case he got all emotional.
Rodney wasn't good with emotional people.
John leaned back against the doors of his quarters as soon as they were closed. He shut his eyes tightly, trying to keep the tears from escaping. But they rolled down his cheeks anyway.
Crying was not something he did often. In fact, he couldn't remember the last time he did. So much had gone wrong since he came to Atlantis and each time he had refused to cry. However, he couldn't stop it today.
Elizabeth was dead. There was no way he could save her now. He would never know if she loved him back. He would never have a future with her.
A future. He snorted. There was no future for him. Elizabeth was his chance and she was gone. He didn't even want to think about tomorrow, let alone any sort of future that didn't include her.
He had truly believed he would find her. That she would be able to stay on Atlantis. He had pictured so many times finding her out on their balcony.
He walked to the railings and stood to her right, as he always did. He turned and gazed at her as she watched the ocean.
"I missed this."
He reached over and took her hand. "I missed you," he replied.
She looked down at their joined hands and then locked her emerald green eyes on his.
"I love you," he declared, unable to resist the earnest look she was giving him.
She smiled, giggled slightly and looked down again. When her eyes came back up, they were shining brightly and John's mind went into overdrive. Maybe she was going to say it back.
"I love you too," she whispered.
John slid down the doors onto the floor, his elbows resting on his raised knees. His hands covered his face as he finally stopped trying to resist and let his grief take hold.
As he cried, he felt an overwhelming surge of anger. He rose to his feet and turned to the doors. With no consideration, except for the possibility of some kind of release, he clenched his fist and punched the right door. Nothing. It didn't even hurt. He hit it over and over again, until he saw blood spattered and smeared across the surface in and around the dents he had created.
Looking down at his hand, he could see his knuckles and fingers were completely red. This needed to be taken care of. Funny, it still didn't hurt, even though it obviously should have.
Slowly, he drifted to his bedside table and saw there was no tissue on it. He picked up a white T-shirt from the floor nearby and put it over the back of his hand. He watched as the blood quickly seeped through the thin material. He let it drop onto the bed.
He turned on the spot. How he hated this place. This room, this city, this planet, this galaxy. He hated it all, nothing good had come from him being here. He should never have come. He was an idiot for believing he could possibly do anything good here.
He picked up his guitar from its stand. Why did he bring this? He hadn't played it for years and wasn't even sure he could remember how. It was useless, pointless, a waste of space. Taking the instrument fully, he threw it across the room, hitting the opposite wall.
The surfboard went next. What had made him think to bring this? It landed next to the mangled guitar, still in one piece, but a chunk seemed to have come out of the wall.
The display unit by the windows crashed down as he pulled it over. Books and other objects flew from the shelves. He noted War and Peace lying amongst the mess and felt another bout of rage burst forth.
He picked up the metal frame of the single bed and flipped it over, yelling incomprehensibly.
He ripped the Johnny Cash poster from the wall behind the bed and tore it in half. As the pieces dropped to the floor, he saw a small red crate that had been hidden under his bed – until he had removed it.
Falling heavily to his knees, he pulled open the lid with trepidation. He took out the first thing that caught his eye. A brown clay-type urn, the one he had given to Elizabeth on her first birthday in Atlantis. It had been such a surreal day, starting with him giving her the gift, then finding her elder self who had given her life to allow the Expedition to come to Atlantis and survive. The day ended with her death. He should have realised then how far she was prepared to go for her people.
The tears started to fall again and he had to control the urge to smash the pot. Instead, he carefully placed it on the floor beside the box. He pulled out each item one by one. A picture of Elizabeth standing proudly with his team. It was taken during the first month in Atlantis. The photograph included Aiden Ford. They all looked so serious but every one of them had a glint of anticipation in their eyes. John himself stood next to Elizabeth. He looked so young.
Next were a couple of articles of clothing. Her grey and red Atlantis uniform jacket. A red short sleeved top with a U-shaped cut in the chest area.
As he unfolded the shirt, something silver dropped into his lap. He put the shirt down and picked up the item.
It was an old-fashioned pocket watch with a long silver chain. It was her most treasured possession. Her father had given it to her before he died. He had seen her with it so many times, it was a comfort, her support. It meant everything to her.
He didn't mean to keep it from her mother. At the time the he had packed up her belongings, he had decided to keep only the pot and the picture. But he just couldn't bring himself to put it in the box going back to Earth on the Daedalus. He hadn't even realised until he had gone to his quarters for the night that he had put it in his shirt pocket.
He was sitting in a clean and inhumanly tidy living room on a cream sofa decorated with blue flowers. He kept his head down, scratching the ear of the large white dog that had taken up residence at his feet, as the woman in the armchair to his right poured tea from an obviously fine china teapot into a matching fine china cup and pushed it towards him on the coffee table. He added milk and two cubes of sugar.
"Elizabeth mentioned you many times in her letters," Mrs Weir finally said, breaking the silence. "You seemed to be close."
"We were," John answered truthfully. "She was one of my best friends… She believed in me at a time when no one else did." He bowed his head again.
"Elizabeth always saw the potential in people," said Mrs Weir, wistfully. "When it came to people, she had good instincts. It was one of the reasons she was so successful in her career."
John shrugged, not able to look in his friend's mother's eyes, afraid she would see that her daughter had been wrong this time.
He did look up though, when Mrs Weir gently placed her hand on his knee. "Elizabeth was never wrong. If she saw something in you, then it is there. Even if you can't see it."
He was at a loss for words. This woman was so much like her daughter that it took effort not to shake her off and leave. That was what he did when things became too intense. He walked out.
Instead, he smiled and nodded his thanks. She gave his knee a tap and then took her hand away.
After another awkward period in which neither of them spoke, she was the one to break it again. "Was it you who sent my daughter's belongings?"
John cleared his throat. "It was."
"I don't mean to sound rude but it seems that something is missing."
"Really?" He tried to sound even.
"Yes," Mrs Weir replied. "It wasn't in her apartment but I didn't think she would leave without it anyway." John stayed quiet. "It was a silver pocket watch. It belonged to her father."
"I saw Elizabeth holding it in her office a few times," John told her. "It was obvious it was important to her."
"You didn't see it when you were packing her things?"
John paused, about to confess, then said unexpectedly, "No."
"Oh," she said, disappointed.
Feeling remorseful, John leaned toward her. "When I get back, I'll have another look in her quarters. Maybe she hid it somewhere to keep it safe."
"Thank you, Colonel."
"Call me John," he said. "All my friends do."
He left half an hour later, having to work hard to get out of staying for dinner. Back at the hotel, he threw off his blue Air Force blazer and hat. Reaching into his trouser pocket, he pulled out the watch.
"Next time," he said aloud to no one, "I'll give it back next time."
Holding the precious item in his hand, John closed his hand around it. His body felt weak, like it would break apart if he stayed upright any longer, so he laid down on the floor on his side, curling up to protect himself from the cold on a lovely warm day.
Regret swallowed him and, staring at the watch, he whispered. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I let you down."
Unable to bear the world around him any longer, he closed his eyes and silently wept until he fell into an uneasy sleep.
The swirling cloud of dust and gas began to collapse in on itself. She watched as the collapse released energy and heated up. The area at the centre grew hotter and finally exploded in awe-inspiring fiery light. It was a truly wondrous sight.
She looked over at the ghostly human form of her companion. "Thank you for showing me this."
"It's all right," said Janus, his voice as gentle as ever.
Elizabeth had seen so much since her Ascension. She didn't regret her decision. But to be able to watch events that took place in the Universe? That was incredible. And here she was, watching the birth of a star. What had she done to be worthy of such an honour?
Suddenly, she felt like she was falling. Not falling, crashing. She was in pain, horrible pain. She was lost and alone and… anguished.
No, it wasn't her. Not her, but John. He was suffering some sort of terrible ordeal.
"What is it?" asked Janus.
His voice brought her back somewhat. "I need to go," she said and closed her eyes in preparation.
Janus seemed to know without her saying anymore. "The others won't be happy."
Elizabeth turned her attention to him. "I know. I'm sorry but… I need to see that he's all right."
Janus watched her sternly.
"Please, Janus, just let me go," she implored. "I'll come back, I promise."
Janus sighed. "I would never stop you," he said kindly. "But don't take too long."
She smiled grimly. "Thank you." She returned to her task, focusing her thoughts, finding her way to the man she still loved.
