Chapter 12, Tangled Web, Part 2 of 2


Once again Jax had pictures of John and other club members strung out everywhere on the kitchen table. He was more focused on his and Opie's than any of the other ones. I'd say Jax was doing his own soul searching, along with maybe some healing.

"I'll get this cleanup, babe." Jax wiped his eyes and started gathering up the photos.

"It's okay, you don't have too. Tell me about them."

"You really wanna know about the club?" Yeah, I was shocked as Jax was. But if it brought me closer to him somehow, then it was worth it.

"Yeah, I do. I don't even know who these members are." The photos were aged. Some were bent while others were torn.

"Most of those guys were the Original 9 members."

They varied from daredevils to the first rat in the club. John Teller just didn't write the bylaws for it. He lived out every single one them and then determined how to handle it. In some cases, he filled in the blanks accordingly as he went along. Or what he felt was the right way to handle it at the time.

Jax told me stories about him and Opie. It was a cleansing of the heart for Jax. I don't think he ever got past losing Opie. Nor dealt with it all yet either.

As we looked through the photos, we came across one with Jax as a little boy setting on JT's lap. "It's the only real memory I got of JT. We fed the birds together. Then Gemma would get pissed off because we used up all the bread. He didn't care if she was, he'd tell her to get over it and buy more. Sometimes we'd spend hours doing it and he'd tell me stories. Other times it was only a few minutes because he had to go do something with the club."

It was no wonder Jax ended up the way he was with our children. It was a part of his normal life to put the club first. It was all he was ever taught and knew. But to break the cycle of it with him, Thomas and Abel seemed impossible sometimes.

We talked for hours. It was the longest conversation I think we ever had between us. Most of Jax's talking was done in bed with sex or on the streets with the club. It too was all he really knew. The way he handles everything.

This was the first time he went to sleep before me in a very long time. For some reason, I felt restless. I tossed and turned in the bed until I finally got up so I wouldn't wake him.

In the freezer was salted caramel ice cream. It was my guilty pleasure I indulged in but hadn't in a while. I grabbed a spoon and just enjoyed it. There weren't many things I actually looked forward to these days. But damn, I was for the next spoonful of the creamy goodness in my mouth.

To wear myself out I started reading about Odin again. The more I read, the more I had to know. It captivated me until around four in the morning. I finally put it down because if I didn't lay down soon, it would be time to get up already.

Of course all these late nights were taking a toll on me. When I went to work the next morning, I had a couple of meetings which I yawned through most of it. Although it felt good to be back doing what I loved so much.

Once I got those out of the way it was a light day for me. Wayne wouldn't be back until tonight to escort me home. So I went to see what Nero found out. I loved the freedom of having my own car again and not someone up my ass twenty-four hours a day. Even though the club didn't know I left the hospital whenever I wanted to.

"What are you doing? Is that Nero and Gemma?" Kyle was sitting at the bar drawing in his sketch book.

"I've never known two people to be with each other like they are. Nero feeds off her strength and Gemma feeds off his love for more strength. When one of them comes up short on something the other one is there to cover it. If he moves, she moves. If she's happy, he's ecstatic. If something is wrong in her world, he would give up anything to make it right for her. It's what most search a lifetime for but never find."

"Wow, I guess I didn't notice all of that about them. I know they really love each other."

"It's because, I pay attention, girl. Just watch." Kyle called Nero over to talk to us. It wasn't even two minutes later Gemma was by his side. Not just standing by Nero but she had to be touching him too. Nero never took his attention away from our conversation but touched her back. As though it were a natural reflex of their love for one another.

"See." Kyle gave me a little wink when they walked away. "Their love is like a fairytale."

"I don't believe in fairytales." Hell, my life was anything but one.

"Sometimes, Tara. You have to write your own. One page at a time."

Nero and Gemma were in the kitchen. She was making coffee and Nero just needed to be near her. It was true when she moved, so did he. After she filled the pot with water, he went to the other side of the kitchen too while she poured it in to start the coffee. For no other reason than it was where she was.

"Did you talk to Wayne, Nero?"

"Yeah, I talked to him. I also talked to Marcus and he'll do whatever we need as long as he gets his kick back from it."

"And his issues with Jax and the club?" This is where the plan got a little tricky. Navigating around the two biker clubs who had hate for each other.

"It gets settled, Tara. I don't have shit to do with it. But I made it clear to Marcus, Jax and the club doesn't get harmed from what we're doing. I say we let Marcus and Jax take their aggression's out on Charlie in the end. Charlie is only for the good of Charlie and he don't give a shit who he steps on to get there. Maybe it will bring them enough unity to settle their beef with each other and get on with business."

"What if it doesn't?" Jax was my biggest concern of all of this. I had to make sure he was protected too.

"Then Marcius and Jax needs to set down and work it out like men between them. Instead of spilling blood. But we saved them both in the end either way. It's what really counts."

"When do we do all of this?" All of our extra activities had to fit in my real job schedule and around my children.

"You start with Hale today. Tomorrow we handle Charlie and Collette. We take back what's ours, mama." Nero was so certain of what we were doing.

"Yeah." I tried to be certain too but I still had some doubts about pulling it all off.

"Are you gonna make it through this, Tara?"

"Do I have a choice? If I don't want the possibility, to go to jail and lose my freedom. I'll lose my professional licenses I worked for years to have if anyone finds out. I will lose my family too if they take Jax down because of it. Or my boys in the process of it all."

"Are you ready to go do this, Nero?"

"Take shit head with you. I got a lot of tatts on me I can't cover up. Hale will see me on the same level as Jax."

"Kyle…" I went to call for him. But when I turned around he was standing right behind me.

"Looking for me, girl?"

This was stage one in progress. If I could be convincing enough, Jacob would see it our way. If I wasn't. We would have to come at it from a different angle then.

We hung out until lunch time. Jacob visited the same place to eat at every day, at the same time and set in the same booth.

"Mr. Mayor, do you know who I am?"

"Yes. I do. I'm trying to have lunch if you don't mind."

"Actually I do mind." I set down to join him in his booth without an invitation. "I have a proposal for you which will end up saving your life. I know you have been filtering funds from Charming to Stockton and all about the projects you want to build after you get the Sons shut down."

"I have no idea what you're talking about and I'm not going to listen to this." Jacob just thought he wasn't going to hear me out.

But Kyle changed his mind for him. He shoved Jacob back down to the seat. "Sit the fuck down. She is not through talking to you yet."

"Here is what you are going to do for me. Or I will tell Jax what you're doing and he will kill you. For all the backhanded shit you did to the club to get them out of Charming. I will also be bringing out publicly how our fine Mayor of this town has been stealing funds from it."

Jacob was very conceited and hard headed but he came around to my way of thinking. Because most of his options were the same conclusion for him; ruination or death unless he did what we needed him to do.

"I do have contingencies in place, Jacob. Just in case you might think about double crossing me. If you think Jax is dangerous, you have not seen anything yet. Until you have a pissed off mother protecting her young up in your face."

Jacob for some reason wasn't hungry anymore and didn't finish his lunch.

"Well, how did I do?" Once we got out to the car I let a sigh of relief because I got through it.

"You did great. Seriously, it was hot even, girl. To watch you stick your tits out and take control."

"You're such a goof ball." It was the first laugh I had in days. I sort of missed it.

After I dropped Kyle off at the Lodge, I went back to the hospital to pick up the boys. Everything seemed to be falling in place like it should for once. The elevator was playing a catchy little tune. The mood I was in, I even hummed along to it.

There was still a lot of stuff I had to get done. I made dinner early and got the boys in the tub. Then I set down to figure out what I still had left to do.

"You guys already ate?" It was later than I thought because Jax was home already.

"Yeah, we did."

"Oh." Was all he said and went into the kitchen.

"Are you hungry, I will fix you a sandwich." I yelled it to him from the living room but he never answered me.

"Jax?" Still nothing. So I got up to go see what the hell was wrong.

"Do you even care if I come home anymore, Tara?"

"What kind of question is that?"

"You used to want me home for dinner every night. Now, it's like it's no big deal to you."

"I got tired of fighting with you about it, Jax. Either you're here or you're not. There isn't anything I can do about it." I couldn't really comprehend where Jax was going on this. It's what I wanted him to do for a long time. But I could never get him to follow through on it.

"I'm tired. I'm gonna take a shower and go to bed. Are you coming?" Jax actually waited for me in the hall instead of just taking off like he always does.

"I'll be back in a little while. I have some reading to do."

It kept bothering me what was up with Jax. It wasn't just dinner he was pissed off about or stressing on. Let's face it he was never around for much to begin with.

The last couple of nights he came home in the same mood for absolutely no reason what so ever. I went to talk to him but he was already out. So, I let it be for now and went back to reading.

Which I fell asleep on the couch and never made it to bed because Jax woke me up. The page the book was opened to. Of course, it was starting to make somewhat sense to me. If I hadn't fell asleep I would have already found my answer. So reading was the all I wanted to do.

Jax kept talking to me. I had read the same damn paragraph four times already. So I tried to tune him out until I could get what the fuck the page said. "Yes." Every now and again I would throw in. "Okay, baby." Then a "Uh huh."

"I'm getting a blow job on the way home."

"Okay, baby." Then it really registered with me what he actually said. "What?"

"Where the hell are you these days, Tara?"

"I was just caught up in reading."

"Do you even care anymore? You should have your family on your mind. Isn't that what you're always preaching to me?"

"My family is all I think about, Jax. You got no idea the things I do to keep us together."

"You couldn't tell it from my end." Jax didn't even give me a chance to talk to him about it. He slammed the door and left.

Jax could pout all he wanted to, I would deal with it later. I had one goal in mind, find the answers. The part I was sure of, it was all about the Original 9 members of the club coming together. The poison and evil couldn't survive until the nine pieces were joined together as one again. So, it's where I started with the puzzle pieces. I wrote down everything I knew about them and what I could remember from what Jax told me.

1. John Teller, founder and President, military, married to Gemma, father to Jax and Thomas, deceased

2. Piney Winston, co-founder, military buddy to John, Opie's father, deceased

3. Lenny 'The Pimp' Janowitz, military buddy to John and Piney, Sergeant-at-Arms for John, serving life in prison, alive

4. Keith McGee, moved to Belfast at John's request, President of SAMBEL charter, deceased

5. Wally Grazer, valuable asset to the club with ties in Redwood County where they set up, moved to the east coast later, President of New Jersey charter, deceased

6. Thomas 'Uncle Tom' Whitney, ratted on the club, killed in prison by Lenny, deceased

7. Chico Vellenueva, club daredevil, first Hispanic member, formed alliance with the Mayan MC, deceased

8. Otto Moran, spent most of his club time in prison, deceased

9. Clay Morrow, President, married to Gemma, Jax's step father, killed John, killed by Jax, deceased

John was the beginning piece and Clay was the end piece. But the rest of it made no sense to me yet. But the three always connected together in some way; John, Gemma and Clay. When I marked up the page connecting them all together in every way possible, it looked like a spider web.

"Two crows named Huginn and Muninn would set on the shoulders of Odin. He would send them to fly around the world. They would always return at dinner time to tell Odin about their journey and what they seen. As a result, Odin obtained much knowledge and wisdom from it. More than any other mortal man obtained. The wisdom is why he became a revered god among normal men. Until his evil brother discovered how Odin reached such a high status. When Odin was gone his brother killed the crows and buried their bodies deep in the ground. Odin paced for days waiting their return which never came. Eventually he lost his way without them and appeared weak among his followers without their knowledge they gave him."

I did it over and over. They always connected up in the same form no matter where on the page I put their names.

"Oh, what a tangled web you've weaved, John Teller."

There was no way each time it could have just been coincidental either. I was headed in the right direction but had a lot more to learn about John.

Me and the boys never left the house. I cleaned, played with them and piddled the day away. Because tomorrow would be a rough day. I had Lodge business to handle with Nero.

Once I got the boys down for the night. I went to clean up the kitchen.

"Hey."

"Hey."

It was all the dialog we exchanged when Jax got home. He didn't seem as pissy as he was the last couple of nights. I refused to baby him this time. He would figure it out on his own eventually.

Jax came up behind me while I was doing the dishes. He moved my hair and kissed down the back of my neck. My eyes closed while I enjoyed the feel of him so close to me. The passion I've shared with him always brought my emotions to the surface I could not hide.

"It's been a while. I wanna make love to my wife."

"I still have to finish this."

"No you don't, babe. Just let me love you." There was no way for me to refuse him. He always held the power over me. No matter what he's ever done.

In bed was the one place with Jax I always fit into his world. He showed me more emotions and love there than anywhere else.

His movements were so painfully slow inside me. I encouraged him to speed up but he wouldn't. I needed him to take me this time. Make me feel like we did when our love was new and he couldn't get enough of me. I even tried to force him to by grabbing his hips and moving under him.

There was one thing since we've been together Jax always wanted me to do. But I wouldn't be on top of him especially naked. I wasn't like those other girls he was used to and I didn't have a great body for it. Maybe it was my conservative attitude that held us back from advancing forward.

Since he refused to take me, I took him. Maybe I could make him feel like it was something new again in our love. I pushed him off of me until I got him to roll over on his back finally. Pinned his arms down to the bed and pleased my man.

The way he grunted, moaned and grasped on to my ass underneath me; made me ride him so much harder. It was freeing for once to let myself go with him and just be the woman he wanted me to be. He was so close to cumming, I pounded down on him as he could feel the love I was giving to him.

It left me breathless when we were done. I laid down on Jax's chest and went to kiss him when he turned his head away from me.

"What?"

Jax reached for his smokes off the nightstand. After he took a couple of drags from it he eventually got up out of bed. "Was it even my cock inside you? Or were you with him just now?"

"I just wanted to please you. Have you lost your mind, Jax?"

"I'm well on my way to losing it, I really am. You've never moved liked that with me in bed before."

"How many more times do I have to say I have not done…"

"Congratulations, Tara. You finally managed to hurt me back." He put on his sweats and disappeared.

Jax was wallowing in his own self-pity about something I hadn't even done. I certainly wasn't coddled by him after I found out about Ima. The subject was dropped by him and life went on like normal. He never wanted to hear what I had to say about it.

How would he feel if I punished him for years afterwards? He was punishing me for a crime I wasn't guilty of. My biggest crime was loving him the way I do and I lost my self-respect in the process. Because if I had been woman enough back then, we would have had it out about that bitch a long time ago. Fear took over my better judgement. I felt if I pushed the issue with him or kept bringing it up. He would get tired of me and I would lose him all over. I just got him back in my life again then.

For hours I laid awake staring at the ceiling. Everything in life was a judgement call. John Teller had a lot of wrongs to still rectify in his life and so did I.

When Jax didn't come back to bed, I got up to look for him. The door to garage was standing open in the kitchen. I wasn't exactly sure what he was doing but he was working on something.

"What are doing out here?" It was the best way I could come up with breaking the ice with Jax.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Are we okay, Jax?"

"Why don't you tell me. I don't know what it is you want from me anymore, Tara."

"I want you, Jax and everything thing promised me. It's all I ever wanted from you. So, I don't understand how you don't know it already."

"Is Kyle part of what you want too?"

"Don't bring Kyle into this. He has nothing to do with it."

"Bullshit, he doesn't. Do you know how it makes me feel knowing another man has been inside what's supposed to be mine?"

"So, that's what it's all about. How you feel, Jax? I had to witness it up close and personal. I don't recall you even giving it a second thought to how I felt. You only think I slept with Kyle and it makes you feel this shitty. Which I didn't. But I know for sure you fucked that bitch. So imagine, how I feel and have felt all this time? How is it any different to know what's supposed to belong to me has been inside some nasty whore?"

Jax went on like what I said had no real effect on him what so ever. It really pissed me off. "It could be it's not so much me you're truly upset about. The hottie new boy wants to spend time with the one everyone least expects him to. Instead of whores, like you do, Jax. Maybe it's just a cold blow your ego. Or he's the kind of man you should be, want to be but can't be."

The last part enraged, Jax. I struck a nerve with him because it was a truth he didn't want to deal with. He threw the wrench he had in his hand across the garage at wall.

"Don't push me, Tara."

"It's too late for that."

Toe to toe we went at it because I wouldn't back down from him. An hour long screaming match at each other went on until we were exhausted from it. Along with the good cry I had, I actually felt better. All those bottled up emotions I've carried around weighed me down so badly.

Jax could stay up for the rest of the night if he wanted to. But I had to get some sleep. It wasn't long until I felt the bed move. He slipped in behind me. "I'm sorry. It won't ever happen again." He never stated what he was sorry for or exactly what wouldn't happen again. But it was a monumental event he did it even.

We drifted off to sleep finally. He held on to me for the rest of the night and I welcomed it. Until the alarm went off and it was time to begin another day of the same shit.

Up all night already took a toll on me. I drug my butt to the kitchen to make a pot of coffee. Jax came in and set down at the table. I wasn't sure what his mood would be like today. But I poured us both a cup and joined him anyway.

"I know living with me isn't easy. I don't get why you chose to spend your life with a guy like me. But I am grateful you did. You're a part of what I am and you always have been. You're the only truth I got left, Tara."

Jax finished his coffee and put his leather on. "I'll never let you go. Or give up on us."

We kissed goodbye and he rode away like he does every day. As much as I hated to, I got up to start my day as well.

Wayne came by like I could always count on him to do. I think he kind of enjoyed having a purpose to get up in the mornings and someone to socialize with too.

He followed me to work and I dropped off my babies. I pretty much had gotten to the point; I did as I want to anymore. I didn't wait for the club when they had time to follow me around or cared if they knew where I was. Today was no different. I had shit to do and had my schedule already changed around to make it happen.

My first stop was to see John. Since, I couldn't make heads or tails out of any of it. Maybe the crow could give me some sort of sign. Or at least send me in which direction to go in next.

Only today John had a new visitor with him. Jax was leaned up against his tombstone writing in a notebook. Smoking a cigarette and lost in his thoughts. Whatever he felt the need to get down on paper was consuming him completely.

"I feel like I have to take a number to talk to you lately, John."

SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA

The sight of her car and license's plate enraged me. "Fuck no. Not today." The bitch had slapped me in the face one to many times.

"Where is she?"

"Where's who, mama?"

"Ima."

"She came in looking for Lyla. Her and Kyle were getting real friendly. So, they took it to the back room. My guess is; she's already got his cock in her mouth by now."

"Gemma." Nero was practically scolding her for what she said.

It didn't matter to me what the fuck they were doing. Ima would never come around me after today. Because as of today no bitch would ever touch my man again without feeling the consequences of it.

Ima was sprawled out on the bed with her pussy stuck in his face. He was giving her a tattoo on her twat. As soon as she seen me she twisted her hair around her finger. I think she might have been trying to push his face down in it too.

The smug smile Ima wore brought a rage to the surface like I never felt before. "Do you think Jax will like my pussy…cat?" When she rubbed on her twat to torture me or intimidate me, that was it.

"I was just following his lead. Married pussy is boring pussy. Why don't you ask the cock that was inside me last night?"

The hooker in high heels, Ima, said it directly to Lyla about Opie. But it was etched in my mind, heart and soul because essentially, it was Jax too.

By the long blonde hair, Ima liked to flip around so much. I yanked her off the bed on to the floor with it. I squeezed her throat with both hands until she gasped for breath. It only fed my need to do it harder as she tried to get my hands off her. "You shouldn't go for the obvious, bitch." Not all of my aggression I was taking out on her belonged her; but she was here and she would do.

Her high heel shoe was all that was in my reach. Bash after bash to her face with it. Until she felt some of my pain. Only her face bled because she was with Jax. My bleeding came straight from the heart.

"Goddamn it, Tara. Let go." It took both Nero and Kyle to separate us. Because I would no longer let this kind of behavior go or tolerate it.

"You come back, bitch, around me or my family. I finish what I started the next time." I had to scream it at her. Because Kyle finally got tired of fighting me to keep me off Ima and carried me out of the room.

"What the hell is wrong with you, Tara?"

"Get off me." When he finally let go of me, I shoved him away. "You're just like all the rest. You enjoy have porn pussy rubbed your face."

"Why are you mad at me for? What the fuck did I do to you?"

"I know you got a thing for Lyla. They all do for sluts like them."

"You don't know shit, girl."

This was not like me. None of it was like me or the person I was or strived to become. There was nothing else for me to say or do here.

Gemma was leaning up against the wall with a smirk on her face. "Huh, my bad. I didn't realize Kyle was just giving her a tattoo."

"Don't start with me, Gemma." As pissed as I was. I stomped off outside. I needed to get myself under control and away from them.

For an hour I sat and ponder life's mysteries. The answers I couldn't ever come up with.

"Just leave me alone."

"I wish I could, girl. Gemma told me about Ima. Sorry." Kyle came out and set down beside me.

"I walked into the clubhouse the next morning after Jax fucked her. They were still together in his room. He didn't say word to me. Not I'm sorry, I am wrong for what I did, I love you and it won't happen again, not nothing. We had a fight last night over her and you. I just couldn't take it when I saw her car when I pulled up. She's such a fucking whore. Yet every man wants that nasty bitch. I can't compete with what those kind of women give Jax. Because I don't even know what it is." It was the first time I said it out loud and no tears came any longer. I had shed my last over it all.

Kyle didn't say anything. Which was never like him. Because he had a comment to always make. "No words of wisdom for me? Or what?"

"People always say; it'll get better. You'll get over it. I'd say it too but I know it's not true. I think my favorite is; you just need time to get over it. But you won't ever get over it completely. It carries over to every relationship you ever have. Because you are waiting for them to do it to you too. It makes you question if you're truly worthy of someone's love in the first place." He knew exactly where I was coming from. I ask myself the same all the time.

"Did you finally get past it after she left you?"

"No, not really. I just deal with it better now I guess. Because when you don't give a shit anymore, it stops mattering so much. But I do have some words of wisdom for you, girl."

"What?"

"The next time you feel the need to slap a bitch down. Could you wait until she pays me for her tattoo first?" Kyle always found a way to make me laugh and put me in a better mood. "Come on, let's go down our sorrows."

"It's a little early in the morning to drink, don't you think?"

"I'm talking about cake, girl. Gemma made me a chocolate cake."

"Gemma, our Gemma. Made you a cake?"

"Yeah. I think she is starting to warm up to me." Kyle truly was a wonderful man. Even Gemma was attached to him now.

"Kyle, would you believe me, if I said I'm sorry for the things I said to you earlier? You're really not like all the others."

"Would you believe me, girl. If I said I forgive you if you bake me a chocolate cake too?"

"Deal."

After we had our cake. Nero and I held up on our end on what we told Marcus we would do. The rest of it depended on everyone else coming through now.

There was only one more thing I had to do before I left. "I need to take your stitches out. I should have done it yesterday."

"You don't have to. Gemma said she would do it for me."

"Take your shirt off already."

"For my brother?" The words were written out in cursive on his other side. It wasn't as though I had my head on straight the last few times I changed his bandage to even notice it. Gemma had been doing it lately for him.

"Every tattoo tells a story. It's why I love doing them so much. It's art for the soul."

"But what does it mean? I thought you only had a sister."

"He was like my brother. We were military brats and our dad's served together. Even when we would get separated on different bases for a while, we would end back up in the same place eventually. We enlisted as soon as we turned eighteen and both got the same tattoo for the brotherhood, our unit. I trusted him with my life and he always came through for me. I trusted him with my wife too and he betrayed me. He was supposed to be watching over her and Zac while I gone. I was down to the last bit of time I had to do overseas to be out. I guess he watched her really well. All she said she ever wanted was for me to get out of the Marines and have a life with her. I fulfilled my part of it but she didn't."

"Do all those symbols mean Semper Fi?"

"One set means it the other one is; fear no man."

Gemma stuck her head in. "Are you bringing the boys over, Tara?"

"Yeah, I am."

"Thanks, doc. I'll see ya later, Tara."

Gemma kept the boys for me so I could maybe get in line to see John today. I was still searching for the answers.

"I don't understand or get any of it. It's a maze and I can't find my way out. Or find the true meaning behind what it is I am supposed to do with all this. If I don't come up with the answers soon. I'm afraid there won't be enough of Jax left to even save anymore. I'm losing him John and I don't what to do about it. You have to give me something to go off of or at least what direction to go in."

For an hour I waited and nothing happened. The crow didn't come to me this time. My entertainment was watching a spider build its web at the bottom of his tombstone. One strand at a time. It must have traveled up and down the stone a thousand times to build its home.

It was just time for me to give up. Maybe the crows were all a coincidence and I built it all up it my mind. Or maybe I lost my mind like John did and all of it meant nothing.

By the time I finally went back to the car, I seen it. It was waiting for me. The white faced crow took flight. I had no idea where this journey would lead us to but I would see it through. Only to my surprise it took me back to where I began from, in a complete fucking circle. Just like everything else was lately. I was back at Gemma's house.

"Really? This is the sign? What the hell does it mean?"

Nothing was strange or out of place or insightful when I went inside. There were no signs here for me to find. I gathered up the boys and decided to give it up for the day.

Abel was the happy one singing on the way home. "The itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the water spout. Down came the rain and washed the spider out. Out came the sun and dried up all the rain. And the itsy-bitsy spider climbed up the spout again." He must have sung me ten verses of it on the way home.

But it was until we got home and I watched him do the motions with the song. "Abel, who taught you the song, baby?"

"Grandma."

"Every tattoo tells a story. They are art to the soul."

"You, my child, are a genius."

"I know I am." Abel said so confident and proud. "What is a genius, Mommy?"

Abel followed me and Thomas in our bedroom. I laid Thomas on the bed and took Jax's box down from the closet.

Finally, I dumped the box out to find what I was looking for. I missed it before, it was so clear too. I counted the separate pieces to Clay's web tattoo on his elbow, there were nine pieces to the web. Also nine separate layers to make up each induvial piece of it to the center core.

Abel colored while Thomas played with his toys on the bed with me. I searched through the book several times. But still came up with no reference to what the nine pieces were of the serpent Odin slayed. There was one person who would know off the top of his head.

Although, it too was put on the back burner when Jax got home. He came in and set down on the bed and was seriously troubled. "What's wrong, Jax?"

"I told you, I tried to move the club outta guns. The Irish didn't accept my proposal of August Marks taking over our end of distribution. Since Alverez stepped on us in Stockton and it's the only legitimate business the club has got. I lost the money we invested in the escort business, the club's money, Tara. If I don't make good on the hundred and fifty grand, we owe the Irish tomorrow. Galen said it won't be just Abel he takes to Belfast this time. I got no shipment of guns to give to Marks either if I don't pay the Irish. The streets will blow up in Charming and there won't be a damn thing I can do about it."

"Tara, please say something. Yell at me, tell me I'm a fuck up. But say something." Jax held my hand and waited for the storm to come from me. Only this time, it wouldn't.

"If you pay them, does this all go away?"

"Yeah, but the club is tapped. I can't pull that kinda money together by tomorrow."

"I can." To my secret hiding place I went to get my stash. Most of this shit landed on Jax's shoulders for decisions he made. But part of it, was on me too. I made decisions accordingly to protect him, myself and our family. When you love someone you do what is best for them first. Then worry about how you will make it right later with yourself.

The laundry room was the last place Jax ever went to except to get clean clothes. I hid the money in the panel door. I wrapped it in bubble wrap then stuck it inside plastic freezer bags to make sure water couldn't get to it.

"Where the hell did you get all this money, Tara?"

"I earned it, Jax. This is what I made from the Lodge. I've got a hundred and ten thousand dollars. It's still short forty thousand. But I know where I can get it, maybe."

"Where?"

"Where do you think? From my partner."

This would be one ride I would take alone and I didn't give a fuck if Jax liked it or not. Not him nor any of the prospects would be along for it. I would gravel to Nero for the money if it's what I had to do to protect my family. I would stand up and take my responsibility for the role I played in all this shit.

It took me an hour to work the courage up to ask Nero when it was only a fifteen-minute drive there. To admit I needed someone and their help or I wouldn't make it.

They were all in a good mood drinking when I got to Gemma's house. I hoped the mood continued on after I talked to them too.

"You're out late. What's going on?" Gemma was the one who met me at the door.

"I came to see Nero. Can we go outside for a minute? I need to talk to you in private."

"What's going on, mama?"

"I need a favor."

"Sure, what."

"It's a really huge favor."

After I explained Jax's delicate situation and our actions were partially to blame for it. Even though eventually Marcus would have shut the Sons out anyway from Stockton. We accelerated the end game.

"I'll give you what I got. But, I need time to get the rest of it together. I can't get my hands on that kind of cash tonight. I'll need to talk to Gemma first about it too. I won't ever leave her out or behind."

"Okay. Maybe Jax can somehow come up with the rest of it or stall for more time."

We went inside to talk to Gemma. I knew she wouldn't let Jax receive the brunt end of it or let the club fall a part because of it. She agreed without even discussing terms of paying it back. She went over to the safe and got out Nero's twenty-five thousand and included her own money she had too. I was down to coming up with ten thousand more.

Money never really ruled my life before. But it sure as hell was very important to me today. "Thank you. I don't know when I can pay it back."

"We'll figure it out, partner." Nero smiled when he stuck his hand out to me.

"Yeah, we will. But this time I am a completely silent partner in all this. Your true Madame of ecstasy can handle it and will be happy to step up to take my place." Gemma was all smiles because she knew I was referring to her. "I'll take a smaller percentage and until my debt is covered. You can take it out of my share. I still need to figure out how to come up with the rest of it. I have to so I can protect my family."

"No you don't. I've got it covered." Kyle went out to his truck and set the cash down on the table.

"It's okay you don't have to. It's my problem and I…"

"Just take the money, Tara. I'll see you later." Then he walked out.

"Thanks, Nero. For everything. I'll see you tomorrow." I only thought I learned life lessons from Gemma. Until now.

"Kyle, wait. I can't take the money from you."

"I gave you my word I would see this through with you and I will. I said I wouldn't ever let you fall and I won't. You need the money to take care of your boys and know they are safe. It's just money, I'll earn more."

"Thank you." I had to hug him. He had done so much for me. "If there is anything I can do for you, I will and I will pay it all back."

"If you really want to do something for me, don't go anywhere. I'll see you tomorrow, Tara."

On to my much bigger problems waiting for me at home. Jax had already put the boys to bed. He was sitting on the couch staring at the television but it wasn't on.

"I got the money. I will have to pay back Nero, Gemma and Kyle. You need to put the bullshit and how you feel aside. Make sure you show them some gratitude for what they did for you. I love you, Jax. I really do. But you need to get your shit figured out."

When I went to check on my sons and watched them sleep so peacefully without a worry. I knew the things I've done lately were right even if others seen them to be wrong.

What wasn't wrong however was when Jax picked up his cell from the coffee table. It took him forever to dial all the numbers. "Hey, Gemma. I hope I didn't wake you up. I wanted to say thank you….."

SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA~SOA

There were so many moving parts that all had to fit together to make it work out right in the end. Jacob Hale set the bait for us because he feared the Sons or more so, Jax coming after him. It set Jacob free of the guilty charge the outlaws would end up handing out to him. He got a free pass this time. Only because we needed him.

Our girls brought our dear friend the mighty powerful judge the most afternoon delight he has ever experienced. We tape recorded the joyous occasion for him of the four girls making his fantasies come true. In exchange for his signature so we wouldn't turn the tape over to his wife. He would sign off in the end on the Lodge. Stating no criminal actives were found on the premises, it would go back to business as usual around here. Or we took him down with us too. He was now a passenger on our sinking ship as many of them were.

There was no way for me to earn the kind of money I needed to replace what I gave Jax to save his ass. Not to mention the money Nero, Gemma and Kyle loaned me too. Unless I saw this shit through to its ending we all lost something and had a stake in it.

We were truly an amazing four-person team though. Gemma convinced Lyla what role she had to take on to redeem herself with us. Or she would feel Gemma's wrath come down on her. Keep your enemies close, keep back stabbing whores, even closer to keep an eye on them.

If it all worked the way it was supposed to. Jax, the club, the Mayans MC and all of us would be spared from the clutches of the evil Madame's poisonous venom. If it didn't life would get very messy, very complicated and very twisted up for all of us involved.

"Has Lyla check in today with you, Gemma? Did she find Collette's files yet?"

"I tried her earlier and she didn't answer. I'll try her again. I going to get some smokes. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

"I won't be gone long. Nero and Kyle should be back anytime."

The quiet was great. It was rarity anymore. I found the Lodge to be the place I ran to for my sanity lately. I could just sit and do nothing if I wanted to here. It gave me time to clear my head and think shit through.

The reflection caught my eye in the long bar mirror. "You have been a pain in my ass for the last time." Collette was standing behind me with a gun.

"If you hurt me, Jax will kill you."

"Jax is going a very busy boy. After I kill you, I am going to kill off your handsome lover, Kyle, too. When they find your two naked bodies together and this gun in Jax's saddle bag on his motorcycle. He committed the ultimate crime of passion. He will need a place to run to for consoling. Just like he runs to me now, the broken little boy he really is. But don't worry, I will there for him until I get what I want."

The bottom line, she needed the IRA gun source. Which, the only way for her to get it was to get closer to Jax. It would be in exchange for the deal she made to get her freedom back. But I got in the way of it all.

This whole time I thought I was insane for the crazy shit I've done and wrong for keeping shit from Jax. The stronger I became and advanced on with it. It was what kept Jax and all of us out the trap she set.

"You're the one who tried to blow me up."

"Not personally. But I planted the seed for it to get done. They didn't succeed with getting you out of my way. So, I am taking care of business now."

Collette looked away for just a few seconds when Gemma came in. It was long enough though. Both of us rushed her at the same time. All three of us were fighting to get control of the gun when it went off. I didn't feel anything. I even looked down to make sure it wasn't me.

Nero and Kyle came in a hurry because they heard the gun shot go off. "What the hell happened?"

Nero bent down to check her pulse. "Collette's dead."


I hope you enjoyed reading me! The web becomes more intertwined and tangled up as we go.

The next chapter will be out in a few days; John the Revelator. I hope by the end of July to have the story completed.

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