Chapter 12

Daniel shivered slightly, pulling his jacket tighter around his body. Despite the clear blue skies of Kheb, a bitter chill was in the air. He was not the only one who could feel it. SG-1, accompanied by Bra'tac, walked in silence. There was no banter from Jack, no discussion of the mission or what they might find once they reached their destination, no scientific ponderings from Sam. Daniel himself lagged behind, despite his fierce desire to find the temple of Kheb – and the boy. Perhaps that is what was bothering them all. The Harcesis child, a boy containing all the knowledge and memories of the goa'uld within their grasp. How all too easily he could slip through their fingers and into the venomous clutches of Apophis.

The Harcesis. Sha're's son. Somehow that made the journey all the more harder for Daniel. Until now, he had been able to put thoughts of the child out of his mind…to save himself the pain of remembering that his wife had a son that was not his own. To forget that out there somewhere was a constant reminder of Apophis, and the suffering he had caused them. But now, trekking through the forests of Kheb, his promise to find the boy had come to fruition. It had been a well-meaning gesture at the time, and he had researched the mythology behind the Harcesis and Kheb – but that was a far cry from knowing where the child was, and launching a retrieval mission.

Daniel couldn't help but wonder what bringing the boy back to Earth would mean. While it was not his son biologically, Daniel had brought the child into the world, heard him cry for the first time. At that moment, genetics hadn't crossed his mind as a fatherly pride had swept over him. But it had only been a moment. Watching the boy grow, knowing the power he held, knowing where he'd come from could become an unpleasant reminder for Daniel. He wasn't sure if he'd be strong enough, to look into the boy's face and not see Apophis staring back at him. Wouldn't be reminded of the child that he had lost not two days ago.

That was the most painful thing for Daniel. To know that his and Sha're's child had not been given the chance at life the Harcesis had. With the grief still all too near for Daniel, he couldn't help those treacherous thoughts from invading his mind. But he'd promised his wife. Even with all the problems they were facing at the moment, Daniel couldn't deny her that hope. He'd entered the infirmary wondering how exactly he was going to tell her about Kheb – about the mission she couldn't be a part of. He'd panicked when he'd seen her, not in the bed where he'd left her, but braced against the wall, struggling to balance herself.

"Sha're" he called frantically, rushing over to her. "You shouldn't be out of bed". He tried to gather her in his arms, but she pulled away.

"I just…" she began quietly, looking embarrassed. "I needed to go to the….bathroom" she said, finally settling on the appropriate word.

"I'll help you-"

"No" she cried curtly, turning further away from him. "I don't want you to have to do that". Her voice was filled with a strange shame. "I'm…bleeding still".

"Oh". In truth, Daniel wouldn't have minded, but decided against trying to persuade her of that fact. "I can get a nurse…"

"No" she said again, less forcefully this time. "I want to hear of your meeting with Master Bra'tac".

Daniel nodded, before gingerly reaching for her again. He was hurt when she flinched at his touch slightly. Ignoring it, he gathered her gently in his arms and carried her back to the bed she currently occupied in the infirmary. She sank into the mattress gratefully, closing her eyes and Daniel noticed her brow crease slightly. "Are you still in pain?" he asked softly.

"A little bit". Sha're opened her eyes. "But tell me what has happened".

"Janet says you have to rest. You know-"

"Daniel". She looked pleadingly up at him. "Please".

Daniel took a deep breath. "We think we've found Kheb". He reached out his hand to stop Sha're from once again jumping out of her bed. "Hammond's approved a mission…to bring the Harcesis back to Earth".

"My son…"Sha're murmured to herself. Daniel noticed her hand drift over her abdomen, before shaking her head slightly. She moved to lift herself up on her elbows. "When do we leave?"

Caught off guard, Daniel stuttered intelligibly for a few seconds. "You want to come?" he eventually asked. And then she gave him one of those looks, the kind of looks she used to give him on Abydos before things changed. The look that said he was a fool for thinking she was not going to get her own way. In that moment, she was the old Sha're again, the young woman untouched by the horrors of the universe. Daniel hated himself for having to break her again. "Sha're…" he began, his eyes cast downward. "You have to stay".

"What?" she cried, sitting up more fully, her voice pained. "I've been offworld before Daniel...I can handle it".

"It's not that. Dr Fraiser will never release you so soon, and we leave in less than an hour".

"But I'm fine" she insisted.

"We can't take the risk, Sha're…I won't take the risk". He drew his eyes towards her, hoping there was something in them to convince her.

Sha're, uncharacteristically, gave in without another word, lying back down on the mattress. But Daniel couldn't help but notice the tears forming in her eyes.

"But you'll bring him back to me?" she asked softly, turning her brown eyes towards his in a final appeal. Daniel found himself reaching for her hand, and laying a gentle kiss to the back of it. "I promise".


Daniel stared hard at the flame before him. He could do it. He knew he could.

"I can't do it".

The monk looked at him with the same peculiar, knowing gaze. "You say you seek this child to fulfil a promise".

"Yes" Daniel answered. He adjusted his position slightly on the floor, slightly uncomfortable with the change in the conversation.

"Is there another reason?" The monk inquired. Even though the monk's expression had not changed, Daniel understood that he already knew the answer.

Daniel sighed. There was no point lying. "The child has knowledge. He can help my people defend themselves against an evil enemy, the Goa'uld."

"You hate the Goa'uld?"

Daniel swallowed heavily. "The Gould are responsible for everything that had happened to my wife. They enslave the galaxy, and are responsible for the deaths of millions of people. How can I not hate them?"

The monks levelled him with his intense gaze. "The man who knows hate only finds it within himself".

"What does that mean?"

"The serpent delivers the poison, yet it is the blood which carries it".

"I don't understand". Daniel was bewildered. Riddles were certainly not his forte.

The monk smiled at him mysteriously. "You carry burden's others do not. Oma can help you find the light again, if you are willing to follow where she leads".

"Will she lead me to the boy?" The recovery of the Harcesis was still Daniel's top priority.

"One cannot see the journey before it happens". The monk seemed thoughtful for a few moments, and Daniel felt uncomfortable under his inscrutable gaze. "Put your hand in the flame" he said finally.

"What?" Surely he couldn't be serious.

"Place your hand in the flame" the monk repeated, that same, strange smile gracing his face.

Daniel sighed. He had to show the monk he trusted him if he was ever going to get any information. Anything that would indicate if the boy was here, or where he could be found. And there wasn't much time, Apophis' fleet could arrive at any moment. Daniel reached out his hand slowly, hardly believing he was about to do this. Suddenly the room was eerily quiet, but not the peaceful silence that he had felt before. Daniel felt like he was being watched, scrutinised by something other than the monk's watchful eye. Trying to ignore the feeling, he placed his fingers directly over the flickering candle.

"Ah!" Daniel violently pulled his hand back. Nursing his singed fingers, he tried to ignore the pain and gave the monk an accusing look. "Why did you tell me to do that?"

"Why did you do it?"

"Because you told me to".

"Because you trusted" the monk surmised.

"Yes". The stinging pain in Daniel's hand was a tender reminder that he had always been too quick to trust people, too quick to see the best in them.

"Within you is the capacity for great trust" the monk continued. "Trust Oma Desala. Do not believe you can light the candle…believe she can light the candle".

"Is she here?" Daniel asked, connecting the dots in his head. At first he had believed whatever alien race Oma Desala was a part of was long gone from the planet. But the sense of being watched, and the monk's words made him think otherwise.

"Oma is everywhere".

"I mean physically". To be honest, he was getting a little frustrated with his lack of progress.

"There is more to the universe than the physical" the monk replied cryptically. "The child is not the reason you are here. You are here to begin your own journey".


The infirmary was beginning to drive Sha're insane. She couldn't abide the drab grey walls, the constant attention from the nurses, the guarded looks from the other patients. She felt everyone was watching her, judging her, or maybe that was the accusations of her own heart. Nothing, not even her possession by Amaunet, compared to the pain at feeling her child die inside of her. After the shock of it all had faded, Sha're was left to face those familiar, dark voices inside her soul. She was weak, shattered and exposed to the hate and taunts of the creature inside of her, the one that sounded like Amaunet.

Sha're knew that despite her reservations about her pregnancy, her unwillingness to share it with others, that she would have loved the child wholeheartedly. She would have needed time to adjust, but she believed that the child was the beginning of her new life. Already, the feeling of the life inside of her had started to lift her spirit, bring her out of the dark places she had been forced to wallow in for months. But once again, she had been cast back into the depression as the darkness moved to overtake her again.

The pain in her womb had receded to a lingering ache, but the pain in her heart intensified with each passing day. It grew as she told herself that it was all her fault. Sha're believed that it was punishment, a penance for lying to her husband. She had denied him the joy of knowing about her pregnancy, so she had been denied the child itself. She alone was responsible for her baby's death. And it was killing her inside.

Daniel was gone. Not just from her bedside, but from her life. Sha're mourned the loss of her child all the more because she believed it signalled the loss of her husband as well. She couldn't feel him anymore, they were emotionally severed – unable to grieve together, unable to be together. The pretences were all there – in the way he had held her hand, the way she reached for him. But Sha're felt his heart was distant from hers in a way it had never been before. Without either of them realising it, their love had grown cold. And that was worse for Sha're than anything she could imagine. Even when they had been parted, she had still held onto his love, but now it was gone. Sha're wasn't sure if it would ever return, however desperately she wanted it to.

Now her only other hope lay in her first son, if Daniel could bring him home to her.


The baby was beautiful. Soft olive skin, and a rim of dark hair crowning his forehead. The boys bright blue eyes stared into Daniel's own, and the two of them sized each other up. Daniel felt all his doubts, all his worries about the child disappear the instant he saw him. In the boy he saw Sha're, and not Apophis, as he had thought he would. This child was not his biologically, but, as Daniel moved to pick him up, he knew this would not damage the connection they would share. He remembered something Kasuf had told him once, late into the Abydonian night as they watched the stars together. Kasuf had said that Daniel was not the son of his blood, but the son of his heart, and that in his eyes, there was no difference between the two. Daniel felt the same way about this child.

It was then that Daniel noticed Oma Desala in the room. Unlike any alien he had seen before, she hardly seemed more than a face amid a great white light. He smiled at her, the boy nestled tightly in his arms.

"Thank you. He'll be safe with us". Looking down lovingly at the boy, Daniel turned to leave. But suddenly, he felt a wave of understanding go through him. He had been wrong. "I didn't do any of it did I?" he said, turning back towards her. All those powers, everything he'd thought he'd learnt, thought he'd understood. "It was you. You were showing your power to me…it's how you communicate with us". The next thought that dawned on Daniel almost broke his heart. "You were trying to tell me the boy is better off with you and I…I didn't want to listen" he continued sadly.

Finally, all the monk had said to him was becoming clear. The child couldn't be safe on Earth…not among humans who would use and exploit him for their own gain. Not with him and Sha're with all their burdens they had not release. Oma had the power to protect him from everything in the universe that was hunting him. But there was one thing he couldn't ignore.

"I made a promise" he said, almost pleadingly. But Daniel knew he couldn't put his needs, nor that of Sha're's, above the boys. With all of his knowledge, he needed the protection and teaching of a greater being. With a heavy heart, Daniel softy placed the boy back among the silks of his cradle, trying to ignore the way his tiny hands grabbed onto his shirt.

He wished there was another way, but could see now that were was none. The monk had told him, indirectly, that his journey lay elsewhere. He had to trust. Taking one last look at the child, mesmerising every detail, Daniel turned away, whispering a silent apology to his wife.