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12. A Fine Mess
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KAA-BOOOM!
"Holy crap…" Millie reeled back with her posse, shielding her head from flying debris. "So to speak . . . that's why Anders was collecting piss-crusts? What are people eating around here?"
Sebastian fell to his knees with a clank and wailed.
"Maker! Nooo!" Down at the docks, stray dogs pricked their ears and howled an enthusiastic response.
"Now I'm regretting the extra spicy beef last night. . . Right, folks, campfire. Our pet abominamage has created a Situation. Opinions?"
"What!" Sebastian's eyes bulged. "I can't believe you're considering letting him live! Why are you waffling?"
"Okay, first: you accusing me of waffling is ironic to the point of being surreal. Second: mm, waffles. . ."
"How would you feel if it had been Me in there?"
"Um. . . Bad?" Millie blinked. "Hang on a second." Keeping a wary eye on the sometime prince in case he started foaming at the mouth and licking himself, she leaned over to Varric and muttered from the corner of her mouth. "Have I ever given this guy any reason to think I'd care in particular?"
"You avenged the murder of his family?" Varric was equally nonplussed.
"In answer to his help-wanted ad – and he still hasn't finished paying me, so yeah, that I'd regret."
"You gave him that fancy bow."
"Only to carry until we found the next merchant to unload it. How was I to know he'd get all squishy over it? I sent him a bill. Which, surprise surprise, he never paid."
"Hmm. Well, you do talk to him."
"I talk to everyb- Hey! Where do you think you're going? I'm not finished with you yet! Sit your ass back down on that box! Splinters? And whose fault is that? Don't make me come over there! I've got my eye on you, Blue Boy! Seriously, do you think Prince Stuckhosen is that self. . . never mind I answered my own-"
"That's Starkhaven!"
"Nothing wrong with his hearing, though."
"Maker! Noo! Elthina! Noooo!"
Owoooooo . . .
"Blessed-be-the-souls-of-the-faithful-that-they-ascend-to-Your-right-hand-"
"Oh, for. . . Hey, Merrill."
"Yes, Hawke?"
"Hand me a bit of Chantry, will you?"
"Like this?"
"That'll do."
"You-have-brought-Sin-to-Heaven-and-doom-upon-all-the-wor-" Clunk!
