So I am not sure about this chapter, wasn't really where I saw it going but ah well...hope it is okay.
Read adn Review as always!
Chapter 11: (Mis) Understandings on the Ucayali
Ucayali River,Spanish Río Ucayali , headwater of the Amazon, formed by the junction of the Apurímac and Urubamba rivers in east-central Peru. The Ucayali meanders northward from this junction for about 910 miles (1,465 km) through a densely forested floodplain east of the Andes to its junction with the Marañón River, 55 miles (90 km) south-southwest of Iquitos
February 3, Day 34
Ucayali River, 1100km in
7pm
Draco could not remember the last time that he had felt so shocked or betrayed. Sure there were times during the war when his mother or father had said or done something that had felt like betrayal, leaving him gutted. But even when his father had basically served him up to the Dark lord he had not been overly shocked. Betrayed yes, but shocked no. He had seen his father's unhealthy subservience to the monster for years after all….so it really wasn't all that surprising that if the proud man was willing to kneel and kiss the monsters feet that he would be willing to force his heir to do the same.
But this time was different, this time he had not been expecting it. He had always assumed that they were best friends. Sure he was a Slytherin and yes, he was used to having Slytherin type friendships….that is friendships of convenience. But with Blaise he had thought it was different.
Their friendship may have started out as a strategical alliance especially while at Hogwarts, but going through a war together, surviving when many of their old acquaintances had not, had led to a deeper bond. Or at least that is what Draco had assumed. Now he was not so sure.
He had been a little shocked and hurt when he saw Blaise's divorce papers, but he had been willing to forgive and wait for his friend to come clean. He had assumed that his friend had simply been ashamed of his troubles and had not wanted to burden Draco. What he had overheard early today though had challenged that belief.
He had been so relieved when his friend recovered from his near death experience that he had pushed his need for answers back down. He had been planning on confronting his friend about the papers he saw that very day. But almost losing yet another person dear to him had made the omission seem trivial so he his resolve to wait for answers had been reaffirmed.
He had noted that Hadrian also seemed concerned over the dark man, almost overly so, but once again Draco had simply chalked it up to Hadrian's hero complex and the fact that he had likely witnessed enough death in his time. Both these rationales had made sense and like his growing questions, he had smothered the impulse to draw attention to Hadrian's hovering.
The following three days had passed without incidence; Hadrian had switched to partner with Blaise, basically managing the canoe himself to allow Blaise time to recover. While put out over losing his proximity to their drool worthy guide, Draco had bit down his selfishness, knowing that Blaise needed the rest. He had even managed a tense truce with Juan; swallowing his scathing insults while the irritating man laid off pushing the blond's buttons.
Things were going good, well as good as good be expected after learning that they were being targeted by Hadrian's psychotic ex, that is. They had not had any other near death experiences and there was hope that as they moved away from Iquitos that they were leaving the poacher behind. Hadrian had been more cheerful, Blaise had been relaxed and the group had been slowly learning to work together.
Well until an hour or so ago that is.
Draco closed his eyes in hopes of blocking out what he had stumbled upon. It was no use, his mind traitorously dredged up the scene despite his protests….
They had stopped early for their normal morning break, something that Draco had learned to dearly appreciate. Every rest stop had started to take on a new level of reverence; really any chance to get out of the perpetually damp boats was a blessing. Juan had wandered off into the forest in search of some sort of sap to patch up a leaking spot in the canoe and had returned bubbling with excitement.
He had eagerly told the tired group that he thought he had found a patch of silver tipped wild grass, a grass that was not often seen this deep into the jungle. Draco had of course been just as enthused, as silvertip grass had a variety of uses in potion brewing and had for once happily trudged after Juan to view his find.
Blaise still weak had declined to follow and Hadrian had volunteered to stay back and apply the sap to the troublesome boat. Juan being only too happy to get out of the sticky job had offered no protest. Of course the somewhat irresponsible guide could not find the patch of grass when trying to lead Draco back to it again.
Irritated with Juan and having wasted part of their 'rest time' Draco had turned back early and headed back to where they had left the boats. It was just before he had stepped out of the trees that he had heard the conversation that had him questioning his friendship with Blaise.
In his eagerness to return and sample some of the fresh papaya that Hadrian had cut up, he had almost stumbled in without hearing the men conversing. He had just barely stopped and waited before making himself visible when he caught the tense air between them.
"I'm sorry Blaise, but I don't think it's a good idea" Hadrian stated, not looking up from where he was hunched over the canoe.
"Why not? What have you got to lose Hadrian? Isn't worth at least a try….if it doesn't work then so be it, no hard feelings" Blaise replied his voice pleading. Something that Draco was sure he had never heard from his friend before.
"Why not?" Hadrian asked incredulously, "I can think of numerous reasons right off the top of my head Blaise. For one are you not married? And as I recalled last time we tried, it did not end so pleasantly"
What? What the heck where they talking about? Draco wondered, willing himself to remain still. He might have resolved to wait for answers earlier but who was he to turn down a opportunity like this.
"No." Blaise had answered.
Hadrian had stopped what he was doing and finally turned to look at the man, his eyebrow quirked in question, "No?"
"No I am not married, at least not any longer. The finalized papers of my divorce came through when we were in Iquitos; I have been basically separated from my wife for almost a year….as for before. We were young Hadrian, I was an idiot, I should have said yes when you asked me" Blaise continued his voice soft, full of conviction.
Draco could not believe it, Blaise had told Hadrian of his divorce and not him? Were they not best friend? As far as he knew Blaise barely knew Hadrian….and what the hell was he talking about before? A sneaking suspicion was crawling up his spine but he desperately fought to ignore it.
"Blaise" Hadrian stated his tone weary as he rubbed tiredly at his eyes, "why now? It's been weeks why ask now?"
"For one as I mentioned the papers are officially signed so I am free to pursue who I want…" Blaise stated giving Hadrian a meaningful look, "Two…I nearly died. I don't want to continue holding back waiting until the right time. What if I never make it to that right time?"
Hadrian sighed looking conflicted, "Blaise those reasons are not good enough…."
"What are you saying? Do you not want it to? Because if that is the case just say it and I will drop it, but I don't think that is the real reason Hadrian"
Hadrian's expression immediately turned blank, his eyes shuttered, "I do not have to explain my rationale to you Blaise. You may think that this is a good idea now, but you're wrong. You did not make a mistake when we were in school. It…us would never have worked beyond a few fucks" he stated harshly, "Lots has happened since you have known me, I have changed I am not the desperate boy you used to know"
Blaise looked as if he had been slapped, anger and guilt warring. "I do not think you are the same boy I used to know Hadrian….I'm asking for a chance to get to know you now…"
Hadrian closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping, "And what about Draco? What would we tell him?"
Again guilt showed itself in Blaise's eyes, but he squared his shoulders and answered anyway, "and what of Draco? This has nothing to do with him. This is about us, you and me…."
Draco felt a sharp twisting in his chest, as if he had been stabbed from behind. Blaise was the only friend he had and he had just basically said that his friendship did not matter. At least it did not matter more than whatever he wanted with Hadrian.
Deep down Draco knew that this conclusion was irrational but he could not help it. The lies were piling on top of each other, becoming more and more damning. First the lie of his divorce, then listening to Draco's heartfelt confessions for years and never telling him the truth. All those laments about Hadrian, and Blaise had never told him that he had had a relationship with the golden boy. And now to dismiss him like he was not part of the equation, like he was second best to Hadrian…again.
Well it hurt.
Hadrian sighed again, "You know that it is not that easy…."
Blaise shook his head adamantly. "I know that….Merlin I know that, I care for him too but I can't just let you go again, not again….just, please? Think about it at the very least?"
Hadrian stared back at Draco's traitorous best friend, "Fine. I am not promising anything but I will think about it…"
That was all Draco had stuck around to hear. He had basically ran back into thick coverage of the jungle, heart pounding, gut churning. It had taken him the rest of the break to bring his occlumency shields up enough to smother his feelings of hurt down enough to return.
But he had done it, he was a Malfoy after all. He would not show how wounded he was. He knew better than that. He should thank Blaise really….he had become far too trusting lately, this was a wakeup call he needed.
When he had rejoined the group he had offered the excuse that he had gotten slightly lost on return hence his late arrival.
Hadrian must have seen something in his face despite his occlumency shields, for he had asked him his expression full of worry, "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
Draco had stared back at the worried green eyes, it really wasn't Hadrian's fault…any of this but somehow he still couldn't help but feel betrayed by the former savior. "I'm fine" Draco stated resolutely willing it to be true,
"Just fine"
