RhondaL- I missed everyone too! I am so glad to be back to writing as well. It's been a long road but i'm so glad to to be where I am :)
Emmettluver2010- Thank you for all the reviews! I think you're the only one that actually likes Ima around XD
To everyone else who has started following either myself or this story.. thank you. All the love this story has been getting has been seriously spurring me on after such a long break in writing!
I sat around the house for a few weeks. Gemma was always there to dote on me, but in all reality, I just wanted to be alone. I asked her to keep everyone away, except Clay of course. He lived there but he wanted nothing to do with me. Not that he ever had much interest in me unless it was to get me to do something for dad.
Gemma walked in the door and put her purse on the counter. I had been sitting at the table for a while drinking coffee and burning through the pack of cigarettes I had asked for her to get.
"Hey, baby. Finally up and moving?"
"Yeah, I guess. Supposed to go back to work tomorrow."
She looked at the empty pack before sitting down next to me.
"You doing alright?"
"I've been sitting here trying to figure that out."
"Come to any conclusions?"
I sighed and put my cigarette out.
"I resent them. All of them."
"Baby-"
"Listen. I stayed calm and collected when my dad got locked up. I was a kid. I watched him get ripped away then time and time again I got my hopes up just to never have him come home. When I got old enough that I couldn't take it anymore, I ran."
She sat back in her chair and listened to me.
"I spent all that time away doing everything I could, so I could take care of myself. I didn't ever want to rely on anyone like I did the club. I wanted my life to mean something more than just a dead whore or an old lady. I wanted to make a difference."
"You have always made a difference."
"I almost died, Gemma. I almost died and the only person who was there when I opened my eyes was Chibs. He has always been there for me, even when no one else was."
"I've always been there for you."
"Yeah. But Jax is always going to come first. The club is always going to come first. And I get it. I do. I understand. Jax is your baby. I'm just the girl you took care of when my dad went to jail and my mom spent more time spreading her legs for a camera than she did taking care of me."
"You're my daughter, Faelynn. I always thought I wanted nothing more than my two boys. I didn't know how to deal with girls. Then when I walked into the clubhouse the day your mom dropped you off, I knew then I knew how to deal with girls. That's the day you became my baby, Fae."
I felt tears sting my eyes before I looked up, trying to keep them at bay.
"I can't do this anymore, Gemma. I watched this club kill my daddy. I watched them hurt and tear apart anything that came in their way. I never said much because in the end I was safe."
"You are-"
"Don't you dare say it. Don't you dare say that I am safe. No one is safe in this town. No one is safe if they love someone with that reaper."
"Does this have anything to do with that little whore visiting you?"
"Ima? You knew about that?"
"I know everything, baby."
I sighed and smoothed out the top of my hair. I had always loved to take care of my hair, but lately all I seemed to be able to do was put it up into a bun.
"She made some good points."
"Oh, bullshit. She has always done everything possible to twist you up."
"I was already twisted up before she walked in that door."
Gemma signed and took hand, careful not to pull on my now-sling-free arm.
"Baby, every time something has gone wrong, she has swooped in. It's like she wants her dirty little whore hands all over you, but only when it's good for her. I wish you could see that."
I stayed silent, knowing that she was right.
"It doesn't change how I'm feeling, Gem."
I looked up at her and gave her a weak smile. I picked up my now empty pack, tossing it in the garbage as I walked to the sink. I rinsed the cup out and set it upside down before walking back towards my room.
"Everything is gonna be fine, Fae."
"Maybe."
I walked out the door the next day, ready to get back to work. I had been spending most of my time catching up on paperwork which made it easy to put aside everything that had happened. I still had my hair up in a bun, but I had actually put makeup and nice clothes on. It felt weird, but I needed to get out of the rut I was in.
"Well, hello there beautiful."
I snapped my eyes up to see Opie leaning on his bike with his arms crossed. I involuntarily swallowed hard, surprised that he was standing there.
"Ope. Hey."
"Gemma let me know that you were heading back to work today. Figured you could use a ride."
"Oh. Uhm, I mean I have my car."
"I know."
I looked at him and chewed on my bottom lip. I had refused to talk to him for weeks. I knew he had stopped by a few times, but I just kept telling Gemma I wasn't ready.
"You look good, Angel."
"Oh, thanks."
"You gonna be able to take your hair down for the helmet?"
I touched my hair, still focused on the fact that he was actually standing in front of me. I pulled it out of the bun, letting it fall down. It was overly curly and messy since I had been neglecting it. He reached his hand out, letting me grab the helmet he was handing over. I slipped it on and tucked my purse in his side pouch.
I kept expecting him to grill me about the past few weeks. I was dreading it, honestly. I didn't want to talk about anything and I sure as hell didn't want to try to explain how I was feeling. Instead, he climbed on and waited for me to join him.
"What time do you need to be there?"
"Shift technically starts at nine, but I figured I'd go in early to get my paperwork sorted."
"Shoulder good enough to wrap around me?"
I felt my face flush as I stupidly remembered how close I was going to have to be to him. I was like a deer in the headlights and I hated it. I grew up around bikes and there I was acting like an idiot. I climbed on and wrapped my arms around him like I needed to before the bike roared to life.
"You good?"
I nodded against his back and he backed out of the driveway. He was feeling just as fluid as normal. I, however, was as stiff as a board. I felt his hand touch mine as if to remind me to relax. I had seen someone wreck because they weren't relaxing as much as possible. I let my muscles relax as we started moving forward.
We drove through town slowly. Normally he would have been going as fast as possible without getting in trouble. He took it easy instead. I wasn't sure if it was due to how uncomfortable I was or because he wasn't in a hurry for me to get off the bike.
We pulled into the driveway of the hospital and he backed his bike into a spot near the side door. He cut the engine and let me climb off first. He looked over at me and grabbed my purse, handing it to me. I gave him a weak smile and fumbled with the buckles on my helmet.
"Here, let me get it."
He stepped forward, close enough that our bodies were almost touching. I stayed still as he expertly unwound the straps holding the helmet on my head. He gently pulled it off my head, causing my hair to go everywhere. I looked up at him, realizing the softness in his eyes for the first time that day.
"What time do you get off work?"
"Uhm, I'm not sure. As long as the appointments run on time, I should be done around four."
"I'll be back at four then."
"You don't have to. I can always call-"
He cut me off by pressing his lips to mine gently. It was quick, but I could feel all the emotion behind it. He pulled away and cupped the side of my face.
"I'll see you at four."
I nodded back at him before quickly flipping my hair back up into a bun. I could feel that my face was almost as red as my hair was. I walked over to the door but looked back when I reached it to watch him pull away. I had expected him to be angry with me. Instead he had acted with kindness and like nothing was even wrong between the two of us.
I shook my head before walking through the door. I didn't have time to ponder about what he was trying to do. It was my first day back actually in the office and that was most important.
By the end of my workday I had a splitting headache. I hadn't taken more than a few sips of my coffee and somehow ended up with ten times more paperwork than I had started with. My last patient of the day hadn't shown up, so I had been working on everything for a solid hour before I heard a knock on my door.
"Door is open."
I looked back down at my paperwork, waiting for the door to open all the way. I frown at the mistakes I noticed on the paperwork and started marking them. I finally looked up to see Opie standing in front of my desk with a fresh coffee.
"Figured you may need this. You get busy and forget it's even on your desk."
I let out a soft laugh and took it from him.
"Thank you."
"Looks like you got a ton of paperwork, doc."
"I don't even know where the hell it all came from. It's going to take me weeks to be fully caught up."
He sat down on the couch across from my desk and looked around. I hadn't furnished my office much, but I at least had my degrees and certifications hanging up on the wall. He finally looked back at me and watched me sort through the paperwork.
"You seem a little more.. awake than this morning."
"Uh, yeah. I mean I was awake. Just wasn't really expecting you to be standing there when I walked out the door."
"You refused to see me for weeks. Figured it was the best way to get an audience with you."
I paused flipping through the papers and looked up at him. He had a smirk on his face, but I could tell he was hurt by me ignoring him for so long. I signed and put the papers in a semi-neat pile and sat back in my chair. I crossed my arms across me, wincing when I felt the tightness in my shoulder. His face fell when he noticed me move my left arm back over to where it was.
"Still hurts?"
"Yeah. They keep telling me it will get better, but I'll believe it when I see it."
"Faelynn I-"
"I think it's time for me to talk, if that's okay."
He nodded at me and waited. I ran through a few different starts, not sure of how to actually bring all of it up.
"Where were you when I woke up?"
"Looking for the asshole that shot you."
"And did you find him?"
He looked at me without any emotion.
"I'll take that as a yes then. There aren't any hidden cameras or microphones in here, Ope. You can talk freely."
He nodded and sat up on the couch, looking at me. I sighed again and ran my hands over my face, then groaning when I remember I had makeup on.
"What do you want me to say, Ope?"
"I want you to talk to me."
"Do you want me to say that is all okay? That everything is okay because you found the asshole?"
"No. I want you to look at me and realize that you didn't need to ignore me for a month, Fae."
"I was shot."
"I know. I was there when it-"
"No. You weren't. You were driving home and I was shot in your truck in the middle of Charming."
"You think they were going after me."
"That doesn't sound like a question. We both know I wasn't the intended target. And if I was it was because of my ties to the club."
"What do you want me to say? I killed the asshole that tried to kill you. He isn't going to ever hurt you again."
"That isn't what I needed, Opie. I needed you. I needed to see that you were worried about me. Instead I wake up and find out that you were off pulling a trigger instead of seeing if I was alive or not."
"Chibs called me every time they nurse came in to even look at you."
"That isn't the point."
He sighed and sat back again.
"What the hell is the point then?"
"The point is I could have died. I could have stopped breathing and you wouldn't have even known until Chibs was sane enough to call you. You think he would have been able to talk if I died? You think he would have been coherent enough to send a text?"
"Probably not. I just.. Fae when that doctor looked me in the eyes and told me that you might not make it.. I lost my shit. I couldn't breathe. I rolled up to you being pulled out of the truck and all I could see was blood. No one would let me near you."
"I could hear you screaming for me."
"Jax had to drag me away and convince me to go to the hospital. Chibs had told him you were alive, but it was bad. We drove up and I still couldn't see you. I was in that waiting room for hours going out of my fucking mind. Tara kept going in for updates because if she didn't, I would have torn down the wall just to get to you."
He had so much emotion in his eyes and all over his face. I tried to think of another time when he was that distraught, but I couldn't remember one.
"The doctor came out and asked who the family was. We all were there at first but by the time he came out it was Jax, Chibs and me. Every one else was locked down and ready for a fight but we just couldn't leave you. That doctor looked right at us Fae. He told us that you had lost so much blood he wasn't even sure how you were alive. They got all the metal out but it had fucked you up. Chibs begged them to save you. He said he would do everything possible, but that we needed to prepare for the worst."
"Opie I-"
"Let me finish. Please."
I nodded quickly. I wanted so badly to tell him to just forget it. It was tearing me up seeing him so upset.
"That's when Jax convinced me to go. Chibs was gonna stay with you. There was no way in hell that he was going to leave your side. We left and we stormed every place possible looking for info. We needed to know who hurt you. It didn't matter why at the time. All I wanted was revenge. I wanted you to wake up and know that no mother fucker was going to hurt you again."
He got up and walked to me, kneeling down on the floor in front of me. He reached up and took my hands in his.
"The only time I stopped was to call Chibs and to answer when your dad called."
"He called?"
"Yeah. News got to him quick. Clay figured he would call him but it was my phone that rang."
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him that I would do everything I could to keep you safe. I told him I would find the fucker that tried to kill you and put a god damn bullet between his eyes."
"Is.. is he okay?"
"Yeah. He asked if Chibs was with you. Then he told me to do what I needed to."
"Why hasn't he called?"
"He wants you to call him after you read that notebook he gave you."
I rolled my eyes and huffed out a sigh.
"I don't know why that damn notebook is so fucking important."
Opie smiled and put his forehead against my hands for a moment before looking back up at me.
"I'm sorry, Fae. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there when you woke up. I wish there was a way to make this all better. I wish there was a way to make you trust me again."
"It's not that I don't trust you, Ope. I just.."
"You don't think I can keep you safe."
I looked at him, pain racking my body.
"No. I don't. Not because it's you or because you don't lo- care about me. Anyone that is attached to that reaper is in danger. It just keeps seeming to get worse."
His face fell as he looked at me.
"When did you talk to Ima?"
"What?"
"Ima said those same exact words to me when she tried to convince me to let you go."
I opened my mouth but shut it quickly.
"When did you see her?"
"She came to see me in the hospital. Lied to the nurse and said she was family or some shit."
He stood up and leaned against my table.
"So she got into your head again."
"No I-"
"No, its okay. I get it. I should have figured you'd go back to her as soon as shit got rough."
"That isn't fair, Ope."
"You're right. It's not. It's not fair that every fucking time things are going good you run the moment there is an inconvenient. It's not fair that she always gets the best of you!"
"The best of- excuse me? Inconvenience? Is that was being shot is called?"
"In this life? Yeah!"
I stood up and started pulling all my stuff together.
"Well, maybe I don't want this life anymore."
"What the hell does that mean?"
"Maybe I want to be able to walk around without looking behind me back and wondering when I'll take another bullet!"
I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm. I winced out and he instantly let go.
"Maybe you should have just stayed in New York."
"No, I should have just fucking died in your truck. That way you wouldn't have to deal with the consequences of the life you chose to live. I'd just be a dead whore."
I walked away from him quickly before he could say anything else. I felt tears threatening to stream down my face, so I quickly turned down the back hallway. I needed to get away from him and all the reminders of the bullshit I chose to deal with. I needed to get away.
