Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or the necessary training to whoop Heidi in the behind. But Bella does...
A/N: Two days early...
WHOA, THIS IS THE LONGEST CHAPTER! But that's what happens when you don't make a cliffie to torture the readers. Apologies for my epic fail when it comes to describing things and all the "gangsta" talk. I hope this wasn't too confusing as I switched between POVs a lot. Oh and mild language. Not that I haven't used it before but the language got less mild here. Forgive my grammatical/ spelling errors
AND YES! THIS IS THE WEDDING SCENE! As you can see the chapter title is quite fitting.
Adventures in Camping
Chapter 12- The Apocalypse
BPOV
My dream was quickly turning into reality.
This was it. No do overs. If I couldn't save Edward today there was no tomorrow to set things right. Where did my life turn into the jumbled mess it is now? I used to be worried about failing Mr. Banner's evil demonic pop quizzes and not getting home in time to make my dad dinner. Now I worry about Edward marrying the daughter of some psychopath intent on revenge.
This is what happens when you live in Forks. Not that I regret it. If it wasn't for Forks I never would have met Edward in the first place. But then again I was about to possibly watch him marry Heidi. Of all the bitches in the world it had to be Heidi!
"Okay so what's the plan?" I whispered to Didyme as we took our seats in the audience for the wedding. The only way I could get in was if I dressed as Didyme did, in a long dark dress with an equally dark veil covering my face. She had assured me that I could pass of as one of her friends if Aro all of a sudden decided to care.
"What plan?" she replied distractedly.
"The plan to save Edward from marrying the devil spawn!" I hissed. Why is she acting like she doesn't have a plan? Did she not have a plan? What if there was no plan? I never even thought about making a plan because I thought she would have a plan. Oh no, what if my plan to follow the plan that I thought Didyme had planned suddenly died causing me to have to come up with my own plan to get Didyme to plan a plan she had not planned!? What? My head spun from my confusing head babble.
"Oh that plan." So she has a plan? Thank God. I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Yeah. What's the plan?"
"See, here's the thing," she turned her body toward mine and leaned in closely, "I think we should wing it." My eyes widened in shock and I almost sprung from my seat to yell at Didyme but she kept a firm grip on my shoulder.
"You never thought to make a plan!? Oh no, we're doomed Edwaaaaa-," I moaned loudly, in a state of horror. Didyme managed to cover my mouth.
"Hush. I know you are worried but you can't blow your cover. People are staring," she hissed at me. Hesitating, Didmye lifted her hand from my mouth and let go of my shoulder. When I didn't shoot out of my chair and start running for Edward (even though I didn't know where he was) like I wanted to, she continued. "I didn't think making a plan would help here. All we can do is wait for the right moment to make our move. Or more specifically, for me to make my move. I don't think that you're thinking very clearly right now."
I gaped at her. She was going to exclude me from helping just like Jane was and she never even made a plan! Why can't people let me be involved? I think I have a right too considering he is the love of my life and if he married the devil spawn, Didyme probably wouldn't care as much as I would. I looked around, trying to distract myself and get a feeling of my surroundings. Were there any rocks I could throw on the ground in the middle of the aisle for Heidi to trip on so she sprained her ankle? You can't get married with a sprained ankle. Edward would have a day more until he got married and then I could hopefully come up with some sort of plan. It all comes down to the plan, doesn't it? I thought bitterly.
The wedding was outside and, boy, this must have been expensive. There were tons of flowers around the wedding area. The chairs were incredibly comfortable. Definitely not of the plastic, folding kind. There was an arch over where the minister was supposed to stand and below it was an incredibly impressive ice sculpture of Edward and Heidi sitting on a bench, lip- locked.
My heart clenched painfully. Is this what I'm going to have to look at when they both say "I do?"
The minister appeared from no where. He looked to be in his late forties with short black hair and green eyes that resembled Angela's exactly... ANGELA'S DAD!? My mouth fell open with a pop. Didmye glanced at me, wary that I was freaking out again but I quickly shut my mouth and became suddenly interested in looking at my nails when really I was staring at Mr. Weber and then my attention was diverted by the sound of someone rustling beside me. I glanced over and froze.
It was Angela herself. She took out her cell phone and began texting someone. That cellphone was a beacon of light for me. The light at the end of the crappy tunnel. Cellphones mean 911 and 911 means I can get the police to arrest Aro and hopefully lock Heidi in there with him. That thought brought me much more pleasure than was really necessary. This was it. I was going to make my move whether Didyme wanted to involve me or not.
"Angela, it's me," I whispered looking at her like she was my savior. Angela gasped and peered closely through my veil.
"Bella? What are you doing here!? Dressed in that." She looked at my dress in disgust. "Did Alice let you come here with that on?"
"Angela, give me your phone." I did not have time for this. I needed to call the FBI so they could slam Heidi in prison where she belongs...
"Sure." I snatched the phone from her hands and hurriedly dialed 911. "But what's going on? How do you know the Volturi family and who's the chick next to you who's dressed exactly like you?"
I didn't answer. I was having another life crisis due to the fact that ANGELA'S DAMN PHONE WON'T RING! I looked at the screen. No bars.
"Ange, there's no bars on this thing. How were you texting before?" I whispered hurriedly to her.
"I wasn't texting. I was playing Pac- Man on my phone. Bella what's wrong?" Angela was too perceptive sometimes.
Before I could break down and admit my problems or throw the phone in frustration (whichever came first), the wedding march started playing.
I'M SCREWED! Apparently I didn't notice this before but Edward was standing right in front of Mr. Weber. He looked so... defeated. It physically hurt me to have to look at his expression but I forced myself too, knowing that this could probably be the last time I ever saw him. As if he could feel my burning gaze Edward's eyes met mine.
Third Person POV (since Bella is clearly too depressed to care about the wedding ceremony)
Jane came first, throwing flowers around with a sour expression on her face. She shouldn't be complaining. What Edward had to do was worse. A bunch of giggling bridesmaids approached the alter, each making sure to bat their eyelashes at Edward. Heidi and Aro soon reached where the minister and Edward were standing.
Back to BPOV...
I tore my eyes off of Edward's and focused on Heidi who giggled every few seconds and looked triumphant and overjoyed. How is it that Heidi got the sort of happy ending that I didn't?
The minister cleared his throat. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to witness the joining of Edward... er... Volturi and Heidi Volturi."
"That's MISS Heidi Volturi." Heidi, ever the control freak, snapped at the minister.
She impatiently kept urging the minister on, skipping parts of his sermon. Until he got so frustrated that he had to go directly to the end.
"If anyone should be unhappy with the joining of these two forces they should speak now or forever hold their peace."
"Oh please. How could anyone object to this!? Edward and I belong together," Heidi interrupted the silence. I only saw red after that comment. HOW DARE SHE SAY SUCH A THING WHEN SHE AND HER FATHER WERE FORCING THIS MARRIAGE UPON EDWARD IN THE FIRST PLACE! I decided this was the moment to make my move. But before I could do so, someone else had to speak up.
"LOOK BRO, I OBJECT!"
EPOV (The Wedding Scene)
The smell of cologne choked me. It smelled like the apocalypse.
Heidi's bridesmaids surrounded me, gushing over me, suffocating me. Calling me words I hope I will never have to hear again. Words like- "sexy man beast." I could swear they were actually flirting with me. Heidi really was an idiot if she kept company with these people. The strawberry blonde was the worst one. Her name was Tina or something. Whatever.
I felt completely weary as The Bridesmaids from hell flitted around me like they were high from the smell of lip gloss. There was no point in trying anymore. I had absolutely no idea where Bella was and the one time I saw Jane today, she didn't look worried so I figured everything was alright. I succumbed to the little emo inside of me while the old me, the one that used to see Bella smile almost everyday, told me to kill the emo and bring out the Napoleon Dynamite.
Sensing something was wrong, I looked around the room expecting to see the Bridesmaid's from Hell putting together a collage of "hawt" guys. But to my surprise, the room was empty. Quiet and yet the opposite of what my future will be like. For as long as I live, I will have to hear Heidi's babble on clothes and celebrities.
"Well Edward, it is time," Aro said as he entered the tent. I went to him, attempting to prepare myself for the future.
And entirely failing at it.
At the altar I shook hands with the minister while he looked at me with surprise.
"Edward Cullen? Is that you?" The voice sounded familiar and come to think of it so did his appearance. I feel like I've seen him before...
"Yes. Who are you?"
"It's Mr. Weber. Angela's dad."
"Mr. Weber I'm very glad to see you; you have no idea but can I borrow your phone for a bit!?"I asked quickly after a brief moment of shock. Sadly the wedding march chose that moment to start playing.
Jane began walking towards the alter, only stopping to throw flowers on the ground. Her expression would have been funny if I had anything to feel with right now. I did, however, feel a burning gaze nagging at me from my side. When I looked, I saw it was only a veiled woman. It was strange because the gaze felt so familiar to me. It felt like Bella. I locked eyes with the veiled woman and just before she looked away I realized the truth.
It was Bella. Bella was here. To witness me marry the ever annoying Heidi Vol-trampy. For the first time today I felt something that could only be described as determination. When the time comes for the "I do" I'm saying I don't and then I'll just run for Bella, grab her and get the hell out of here. Easy peasy. And I'll look over my shoulder while we run to laugh in Heidi's face.
I turned my attention back to this ever- depressing wedding. Heidi was flipping pages of Mr. Weber's bible to the end. The she told him to "get to the last part of the damn wedding speech." Mr. Weber complied, annoyed.
"If anyone should be unhappy with the joining of these two forces they should speak now or forever hold their peace."
"Oh please. How could anyone object to this!? Edward and I belong together," Heidi interrupted the short silence. I inwardly snorted. Heidi and I are about as right for each other as she is with a dictionary.
"LOOK BRO, I OBJECT!" The crowd gasped as we all looked towards the back. Standing there was a tall, Native American boy with pants hanging halfway down his butt and a wifebeater. He was grinning hugely and I was almost blinded by the amount of metal he had in his mouth.
"Jacob, sit down RIGHT NOW!" Heidi looked pissed. She really was like the leader of the Bridezillas.
"Naw girl! I gots to slap that fool for stealin' you!" Who was he talking about? He looked at me. "Look dawg, it is not fly that you stole my girl, H from me."
After a second of trying to translate whatever this do- rag wearing psycho just said, I responded.
"Your girl? Look you can have her."
"AWWW HELLS NO!! I DIDN'T COME ALL THIS WAY TO FIGHT YOU FOR H JUST TO FIND OUT THAT YOU'RE A PUSSY!!!"
"Word!" A guy dressed exactly like the one before me spoke. "My name is Embrizzle Bam Dizzle." I squinted my eyes.
"Embry Call?" I almost didn't recognize him. He turned beet red.
"Who the 2Pac is Embry? It's EMBRIZZLE BAM DIZZLE! And I'm Jacob's friend."
"Embrizzle! You just insulted 2Pac!!" Jacob interceded. He sounded extremely outraged.
"OH SNAPS! My brother you are right. MOMENT OF SILENCE FOR 2PAC.... SILENCE DONE!"
"Good job Embrizzle. Now back to you Pussy. I'm sorry but GANGSTA code states I have a right to beat the pretty boy pussy off your face then H can decide who get to marry her!"
I turned to Heidi. She looked excited. "Okay! I'll be the judge then! Just make sure you don't get any blood on my ice sculpture!" My jaw dropped. Was she serious?
BPOV
WHAT.
THE.
HELL.
THE BITCH WAS READY TO DROP EDWARD LIKE LAST MONTH'S PRADA FOR SOME WANNABE GANGSTER!?
"Excuse me!" I stood up and ripped the veil off of my head. The audience looked ecstatic that a new character was being added to this very soap opera like wedding. Heidi looked irked.
"Eww," Heidi said scrunching her nose in distaste. "Look what the cat dragged in."
"JANE!" Aro boomed. "WHY IS SHE HERE!?" Jane remained silent, looking at me with doubt in her eyes. Well she didn't think I could save Edward? I was going to prove her wrong.
"Look, Heidi." It was very hard for me to speak rationally and calmly to her. "I think we all know you and uh... Jacob have a lot in common so why don't you just forget about Edward."
"Oh please. You just want him all to to yourself. Why don't you hustle over to a shower. Your hair is greasy, unkempt and, not to mention, smelly!"
Jacob took advantage of the situation by punching Edward square in the jaw. I froze for a second while the audience took a collective gasp. Then everything that occurred after that was just a jumble of collective chaos.
So Heidi and, um, Embrizzle are standing chanting "FIGHT! FIGHT!" over and over again. The audience eventually joins in while Angela is yelling at me in horror, wondering what we should do. God knows what Didyme is doing at this point. I'm too busy running over to the altar to try to stop this whole thing. Heidi saw what I was trying to do and decided she wanted a little fist fight of her own so what does the bitch do? She slaps my cheek. Hard. The chanting in the audience gets louder and I resolved to kill Heidi. I just couldn't take it anymore so I slapped her. We carried on like this for who knows how long with hair pulling and scratching and biting but then people started to get quiet. Before I could wonder if the fight was over, a voice rang out.
"EVERYONE PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!" We all complied and I saw that the person who gave the orders was just a tall Native American teenager much like Jacob was. "AND WAVE IT LIKE YOU JUST DON'T CARE! HEY!"
"Quil! Are you serious, man? You ratted us out!" Jacob yelled incredulously.
"Bella!" Alice hopped out of the passenger side and collided into me with the force of a small army. I don't think I've never been more happy to see her in my life.
AN: Yes H was HEIDI! Anyway, Happy St. Marcus Day! I hope you all are wearing red right now. And apologies because this chapter seems like it went downhill (the writing not the plot) from the beginning of EPOV. :(
Getting our Twilight DVD soon! Have fun at the parties you're going to (if you're going to one)!
And for all the EPOV lovers, I'll try to do a mostly EPOV next chapter.
Please review even if it's just to tell me I did a bad job.
