Disclaimer: Bioware owns all ME characters, Lili is mine.

"Shepard, good work on Freedom's Progress. The Quarians have forwarded their findings from Veetor's data. Nothing new."

Lili stood, staring at The Illusive Man with her arms crossed and her hip kicked out to the side. She knew he was holding back information from her, and it pissed her off that he was wanted her to go out and find information but purposefully withheld what he already knew. Not a good way to start this working relationship. "You're holding something back. How do you know the Reapers are involved?"

The Illusive Man gave Lili a smug grin; he knew she was sharp, but continuously hiding intel from her wasn't going to be easy. "The proof is there in the data. The Council and the Alliance want to believe the Reaper threat died with Sovereign….you and I know better. I won't wait until the Reapers are on the march. We need to take the fight to them."

Lilli let out a dramatic sigh as she dropped her arms to her side. He knew just how to play her…the bastard. Godsdamn it! "If this is a war, I'll need an army…or a really good team."

Smiling, The Illusive Man, sat his glass of brandy down and reached for a cigarette; he knew she wouldn't refuse him. It wasn't in her nature to let something like this go. That's why they need her. She would push as hard as she could, and then some, to get results. "I've already compiled a list of soldiers, scientists, and mercenaries. You'll get dossiers on the best of them. Finding them and convincing them to work with you could be challenging, but you're a natural leader. I trust you'll get the job done. I'll continue to track the Collectors. When they make their next appearance, I'll notify you and your team. Be ready."

Lili held out her hand and shook her head; she didn't want his damn list. There was no way she could trust the people he put on her ship. "Keep your list. I want my team. They were the best. I can trust them."

The Illusive Man smirked as he casually lit his cigarette. "That was two years ago, Commander. Most of them have moved on or their allegiances have changed."

She didn't know what he meant by "allegiances had changed". Mentally going through the list of her previous team, Lili tried thinking of those that would be more apt to joining her and willing to take out the bastards that kept targeting colonies and civilians. Kaidan…Kaidan will help me. He would never leave the Alliance. "Where is Kaidan Alenko?"

Frustrated, he quickly pasted on a mask of neutrality, unwilling to let her see how much it bothered him that he was unable to get information on one of her former crew. "He's still with the Alliance…promoted I believe, but his file is surprisingly well classified."

She frowned in disappointment before her mind drifted off to Garrus. The last she had heard he was reapplying for Spectre training. If she could get another Spectre working with her, then the Council would have to listen to the two of them. Garrus would never abandon me. He's always been there, always had my six. "What about Garrus Vakarian?"

"The Turian C-Sec officer disappeared a few months after you were declared dead; even we haven't been able to locate him."

She raised her brow and snorted quietly, not even trying to contain her amusement. You couldn't crack into Alliance Network either, so that doesn't say much for you. She honestly had no clue what Wrex's plan was after his time with the Normandy, but she did know that he would do whatever he could to help her."What about Urdnot Wrex?"

"He returned to Tuchanka. Hasn't gone off world in over a year. He is trying to unite the Krogan clans."

Lili smiled as she thought about all her talks with Wrex about helping his people. He had said he had given up hope on them, but there was something in the way he said it that made her think that he really hadn't and that he had his own idea of how they should be going about living. Tali can't help, or she would have already joined me. "What about Liara T'Soni?"

"She's on Illium. My sources say she is working for the Shadow Broker. If so, she can't be trusted."

Defeated, Lili sighed and shook her head. Of course she knew that she couldn't trust the man in front of her…Liara working for the Shadow Broker…it just didn't make sense. She'd have to do her own digging into her old crew. "Alright, I get it. They're unavailable. I'm still a Spectre though. Maybe I can get the Council to help us out."

The Illusive Man stabbed out the butt of his cigarette before he looked up to Lili with a smile. "You're a leader, Shepard. You'll get who you need. If you think you can convince the Council, by all means…Just remember you've been gone a long time. Things have changed."

So you keep reminding me, asshole. "You worry about the Collectors. I'll make sure I have a good team, and that they're ready."

The Illusive Man smiled slowly, allowing a wicked grin to creep across his face in a way she was honestly starting not to like. "Good, two things before you go. First, head to Omega and find Mordin Solus. He's a brilliant Salarian scientist. Our intelligence suggests that he may be able to counter act the Collectors paralyzing seeker swarms."

Already giving me orders. This isn't going to work…Lili narrowed her eyes at him. "And….?"

He smiled at Lili knowingly. "Second, I found a pilot you might like. I hear he is the best, someone you can trust."

With that The Illusive Man's image disappeared, leaving Lili standing in the middle of an empty room. What the fuck? I doubt I'll trust anyone he gets for me. Besides, no one is better than…

"Hey, Commander. Just like old times, huh?"

Lili spun around quickly, with widened eyes. Joker! Thank the gods he made it! She had been so worried that she had hit the launch button on the escape pod too late. She wrapped her arms around him carefully, glad to see someone who she could actually trust. "I can't believe it's you, Joker! You're looking good." Her lips curved into a bewildered grin. "No crutches I see."

Joker smiled at her. "Look who's talking! I saw you get spaced." No sooner than the words left his lips, he lowered his eyes, wishing to take back his words. Flicking his eyes up toward her face, he frowned. Her usual calm façade was replaced by demons from her death and rebirth battling for control of her thoughts behind her emerald eyes. Quickly changing the subject to something a little less depressing, Joker decided to go with her second comment about his lack of crutches and the improvement he seemed to have made in the past two years since she'd saved his hide. "Yeah, ditched the crutches…They were seriously hindering my moves with the ladies…" He felt accomplished as he saw her crack a smile. "…Cerberus provided implants for my Vroliks…expensive shit."

Lili looked down at herself and shivered. Of course, if Cerberus could afford to rebuild her then they could definitely afford to supply Joker with a few bone weave implants. She pushed the thought of her own…rebirth…aside and tried focusing on the man in front of her. Why was he here and not with the Alliance? "How'd you get here?"

Joker shook his head. "It all fell apart without you, Shepard. Everything you stirred up, the Council just wanted it gone. The team was broken up, records sealed, and I was grounded. The Alliance took away the one thing that mattered to me. Hell yeah, I joined Cerberus. Not all of them are bad. Saved your life. Let me fly…and then there's this." He beamed from ear to ear. "Only told me just last night."

Joker stopped in front of a window as lights began coming up. Lili stared in shock and awe. Holy Shit! My ship! They rebuilt my ship? "I guess we're going to have to give her a name." As if, she's already got a name.

oooOOOooo

Lili walked along the CIC with a sense of awe. This is my ship. She's a little bigger than the original, but it's her. She affectionately ran her hand along the railings, smiling. She looked around the Command Deck and her spirits fell as she realized none of this was even part of the original Normandy…part of her Normandy; it was just a ploy for Cerberus to buy her, along with Joker.

"Commander, welcome to the new Normandy."

The voice brought her out of her thoughts. She turned to see Miranda and Jacob; the later of the two had a wide genuine smile on his face. Miranda looked at her with an air of authority, like she was going to be outside of Shepard's command. "Commander, I highly suggest we begin by heading to Omega to acquire Mordin Solus. We need him to formulate a counter measure."

"That seems like the most logical approach, Operative Lawson."

Lili jumped and whirled around, startled as a blue orb popped up behind her. "Who the hell are you?"

Jacob stepped up to Lili with an explanation; hoping to quell some of her anxiety over the AI. With all of her experience fighting the geth, it was bound to be a poor reaction. "This is Edi, the ship's artificial intelligence."

Eyes nearly shooting flames, Lili whirled on him. She couldn't believe they had the nerve to put one of those things on her ship. They did just fine without one on their hunt for Saren and wouldn't have done any better against that unknown ship with one. "Pilots don't like someone else in control of their ship…especially Joker. I want that thing off of my ship! AI's are dangerous and volatile."

"I am in control of the Normandy's weapons and defense system. I do not fly the ship, Mr. Moreau's talents will not go to waste. I did not mean to cause offense." Rolling her eyes, Lili turned and headed toward the galaxy map as she heard Miranda stepped forward, trying to soothe the seemingly distraught AI.

"Commander Shepard has had poor experiences with AI's in the past. Mostly with the Geth, but there was that rouge VI on Luna."

"Then her reaction is understood, unlike many others."

"Shepard…" Miranda left the AI console and moved toward her confidently. "…the Normandy has a full crew. They are at their stations awaiting your orders. Jacob and I should return to our posts. Come find us if you have any questions."

Lili stepped on the elevator and looked at the different levels, trying to figure out where she needed to go.

"Commander, level one is the Captain's Cabin. Level 2 is the CIC, the science lab, and the armory. Level 3 holds the mess hall, crew's quarters, port and starboard observation decks, the Main Battery, and the Medical Bay. Level 4 is the engineering deck and the cargo bays. Level 5 is the docking bay."

"Umm…thank you, Edi."

"You are welcome, Commander. Logging you out."

Lili pressed the engineering level. Might as well work my way up.

oooOOOooo

Lili stepped onto the crew deck after speaking with both Engineers Daniels and Donnelly, both ex-Alliance and both joining Cerberus to fight for her. She had a good feeling that a lot of this crew were unaware of Cerberus' morals or some of the sick experiments they did. She was sure that most would easily be disturbed by what she was bound to uncover during this mission. She walked past the window of the med bay, and froze after seeing the figure sitting behind the desk. Chakwas? Turning around, Lili hurried into the medical bay. "Doctor Chakwas?"

Chakwas turned around slowly, a small smile gracing her face. "Commander Shepard, I watched the Normandy crumble with you on board. It's good to see you alive."

Lili smiled, glad Chakwas hadn't actually mentioned she died. She liked to think of it as…a coma…Yeah, a coma sounds better than 'I was dead and this terrorist organization brought me back to life so I could save the galaxy again.' "It's good to see you!"

Chakwas looked at Lili knowingly. Though concern was evident in her features she didn't mention anything about her situation at the moment. "I wish more of the original crew could be here." Her eyes beamed with pride. "The type of trauma you endured would have changed most people, but not you I see. Welcome back, Lili."

She frowned at Chakwas, not understanding why she was here. The doctor had been with the Alliance for a lot longer than any other ex-Alliance that had joined, and she had a lot more to lose. "Doctor, you've been with the Alliance a long time. Why leave now?"

Shaking her head with a frown, Chakwas looking into Lili's face without an ounce of regret. "After the Normandy was destroyed, your team was split up and the crew reassigned. I was stationed at the Mars Naval Medical Center." Chakwas shrugged as she spoke with some pride before her face fell into one of melancholy. "A very respectable position…but it wasn't a starship; it wasn't the Normandy."

"You're not the Cerberus type, Doctor. Why join them?"

"Lili, I don't work for Cerberus; I work for you. I answer only to you, as does Joker. We remember all the sick experiments they did. We are here for you, Lili. We may not be able to go down on missions with you, but we are here for you. You are our family."

'Family isn't necessarily blood. It is those who care for you beyond a doubt, those whose loyalties you never question. You've always had that….'

Lili paused trying to remember who the male voice that went through her head belonged to and where she had heard it and the phrase before, but as soon as she thought of it, it was gone.

Chakwas continued on, not noticing the brief look of wonder on Lili's face. "I trust your dealings with Cerberus will be ethical. I trust you Commander, implicitly." She smiled at Lili, lovingly, like a mother would her child.

Smiling, Lili reached out and hugged Chakwas. "Do you have everything you need?"

Chakwas looked around with smile and a nod. "Yes, this medical bay seems very much like the sick bay on the original Normandy. All that is missing is my private reserves. I had a bottle of Serrice Ice Brandy that I was saving for a special occasion…in hind sight I wish I would've opened it."

"I'll get you another!"

"Oh, no! It's expensive. We have more important concerns."

Lili smiled again, having every intention of getting her another bottle. "I'll see you later, Doctor."

"Commander."

oooOOOooo

After making all her rounds and trying to get to know the crew, Lili realized this wasn't going to be like the SR1. You just can't replace people like that. Knowing that she had Joker and Chakwas back gave her a small sense of security, though like Chakwas had said, they couldn't go groundside with her. They were non-combatants, and if needed, they couldn't watch her back…and she definitely felt like she needed someone to watch her back. She felt like a sheep in the lion's den. Lili exited on what Edi said was her quarters. She didn't know what else was on this level. She was confused when she stepped out there was a small hall with a single door. As the door swooshed open and Lili stepped inside, she was stunned. This is huge!

There was a fish tank lining one entire wall and her "quarters" were separated between living area and an office, with her own bathroom! She walked over to the bed and looked up at the stars above her. That is beautiful; I have my own skylight….spacelight….starlight? Lili turned to the wardrobe. OH, HELL NO! I am not wearing clothes with Cerberus logos on them! "Edi?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Tell Joker to plot a course to the Citadel." I need some new clothes!

"Message sent, Commander. Logging you out."

Lili looked at herself in the mirror of her bathroom, shaken at what she saw. She had orange scars running down her face, and oddly enough the scar across her nose was gone. She frowned at the reminder that she had died and there were parts of her that wasn't really her…She panicked as a single thought hit her. Quickly removing her clothes to confirm what she already feared, she braced herself on the counter in her bathroom, trying to push past the anxiety and anger. Her beloved tattoos were gone, replaced by these ghastly glowing orange scars. Angry, she quickly got in the shower to try and calm herself. Nothing could be done about it, and no one could have replaced them, but they were all she had linking her to her old life, the life she had before the Alliance. Part of her mourned that life and the freedom it entailed, but more importantly that life contained more of her childhood friend, and she needed Britnee as her grounding force. She was the reason she had joined the Alliance. She was the reason Lili fought so hard against everything thrown her way; she wanted to make her sister proud, to protect her from the dangers of the galaxy, and to make it up to her for abandoning her when they were children. Her tattoos reminded her of why she fought…and now they were gone.

There was nothing better than a hot shower, except maybe a hot shower in your own private bathroom. She grabbed the robe hanging on the peg in the bathroom as she made her way out into her room. Before she had a chance to get her robe completely on, she saw Miranda standing beside her desk, obviously not expecting to find her CO mostly naked.

"Oh please…It's not like you didn't see me naked while you were working on me in that damn lab." Lili continued to casually pull on her robe and pull her long curly hair out of it before tying it closed without an inkling of modesty. "What can I do for you, Miranda?"

"I was just curious as to why we are heading to the Citadel instead of Omega?"

Damn, not this again. Fuck! "Have a seat, Miranda." Miranda stiffly took a seat on the couch indicated, while Lili dug through her room to find a brush and began combing her wet hair before starting to explain the way she worked to Miranda. "First off, I want to clear the air. I am in command of this ship. If you are concerned with something, you are more than welcome to let me know. I try to keep an open door policy. Your concerns will be taken into consideration, but it doesn't mean I am going to act on them. If I am not available, I expect my XO to be. I'm assuming that would be you, correct?"

"Of course, but I don't know your reasons for acting the way you do; the logical choice would have been to head to Omega first."

Lili grinned at Miranda as she pulled the brush through her still wet hair easily. "I will usually tell you. It just so happens that this time I was angry and didn't want to snap at you." She looked away briefly, slightly ashamed of her control and temper at times. "I have always had a bit of a problem controlling my biotics while angry."

Miranda raised her eyebrow as she looked to Lili, confused. She didn't understand why Shepard had been so angry. She had seemed fine before she began touring the ship...and the ship itself was designed after the original Normandy. "Might I ask what had you so upset?"

Lili looked at her with a deadpan stare, anger flickering in her eyes briefly. "My tattoos are gone."

Miranda wrinkled her brow. No one had told her that Shepard was so attached to her tattoos. Not that there was anything she could have done about them anyway. She'd had to regrow ninety percent of Shepard's skin to begin with. Then she had to regrow the part that had survived and still had part of her old tattoo so she wouldn't be splotchy. "Commander, there is no way I could have replaced those."

Lili held her hand up to stop Miranda. "I know, and I know it's trivial and shouldn't matter. Now, we are going to the Citadel for three reasons. One, we have a master thief we are to pick up there. Two, Gardner requested that I pick up some better ingredients. All he was supplied with was military rations, and I can assure you, good food during a suicide mission makes a world of difference for the moral of the crew. Besides, I noticed Archangel is a Turian, so I figured I'd pick up some good dextro food while I was there; something better than that nasty nutrient paste. Lastly, I am not wearing clothing with a Cerberus logo on it! I do not work for Cerberus, nor will I run around as an advertisement for them." She pointed irritatingly at her closet. "Every damn thing in that wardrobe, minus this robe, has a fucking logo on it. I need new clothes."

Miranda stared at Lili in alarm. She had known the Commander didn't like and was opposed to Cerberus, but had assumed she could be reasonable. She hadn't believed it to be so bad that the woman would refuse to wear any of the clothes that were provided to her. It seemed as if there was quite a bit about her missing from the psych profile she had been given. "We are going to the Citadel, so you can go shopping?"

Lili narrowed her eyes at Miranda's tone. She didn't like it. "Not completely, but yes. Is there a problem, Operative Lawson?"

Miranda held her head high under Lili's forceful gaze, trying to keep her face expressionless. "No, Commander."

Lili nodded. "Good. Dismissed."

oooOOOooo

Lili tossed and turned in her sleep, sweating and gasping for air.

"Mr. Moreau, Commander Shepard's heart rate is extremely elevated. I am concerned for her safety."

Joker rolled his eyes, he was sure that it was just another one of her regular nightmares, but to quell the damn machine that seemed to spying on everyone on the ship, he tried contacting her. "Shepard, are you alright up there? ….Shepard." No response. "Shit! Edi, contact Dr. Chakwas and send her to Lili's quarters. Tell her I'll meet her up there."

"Yes, Mr. Moreau."

Joker carefully stood from his seat and made his way down the deck as quick as possible. He knew there was nothing he could do, but after everything Lili had done for him the least he could do was be there for her. Besides, with his condition and constant medical issues and treatments, he was basically an uncertified medic and would do what he could to help Chakwas if there were a problem…which he didn't think there was, but just in case.

Shepard!

Lili was sucked out in space as Joker's escape shuttle closed and flew away. Relieved that she had gotten him out in time and that the explosion hadn't killed her, Lili started to relax…Then she began gasping for breath…She couldn't breathe…She was going to suffocate…

Lili thrashed in her bed clawing at her neck as if gasping for air. Her nearly naked body flushed in a blue glow and shined from being drenched in sweat.

Edi unlocked the door, allowing Dr. Chakwas into the room. She quickly rushed to Lili's bedside to try and calmly wake her as Joker stood at the entrance to her room alarmed and unable to move as he watched her thrash before him, clad in only her underwear.

"Commander...Commander Shepard...Lili, wake up!"

Lili jerked awake. Her eyes flashed between Dr. Chakwas and Joker in confusion as her biotics faded out, removing the previous blue barrier along her skin. Standing in the doorway of her cabin, Joker quickly turned around, his back to her. Did I do something wrong? Oh shit! I'm naked. Ah, hell, Joker. Almost as if she was reading her mind, Chakwas reached over to the couch and grabbed Lili's robe, which she quickly pulled on. "Okay, Joker. I'm covered."

Joker turned and looked at her worriedly. "Are you okay, Commander?"

Lili sighed and shook her head. "I'm fucking tired! Every time I close my eyes, there is one nightmare or another."

Chakwas frowned and nodded. She had expected this, but it was much milder than she had thought it would be. She pulled out a couple of pills from her pocket and handed them to Lili. "Here, Commander. Take these. They should help you get some rest."

"Thanks, Doctor." Lili turned her attention to Joker and smiled tightly. "Joker, how long until we reach the Citadel? I need some new clothes…" She glanced down at herself and smiled. "…and pajamas."

Joker laughed at her. "We're a few hours out, Commander. Did Cerberus not give you any clothes? Those cheap, devious bastards." He winked playfully.

Lili laughed at him and smiled wickedly. "They gave me clothing. I have a whole wardrobe full of clothes…with the Cerberus logo…and I'm not wearing them. I don't work for Cerberus, but they're going to buy me clothes. Miranda tells me there is a small amount of credits left from the Lazarus Project. I'd say this counted."

Joker laughed as he walked out of her cabin.

Lili looked down at herself. "Doctor, is there anything we can do about these orange scars?"

"Keep your current positive attitude, and they should fade over time. If you don't want to wait that long, there are some upgrades we can apply to the med bay to get rid of them."

"Thank the gods. I don't mind scars, but I don't like walking around like a fucking jack-o-lantern."

Chakwas looked at Lili with concern. "Lili, please get some rest. We need you at your best."

"Honestly, Doc, I'm fine. It was just a nightmare."

Chakwas shook her head as she headed out of Lili's cabin, knowing there were going to be more of these incidents and hoping Lili would fight past them.

Lili sighed and curled up in a ball on her couch, shivering as her dream came back to her. Unable to control the tears, she let them fall. Why couldn't they just leave me be? All I remember after my death is warmth, but I'm damn sure it wasn't this painful or difficult.