Chapter Twelve—Do You Wanna Touch Me? Part One.
BPOV
Walking into Edward's hotel room was fucking unnerving. He was basically my personal God; no one knew that, though, but he was. To admit the truth, ever since I saw him play on the big screen, I knew I wanted to get into acting. He motivated and moved me like nobody had. He was the proof that any normal person, who had normal problems and struggles, could get anywhere they put their mind to. I had been told this my whole life, but never did I listen to them—or better yet, believe them.
I had to see it with my own two eyes, and Edward was living proof. I understood that he hated fame and all the dellusions and fabricated tabloid frenzy it came with, but I hated the fact that he wasn't proud of himself. He was a person, he was somebody who did something for himself, rather than everybody else. To me, that was admirable. That shithead.
Edward, and his co-star in his recently released film, were the most realistic people I had ever followed; however, I never made that obvious. Fame never seemed to faze him, and he would make it known that he was the same guy back when he was broke and spent money on acting classes, hoping to scrap some cash.
Of course he fell into acting, but the way he got there, and the time after, was truly inspirational. Now, here I was, hanging out and sharing moments with my acting guru. I wanted to fall to my knees plenty of times and kiss his feet. I didn't kiss feet or ass, but I would do anything for Edward. He was a beautiful man, though, and it was only a matter of time before his down-to-earth, reality-checked persona got washed away and tainted by the Hollywood glam life.
Soon enough he would be eating up the limelight and promoting scandals. It wouldn't surprise me down the road, when this, whatever it was between us, claimed non-existence, that he would get arrested for crack possession and heated arguments on set. Putting all that in perspective was a sad moment for me, and I knew I needed to eat up the time I had with him—relish in it.
I turned to face Edward and smiled at him. He returned the endearment and walked towards me, throwing his hotel card on the table and taking off his shoes. "Make yourself at…hotel?"
I took off my converse and laughed lightly. "You're very…clever, you know that?"
"So I've been told…"
I quirked my eyebrow and nodded, putting my hands in my jean pockets, glancing around his room. I spotted his suitcase and it took all my restraint to not go over and rummage through everything, get to know this mysterious guy. I felt this strong, undeniable attraction to Edward, but yet I really didn't know anything about him. He seemed so hidden, only telling me what I needed to know, never elaborating. That pissed me off. Sure, he probably felt the same way about me, but I felt that it wasn't just me he hid from—it was everybody. Often he would bring up somebody who hurt him and ever since then had sworn to secrecy and skepticism. I hated that he had to practice that on me. I hated it with every fiber of my being.
"Hmm," was all I managed to say. Apprehension seemed to be rearing its ugly head. It seemed to be doing that often lately.
I closed my eyes momentarily to grab my bearings and turned back to Edward. I wanted to push our problems to the back of my mind and focus on the now. I wanted to try this "live in the moment" aspect everybody always talked about. I wanted fucking Joan to answer me for once. But she had been very silent for a while now, so I couldn't be dependent on her advice anymore. Somewhere in the depths of my corrupt, bitter mind, I knew it was just me all along, but I would never say that. I always had to keep the negative higher than the positive. Really? Be realistic. Happiness never came without a price—I was just waiting for the total to be sure it was worth it. I was a bitch for that thought even crossing my mind. I had to keep things close to the chest. I couldn't afford to be broken—emotionally speaking. For now I would just hang on to what I had.
"Are you all right? A little brain freeze from the Slurpee, perhaps?" He smirked and walked towards me.
I could smell his cologne, and it made me weak in the knees. Fucking weak knees. "Perhaps…" I was back to my old, quiet self again, but to admit the fucking truth for once, I was scared. I was scared of losing him. There, now fuck off. I was never one to venture through opportunities like this before. I never actually consumed myself with somebody that I truly cared about.
Not only that, but I wanted to get to know Edward. Find out and discover who he truly was. I knew he was beautiful skin deep, but I had an inkling he didn't believe he was. I wanted to show him that. I wanted to confront him on the things he thought I probably never picked up on. I didn't want tabloids to tell me anything. I wanted to hear it from Edward. His family, sibilings, aspirations, admirations, goals...just...everything.
"Bella?" I was pulled out of my revery, and I looked back at him, biting my lower lip. "I know you must be fucking pissed for what happened tonight. I'm…I'm sorry you had to go through that. I mean, I wasn't thinking. It was basically broad daylight, and me taking you out, and fucking kissing you had been a bad idea," he rushed out.
Embarrassment crept up my skin and burned my flesh in its path. My hands went cold and clammy, my stomach tightening with panic. It weighed me down heavily. My breaths became shaky, and I suddenly felt unwelcome.
A bad idea.
I was a bad idea.
Well, of course, Bella. What made you think that things would be so easy for you? Stupid.
I tucked my hair behind my ears, trying to keep my hands occupied from them leading me over to strangle Edward. I felt tears burning the back of my eyes, and I hated feeling weak. I hated feeling vulnerable. Here I thought that I was putting up a strong front, when all I was doing was stomping on my regard. Fuck.
Knowing me and my ability to think irrationally, I reacted quickly. "Well, Edward, I'm sorry you felt that kissing me had been a bad idea. You didn't have to," I stated, bending over to pick up my shoes and walking towards the door.
Edward grabbed hold of my arm to stop me. "Woah, woah, woah, cheesy. Hold up."
I looked at him, my vision blurry from tears of embarrassment. "Really, Edward? Don't feel good about yourself yet?"
Edward let go of my arm and pushed his hands through his hair, pacing the space in front of me. "Bella, fuck, that's not what I meant. I wanted to kiss you, in fact, I still wanted to continue, but you're shoving words in my mouth, when it should be your tongue," he said, trying to contain the smile that was overtaking his mock disappointment.
I placed my hands on my hips and scoffed. "You asshole." I looked down and crossed my arms over my chest, taking in the lush carpet that scaled the room. Seconds later, all I focused on were Edward's feet, which came into my line of vision as he closed the distance between us.
He placed his hand underneath my chin, forcing me to look at him. He leaned down and kissed the tip of my nose. I automatically crinkled it, and he chuckled. "Bella, you weren't the bad idea. The time and place that I chose to willingly kiss you was the bad idea. Believe that." He looked me directly in the eyes, automatically melting my bitterness and anger away.
Who knew you could break the cold chip on my shoulder?
"I…I believe you," I stuttered out, totally mesmerized by his beautiful eyes. He relaxed slightly and hugged me. Once he pulled back, I could see his features up close and personal now. His nose was crooked, like he had broken it. I noted that I would ask him about it. I could see his crow's feet subtly defined, and how his upper lip was thin, with his full lower full lip that accompanied it. I took in his stubble, and I found myself placing my hand on his cheek, feeling it tickle my palm. For the first time, I realized, I was taking in Edward. I was taking in the beautiful man that he was. "Edward?"
"Yeah."
"You're...kind of beautiful, you know?"
He snorted, which pissed me off, but he recovered with a smile. He licked his lips, making me close the distance between us even further.
I was so close to him that I could feel his exhaled breaths brush across my face. I could hear his breathing. I could hear him swallow. I could feel the warmth of his skin. I could feel the spark drilling itself between our close proximity. I could hear the moisture between his lips as he opened them up to reply to me.
"You're beautiful, Bella. And I have a feeling that you don't hear that as much as you should."
I glanced at his lips, and then looked back to his eyes. "That's because I'm not, Dr. Phil." I rubbed my thighs together in anticipation. I wanted nothing more than to jump Edward's bones. He was ruining my horny buzz.
"I think you are," he said shakily, our need cutting its way through our talking.
"That's..um…that's your problem," I stuttered out, once again. This guy had something over me, that was for sure.
He smiled and shook his head, tucking my hair behind my ears. "Well, it's a problem I don't want to fix."
I shook my head, staring at his lips, which I could have sworn were calling my name. "Then don't," I whispered. He smiled enough, so that I could see his teeth. They were so straight, except for one, which slightly overlapped one of his front teeth. Imperfection led to perfection where Edward was concerned. All his imperfections and flaws was what made him beautiful. I could never say that enough.
He was real.
I couldn't contain myself any longer, so I closed the distance between us. Need and want guiding our every movement. I wrapped my arms around Edward's neck and pulled him in closer to me. With his body flushed against mine, I was able to tell he was aroused. That made pleasure pulse to my core, and I wanted Edward in every single way possible.
I tilted my head for better access to Edward's mouth, and he pushed me up against the wall, causing him to groan inside my mouth. I pulled away from him to take a deep breath in and moan myself. I threw my head back, and Edward started trailing kisses down my neck, sucking and biting. I dug my fingers into his back from the pleasure it caused me, making my eyes roll back. The current I felt between us made my body feel so heavy with desire.
I pushed Edward up, away from my neck, so he could continue to kiss my lips, as that was where I wanted him the most, and started leading him back to his bed without breaking our connection. I finally had Edward in my arms with no other distractions but us. No paps, photogs, media or any other fucking outlet could get to us. It never existed where we were—it didn't belong. I pushed our kiss further and traced my tongue across Edward's lower lip. Soon enough, he opened his mouth and granted me access. I caressed my tongue with Edward's, and it was the most amazing high I had ever gotten. Weed didn't have anything on what I felt. I could only imagine what greater heights Edward would bring me to once he was fully inside me.
I had never swooned or wanted somebody so bad in my life. Edward made me feel right. He was what I had been searching for all along. I knew there were things that needed to be said and done, but please, I just wanted to forget that for now. Let us be who we wanted, what we needed to do for the time being. Problems had no place here. I dwelled in happy thoughts. I didn't care what happened tonight. Edward got me, and I had never encountered a person who appreciated my bitter and jaded outlook on life. I always called that being realistic, and it was nice to find someone who wasn't brainwashed by societies known views—on the norm. I was glad it was Edward—I wouldn't want it to be anybody else.
Suddenly, I felt Edward tug at the sides of my shirt and lift up; reluctantly, I broke away from his lips and let him take off my shirt, leaving me in just my bra and jeans in front of him. He scanned over the upper half of my body and growled.
Fuck that was hot.
I bit my lip as I saw the animal in Edward and hurried to take off his shirt. Through a little struggle and a few laughs, I finally got it off and looked over his beautiful chest. It was lean, muscular, not too much, but enough to notice he was fit. He had a semi-defined six-pack and a treasure trail that led to a place I only dreamed of going. His chest was rather hair free, but here was still enough to show his beautiful masculinity.
"Bella?" Edward said, out of breath.
I swallowed thickly and looked back to him. "Y-yeah."
"Kiss me."
I smiled, knowing that he was reenacting the café scene the way it should have been done in the first place.
I jumped on Edward and wrapped my arms and legs around him, making him fall back onto the bed. We were so close together, being that my arms were still wrapped around his neck, but I didn't take them away. I scattered kisses all around is face, and I felt him grab my ass, squeezing it gently.
I finally led my lips back to Edward's and let all my weight fall on top of him. We both sighed as I kissed him as deeply and passionately as only I knew how. I didn't know how well of a job I was doing, but it felt right to me. As I was shifting myself on top of him, practically dry humping the poor guy, I felt tugging happening upon my upper back. Soon enough, I realized it was Edward unclasping my bra, and the straps fell down my arms, pooling on Edward's chest.
"I need you," he growled out.
"Uh-huh...yeah." I nodded and swallowed thickly. I was so dizzy from the euphoria I had already felt, and the next thing I knew, my bra was totally off, and Edward was on top of me, between my legs. Before I could even think twice, he was attacking my lips freverently. The heat between us was so thick.
It felt like the whole world was closed off from us, and it was just me and Edward.
But it wasn't Edward Cullen: the celebrity.
It was Edward Cullen: the epitome of a real man.
