Too Much Love Will Kill You
12 – Caring and healing
On the morning after, Lorena woke up first. A detail indicating her she was not in her bed was the arm around her waist. A man was holding her tight against him. She wondered why and everything came back to her memory in a flash. The Potions Master had returned during the previous night, most likely wounded and she had surprised him on his way to his bedroom. She had wanted to make sure who was making noise then and they had both ended up together in his bed.
She was sure nothing had happened between them two as he was wounded and way too much exhausted to do anything. He had just begged her to stay here with him. She had accepted. He was weak, she needed to be reassured by his presence. And now, he was holding her firmly against him.
This arm of his around her body provided her with a good sensation though. Lorena remained awake for a few extra minutes, enjoying the moment. Due to his wounds on his back, Severus had laid on his side. She could feel his regular breath on her neck, in her hair. She remembered when they had both fallen together on the bed, her on top of him, his hands clamped around her waist. Usually she did not have a taste for such close contacts. But this time… she had to reckon it had been… enjoyable.
She realized that someone may enter his quarters and she did not wish to be found there. Well, he had set up wards but Lorena believed that the Headmaster may override them easily. Slowly, she disentangled herself from his warm embrace – regretfully though.
As she was trying to escape his embrace, Severus woke up. She felt a firm hand gripping her hip to keep her there. "Where you going ?" a hoarse voice asked.
"Getting you some help, sir. From the Hospital Wing…"
"No ! You won't…" He breathed deeply. "Get me Dumbledore... I need him..."
"But he's no healer, he…"
"Do as you're told !" Severus said harshly. Lorena was surprised to find such energy in a man as much wounded as he was. "Nobody else… in the castle… must know…"
Must not know what ? she thought.
Lorena decided to obey his orders, no further questions asked. Something in her told her that she'd better not disobey him at this point. Especially if she had to spend the whole Summer with him.
She quickly went back to her bedroom, put on her black witch robes over her white nightgown, her slippers on her feet, and she left the place, hoping to find someone who could bring in the Headmaster to Severus.
She was not long to find someone. Argus Filch was patrolling, his cat Mrs Norris on his heels. He called her with his usual charming tone but when she explained to him that Professor Snape was in his quarters and needed the Headmaster, he agreed to lead her to Dumbledore's office.
Albus was already in his office. Lorena went quickly to the point and explained to him that the Potions Master had come back during the night, was wounded and had called for him. The old man dismissed the caretaker and he accompanied the girl back to Severus' quarters. Of course, she did not tell him she had spent the night in the same bed as her professor.
Severus was more or less dozing off when Dumbledore entered his bedroom. He checked on him and saw that he had indeed a few broken ribs. There was blood on him too and from what he knew of the Dark Lord's habits, Severus must have sustained torture at some point. He sighed and hushed up the whole matter.
"He must be wounded, I can smell blood," Lorena said softly.
Albus turned to her. He acknowledged her reply but offered no explanation. "Did you remove his shoes ?"
Lorena was surprised by the question. "Yes, to make him more comfortable. Oh, about the blood, I think he's received slashes on his back. He was shaking a lot too."
This time, Albus looked at her carefully. "How do you know that ? Did he tell you ?"
"No. I… I felt it. We were… in physical contact, at some point." From her voice, Dumbledore guessed that it had been unintentional and unplanned. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "He told me that nobody had to know. To know what, Professor ?"
The Headmaster looked at her again. "Ms Pomfrey knows things that her replacement Healer need not and should not know. That's all I can tell you, you have to accept it as such."
"You mean we cannot bring him to the Hospital Wing ? But how…"
"How will we take care of him ? You'll help me. The matter will stay in this room, between the three of us. That means that you'll have to keep silent on this. I had hoped you'd never come across this but things are, you have." He turned his face back to Severus. "He'll be fine. You'll help me take care of him. The Healer from St. Mungo's in replacement of Ms Pomfrey is not to take care of him, not even to know a single thing about all this. Nor he, nor anybody else here. Did I make myself clear ?"
"Yes, sir." Lorena felt ill at ease. She felt something big was behind all this. "How can I help you ?"
"Get him undress while I'll search in his bathroom for pain-killing and blood-replenishing potions in priority."
"Are you sure he'll be… fine ?" The girl's voice betrayed her slightly.
"Yes, he will. Now do as I said."
Lorena complied. She was unsure as how to undress her teacher. Her teacher. Her blindness was a blessing as she would not feel embarrassed as to his nakedness. She removed his cloak, frock coat, waist coat, shirt and tie. He was certainly the first man she undressed but it did not shock her. She thought that she was like a nurse or a Healer of some sorts – she had wanted to become a Healer herself.
Things came to her naturally, as she was concentrating on her task. She Levitated his body to remove the garments easily. He was a grown man, tall and she was too frail compared to him to have the strength to roll him over. Besides, she did not wish to hurt him more than he was already. Once she was done, she took his hand in hers, as if to comfort him. She thought about the strange reversal of roles. He was not blind, just thoroughly unconscious.
Dumbledore came back with the potions. He smiled when looking at the pair. "Yes, he'll be fine. Don't worry, he had always been. Thank you for taking care of him, Lorena."
Her pale gray eyes were empty but for a second or two, the old Headmaster thought he had seen a gleam in them.
They checked his wounds. Lorena had been right : he had several slashes there. Fortunately, they were superficial only and some of them have already begun to heal actually. Dumbledore handed Lorena a cloth and a bowl of dittany. "I'm no healer," the old man said, "but teaching and running a school taught me a thing or two." They both dipped their piece of cloth in the bowl and began to clean Severus' wounds. The Headmaster checked from time to time how Lorena did it to correct her if needed. She was doing fine. She even seemed to be a natural.
"Headmaster, how did Professor Snape end up with such wounds ?"
Dumbledore watched her carefully before replying. "This is something I cannot tell you. You shall not talk about this to anyone else here. This matter is to remain between you, me and Professor Snape only. As for the very reasons of this…" he paused to look at the wounds, "This is a business between me and Professor Snape only." His tone was final and Lorena perceived that she'd better not defy the Headmaster's orders.
"Yes, sir."
"Good. By chance, did you notice if he had any tremors when he arrived last night ?"
"Yes, he did. A lot. Rushing in by waves, I felt."
"What did you do then ?"
"I…" she cringed.
"Don't be afraid to talk, Lorena," Albus encouraged her.
"Professor Snape asked me to… to stay with him… in his bed. I did as told, I felt he needed it actually. He clang to me." She was sure she was blushing red.
"Excellent. Your contact telepathic abilities, I guess ?"
Lorena was surprised by his appreciation. "Yes, sir. I perceived the physical contact had a calming effect on these tremors."
"It has indeed. These tremors can be appeased with potions but the best remedy is, if possible, a physical contact. Certain Healers practice it but potions are deemed more practical. You must have healing capacities if your touch had managed to calm down his tremors."
"Well, I've never noticed that. Though I've always wanted to become a Healer."
"Then I'm confident I can leave Professor Snape in your good care." He turned towards the Potions Master. "Severus ? Severus ? Wake up, my boy."
The younger wizard woke up. "Albus ?..." he slurred.
"Severus, your wounds have been taken care of, cleaned and bandaged. Now, you'll be a good boy and drink your potions." Dumbledore did not wait for the man's consent and poured half of the two vials content down into the wounded man's throat.
"Now you listen to me, Severus. You're in your quarters, safe. I'll leave the instructions with Lorena regarding the rest of the potions that have to be given to you. She'll look after you and your wounds. She's perfectly capable of handling that. You'll obey her. That's MY order, nothing more to discuss." He had anticipated the younger man's protests.
Then addressing the girl : "Lorena, you'll have your meals here, I'll see to that, an house-elf will bring it to you here. I'll come back later with other potions from the Hospital Wing. If any problem, Floo me in my office."
Severus had intended to protest indeed but he was too weak to argue with the Headmaster. He did not dare say that the girl was blind as an excuse. He knew this was a lame excuse, given her abilities. He was well aware she had managed to advert the Cruciatus Curse tremor effect just by her touch.
Dumbledore led the girl outside the bedroom. "Professor, you mentioned tremors. What caused them ?"
Albus studied her for long seconds. "Certain curses have side-effects. Trembling is one of them."
"What curses ?"
"If I tell you, you'll keep the information and any guesses you may make about the information for yourself. Do I have your word on all this ? Severus' condition and all ?"
"Yes, Professor, you have it."
"Good." He took a deep breath. "The Cruciatus Curse is one of them."
"You mean that Professor Snape has been… Cruciated last night ?" Well, it looked logical, given the other wounds he had received too. "Forget my question. That's in line with the other wounds he sustained."
"Indeed. Now, have your meal when the house-elf will bring it to you. In two hours' time, you'll give Professor Snape the rest of the content of the two potions I just gave him. I'll bring you another set of these later. In the meantime, I suggest you stay in the same room as him, to keep an eye on him."
"I'm blind, Professor…"
Dumbledore chuckled. "Ah, yes… I've forgotten… No pun intended but you seem to catch up every thing around you so well, despite your disability. Surely your other abilities compensate."
"They do," Lorena said a bit more coldly than she had intended.
"Stay in physical contact with him. That's what I meant."
"I will, Professor." He left. Lorena went to the library in the sitting room and picked up a book. Her wand in hand, she went to Severus' bedroom, laid herself on the large bed beside him. She did not wish to touch him more than necessary but she projected her extra sensorial perception towards him. She decided to check his pulse from time to time regularly though. She was no Healer but she trusted her intuition as to recognize if something went wrong.
Albus Dumbledore came back later that day.
Lorena had taken time to get a shower and ready herself once she had made sure that Severus was asleep. She made real quick to come back to him. His pulse rate was fast and he seemed agitated by tremors again. Lorena dropped her book and put her hands on him, one on his chest, the other on his shoulder, sending him waves of comfort. The tremors subsided and he came back to a quiet sleep.
Following a hunch, she kept his hand in hers, squeezing it gently, like she had done when they had been on the lake shore. His hand was callous but soft at the same time. Her fingers entangled with his. They were agile and long. She sat closer to him, careful not to hurt or wake him up. She remained as such for long minutes, in complete silence. Then her other hand felt his arm, his shoulder, his neck, his face. She stroked his cheek gently, removing some of his hair from his face. They were like silk under her fingers and she felt moved at this very moment.
Why do you need to be so brave ? she wondered with a sigh, thinking about Severus. Unconscious as he was, he could not access her thoughts, and she could not feel his own either. But Lorena did not care. She just wanted to be with him, comforting him with her sole presence. She remembered the night before, where and how she had spent it.
Severus was still asleep. There was no sign if he would come back to his senses. Lorena followed a strong hunch then. She managed to come back to her room and pick up her violin.
Professor Dumbledore says that music is like magic. Let's see it then.
She took her instrument and began to play the Adagio for Strings. To maximize his chances to wake up, she put his hand on her thigh, so that they could be still in physical contact. She hoped that her feelings may pass on to him and arouse him somehow. She played pianissimo, pouring all she had in terms of emotion into the tune. Soon tears began to roll on her cheeks as the sweet sounds filled the closed space of his bedroom.
As she was progressing during the crescendo, going higher and higher, a tear of hers fell on his hand still motionless on her thigh. Another one followed, without her even noticing. And so on. Her face was showing her pain and sorrow, urging him to come back, her heart seemed to be caught in a vice, forcing her chest to breathe heavily under her strong emotion.
Then the crescendo ended abruptly with a silence of a few seconds. At this moment, Lorena felt a light squeeze on her thigh. She touched his hand and noticed that it was wet.
"Go on playing… it's not over…" she could hear him saying softly. "Please."
Lorena wanted to shout out of joy but she refrained from doing so and resumed the end of the piece, ending it with a feeling of relief and utter sweetness.
When she was finished, she bit her lip, not knowing what to do for a few seconds. Music is truly one of the most powerful magic indeed. She swore to herself she would never doubt what the Headmaster may tell her now. She put her instrument on the chair nearby.
"Oh, Professor !..." She pressed his hand in hers, realizing then that it was wet with her tears. A few drops and notes had been enough to get him back to the land of the living.
Very discreetly, Severus tried Legilimens on her. He was not surprised to find out she had been utterly worried for him. Now she was utterly relieved he was far better.
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