Thanks for the reviews. I liked you idea about Jack playing poker, Shavanda -- I hadn't thought of that, but I'll keep it in mind. The fact that Sawyer knows something about Jack that Kate doesn't will become an issue, Tahti, but more in the sense that there's still so much they don't know about each other, as you saw last chapter. And as for what they're going to do, ms metaphor -- that's an interesting question, one I don't think Jack's considered. You're right, they can't keep running forever, so that's something they'll eventually have to confront. There's definitely some tough decisions ahead.
Chapter 12 is a long one, to make up for the fact that I'm not sure I'll get around to updating again for a few days. I will keep writing, though, so don't worry. The Kevin issue comes up again here -- while it seems like a Kate issue, it's actually just as much of a Jack one, given the way his marriage to Sarah ended. He's obviously not a fan of the fact that there are unresolved feelings there, but at the same time, I'm not sure how he would handle the idea that Kate could walk out on someone she claimed to love that easily, especially when he's made so many sacrifices for her.
Please read and review, and I promise I will try to write some fluffy chapters soon, ones that doesn't end with them fighting. Or apologising to each other.
Chapter 12. What Matters
The hostel Kate had chosen from the guidebook was at the opposite end of the city, so they walked on in silence, stopping only to change over the money.
She knew that Jack had a lot on his mind, but she didn't try to force him to tell her what he was thinking this time; she wasn't sure she wanted to know, even if, by some miracle, he decided to tell her. She wanted to keep on believing that all of the change, and all of the sacrifice, was worth it for him, if it meant being with her, but she wasn't confident enough to seek confirmation of this.
After a while, Jack slid an arm around her shoulders, and she knew that while he couldn't find it in himself to apologise for the way he'd reacted, he wanted to set aside their differences. But even though she smiled, and leaned into him, she couldn't help feeling that things were not okay between them, not anymore. If they were at each other's throats already, after less than forty-eight hours on the run, she didn't know how they were going to make it through the rest of their lives.
There was a chasm between them, that had appeared the moment Jack burst into the garden and told her they'd been rescued, and it had been growing steadily wider ever since. It was the proverbial elephant in the room; neither one of them wanted to address it, but she could tell by the tension in his shoulders, that Jack had noticed it too.
She didn't want to admit it, to him, or herself, but she was beginning to think that her fears were well grounded, that even though they'd found a way to stay together, their relationship wasn't strong enough to survive outside the cocoon of the island, that the life they'd shared there was their only common ground.
As credible as it was, she didn't want to give this idea any credence, so she slid her own arm around his waist, drawing herself as close to him as she could, and resting her head on his shoulder. He couldn't see the worry on her face from that angle, so, thinking she was just being rueful about their argument, he kissed the top of her head gently, laying his cheek against it as they walked.
It took them about thirty minutes to reach their destination on foot, but given the number of traffic jams they passed, Kate guessed it would have taken much longer by car or by bus. After three months on a deserted island, without any other mode of transport, long walks were something they'd grown accustomed to anyway, so she figured they were right to preserve their limited funds.
Like most of the dwellings in Bali, the hostel was surrounded by a walled courtyard, though the building itself was open plan. It was covered with a thatched roof, which doubled as insulation, and each room appeared to have a set of woven French doors that led out into the flowered garden.
"You were right," Jack said, squeezing her shoulder as she pointed it out from across the street. "It's not exactly the Hilton, but it looks clean and quiet – much better than our options."
"I'm glad you agree," she told him, returning his smile, though it turned into an impish grin as she added, "Because my next suggestion was going to be that we sleep on the boat again."
Jack shuddered, and she laughed at his expression, her words having had the desired effect. After years of practice, she could sleep almost anywhere, but Jack… while he didn't exactly get sea sick, the constant bobbing and rocking had kept him up most of the night, tossing and turning, and disturbing her in the process. (Of course the boat wasn't the only part of their situation that was keeping him awake, but Kate was trying to forget that, for the sake of moving forward.) It was probably better that they didn't repeat that experience while they were ashore, at least until they ran out of money, and were left with no choice.
They crossed the road, and entered the gap in the wall that passed for a gate, letting go of each other as they walked up to the check in desk at one end of the tiny foyer.
"Why don't you let me do the talking?" Kate whispered, giving him a look that said she wasn't going to take not for an answer. He wasn't as seasoned a liar as she was; she was afraid that if she let him speak, he would say something that could be used to identify them.
There was a short, middle-aged Balinese woman behind the desk, writing something in a ledger. She looked up when, with Jack's nod of encouragement, Kate said, "Excuse me – we're looking for a place to stay, and we were hoping you might have a vacancy." She fixed the woman with what she knew was probably an uncomfortable grin as she looked them both up and down, deciding if, in fact, she did have a room she was willing to give them.
Kate wasn't sure if it was because they were American, or because they were still wearing the weathered clothes they'd left the island in, but she didn't look too eager to take them in.
"We went hiking this morning, when we first got here," she said, to explain their bedraggled appearance. "We wanted to see some of the temples outside the city, but I guess we got lost. Took us about an hour to find our way back."
The woman looked amused, shaking her head, and Kate could tell she was thinking, "tourists". "Most of the ones worth visiting are here in the city, unless you want to travel to some of the remoter areas up north."
"Not really," Kate said, still pretending to look embarrassed. "We were actually looking forward to checking out the beaches. But thanks for the tip."
The woman flashed her a gracious smile, and Kate could tell she was winning her over. "One of our rooms was just vacated this morning. It's small, but it has a nice view of the garden."
Kate looked to Jack, and he gave her a slight nod, so the woman continued, "There's no maid service, so you'll have to pick up after yourselves. Meals are not included, and guests are required to supply their own soap, shampoo, and so on. We do, however, provide linen and towels. The bathroom is at the end of the hall, but there's only one, so you would be sharing it with the other guests."
Kate looked to Jack again, and he said, "Sounds good," nodding his approval. The fact that they'd be virtually ignored was probably a good thing; they could come and go as they pleased without attracting any unwanted attention. And as for there only being one bathroom: it had been so long since Kate had had a decent shower that she didn't care how many people she had to share it with.
"How much?" Jack added, cautiously, and she could tell that he was wary about the fact that this place was less of a dive than she'd made it sound.
"520 rp a night."
Since this was more or less what they'd banked on, they readily agreed, Kate relieved that they would at least have a roof to sleep under for the time being. She still didn't know what they were going to do with themselves now, but that security took the pressure off a little.
Jack took out the money they'd gotten from the moneychanger, and they paid for the first three nights in advance, figuring that this would give them a few days to figure out their next move.
"So you're American?" the woman asked as she took the money, counting it.
"That's right," Kate agreed, resisting the flight instinct that kicked in whenever she encountered personal questions from a stranger.
"California?"
Her guess was too accurate for Kate's liking, so she answered quickly, "New York, actually."
Satisfied that they either understood the currency, or weren't trying to rip her off, the woman stopped counting, looking up, disappointed. "That's a shame," she said, as opened cash box and locked the money inside. "We've got another American couple staying here, but they're from Los Angeles."
"Oh." Kate tried to sound equally disappointed, glad that she'd trusted her instincts. L.A. was a big place, full of millions of people, but the world wasn't always as big as she would have liked. The last thing they needed was to run into someone from Jack's old life, someone who knew about the plane crash. Or anyone they knew, for that matter. "Well, neither of us has ever been to Los Angeles, so I doubt we'd have anything in common."
"Probably not," the woman agreed, lowering her voice. "They're a little older than you, and they don't seem as happy. The walls are thin – I hear them arguing sometimes. You probably don't want to get in the middle of that."
Seizing the opportunity to get out of what was probably a well-intentioned set up, Kate agreed, saying, "We were actually looking forward to the time alone."
It was probably the wrong thing to say, because the woman gave them a knowing smile. "Ah, newlyweds. I thought you looked like you were on your honeymoon, still running everything by each other. Most of the couples we get in here, the husband makes all the arrangements, and wife just goes along with them."
Kate looked over at Jack, who opened his mouth as if intending to correct her, grinning at his embarrassment at being mistaken for a married couple. After little more than a month together, marriage was definitely not something they'd talked about, especially given the complications created by her criminal past. But he looked so uncomfortable all of a sudden, as if he thought this would prompt her to raise the subject, that she couldn't resist the urge to make him squirm a little more.
"You got us," she said, flashing him an amused grin as she leaned into him, continuing the conversation. "We just got married two days ago, back in the US. We were going to go to Australia, but when some of our friends mentioned how nice it was here, we thought, 'What the heck, why not try Bali? We can always go to Australia later', right, honey?" She nudged Jack with her shoulder, prompting him to mumble something that passed for agreeing.
"Well, congratulations," the woman said, smiling as she opened another book on top of the ledger. "I'm sure you'll be together for a long time, so that shouldn't be a problem." She flipped to the current page, adding, "Now, what name should I put that under?"
Kate searched her brain for a common name, something that would be hard to trace. "Thompson," she said finally. "I'm Alyson, and my husband's name is… Kevin." Jack gave her a sharp look, and she regretted it immediately, but it was to late to retract it, now that the woman was smiling at them again.
"Okay, well, here's the key to your room, Mrs. Thompson," the woman said, handing it to Kate. "It's room number eight, at the end of the hall. Payment is due at the end of each day, so if you're planning to stay longer, come and see me on Sunday and I'll fix that up. Enjoy your stay, and your honeymoon."
Kate thanked her, and promised that they would, shouldering her backpack as she headed down the hall, Jack following silently in her wake.
"What was that about?" he asked once they'd closed door behind them.
"What was what about?" She set her bag down, surveying the room. It was small, the floor space on either side of the double bed severely limited, but it was clean and neat, and the hostess was right, it did have a nice view of the tropical flowers outside.
"All that stuff you said at the check in counter."
"What? You wanted me to tell the truth?" she lowered her voice. "'Hi, we just got off a desert island and now we're running from the law'? It said in the guidebook that Balinese people are very friendly. They like to talk, especially to foreigners. If I said too little, it would have looked suspicious, and if I said too much, well, that's just asking for trouble. So I lied. It's not a big deal."
When he looked unconvinced, she added, "It's actually kind of fun – you can reinvent yourself, be anyone you want to be."
"Is that why you said we were married?"
"No," she told him, afraid she knew where this conversation was headed. It was what she'd been dreading ever since they left the check in counter and the woman behind. "Balinese people have this thing about marriage over thirty – they think that if you're over thirty and still single, then there must be something wrong with you." She tried to turn it into a joke, teasing him, "I'm safe for a few more years, but do you really want that woman to think there's something wrong with you?"
He looked a little indignant at this, making her laugh. "I'm divorced, does that count?" he said.
"Not really. I could have said your wife died in a tragic accident, but this is more fun, don't you think? You and me, on our honeymoon…" she trailed off, sliding first one, then the other, backpack off of his shoulders, but before she could do anything else, he pushed her hands away, making it clear that that wasn't going to work for her this time. They were having this conversation, no matter how hard she tried to distract him.
"Why did you say my name was Kevin?" The words were simple, neutral, but she knew he was really asking if she'd said it because she wished she was still married to him.
Did she? Why did she call him Kevin? "I don't know," she said, licking her lips as she sank onto the bed next to her backpack. "It was the first name that popped into my head."
"You don't think it's at all strange that it also happens to be the name of your ex-husband? If you could even call him that – you never got divorced, right?" He was getting that angry, jealous tone, the one she'd only ever heard him use with reference to Sawyer. Only it was more intense this time, because there was nothing she could say to convince him that the time she'd spent with her husband was meaningless. She'd married him, after all.
"Him and several million other people," she said, in response to his question. She wished he wouldn't make such a big deal out of what was obviously a slip of the tongue, although she couldn't help wondering how she would have reacted if he'd called her Sarah. Probably in much the same way, she decided. "Maybe I was thinking of him, I don't know. I was just reacting – I didn't have time to psychoanalyse my answers.
"And we never got divorced, because we were never legally married. I used a false name, so it didn't count."
She dropped her head into her hands, wishing there was somewhere to escape to. She couldn't talk to Jack about this, not when she wasn't really sure how she felt herself. It was true, she still felt something for Kevin; she'd never really had the chance to get over him. One day they were happy, the next she was leaving him unconscious on the floor, even though a part of her, a large part, had been prepared to spend the rest of her life with him.
This whole situation with Jack was too close to those memories for comfort, which was probably why Kevin had been on her mind so much these past few days. "Can we not do this?" she asked, raising her head to look at Jack, who was staring out into the courtyard moodily. "I feel like all we've done since we got here is fight, and I don't want to fight anymore."
She stood up, going over to the doors, to him. "It doesn't matter what I was thinking," she said, cupping his stubbled chin in her hand, and forcing him to look at her, to see how earnest she was, as she added, "Because I'm here with you now, one hundred per cent. I love you, Jack. That's what matters."
