A/N: Average length today. Not too short but not all that long. A little bit of everything that we have covered and we get to see a bit of their communication break down and how their separate fears are impacting their relationship. They are hitting on an issue that will continue to plague their relationship for a while, disappearing only to reappear later. I still want to take the realistic road with this one while adding humor and fluff in there too.
Keeping the author's notes short tonight and just going to let you get right into reading. Mainly because my mind is shutting down from lack of sleep. But anyway, I thank you all for reading and reviewing. Hope you enjoy. Oh, again, if there is anything you want to see happen in the story, let me know.
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"I'm going to say this as politely as I can, okay?" Quinn asked as she pushed forward and laid Rachel down on the couch, hovering over her and continuing their morning make out session which started immediately as they jointly watched Judy's car drive away from the small house.
"Sure."
"Okay... I thought... you were a prude."
Rachel pulled her lips away and lifted Quinn off of her with palms to her shoulders. "Excuse me?"
"Well, Finn had always complained that you didn't put out. I had never thought anything of it except maybe harboring a margin of respect for you, but... like... you've already had your hand down my pants twice. I'm just trying to figure out where that change is coming from."
"And what about you, Miss abstinence education?"
"First off, it's something that needs to be taught so girls don't end up in the same situation I was in."
"Or they could just teach safe sex."
"No sex is safe sex." Quinn paused and closed her eyes for a second. "I just sounded like one of Ms. Pillsbury's pamphlets, didn't I?"
"Just a bit." Rachel giggled from underneath her.
"Anyway, I'm serious. I don't want anyone else to go through that. So why can't I rally for it?"
"Because you've let me have my hand down your pants twice already."
The blonde rolled her eyes. "But you can't get me pregnant either."
"Well, maybe that's my logic too."
Quinn shook her head. "No. You care too much for yourself and your virginity. That's not your only reason."
"Well, firstly, I'm not giving you my virginity. We're just fooling around. No penetration, remember?" Quinn tried not to feel a little hurt by that. I mean, she hadn't had her heart set on taking it from the diva, but the fact that Rachel didn't have plans for it down the road kind of hurt. I mean, Rachel thought of everything long term. Was Quinn not special enough for consideration as her first? Finn had been. So had Jesse and the blonde thought she was steps above both of them.
"So why not get this far with Finn or Puck or Jessie? Why am I the only one that you have let get this far?"
That was a very good question. With her boyfriends, it had all been about curiosity. What was it like? What was so great about sex that everyone wanted to do it. There was still that mystery with Quinn, but it wasn't Rachel's focus anymore. "What are you getting at?"
"Whatever it is that you aren't telling me." Quinn retorted, seeing Rachel deflect her question.
"Sit up." Rachel ordered and the blonde did, taking her seat at the far end of the sofa and allowing a flustered diva her space. "I'm not hiding anything."
The blonde scoffed. "You are being such a hypocrite. I can see it in your eyes. There is something that you're not wanting to tell me."
"And why would I not want to tell you something?"
Quinn shrugged with a smug smile on her face. "I don't know. Maybe you're embarrassed about something. All I know is that you are lying. You're a horrible liar." Rachel pouted. "You may want to talk to an acting coach about that."
"Well! You... I... Fine. Perhaps I have come to the understanding that I might... clearly prefer females to males."
"So... you aren't bisexual, but rather gay?" Quinn pressed, smiling in victory.
"I don't think so. I just believe I like females more. It's just a preference. I also feel less... vulnerable with you." Oddly. "You have a secret and so do I, despite the fact that I am fully willing..." Rachel paused to re think her words. "That I am much more willing to expose my secret. But still, there is a certain level of trust already put in place that I have been able to expand on."
"So, you let me get further because you trust me more?"
Rachel nodded her head. "I mean, I don't exactly have the best track record with guys. Noah used me to make you jealous. Jessie used me as a real life acting class and broke my heart. Finn dumped me to date other girls, then lied to me, then dumped me again."
"And I've slushied you, called you names, and spread rumors about the possibility of you having a penis."
"That wasn't really you though. That was you pretending to be someone you're not. They were being themselves. I've seen who you really are and that's the girl I trust. She's the one I've let in and have started to give my heart to, hoping she doesn't break it."
Quinn let those words soak in, feeling that if she ever did let Rachel down, she would destroy her on a very deep level, maybe preventing her from ever fully trusting someone again in her life. You can only be knocked down so many times before it gets stuck in your head that it's going to happen every time. "I've never given my heart to someone. I haven't had any real feelings for anyone I've dated before." The confession startled both girls. "I've never let someone inside like I have with you. Finn is too slow to understand me so I just led him around like a puppy dog, drawing the attention and popularity from it. Puck just wanted to have sex with me, regardless of what he says. He's proven that time and time again and I only dated him because I didn't want to be alone. Sam... well, he just wanted the popularity boost. Did I ever tell you that he confessed to wanting to marry me one day after only knowing me for a few weeks?"
Rachel arched an eyebrow and mouthed 'okay'.
"Exactly. He had no clue what he was talking about. He didn't have any real feelings for me but he was someone to keep me company. He used me and I used him. But I still never let him in."
"So... why let me in?"
Quinn took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Because I trust you to understand. You're on a more equal level with me... and I trust you not to hurt me."
This is what still managed to catch Rachel off guard. That Quinn saw her as being the one to possibly hurt someone while in Rachel's mind, this was Quinn Fabray. Sure Rachel had gotten to know a sweeter, softer, and more vulnerable side, but she knew that should that vulnerable side be exposed too much, Rachel would be the one hurt in the end. Quinn would go into self-preservation mode and ditch her in a heart beat, if not using her as a scapegoat completely. And unfortunately, she didn't see her mental battle ending any time soon with a decisive victory to turn to. One minute, Quinn was perfect and someone she could trust, the next, someone to be leery of.
Right now, the girls were on two different emotional pages. Quinn had just dropped another wall, confessing that Rachel now had enough insight into her (which she willingly gave her) in order to hurt her. She had just put herself out there, asking Rachel not to hurt her. All while Rachel's walls flew back up, locked within her own mind and fears. Quinn was needing her to give her some sort of support or understanding that she would never hurt her, but Rachel was so mixed up in her own worries that she didn't even realize that was what the blonde was looking for. So when Quinn leaned forward to kiss her, an act of consummating in her mind their understanding that Rachel would never hurt her, Rachel pulled back in reaction to something completely different.
"W-what's wrong?" The blonde asked nervously, trying not to feel panicked that maybe Rachel was actually foreseeing this relationship not work out and that's why she couldn't commit to not hurting Quinn as well as never indicating the possibility of Quinn ever being her first.
Rachel shook her head. "Nothing. I just... I'm not entirely in the mood to fool around right now."
"Oh." Quinn couldn't hide the hurt on her face. Rachel had rejected her on a deeper level than the she had realized. "Okay."
"My mind is just all over the place right now. That's all."
The blonde nodded her head, fighting the instinctual walls that were trying to rise out of her pain to protect what was left of her heart. "Yeah. It's okay. Did you, I don't know, want to do something else? Watch a movie or go for a walk or something?" Please.
God, she is so sweet sometimes... sometimes. "Actually, I think that it might be easier if I was to sort through my thoughts at home. You and I have spent so much time together, I just think that a little bit of alone time would make the process much more expedient."
She's running. I'm too much of a hassle for her. "Yeah. It's fine. Whatever." The last word came out in a different tone than the rest. Quinn's attitude of protection had slipped through and Rachel winced.
"I'm not trying to upset you. I am honestly trying to do this in the most delicate fashion."
"I get it, Rachel." Quinn stated, the pain burning in her chest, throat, and eyes as she stood up and began to leave the room, not looking back. "I get it."
The diva was left on the couch, lost in her thoughts. Had Quinn just abandoned her because she wouldn't fool around with her? "Quinn?"
"What?" The question had come out harshly as the blonde stopped in the doorway, her back to Rachel still so she couldn't see the tears building in her eyes.
"Why are you angry with me?"
"I'm not angry, Rachel. I'm hurt. You know, the one thing I thought I wouldn't have to worry about with you."
The brunette opened her mouth and scoffed as she tried to find her other words. "You're hurt because I wont fool around with you?"
Quinn spun around and looked at her in disbelief. "No! You actually think I would try and make you feel bad for not wanting to... Rachel..." I thought you knew me better than that. Rachel lowered her head, still unsure of what she had done to hurt the blonde, but now guilty for thinking Quinn would try and pressure her into anything by manipulating her emotions. "I just put myself out there and you shot me down, not even kissing me in response to what I had said. You wanted to go home. How am I suppose to feel?"
Rachel stood up suddenly realizing what she had done. "No, Quinn... that wasn't... That's not what I meant it for. I don't want to hurt you and I hope I never do."
Quinn closed her eyes and swallowed hard as her girlfriend of not even twenty-four hours approached and laced her arms around her waist and pecked her lips. "Then why do you want to leave if what I said didn't scare you?"
"Because... because my heart and mind are having a hard time meeting in the middle on certain things. While you're scared I'm going to hurt you, my mind is still yelling at me that there is a very serious possibility that I might be the one to end up hurt. But my heart says I'm safe with you." Quinn wanted to tell her she was, but at the same time, she instantly knew why Rachel was hesitant and couldn't blame her or disagree with it. She didn't like it, but she still acted impulsively when it came to her reputation and protecting herself.
"Stay." She pleaded instead. She may not have been able to honestly ease Rachel's fears, but she didn't want her to leave either. "We don't have to do anything, I just don't want you to go." Quinn wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's shoulders and gently placed her hand on the back of her neck, needing to feel her smooth skin.
"I'll stay."
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The absolute sexiest thing that Quinn had ever seen was unfolding in front of her eyes. She hadn't pushed, but never declined to follow Rachel's lead as she led the blonde down to her bedroom and laid on the bed after they ate lunch that afternoon. It had started as just kissing with little whispers and flirting in ears, kisses just below them. Then Rachel deepened the kisses a little, and then a little more. Quinn hadn't intended on doing anything more than kissing and maybe letting her hands wander a bit, but Rachel had different plans.
The blonde's right hand had been high on the diva's thigh, gently squeezing as they kissed. But then Rachel lowered her own hand on top of it and guided Quinn over, between her legs. As soon as her fingers touched the damp fabric of Rachel's panties, Quinn's thoughts were gone and Rachel returned both of her hands to Quinn's neck, deepening the kisses a little more in anticipation. The brunette did have to lightly buck her hips to get Quinn focused on what she was suppose to do and begin gliding the pads of her fingers back and forth over the length of the cotton material. She smiled into the next kiss as Rachel opened her legs a little further, encouraging her on.
"Does this feel good?" She whispered, moving her mouth to her girlfriend's ear as her fingers now rotated in tight, but light circles. Rachel bit her bottom lip and nodded her head as she arched into the blonde's touch. "Tell me."
"So good." Quinn smiled broader before she lowered her mouth and nipped at her neck. "No." Rachel ordered, slapping her hand on top of Quinn's as she tried to move the soaked material to the side and finally feel her girlfriend. "That's a safety net."
"Really?" Quinn asked as she smiled down at the panting brunette as she returned to the light massages. "Because I could have sworn they were underwear."
"They are a guarantee that we wont have sex."
For some strange reason, this time when Quinn was reminded of what she was not allowed to do, it was arousing, sending heavy pulses between her legs as she thought about what she was so close to and yet so far away from. "But it would feel better if-"
"No." Rachel stated again, pushing down on Quinn's hand to apply more pressure. "Just do this."
Quinn watched and followed instructions, pressing firmly with each twist of her fingers as Rachel closed her eyes and rocked her hips in time with her. The blonde watched as her girlfriend got herself off by using her fingers instead of her own. And she loved it. Rachel's panties were soaked through, drenched, and Quinn's were nearly the same as she listened to the brunette's moans as she rotated her hip movements, speeding up and slowing down, pressing harder on Quinn's hand.
"This is so hot." Rachel nodded her head frantically in agreement as she screwed her eyes shut tight and rocked faster, leaving Quinn dying to feel her without that thin barrier. "Baby, please. Let me feel you." She whispered, licking her lips as she watched. "I need to feel you." Rachel still didn't answer so Quinn sat up on her knees, keeping her fingers moving while she ran the other hand up and down the outside of the diva's thigh. She moved it all the way up and lightly tugged on Rachel's underwear to pull them off her hip but stopped, shaking her head at herself. Rachel needed to trusted her, she needed to prove that trust. So instead she focused her attention on kneading the brunette's leg as her moans grew louder and her breath grew shorter and more frantic.
"So close."
Hearing those words sent excitement throughout the cheerleader who then moved to lay back down next to her girlfriend. The change in position allowed her a better angle and more pressure. She moved her fingers firmly and quickly, pushing through the burning in her muscles as Rachel's moans went higher in pitch and volume until her breath caught and her mouth hung open. Quinn feared that Rachel had held her breath for so long that she would pass out but suddenly her head snapped back against the pillow and her body violently shook as deep animalistic groans echoed off the bare basement walls. Quinn was hypnotized as the brunette's chest heaved and shook soft moans escaped as she continued to roll her hips against Quinn's fingers, riding out the very last wave of her orgasm.
"You have definetly done that before." Quinn stated, wide eyed and aroused beyond her wildest imagination.
"Not with any help." Rachel responded with a shy smile. "You're the first to ever touch me there, even if it was through my panties."
"Which you might as well throw away." The blonde stated as she ran her fingers down the soaked material again.
"Thank you."
"For what? I didn't really do anything."
The diva smiled at her softly. "It was more for what you didn't do. Thank you for not pushing."
"Oh." Quinn dropped her eyes. "I'm sorry for even trying as much as I did. I just... I wanted to, you know, to feel you."
"I know. And now I also know that I can trust you next time." She stated with a shy smile and called for Quinn with her arms. "But first... I think we have some unfinished business from last night. Don't you?"
The blonde hovered over her, her hands braced on each side of Rachel's head as the brunette's hands ran gently down her body. They stopped at Quinn's belt and began to unhook it while Rachel looked intently into the cheerleaders eager hazel eyes. "I think we just might. And after what I just witness... it wont take much."
Rachel smirked before Quinn lowered her mouth to hers in a hard, sensual kiss and her fingers worked blindly at her jean's button and zipper.
"Quinn, I'm home early!"
"You have got to be fucking kidding me." The younger blonde spit out as she pulled her mouth away from Rachel's when she heard her mother's distant voice.
"What was that, Sweety?"
"Nothing, Mom!"
Rachel smiled adoringly as Quinn pouted, sitting back up on her knees to button her pants and fasten her belt. "I'm sorry."
"Not nearly as sorry as I am." She grumbled back.
"Maybe we could head over to my house and try this again."
"Are your dads home?"
"Not until after five."
Quinn thought about it for a second. A split second, and then smiled wickedly. "Sounds great. Let me just see why she's home early and we can go."
